Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
by Charlotte88
Summary: "Leo's gripping your hand in a reassuring manner, but you don't believe him when he tells you that everything is going to be okay. Because you simply can't see how it can be..."
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_This is the worst day of your life._

_You know that it's the worst day of your life because never in one day before have you experienced so many of those gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, earth-shattering emotions that over-hyped poets are always raving about. And you figure that can't be a good thing._

_You're sat here now and you know that your life is never going to be the same again, however tragically clichéd that may sound. _

_Because your whole world has turned upside down and the option to right it again is out of your control. _

_That's up to a higher power now; some may call it God, personally you prefer fate. _

_Of course, rational-minded Leo would say that we have to trust those around us, those who know what they're doing. _

_Because you certainly don't. _

_You're just sat here, waiting ... waiting. Waiting for someone to come and tell you the news that is going to bring your world crashing down around your feet._

_There's nothing you can do, there's nothing anyone can do. That's what you're certain of, no matter how many times you keep being told to stay positive. _

_There's no way that all three of you can come back from this, you know that. Far from being negative, you're just preparing yourself for the reality of the situation. _

_Because that's what you do. _

_Even if the reality is a concept you just can't bear._

_You start to remember better times, times when he's laughed with you – at you, more often than not. Times when you've shared one-too-many glasses of wine. Times when you've looked into his eyes and seen something more, something that often resembles hope, not just the emptiness that you're sure you'd see in his eyes now._

_If you were allowed to see him, that is. _

_You wish someone would come and tell you what was going on, you hate being stuck out here, on a chair that's so hard it's making your bottom numb. _

_Of course, Leo's gripping your hand in a reassuring manner, but you don't believe him when he tells you that everything is going to be okay. _

_Because you simply can't see how it can be._

* * *

**Okay, just the prologue, but what do you think?? **

**The rest of the story won't be in second person like this, don't worry. And I'm about halfway through the first proper chapter so I'll try and get that up this afternoon. **

**I should really be doing my coursework, but what the hell! ;)**

**Anyways, a new mulit-chap from me. I had to start one, I'm getting withdrawal symptoms from all the writing! **

**Review? :)  
****xxxxx**


	2. Can't Smile Without You

**Chapter 1:** Smile

Nikki groaned as the tinny ring of her mobile phone broke the peaceful silence of her bedroom. She reached out an arm blindly to grab it from her bedside table before hastily pressing the 'accept call' button in an attempt to quell the noise that was making her head hurt.

"Hello?" she croaked.

"Nikki, it's me. I have a problem." Harry's voice was loud in her ear, and she knew immediately where this phone call was going. She was reluctant to let it reach its destination though.

"You have several problems. Too many to work through in a phone call. We'll talk in the morning."

"Oh, you're just too funny," Harry said sarcastically, and Nikki couldn't help but smile, despite the time.

"What do you want, Harry?"

"I'm at a crime scene, and I think I'm going to need your expertise," he explained, and as he did so Nikki could hear an authoritative male voice barking orders in the background. The police officer on the case was obviously just as happy as she was at being woken up at three in the morning.

"Why? You'd better not be doing that thing where you pretend to need my help just so that I can keep you company," she said shrewdly.

"No. I've got a lot of charred bones here. You're the anthropologist, not me. Ergo, I think you need to be here," Harry said, and for the first time Nikki could hear the agitation in his voice. The agitation that meant only one thing: It was one of _those_ cases.

"Okay. I'm getting up now. Text me the directions and I'll see you soon."

Nikki hung up the phone and ran a hand over her face whilst attempting to stifle a yawn. Then she rolled over to face the man lying beside her, who was just stirring from his post-coital slumber.

"What was that?" he moaned.

"Work. I have to go," Nikki explained as she struggled to remember this guy's name.

"Now?" he asked, looking blearily at her bedside clock.

"Yes," she said, climbing out of bed and pulling on some underwear and then her jeans. "You can ... stay here and sleep for a while longer, if you like. Help yourself to coffee or something."

"Can I get your number?" he asked, his blonde hair sticking up at odd angles as he ran his fingers through it.

Nikki gave him an apologetic smile. "I don't think so."

She hastily pulled her top over her head, grabbed her mobile phone and left her bedroom.

*

"God, you look awful," was the first thing Harry said to Nikki as she approached him.

"You're the one who forced me out of bed at three in the morning. What do you expect?" she quipped, stepping into her white forensic suit.

Harry grinned at her. "You're not hungover are you?"

"No. Not really. Well, maybe just a little bit," she confessed, causing Harry to snort derisively. "Trust me, I'm regretting it now."

"Would that be because of the headache or the man who is undoubtedly still asleep in your bed?" he asked amusedly.

"What?" Nikki asked, though she could feel her cheeks burn scarlet. "There is no ... I mean, I haven't got ... Oh, shut up."

Harry laughed and put an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, I'll show you the body. Well, what's left of it."

"Why, what's happened?"

Harry didn't reply, but just led Nikki away from the empty road and over to a small copse of trees. As she approached, Nikki could clearly smell the unmistakable stench of burnt flesh. Then they rounded a corner and she couldn't help but grimace at the sight before her.

A car – or rather, the burnt-out shell of a car – was crumpled around the great big trunk of a huge oak tree. The doors had come off, the glass had shattered and there was no roof to speak of. The fire had long since been extinguished, but there was still a copious amount of smoke being swirled around in the breeze. Numerous SOCOs and police were milling around, no one knowing exactly what to do.

Nikki peered into the car, but even from a few metres away it didn't look as if anything was in there.

"Where are the remains?" she asked. Harry was about to reply, but they were interrupted by the arrival of the man in charge. He looked about forty, his suit was creased and his dark hair was a mess. He'd obviously just rolled out of bed.

Harry introduced Nikki. "Detective Inspector Gibson, this is Dr Alexander. She's the forensic anthropologist that I was telling you about."

Nikki and the DI briefly shook hands before the detective turned to Harry again and said, "She'd better be as good as you say she is."

"She's better," Harry assured him, and Nikki couldn't help the tiny smile that graced her lips. After a courteous nod from Gibson, he walked away, leaving Harry and Nikki to get on with it.

"He's a pleasant guy," she muttered under her breath to Harry.

He shrugged. "I think he's just tired."

"Yes, well, some of us don't appreciate the smell of burning remains at three in the morning," she said sweetly.

"Will you stop going on?" Harry sighed, but he grinned at her. "You won't want to go home when you see what we've got."

They had reached the car now. Nikki winced slightly at the smoke and wafted her hand in front of her face.

"Look," Harry said, pointing to the ground by the front tyre.

Nikki peered through the smoke and grimaced when she saw what Harry was indicating. A human skull sat on the ground, the flesh surrounding it charred but not completely disintegrated. The eyeballs had melted away, the hair singed into non-existence, the mouth wide and baring its teeth.

Nikki swallowed hard before turning to Harry. "Just the head?" she asked, knowing that she was stating the obvious but not quite able to believe her own eyes.

"Well, it would explain why they crashed," Harry said, a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. Nikki glared at him, until he gave in and said, "The rest of the body's been scattered in several directions. The fire guys have determined that a rupture in the petrol tank caused it to explode upon impact and the pattern of the remains suggests that the victim blew up with it."

"He or she was flung from the car with the force of the explosion?" Nikki asked.

Harry nodded. "They SOCOs are just recording and then bagging up the dismembered body now. But it's mostly bone as you can see and there's a lot of it-"

"Which is why you called me," Nikki finished, sighing as she contemplated the mammoth task ahead of her.

"Yep," Harry smiled.

Nikki rolled her eyes and snapped on her latex gloves. "Let's get on with it then."

*

By the time the pair arrived back at the lab, the summer sun had begun to rise, bringing with it what was sure to be another glorious July day. It was with a pang of resentment that Nikki realised she was going to be stuck inside all day with nothing but barbecued bones.

"So?" Harry prompted as they waited in the cutting room for the bones to be delivered from the crime scene. They were both leaning against the wall, tired before the day had even fully begun.

"So, what?" Nikki asked.

"So, who's the guy then?" he continued, a glint in his eyes.

Nikki turned her head ninety degrees to narrow her eyes at him. "I've already told you, there is no guy."

"Well there obviously is, judging by the way you blushed when I was teasing you about it earlier," Harry laughed.

"Fine, maybe there was someone. What difference does it make?"

Harry shrugged. "It doesn't."

"Right then."

They reverted back to the original silence. Nikki let her eyes close as she leant her head back on the cool wall.

"You said there 'was someone'," Harry said suddenly, causing Nikki to groan. "'Was'. As in, past tense. Does that mean there isn't anymore?"

"Yes, it means there isn't anymore," Nikki said, too weary to argue with him.

"Hmm. That's good."

This time she opened her eyes to look at him properly. "Why is that good?" she quizzed.

"Well, let's face it, you don't have the best track record when it comes to men," he grinned.

"Oh go away," she said, a reluctant smile gracing her lips.

"It's true," Harry pressed. "You should get someone to do a screening process for you. I'll do it. I'd be very good at deciding which of your possible suitors was suitable."

Nikki snorted. "As if I'd let you meet anyone. I know what you're like, everyone would be 'unsuitable' in your eyes."

"Hey, you're my best friend. I just don't want to see you with someone who isn't right for you," he smiled.

At that moment the doors opened and Charlie came in, announcing that there were several containers of bones outside.

Nikki turned to Harry. "You can be as charming as you want, I'm still not letting you do this whole 'screening process' thing," she grinned.

Harry just laughed, playfully shoving her as they walked over to where the remains were waiting for them.

*

"Well, there was definitely only one person in the car," Nikki said, about an hour into their work. "She was female, approximately thirty to thirty-five years old. There doesn't appear to be any sign of blunt force trauma or other suspicious injuries. She was definitely still alive when the car blew up, judging by the high levels of carbon monoxide in the blood. I'd say it was nothing more than an accident."

"Hmmm..." said Harry, his back to Nikki as he bent over another slab. "Can you come and look at this?"

Nikki went and stood next to him, their shoulders pressed together as they both looked down at the slab.

"What am I looking at?" she asked.

"These," Harry said, holding up a very small bone about the size of a knuckle.

"Foetus bones," Nikki said, recognising them immediately. She took the bone from Harry and turned it over in her fingers. "I think this is the T6 vertebrae of a foetus no more than six months developed."

Harry sighed. "That's what I thought. It means that she was pregnant."

"Yes."

"But it was an accident? There are no signs of murder anywhere?" he asked.

"I think it was an accident, yes. She just lost control of her car and crashed. It would have been over in seconds, there wasn't anything anyone could have done."

Harry nodded, and Nikki could see that he was upset by the whole thing. She had the overwhelming urge to take his hand, but couldn't do that with dirty gloves on, so she settled for leaning her shoulder against his again in what she hoped was a comforting gesture.

It seemed to work because Harry turned to look at her and smiled slightly. "I'll give the details to the police. It shouldn't be too hard to track her down. She was pregnant. Which means somewhere out there, someone misses her."

Nikki nodded. "Okay."

However, Harry didn't move. He just gazed down at the bones in front of him, his hands gripping the edge of the steel table as he leant on it. Nikki snapped off her gloves and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, cheer up," she said brightly. "I'll tell you what; I'll discuss your idea of having a screening process for me."

Harry looked at her hopefully. "Really?"

"I didn't say I'll agree to anything, but seeing as you look so bloody miserable I shall permit you to talk about it."

"Good. Teasing you always cheers me up," he said.

"I know," Nikki smiled. She stepped away from the slab and untied her apron. "And if you're lucky, I might even tell you the horrendously humiliating story of last night," she added as she neared the doors.

"Oh you spoil me so," Harry said, a grin finally spreading across his face.

Nikki laughed. "There we go, got you to smile, didn't I?"

"You always do," he said, looking her right in the eye.

Nikki smiled back, but felt her cheeks flush slightly at his words. However, as she entered the locker room to get changed again, she shook it off and told herself to stop being stupid.

* * *

**Chapter 1! The end is a bit rushed, but I've just realised that it's nearly half past six and I haven't done any of the coursework that I was supposed to today! :S **

**What do you think, anyway? It will get more exciting as it progresses, I promise!**

**Oh, also ... the prologue was meant to be a little bit misleading. That's all I'm gonna say! ;)**

**Reviews greatly appreciated! :D**

**xxx**


	3. Man of the Hour

**Chapter 2: **Man of the Hour

Nikki sunk onto her sofa later that night completely and unequivocally exhausted. It had been a tiring day and her lack of sleep the previous night was only adding to her fatigue. She kicked off her shoes and pulled her legs up beneath her before flicking on the television. There was nothing decent on, of course, but the loud drone in the background helped to blot out the thoughts of that day's case from her mind.

She was just wondering whether she should give up trying to find something to watch and go to bed when a loud knock reverberated round the room. Nikki knew who it would be. Who else would turn up unannounced at nine-thirty in the evening? With a sigh, she pushed herself up from the sofa and walked over to the front door. Sure enough, she opened it to discover Harry stood on her doorstep, a bottle of wine in one hand and a paper bag full of what smelled like Chinese food in the other.

"What has my apartment got that yours hasn't?" she joked, stepping back to let him in.

"You of course," he grinned. Nikki threw him a withering look and he added, "I've got this new neighbour who is driving me insane. I thought it best that I left."

"Why, what was the other option?" Nikki smiled.

"Going round there and smashing his head through the wall," Harry said casually, causing Nikki to laugh.

"Besides, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" he asked, still chuckling.

Nikki shook her head. "No. I was just going to go bed."

"At nine-thirty? You must be getting old."

"Shut up, it's your fault. You were the one who called me at three this morning," she rebuked, too tired to think of a better comeback.

"Well I'm making it up to you now by bringing food and alcohol, aren't I?"

"It's a start."

"Right then."

Nikki smiled and led the way back into the lounge. Harry sat beside her on the sofa and started unpacking the Chinese.

"You always buy prawn crackers," Nikki commented as he placed them on the table. "No matter what else you order, you _always_ get prawn crackers."

"I like prawn crackers," he said defensively.

"That much is obvious."

"Don't you like prawn crackers?"

"Not particularly," Nikki said indifferently.

"Well don't have any then."

"I won't."

She grinned at him and Harry laughed slightly, shaking his head.

"So what are you really doing here?" she asked him quietly, knowing that it was more than just an annoying neighbour.

"I told you, I couldn't stand being in my apartment what with the _thump thump thump_ of that _idiot's_ music blaring through the walls," he said, determinedly avoiding Nikki's eyes as he picked up a silver carton of noodles and passed it to her.

She didn't say anything, but let him serve out the food and settle down next to her on the sofa again before she spoke.

"It's the worst part of the job," she said quietly. "Seeing something like that; someone's wasted life."

He's silent for a while, his chopsticks laying forgotten about in his food.

"I've been a pathologist for so many years. You'd think I'd be used to it by now," he eventually said, gazing down at his knees.

Nikki shook her head, placing down her and Harry's food on the coffee table and then taking his hand in hers.

"Nobody gets 'used to it', Harry. We build barriers, we have coping techniques, but it still affects us all. You'd have to have a heart of stone not to be bothered by it. And you definitely don't have one of those."

Harry just nodded. Nikki ran her thumb slowly over the back of his hand, waiting for him to say something.

"The tox report came back just after you went home," he told her, causing Nikki to frown slightly.

"Okay..." she said slowly, not sure what the relevance was of this piece of information.

"She'd been drinking," he said shortly. "She was pregnant and she was driving."

Now Nikki understood. "How much had she had?"

"Maybe a couple of glasses of wine? But there was me feeling sorry for her and thinking how sad and unfortunate the whole thing was, and she'd bought it upon herself. You don't drink if you've got children to look after," he said bitterly.

"She might have had a tough day or something," Nikki said, trying to justify it. "There was no evidence in the liver to suggest she was a heavy drinker and it wasn't like she was way over. I'm sure she never meant to deliberately harm either herself or the baby. It was an accident."

Harry turned to look at her and she gave him a small, reassuring smile. He sighed and then slipped his hand from her grasp before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He gazed at the wall ahead of him.

Nikki waited. He was obviously psyching himself up to say something. He swallowed hard and then he spoke, so hushed it was barely audible.

"My dad drank and pretended like he didn't."

Nikki didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say, how to comfort him.

"When I was seven years old," he continued, "he took me out for the day to the airport. I used to love going there and watching all the planes landing and taking off. I would stand with my nose pressed against the glass in the departure lounge, my breath fogging it up. Dad would crouch next to me, one arm around me, and point out the different types of plane."

Nikki smiled; it wasn't an image hard to imagine.

"But this day was different," Harry said, and her smile faded. "I was left looking out of the window all on my own. Dad told me that he was just going to the toilet and he never came back. I looked at my watch, and although I couldn't quite tell the time at that age, I could see that big hand had moved considerably. So I ran round and round that departure lounge, looking in all the shops and the men's toilets – until I eventually found him propping up the bar."

Nikki sighed softly, placing a hand on Harry's arm. He didn't seem to notice, he was too lost in the memories.

"It was the first time I ever saw him drunk. He was half-paralytic by the time I found him, so much so that the barman had stopped serving him drinks and just left him in the corner. I remember clambouring onto the stool next to him and trying to wake him up. I was scared, I didn't know what was going on, I thought he was ill, you know?"

He turned to look at Nikki and she nodded.

"So anyway, the barman saw me telling my dad to 'wake up' and he came over to me. He asked if I was going on holiday anywhere and I told him I was only there to watch the planes. He said 'what about your mother' and I told him she was at home cooking lunch. Then he asked me what my telephone number was. I remember being really glad he'd asked, because only a fortnight or so previously Mum had made me learn it off by heart. So I reeled it off, pleased as punch, but he disappeared. Half an hour later Mum came and got me and took me home."

"What about your dad?" Nikki asked quietly.

"We left him there. There wasn't anything else we could do; he was too heavy for her to get to the car. He crawled home eventually. Late that night, I think it was. That just led to another row. I could hear mum crying through my floorboards."

He stopped talking and shook his head at the injustice of it all. Nikki smiled slightly. "Hm."

"What?" Harry frowned, looking at her.

"Nothing, just... the apple fell pretty far from the tree, didn't it?"

Harry laughed slightly, picking up their food again. "Shut up and eat your Chinese food before it gets cold," he said, shoving a carton of egg fried rice at her. However, as she accepted it from him he gently brushed his fingertips over the back of her hand.

"Thank you," he muttered.

Nikki smiled at him. "I didn't do anything," she said, knowing perfectly well what he was thanking her for.

"Yes you did," he assured her, before grinning broadly and snatching the remote control from her and putting on the television that she'd not long switched off. "So, what are we watching?"

Nikki glared at him playfully, but she couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. In the end she gave up and leant back into the cushions with a giggle when Harry put some cheesy 1950's black and white romantic film on.

She sighed wistfully when the lead male character on the screen grabbed the female lead in a soft yet passionate kiss.

"Wow, this is corny," Harry stated through a mouthful of noodles.

"It's romantic," Nikki quipped.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "And on second thoughts – why aren't you out tonight getting drunk and picking up some inappropriate guy."

"Don't say it like that," she said reproachfully.

Harry's expression softened. "Sorry."

"That's okay. And to answer your question, I've decided I'm not doing that anymore. I'm taking a vow of celibacy," she told him firmly.

Harry snorted. "What's brought this on?"

Nikki released a long breath and shook her head. "I don't know ... It's just, all any guy wants from me is sex. I don't want to be that girl who's so insecure that she has to settle for a string of one night stands."

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise slightly but nodded. "I get that. In fact, I admire that. It's a very grown up, responsible decision, Nikki. I'm proud of you."

Now it was Nikki's turn to laugh. "Shut up."

"No, I mean it."

They looked at each other for a moment. Nikki smiled and then turned back to the film, where another couple were now also kissing.

"God, they're all at it," Harry joked, his attention also on the screen.

"You know, I can't remember the last time I was kissed like that," she commented quietly. "I mean, properly kissed. Not the obligatory kiss that always leads to sex, but the kiss that tells you you're beautiful and wanted. The sort of kiss that makes you feel all warm and tingly inside. You know?"

Harry considered her for a moment and then said, "You've been watching too much of this corny film. It's a good job it's ending." He pointed to the credits appearing on the screen.

Nikki smiled and went back to finishing off her food. She knew he wouldn't take her seriously.

They ate happily for a while, neither one saying much. As exhausted as she was, Nikki was glad that Harry was there. He always had this habit of making her feel better.

When they were finished eating Nikki turned to look at Harry and said, "You can stay here tonight if you'd like. On the sofa, of course. There's no point you going home if your neighbour's just going to keep you up."

"Thanks, Nikki."

She smiled before standing up and gathering up the rubbish from the remnants of their food. As she took it into the kitchen and put it in the bin, Harry followed her with their glasses which he placed next to the sink.

"I'll just go and get you some bedding stuff," she told him.

As she entered her bedroom she couldn't help but let a small grin grace her lips. She may not have settled down yet, she may not even have a boyfriend, but at least she had friends who cared about her. Harry, who would do pretty much anything for her and Leo, who was more of father to her than she'd ever had.

She gathered a duvet and some pillows for Harry and took them back through to the lounge, where he accepted them gratefully and placed them down on the sofa.

"Thank you for this," he said.

"No problem. You bought food and alcohol; I'll provide you with somewhere to sleep. It sounds about fair to me," she grinned.

Harry laughed. "Right."

"I'm going to bed," she told him. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight," he smiled.

Nikki turned and walked away, but as she reached the doorway Harry called after her to stop.

"What?" she asked him.

He shook his head and released a long breath before grinning at her and saying, "Come here a second."

Nikki tutted but walked over to him again. "What is it? I want to go to bed."

She stopped in front of him and he looked down at her, a smile on his face.

"What?" she asked again.

Then she was aware of Harry's hand on her cheek.

"What are you doing?" she breathed, the words catching in her throat as Harry edged closer. But he didn't reply.

A shiver ran up the ladder of Nikki's spine as their lips finally connected. Her first initial thought was that her breath was going to smell like soy sauce, but then all that stopped mattering. Harry's hands were either side of her face, his fingertips gently stroking her hair. The kiss was soft, gentle and slow. Nikki still wasn't quite sure what was happening and she was dreading the can of worms that she was sure were going to open, but then she considered the possibility that it might just be worth it.

Harry ran his tongue lightly over her bottom lip, causing Nikki to moan softly and open her mouth. He was making her knees turn to jelly; she could barely stand up straight. It's a good job his hands now had a firm grip on her waist, or she'd have been on the floor.

Then he broke the kiss. Nikki had to bite her lip to prevent her groaning out loud at the loss of contact. His face was still only an inch from hers and he grinned down at her, obviously enjoying the fact that he got her so flustered. She could only imagine what she must look like.

"You said you couldn't remember the last time you were properly kissed," he muttered, still smiling.

Nikki tried to say something, but a peculiar surprised strangled sound came out instead of words. Harry laughed. He patted her on the hip before taking a step backwards.

"I'll see you in the morning," he smirked, turning his back to her and walking over to the sofa, where he promptly flopped down onto it with a groan and disappeared from sight.

Nikki stood in shock for a moment, before gathering her senses and going to her bedroom. She snapped the door shut behind her and leant against it, releasing a long breath.

She was shaking. There were butterflies in her stomach and goosebumps on her arms and tingles everywhere – all from one kiss. Except that was so much more than a kiss, that was ... heaven. No one had ever kissed her like that, _ever_. And he was Harry, which just added this whole other blissfully comforting familiarity about the whole thing.

He was doing it because of what she'd said. Because of her lamenting about how she wanted to be kissed like she was beautiful. How she wanted to be kissed because she was wanted.

Well, he certainly made her feel like that.

* * *

**Okay, what do you think??**

**Sorry I didn't update sooner, I've had a crazy week of deadlines and late nights for college so I haven't had time. **

**This chapter was a bit tough for me to write too, as I mentioned on my LJ blog. But I have finished it now! :) Good times. **

**Oh yes, and another ambiguous kiss. You'll have to wait to see what happens about that ;) But it's the holidays so I should be able to update again soon. **

**Which reminds me:**

**HAPPY EASTER! **

**Much love  
xxxxxx**


	4. The Agony of Ambiguity

**Chapter 3: **The Agony of Ambiguity

Nikki was lying wide awake, sprawled out on her back in the middle of the bed, watching the Sunday morning sun rise steadily through the gap in the curtains. She hadn't slept much. Her mind had been too buzzing with the details about that kiss to shut down and go to sleep, despite her tiredness.

She'd been trying to work out what it meant; what Harry's intentions were. Was he simply just giving her the kiss that she had said she'd always wanted, or was there more to it than that? Because that wasn't just a kiss...

Nikki realised with a jolt that she'd been in this exact same position before. This wasn't the first time the pair had shared an ambiguous kiss. It seemed to be a bit of a habit of Harry's. She should have asked him, the previous night when he'd eventually let her go, she should have asked him what it meant. Or slapped him. Both options seem equally reasonable.

Her bedroom was slowly filling with weak sunlight, casting a faint golden glow over everything. Nikki released a long breath. How would she feel if Harry did tell her that it didn't mean anything? Upset? Annoyed? But then again, how would she feel if he told her that he wanted the kissing to become a regular occurrence? No, she couldn't think like that, because that was the most unlikely case.

Gently, Nikki ran her fingers over her lips, pretending that she could still feel and taste Harry on them. It didn't work. Eventually she swung her legs out of bed and sat on the edge, preparing herself to go out there and speak to Harry. She could hear movements in the other room and knew that he was already up.

Why didn't she leave it to him to explain? Undoubtedly he would, he'd either apologise or laugh it off. At least that way she'd know how he felt about it too. Yes, she'd wait for him to give an explanation. It wasn't like she wanted a relationship with him. Her feelings were entirely platonic.

Nikki left her bedroom still with her pyjamas on and entered the lounge. As she guessed, all that was on the sofa were the sheets she'd given Harry, folded neatly in a pile. She found him in the kitchen, his back to her as he cooked something that smelled suspiciously like pancakes over the stove. He was whistling and humming along to the radio. Nikki leant against the doorframe and smiled as she watched him. Oh, who was she kidding? This is what she wanted; this, Harry, making breakfast for her in her kitchen. Harry.

"Good morning," she said, hoping he wouldn't notice the shaking of her voice.

He turned around and gave her a beaming smile. "Morning. I'm making you pancakes."

"I can see. Don't make a mess in my kitchen," she told him, moving to sit at the breakfast bar.

"Yes, Ma'am" he tutted, rolling his eyes at her. Nikki giggled.

Harry wiped his hands on the dishcloth and then carried two plates over to where Nikki was sat, pulling out a stool for himself opposite her.

"What's all this in aid of then?" she asked, noting the deliberate not-mentioning of what happened the previous night.

He shrugged. "To say thank you for letting me sleep on your sofa."

"But I let you do that to say thank you for bringing food and alcohol, remember? Now you've done this and we're uneven again!"

She knew she was talking nonsense, but Nikki didn't know what else to say. He wasn't mentioning it, and she couldn't mention it ... Harry should be the one apologising, he kissed her.

He gave her a knowing smile and said, "Well you'll just have to do something nice for me then, won't you? I've got a horrible report sat on my desk that Leo thinks I've done when really I haven't. You could complete that for me."

Nikki snorted. "Not bloody likely. Do your own work."

He grinned. "Well, you'll just have to find another way to make it up to me then, won't you?"

There was something in his voice that sent a spark of electricity up Nikki's spine. She swallowed hard and looked down, focusing on her plate of pancakes.

After they had eaten and Nikki was washing up, Harry appeared in the doorway.

"Right, I'm going home. I need a shower and a shave," he smiled, running a hand over his chin. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

He turned and walked from the kitchen. And that was it. Nikki frowned. He still hadn't given any explanation as to his actions the previous night. How was she supposed to know what it meant when he was the one who had initiated the kiss? It had very much been him in control in that situation, not her.

Not bothering to take the washing up gloves off, and not caring that she was still in her pyjamas, Nikki ran after Harry. Luckily he hadn't left yet, but was putting on his shoes by the front door.

"Wait," she said quietly, causing him to look up in surprise. Then his expression became more sombre as he regarded Nikki's own.

"You don't-" Her voice cracked slightly. She cleared her throat, took a deep breath and tried again. "You don't just get to leave after kissing me like that."

Harry straightened up, his hands hanging limply by his side. He didn't say anything, just looked at Nikki. She blushed under the intensity of his gaze.

"It was everything that I had told you beforehand that I'd never had – in fact it was more. It did make me feel wanted. And for that to have happened the kisser must have wanted the person he kissed. Which means that ... you must have wanted ... me."

Nikki was confused by her own nervous ramblings. Still Harry said nothing. It was beginning to annoy her.

"Look, Harry. I don't want to venture down a path that's going to destroy what we have already – as friends. But at the same time, I can't ignore the way that you kissed me last night, because it was incredible," she admitted, and then waited with her arms clutched close around her.

Eventually Harry swallowed hard and took a step forwards. "What do you want?" he asked her quietly.

"I want you to be honest with me, and I want an explanation as to why you kissed me," she told him, avoiding an answer to the real question that he'd asked.

"Okay," he said after a moment's silence.

"Okay?"

"Yes, okay."

Nikki led the way back into the lounge, but she was too nervous to sit down. Harry stood opposite her, leaning against the back of the sofa. There was a considerable gap between them, figuratively and literally, Nikki realised. Which was why they needed to get this sorted.

"I..." Harry started, but he trailed off. Nikki didn't say anything, hoping that the silence would prompt Harry to continue. It did.

"You told me that you'd never been kissed properly. So I kissed you properly," he said.

"I know that," Nikki replied. "But why did you kiss me in the first place? It wasn't just because I was talking about it, I know it wasn't. Normal people don't go and kiss their best friend just because she happened to be talking about kissing."

Harry gave a tiny, sad smile. "You're right. I kissed you ... because I wanted to kiss you."

Nikki nodded slowly. "Right then."

"Nikki," Harry said. "What does this mean now?"

Nikki glared at him. "I don't know, do I? You are the one who kissed me, Harry! How am I supposed to know what this means? What does it mean to you?"

"It means everything," he said quietly. Despite this being all she wanted to hear, for some reason it angered Nikki.

"Oh stop it! That isn't a proper answer! Don't start messing me around, Harry. You kissed me! And it wasn't just a peck on the lips, either; it was a full-blown kiss with tongue! But most of all, it was a kiss that you initiated!"

"I know," he said. There was a couple of seconds of silence and then he added, "It was a bloody good kiss."

Nikki struggled not to smile. "That's beside the point. What did it mean, Harry?"

"I've already told you," he said, seriously this time. "I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to. Surely even you can work out what that means."

She turned her back to him, her arms folded across her chest and her eyes fixed on a photograph of her, Leo and Harry that she'd put up on the wall. The cogs in her brain started whirring into action, processing everything that had happened. The only conclusion that she kept coming to was that Harry wanted her. He had feelings for her, feelings that were more than just platonic.

Slowly, she turned around again, the dawning comprehension evident on her face. "You ... for me ...?" were the only words that she managed to get out.

"Yes," he said simply.

She released a long breath. "Okay, that's ... wow ... okay."

"Nikki, don't clam up on me now," Harry said warningly. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking that this is huge," she told him.

"Good huge or bad huge?" he asked, and Nikki could see the uncertainty glimmering in his eyes. She realised that she wasn't exactly filling him with confidence with her reaction. So she smiled and walked over to him, loosely draping her arms around his neck.

"Definitely good huge," she murmured as his hands went to her waist.

They both smiled at each other before Nikki leant forward and pressed her lips to his quickly.

"We'll take things slowly," she told him when they broke apart, running a hand through his hair. "Keep it casual for a while. I want you to take me on dates and kiss me on the cheek goodnight afterwards. Slowly."

Harry grinned at her. He pressed a kiss to her nose, each cheek, and then her mouth. "Oh, I can take things very slowly," he muttered against her lips, before trailing kisses across her jaw and down to her neck. She squirmed slightly in his arms.

"I mean it, Harry," she said, resisting the urge to moan.

"I know you do," Harry said into the crook of her neck, the vibrations of his voice sending a shiver up her spine. She groaned, giving in to Harry. However, after kissing her neck one last time, he pulled his head back up.

"What are you doing?" Nikki complained.

"Taking things slowly. And by that you meant no sex, right?" he grinned, clearly winding her up.

Nikki released a long breath and leant her forehead against his, hoping he wouldn't notice the flush that had risen in her cheeks.

"How about we start taking things slowly tomorrow?" she whispered, resting a hand on the side of his face.

"I think that's a very – good – idea," he said, puncturing each word with another kiss. Nikki giggled before kissing him fiercely, and together the pair of them tripped over each other's feet as they stumbled in the general direction of her bedroom.

*

Some time later and they were lying in Nikki's bed, facing each other but not actually touching.

Nikki narrowed her eyes slightly as she looked at Harry.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said innocently.

Harry just shook his head at her. On top of the covers his hand found hers.

"You do realise that this means we're together now," he told her with a smile.

Nikki grinned. "I guess it does."

"And you're ... happy about that?" he asked her anxiously.

"Harry," she admonished, moving across the bed so that he could wrap his arms around her and pull her close. "Of course I'm happy about that! Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged slightly. "I don't know. It's just ... we're Harry and Nikki. We're the couple in the movie that never get together even though they should."

"All couples in movies get together at the end," Nikki smiled.

"Fine then, we're the couple in the TV drama that never get together," he laughed.

"Harry, stop worrying," Nikki told him. "It's not like we're rushing into anything. You're my best friend, I know you inside out anyway. This is going to be perfect."

Harry grinned before capturing her smiling lips in his.

____

*

_Back then you were both so happy. Back then you couldn't stop smiling. Back then you thought that what you had would last forever. _

_You thought wrong. _

_Because right now you're still sat on that bum-numbing chair with Leo, and he's still telling you that everything will turn out okay. _

_It won't. You know that. But you can't tell Leo that because you can see that he's beginning to crumble too, and at least one of you has to stay strong. _

_You have to stay strong for his sake. For Harry's sake. _

* * *

**Another chapter for you lovely lovely people :)**

**I hope everyone's having a lovely Easter! I have eaten too much chocolate and I feel sick. But it was sooo worth it ;)**

**Dropped another bit of the future in at the end there. Just to tease you all. I'm not giving any clues as to what is happening then, either. Because it is not what most of you are thinking it is, I promise. You will work it out eventually though. Or, you should do... :P**

**Much chocolatey love,  
Charlotte  
xxxxx**


	5. Shiny Happy People

**Chapter 4: **Shiny Happy People

Nikki released a long, happy breath and looked up at Harry.

"Are we staying in bed all day?" she grinned.

He pressed a kiss to the top her head. "Can you give me a good enough reason as to why we shouldn't?"

Nikki pretended to think for a second. "You know, I don't think I can."

"Well then I'm going to say that staying in bed seems to be the most sensible solution," he said seriously, causing Nikki to laugh and nuzzle into his shoulder a bit more.

They fell into a companionable silence for a minute, Harry running his fingers gently up and down the top of Nikki's arm.

"Can I ask you something?" she said eventually.

"Of course," he replied, pressing his lips into her hair again.

"Did you love Rebecca?" Nikki shifted away from Harry and propped herself up on her elbow to observe his reaction.

He looked surprised, initially, and then thoughtful. "I don't know. I thought I did, at the time."

"Were you happy with her?"

"I guess I was, in a way. Things weren't easy for me; Leo was at death's door and l was trying to be there for you, as well as keep a relationship going with Rebecca. I could probably have paid more attention to her. Perhaps if I had I'd have realised what was going on," he admitted.

Nikki considered this for a moment, and then she said, "But that wasn't your fault. She was only using you in her scheme to get that insurance money. You were a piece of the plot just like everyone else she befriended had been."

"Ouch. Thanks, Nikki," Harry said.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that. It's just ... you thought you loved her."

"Even though she used me as a plaything?" Harry added, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Well, yeah..." Nikki said.

"We can't help who we fall in love with, can we?" he pointed out, and Nikki made a noise of agreement. "And at the time, with Rebecca, I thought I loved her. But looking back on it now, I think I may have been slightly deluded."

"Deluded?" she frowned.

"Yes, in a way. I never felt for her a fraction of what I feel for you, I realise that now," he said slowly. "She was a ... momentary lapse in judgement. But you – you're the one who makes me feel complete, you're the one who has _always_ been there, through good times and bad; you're the one who knows me better than anybody else. And, most importantly, you're the one that I love with every fibre of my being."

By now Nikki had tears in her eyes. She looked Harry right in the eye and said, "You promise?"

"Yes, I promise," he grinned, tugging her arm to pull her back down again. Nikki smiled as she landed with her back to him, and immediately felt Harry's arms wrap around her waist to pull her flush against him.

"Now can I ask you a question?" he said into her shoulder.

"If you must."

"Why all the questions about Rebecca?"

Nikki thought for a moment, wondering how to best phrase what she wanted to say. "I just wanted to know where I stood, I guess. But trust me, you've answered my question."

"Okay," said Harry uncertainly, and then, "Did I?"

Nikki smiled. "Yes, yes you did. You told me that you loved me, Harry. For the first time in six years you tell me that you love me, and not in an 'entirely platonic, best friend, scrawled in a birthday card' kind of way either."

"Oh. I guess I did, didn't I?" Harry mused, seemingly only just realising what he'd said.

Nikki laughed slightly, before rolling over in his arms to press a kiss to his lips. The kiss was soft and gentle, neither of them trying to push it further. Harry's fingers were stroking Nikki's hair and she placed a hand on the side of his face, running her thumb over his cheek. When they broke apart a minute later, she buried her head in the crook of Harry's neck and whispered, "I love you too."

*

Nikki tightened the belt on her short, silver, satin dressing gown as she stood in front of her fridge and tried to find something to eat. It was the middle of the afternoon and the first time she'd been out of bed all day. Not that she was complaining, of course. It was just ... so surreal, being with Harry. She already felt as if they had been dating for years – maybe they had, in a way. And now she had not only the emotional connection with him, but the physical one as well.

It was more than she could ever have hoped for, she realised as she rummaged through the cupboards. He actually loved her. He was Harry, and he loved her. She smiled to herself. All this time, all these years, and their relationship had finally made that significant turning point.

They'd been closer than ever lately anyway, what with everything that happened with Leo and the shooting. They'd really been standing on the verge of something more for a while now, Nikki mused, grabbing a box of cereal and absentmindedly taking it back through to her bedroom.

"We were a ticking bomb," she said, thinking aloud, as she closed her bedroom door behind her.

"I beg your pardon?" Harry asked from where he was sat up against the headboard.

Nikki shook her head slightly, snapping herself out of her daydream. "Nothing. I was just thinking - it was only a matter of time before this happened, really."

"Of course it was," Harry said, scrutinising the box she had tucked under one arm as he spoke. "This is us we're talking about. It was only a matter of time from the moment we met. Is that a box of Frosties?"

Nikki shrugged as she sat on top of the covers near her pillows, pulling her legs up beneath her. "I'm hungry and I can't be bothered to cook something."

Harry snorted, reaching into the box and taking a handful of the frosted flakes. "You _can't_ cook," he said.

Nikki playfully elbowed him in the ribs. "I can too!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

"Oh yeah."

"Oh _really_?"

"Oh _yeah_!"

Harry just laughed. Nikki frowned at him reproachfully. "You're the one who knows the Chinese takeaway's number off-by-heart," she pointed out.

"I only have a takeaway when I'm with you because I don't want to embarrass you by showing off my exemplary culinary skills."

Now it was Nikki's turn to giggle. "You expect me to believe that?"

"Believe what you want," he grinned, before grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him, enabling him to kiss her fully on the lips. Nikki smiled against his mouth before breaking the kiss. Together they settled down on the bed, Harry's arm around Nikki's shoulders and the box of cereal in between them, which occasionally one of them would reach into.

"Harry?"

"Mm?"

"Can we not tell Leo about us?"

Harry looked down at her in surprise. "Why?"

"I don't really know. Can't it just be ... our little secret for now?" she asked him apprehensively.

"Well, it's hardly 'little', is it? It's a whopping great big life-changing secret," he said. "And this is Leo that we're talking about. You really think he's not going to work it out?"

"If he does – which I don't think he will – then we'll tell him. But until then, can't we just keep it under wraps? Please?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, okay. If that's what you want," Harry agreed reluctantly.

Nikki sighed. "Well it has to be what you want as well. It's not all about me."

"I don't see why we can't tell Leo. I want him to know, I want the lab techs to know, I want _everyone_ to know. I've never had something as good as this – as good as _you_ – and I want the whole world to see that you're mine," he told her, looking her right in the eye.

However, where Nikki should be flattered, she found herself strangely frustrated.

"I'm not _yours_, Harry! I don't belong to anyone, I'm my own person! If the only reason you want to tell Leo is just some thing to boost your macho, alpha male status, then you can forget it!"

"What? Nikki, no!" Harry protested. "Don't be ridiculous! I love you, and I want everyone to know that I love you."

"Oh," she said guiltily.

"Look, if you don't want to tell Leo, then we won't," he said quietly, taking her hand in his. "I don't mind. I just want to be with you."

"Really?" Nikki asked quietly.

Harry chuckled. "Of course."

She smiled and kissed Harry's cheek, before resting her head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

He pressed his lips to her hair. "You're welcome."

*

Nikki smiled as she was awoken the next morning by someone pressing a kiss to her temple and then her hair. She blearily opened her eyes to see Harry stood by the bed, fully dressed and leaning over her.

"What time is it?" she asked sleepily, breathing deeply.

"Nearly six," he whispered, gently stroking her hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

It was only then that Nikki registered that he looked as if he was leaving. "Where are you going?" she asked confusedly.

Harry smiled. "Home to shower, shave and get some clean clothes. I'll see you at work later."

Nikki returned his smile. "Okay."

"I love you," he told her, straightening up and slipping his phone and keys into his pocket.

"I love you too," she mumbled, already closing her eyes to get the extra half hour sleep before her alarm went off.

*

When Nikki arrived at work that morning she found Harry already sat at his desk, tapping away on his keyboard. She assumed he was working until she got closer and saw a game of Solitaire filling the screen.

"Nice to see you're being productive," she grinned, by way of a greeting.

He looked up at her and smirked. "I couldn't concentrate. My mind was thinking about ... other things."

Nikki snorted derisively. "I bet it was."

"I was going to say you telling me that you loved me, actually," he smiled.

A laugh escaped her lips. "Of course you were."

Harry playfully hit her on the hip with a case report. "Dear me, such a dirty mind, Dr Alexander."

"I must be channelling you," she retorted, grabbing the folder and flicking through it. "This is my report."

Harry shrugged. "I was pretending to read it every time Leo walked past so that it looked like I was working."

"Lazy," she quipped, stepping away from Harry and in the direction of Leo's office.

"Tart," he called after her.

Nikki turned around to glare at him slightly, causing Harry to grin and mouth, 'I love you'. She smiled at him, her cheeks immediately blushing pink as they did every time he uttered those three little words to her. Before she entered Leo's office she was forced to take a deep breath to compose herself.

"Ah, Nikki. Good morning," her boss greeted as she stepped through the doorway.

"Morning," she smiled.

"Did you have a good day off yesterday?"

Nikki tried to stifle a grin and avoided Leo's gaze as she answered, knowing that he would otherwise see right through her. "It was ... good, yes."

Leo looked slightly puzzled, but he didn't press it. "Alright then." He spotted the folder in her hands. "Ah, is that the report on the Farringdon murder?"

"Yes it is," Nikki said, passing it to him. "I don't suppose we've got any cases or anything? I hate it when we're stuck in the lab."

"Not as yet," he said regretfully. "But I'll be sure to give whatever comes in to you rather than Harry."

Nikki giggled. "Thanks Leo," she smiled. He grinned back at her before standing up from his desk.

"Come on, I have something I want to tell you both," he said, leading the way out of his office. Nikki frowned as she followed him.

Leo didn't speak until Nikki was seated at her desk, opposite Harry who was looking slightly confused.

"I need both of you to go to a board meeting tomorrow," he told them. Nikki was relieved, imagining he had some form of bad news. Harry, however, looked aghast.

"No," he protested. "They are the most tedious, mind-numbingly boring, insufferable events I have ever had the displeasure to attend."

Leo tutted at him reproachfully. "It's not a long one, it's only scheduled to be an hour. Even you two can put up with that."

"Why aren't you going?" Nikki asked him.

"Well..." he said, flustering slightly. "Someone needs to be here to man the lab."

Harry laughed disbelievingly and turned to Nikki. "Did you hear that? 'Someone needs to man the lab'," he mimicked.

Nikki grinned. "Anyone would think he didn't want to go."

"Don't be silly, Nikki. Leo's the head of department; he _loves_ these board meetings. I bet he's terribly upset that he has to stay here to answer the phones."

A giggle escaped Nikki's lips at Leo's expression of weary amusement. She turned back to Harry, playing along. "Because heaven forbid he could leave a lab tech in charge of that," she smiled. "After all, he didn't hire Charlie or any of the others just to answer the phone."

"Well, they're only lab techs," Harry joked. "They're not bright enough to take a message for one of us top-notch pathologists."

Nikki couldn't contain her laughter any longer, but tried to look apologetic to Leo at the same time. Harry caught her eye and winked at her.

Leo shook his head at the pair of them. "Am I missing something here?" he asked, a slight crease between his eyebrows.

Sobering up very quickly, Nikki said, "No. What makes you ask that?"

Leo looked between them. "Well, you both just seem very happy for a Monday morning. So, is there something I should know?" Nikki remained silent so he turned to Harry, obviously thinking that he was more likely to get the truth from him than Nikki. "Harry?"

Harry didn't say anything, but gazed at Nikki searchingly, his face suddenly stony. She gave him a pleading look, begging him not to tell Leo.

"Harry?" Leo prompted again. Harry suddenly looked up at him rather than Nikki. It was a long time before he actually spoke. Nikki didn't really know why she was so against Leo knowing, but she was silently willing Harry not to say anything.

Eventually he took a deep breath and said, "No, Leo. There's nothing you should know about."

Leo looked slightly disbelieving, but he nodded and after them telling them once more that they needed to be at the meeting, he retreated to his office.

Nikki swallowed hard, feeling an odd combination of guilt that she forced Harry to lie to Leo and relief that he didn't say anything. She found that she couldn't look at Harry, not without wanting to inexplicably cry, so she pushed herself up from her chair and made to leave the room.

However, she heard Harry following her. He caught up with her just as she turned the corner of the deserted corridor. He grabbed her elbow and, without providing an explanation, dragged her into the nearest empty room.

It was full of filing cabinets, a room that few people rarely ventured into. Harry pushed Nikki up against the wall.

"I can't keep this secret, Nikki," he said loudly. "I need to tell Leo, I hate lying to him. He's my best male friend, he _knows_ me, knows who I am and that I'm crazy about you! I love you and for the first time in my life I am really, truly one hundred percent happy! And I want to tell Leo about it, I want to act like some love-struck teenager and gush to him about how much I love you, and how amazing you are; and one day I want to ask him for help on how to propose to you, and I want him to be the first person I tell when we find out that we're having a baby. I can't not tell him, Nikki!"

He stopped talking, his breathing heavy, and rested his forehead against Nikki's.

Nikki felt tears slip down her cheeks. She placed her hands either side of Harry's face, pressing a small kiss onto his lips before stroking his hair lightly with her fingers.

"Okay," she breathed. "Okay, we'll tell him."

* * *

**I'm not really sure _where_ that end bit came from... Don't think I like it either. **

**Oh well, blame my mixed-up muse at the moment :)**

**Anyways, hope you like. It's rather a long, boring chapter, but never mind. I wanted to update as I'm going to be very busy this week so might not get another chance for a while. **

**Review?**

**xxxxxx**


	6. Waiting On the World to Change

**Chapter 5: **Waiting On the World to Change

_You don't know who Leo's on the phone to. He's pacing impatiently, the soles of his shoes creating an almost rhythmic squeaking on the hard floor. His voice is hushed so that you can't hear what he's saying, but you can tell he's annoyed. _

_Eventually he sits down heavily beside you once again, resting his elbows on his knees and releasing a sigh. _

_You find it hard to feel sorry for him. You're all-consumed with your own worries, never mind Leo's too. _

_Then you realise that you probably share the majority of your worries. _

_For the first time that morning, you speak. _

"_Who was that?"_

_Your voice is croaky and quiet. So quiet. _

_Leo looks surprised. "The coroner," he tells you. "She wanted me back at the lab but I told her that she might as well hire some temps, because I'm not working."_

"_You going to get into trouble," you mutter. _

_Leo places a hand on your knee. "Don't you worry about me." _

_You don't reply, but stare down at the floor. You wonder whether, if you gaze at it long enough, it will give you the answers you need so desperately. _

_It doesn't. _

_Leo's chattering away in your ear, about nothing. They're just empty words, trying to fill the painful silence that engulfs the pair of you. You're not even listening. _

_You think back. Back to the day, only two months ago although it feels like years, when you and Harry told Leo about your relationship. You hadn't wanted to. To this day you're still not sure why you wanted to keep what you had had as a secret, but you did. _

_And then Harry said all that stuff to you. Stuff that made you want to cry, and kiss him, and tell Leo straight away, because he'd mentioned babies, and marriage, and there was a silent promise of a future together. _

_So you had taken him by the hand and led him back to Leo's office, where you had promptly announced that the pair of you were in a relationship. _

_You turn to look at Leo, now, and can see the stress etched into the lines on his face. Two weeks ago they had been crinkles of laughter. _

_Because that's what he'd done when you told him: laughed. He'd shaken his head at you and laughed. _

_You had immediately relaxed, then, and pulled Harry closer to you. _

_Right now you couldn't be further apart. _

_Even if he did come through this – which the pessimistic side of you sincerely doubts – there was no saying that the both of you would be able to go back to how you were. _

_Not after ... everything. _

_This has changed him, so much. He's not that man anymore; that sarcastic, ambitious, warm-hearted man that you fell head-over-heels in love with six years ago. _

_He's changed._

_It's the waiting, you know it is. It's killing all three of you. Slowly, painfully, spitefully. _

_Then suddenly Leo's on his feet, and _she's _walking towards you, the woman you hate because she only ever brings you news that you don't want to hear. _

_You associate her with heartbreak. _

_And you know that now is going to be no different. _

_She stops in front of you, and slowly you get to your feet. _

_Leo grabs your hand, gripping it tightly. _

_Your legs feel like jelly after sitting on that solid wooden chair for such a length of time. _

_You stomach is churning. _

_You're shaking like a leaf._

_And then she speaks; her whole manner is prim and proper, her voice professionally cold._

"_The jury have reached their verdict." _

* * *

**Another weird italicy bit. I tried to drop some more clues in this one though! ;)**

**Sorry I didn't update sooner, I was staying with a friend down by the seaside :) I'll write more soon, although I have a MILLION college essays to do! :|**

**Lovelove  
xxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	7. Love Drunk

**Chapter 6: **Love Drunk

Nikki jumped slightly as Harry crept up on her and wrapped his arms around her waist, preventing her from gathering her things and therefore prolonging their leaving.

"Thank you for telling Leo about us this morning," he muttered as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"You're welcome," Nikki smiled, twisting her head to kiss him quickly on the lips. "I'm just glad he took it so well."

"Why wouldn't he?" Harry asked. "He's our friend."

Nikki shrugged slightly. "I know. Now can you let me go so that I can go home? It's nearly six and I'm tired."

Harry turned Nikki around in his arms so that his hands were on her waist and hers were resting on his shoulders.

"Come back to mine," he said softly.

"I thought we were supposed to be taking things slowly as of today?" she admonished.

Harry pressed a lazy kiss to her forehead. "Well what were you thinking?"

"Take me to dinner," she smiled. "Somewhere fancy where I can dress up."

Harry grinned down at her. "And then back to mine for coffee?"

Nikki laughed. "God, you're insatiable!"

"You love it," he said, capturing her lips in his.

Nikki felt her knees weaken as he kissed her and gripped onto his shoulders tightly to prevent herself collapsing to the floor. A slight moan escaped her as he deepened the kiss, and it took the entire of Nikki's hazy mind to realise that they were stood in the middle of the lab and there was a good chance that Leo would walk in any minute. So, regretfully and with a lot of willpower, she pulled away.

"Come and pick me up at eight," she told him, and after leaving a perfectly formed pout-shaped lip-gloss mark on his cheek she swung her bag onto her shoulder and sauntered off.

"Hey, I never actually agreed to dinner. How fancy were you thinking, exactly?" she heard Harry call after her, but just grinned without turning round.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," she said as she reached the doors, giggling slightly as she left Harry frowning in the middle of the office.

*

It was the third dress she'd put on that evening, and still Nikki didn't think she looked good enough. She eyed the red satin number in the mirror suspiciously, smoothing it down over her curves. Too tarty, she decided, before rummaging once again in her wardrobe.

And then she found it. A soft, floaty, black, asymmetrical number, falling just above the knee, with appliqué flowers stitched onto the material that trailed across her shoulder. Shrugging it on, Nikki stepped in front of the mirror again. This time she smiled.

She carefully applied her makeup, decided that she needed tights so pulled those on, reapplied her makeup, and was just slipping her feet into her patent black Christian Louboutin's when the doorbell rang. Harry was early.

Nikki swore loudly. Although technically she was ready, she still wasn't certain about what she was wearing. However, with a sigh she stood up, slightly unsteadily in such high shoes, and walked down the hallway. The doorbell sounded again.

"I'm coming!" she called with an accompanying tut.

"Well what's taking you so long?" came the dulcet tones of Harry through the wood.

Nikki opened the door to reveal him standing on the doorstep, a large bouquet of flowers in one hand. His mouth dropped as he looked at her and she felt herself blushing under his gaze.

"Is it too much?" she asked anxiously.

Harry shook his head, swallowing hard. "No, it's ... it's perfect. You look beautiful, Nikki. Here, these are for you."

He passed her the big bunch of lilies.

"Thank you, Harry. They're my favourites," she gushed, placing them on the side so that she could wrap her arms around Harry's neck and press a light kiss to his cheek. "Now shall we go?"

After making sure that she had everything she needed, Nikki took Harry's hand and the pair of them walked to his car.

"So," she asked, leaning against his arm, "where are you taking me?"

"Well, I was thinking first Paris, for a slap-up meal in an incredibly expensive restaurant, then we'll quickly pop to Italy to visit all the fashion boutiques in Milan, and then to round off the night I thought we'd go trans-Atlantic and nip across to New York to see a Broadway show. How does that sound?"

Nikki giggled loudly. "Sounds perfect."

"We might have to do that some other time though," Harry said with mock seriousness. "After all, that would probably turn out to be a very late night and Leo's expecting us at work bright and early tomorrow."

"A small flaw in the plan," she smiled.

"Isn't it just? So I was thinking we might have to settle for the local Italian place, I'm afraid."

"Well, it's not Milan but it'll do," she joked, causing Harry to laugh and kiss the top of her head.

"No, seriously, Harry," she added, "I don't care about any of that. Just going out somewhere with you, as your girlfriend, where everyone else will _know_ that we're together. That's all I want."

Harry stopped, in the middle of the pavement, just in front of his car, and kissed her firmly on the lips. Nikki couldn't help but smile against his mouth, breaking the kiss as she did so.

"Come on, we should get going if we're going to make our reservations," he told her, opening the car door for her. "Madame."

She laughed, getting in. "Why thank you, Sir."

*

Nikki stumbled slightly as she exited the restaurant later that night, causing Harry to grab her arm. "Whoops," she giggled.

"You are so drunk," Harry sniggered, not relinquishing his grip as he gently steered her towards the car.

"I am not!" she protested, a slur to her words.

"Whatever you say," he grinned, unlocking his car as they approached.

Nikki frowned at him. "I just look drunk compared to you because you've had nothing more than one glass on wine all night."

"Some of us are driving," Harry pointed out. They stopped walking as they reached the car and he glanced at it meaningfully.

"Oh, so you are," Nikki replied, not that she could focus very much on the vehicle in front of them. The outline seemed to be a bit fuzzy. She frowned confusedly, wondering about the worsening of her vision.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked. Nikki had forgotten he was there. In fact, she struggled to remember why they were there at all.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she smiled, swaying a little. She placed a hand on the cool metal of the car to steady herself, trying to pass it off as casual but failing quite terrifically.

"You went a little cross-eyed there," Harry said, evidently amused.

"Don't be silly," she scolded. "You must be seeing things. I am fine."

Unfortunately, as she said these last words her hand slipped down the window of the car, causing her to fall into the side of it. Her giggling quickly became hysterical as Harry placed an arm around her waist and pulled her upright again.

"Come on you, let's get you home," he said.

Nikki, however, had other ideas. She twisted around in his arms and draped her own over his shoulders.

"No, let's go to yours," she muttered, her face very close to his.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Says you, who only earlier today told me we were taking things slowly."

"I've changed my mind. What's the point?" she said loudly. "What's the point in torturing myself by taking things slowly when all I really want to do is rip off all your clothes?"

Harry laughed. "I like you when you're drunk. You're very honest."

"Well! We've been taking things slowly for... for..." Nikki trailed off, frowning.

"Twenty-four hours?" Harry put in with a grin.

"Has it only been that long?" she gasped. "It feels like years!"

"Well, one could argue either way ... But yes, we only really 'got together' yesterday morning."

"Blimey..." she faded into silence again, staring down at her feet for a couple of minutes until she looked up at Harry suddenly and asked, "What were we talking about?"

Once again Harry laughed. Without replying he opened the car door and guided Nikki into the seat, before walking around to the other side and getting in himself.

"You were telling me to take you back to mine," he reminded her as he started the engine and pulled out of the car park.

"Oh yes!" she exclaimed happily. It was all coming back to her now. "So, can we?"

"Can we what?" Harry asked teasingly.

"Go back to yours, of course!" she tutted.

"Oh, we can go back to mine," he told her, causing Nikki to release a triumphant 'yes'. "But we're not having sex," he added.

"What? Why?" she whined.

"Because you're drunk!" he chuckled. They stopped at a red light and, taking her chance, Nikki leant across and kissed him. It was sloppy, and uncomfortable because of their positions, but it still sent that rush of something through Nikki's veins, even with the large quantities of alcohol in there with it.

A car tooted from behind and they broke apart. The lights had turned green. Harry glared at Nikki briefly as if it was her fault, before holding up his hand to his mirror by way of an apology to the car behind, and then accelerating through the traffic lights.

"You can't tell me you don't want to have sex," Nikki grinned.

Harry snorted. "Nikki, you taste like a distillery."

"So? You taste like that spicy sausage pasta you had, but you don't hear me complaining," she retorted.

"Why don't you just have a little sleep before we get home?" he suggested, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips. "Sober you up a bit."

"Okay," she said, already leaning back in her seat and letting her eyes slowly close.

The next thing she knew the car was stationary and someone was gently stroking her hair. She assumed that someone was Harry. She hoped it was Harry, anyway.

"Go away," she muttered sleepily.

"We're home," Harry told her.

"Your home or mine?" she asked hopefully.

"Mine," he chuckled.

Nikki cracked open her eyes. They were indeed in the car park of Harry's apartment building.

"Well come on, what are you waiting for?" she exclaimed, pushing open the door and jumping out of the car. She staggered slightly as her feet hit solid ground, but once again Harry dashed around the vehicle to catch her. He sighed in an amused way as he took Nikki's bag from her and, after locking the car, guided her indoors.

"You're going to regret all that alcohol in the morning," he grinned.

Nikki glared up at him. Or she tried to; the world seemed to be spinning slightly.

"Well then you can be the one to make me breakfast in bed," she said.

He laughed but didn't reply, instead taking her hand and leading her into the lift.

It wasn't long before they returned to Harry's apartment. Nikki smiled happily as she was tugged into it, before she promptly collapsed onto the sofa with a content sigh.

"Why don't we come to yours more often?" she asked. "It's nice."

"Because of my idiot neighbour," Harry told her, coming into the room with a glass of water. "Although he does appear to be mercifully quiet at the moment, thank goodness. Here, drink this."

Nikki accepted the glass and downed it in one, before pulling a disgusted face and shoving it back at Harry.

"Eugh," she declared. "I thought it was vodka."

He snorted. "As if I'd give you more alcohol."

Nikki got to her feet cautiously before walking over to Harry and wrapping her arms around his neck again.

"So," she whispered. "Are we going to bed?"

"I am not sleeping with you tonight," he told her insistently, but with a smile.

"Why?" she whined again.

"Because you're drunk. You don't know what you're doing and I'm not taking advantage of you."

"Trust me, I'm a very willing participant," she told him seriously.

"Be that as it may, the alcohol in your system is still clouding your judgement. You told me that you wanted to take things slowly. I know you, Nikki. I know that it is just the booze talking when you tell me that you want to have sex."

"Booze makes me lose my inhibitions," she mumbled, almost regretfully.

A smile graced his lips. "I know it does. Now you're perfectly welcome to sleep in my bed, but we're not having sex."

"Fine," Nikki said, moodily. "We won't have sex."

Harry grinned at her child-like behaviour. "Good."

She released Harry and walked across the room, in the direction of his bedroom. When she reached the doorway she spun around.

"Just so you know," she told him, "I haven't bought any pyjamas with me. Which means I'll be sleeping in nothing but my underwear. I hope you're okay with that?"

He swallowed hard before replying. "That's fine," he said, casually. "I can control myself."

Nikki nodded sceptically. "If you say so."

Smiling, she left the room. A second later Harry came after her. He caught her wrist just as she entered the bedroom.

"Yes?" she asked innocently.

"In your opinion, even if it's a drunken opinion, does a _lot_ of kissing amount to the same as sex?" he said seriously.

"No, of course not," she replied, her mind too hazy to spot his underlying meaning.

"Good," Harry grinned, grabbing her waist and pulling her close to him, his lips fused with hers. He kissed her long and hard for a good few minutes, before finally they succumbed to the need to breath and broke apart.

"You're amazing," he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "And I love you so much. Even when you're blind drunk and moaning at me."

Nikki smiled, suddenly feeling considerably more sober. "I love you too. Even when you're annoyingly sober and withholding sex from me."

He laughed, pulling her into a tight hug.

* * *

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I didn't quite realise just how long it had been! ****This chapters really not very good, I know. I'm not happy with it. I've rewritten it several times, but it still annoys me. Oh well. **

**Anyway, I'll be sure to update quicker next time! And I'm sure reviews will ease me along the way a bit! ;)**

**Love you all! :)**

**xxx**


	8. Crashing Down

**Cha****pter 7: **Crashing Down

It was four in the morning. Nikki knew she shouldn't be awake. She should be dead to the world at this hour, but instead she was watching Harry sleep. His t-shirt clad chest was rising and falling steadily with his rhythmic breathing. It was the third night in a row she'd spent at his apartment now, but that didn't make it any less surreal. She was with Harry now; actually, properly, with Harry. Her current clichéd happiness was making her live in this dreamlike stupor, where even something going wrong didn't matter. Because Harry was there to either fix it for her or to console her when it was beyond repair.

Nothing had changed, really, except that everything had changed. They still wound each other up, joked about unsuitable suitors for the other, squabbled over who would get the most interesting case, and Harry still managed to find the time to irritate Leo. But it was all done with more enthusiasm than before, more pleasure, more enjoyment. Their 'taking things slowly' pact had crumbled after only forty-eight hours. True, Harry hadn't slept with her while she'd been drunk a few nights ago. It was the morning after when she was sober – albeit hungover – that made her knees go weak at the mere recollection of it. So now not only did they have this fantastic friendship, the sort of connection that's so rare and so valuable one must cling on to it with every fibre of their being, they also had a physical bond. The way their bodies fitted together so perfectly, the way their hands found each other's automatically as they walked into work, the way that he kissed her...

To Nikki, she was in a state of utter contentment. She had Harry, and that was all she ever wanted. And he would never leave her side, she knew that. Not ever.

She awoke, only three hours later, to the sound of heavy raindrops pattering on the windows. She should have known, then, that her day wasn't going to go smoothly. But something so trivial as rain didn't bother her anymore, not like it would have done before.

Her mobile rang out loudly in the silent room, causing Harry to groan and stir beside her. She hastened to answer it, hoping it wasn't work already. She almost groaned too when she heard Leo's voice on the other end, but it wasn't about coming into work early. Far from it.

_"There's no point of you and Harry coming into the lab today,"_ he told her, sounding stressed and exasperated.

"Why?" Nikki asked, more out of politeness than anything else. She wasn't going to protest.

_"The storm outside has caused a power cut here at the lab. We're running on a back-up generator but it's not as powerful so everything's going twice as slowly. I'll call you if I need you for anything."_

That was the second bad omen, and Nikki really should have heeded its warning. But she didn't. Instead, she rolled over and buried her face in the crook of Harry's neck.

"What did Leo want?" he asked her.

"There's been a power cut at the lab; we don't have to go in unless we're called," she mumbled.

Harry rolled over so that he was facing her, bleary-eyed and blinking sleepily.

"Does that mean we get to stay in bed all day?" he asked her, grinning.

Nikki giggled. "I don't see why not," she said, crushing her lips against his.

That was it. That one question. The third factor in the whole horrible equation of what was to happen. The ghastly weather, the power failure at the lab, Harry suggesting they stay in bed all day; little did she know, then, that spending all day indoors was the wrong option. Little did she know, then, that her world was about to come crashing down around her feet.

It all started late-afternoon. They were out of bed, and surprisingly fully-dressed, and Nikki was bustling around in the kitchen making them both a cup of tea.

"What I don't understand," she was saying thoughtfully, "is what happens when we need space."

She walked into the lounge and passed Harry a mug, before carefully sitting beside him on the sofa.

"What do you mean, 'space'?" he asked, tentatively sipping at the hot liquid.

"Well, we're with each other twenty-four hours a day-"

However, before Nikki could finish her sentence there was an almighty bang of a drum, muffled only by the wall separating Harry's apartment to his neighbours.

"What on earth was that?" she exclaimed, but Harry already had his head in his hands. A second later extraordinarily loud rock music blared through the walls.

"Oh my God, is that your neighbour?" Nikki cried.

"Yes it bloody well is. I was hoping he'd stopped that crap, I haven't heard a peep out of him for the last few days," Harry said viciously. He got to his feet and walked across to the other side of the room, where he then started banging on the wall, his fist clenched.

"Oi! Turn that racket off!" he shouted, but it had little effect.

Nikki could see that Harry was going to lose his temper if he wasn't careful, so she approached him and grabbed his hand, dragging him back to the sofa.

"Just ignore him, and he'll get bored," she said, like a mother telling off sparring siblings.

"Fine," Harry said, a little cooler than normal. "What you saying before? Something about space?"

"Yes." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I propose that we have an agreement. If either one of us needs space for whatever reason, then we go home – to our own homes – alone, and with no questions asked from the other."

"Why would we need space from each other?" he asked, confused.

Nikki shrugged, trying to ignore the thump thump thump in the background. "You know how work can be, sometime's it tough and stressful. Or if we're on opposing sides of a case. Remember the last time that happened? I wanted nothing more than to get away from you then, if it happened now I certainly wouldn't want to come back here with you."

"Oh," he said simply, dejectedly.

She shook her head, lacing her fingers through his. "That's not an insult, Harry."

"No, it's fine. I get it," he told her.

There was a pause, in which Nikki could actually feel the heavy bass of the music penetrating each and every cell in her body. There was also a slight awkwardness in the air, but she couldn't see why there should be.

"What about when we move in together?" Harry asked her.

"What?"

"Well, where will you go for 'space' then? One of us will sell-up, won't we?"

Nikki swallowed hard. He was talking about moving in with her. Moving in.

"Harry, we've been seeing each other for less than a week. We can't move in together!" she protested loudly. This was now turning into an entirely different topic of conversation; one that she wasn't entirely sure she even liked.

"Well I'm not talking about right now!" he shouted over the loud music, getting to his feet. "But we will soon! What are you going to do then? And what about if we have a baby, which is going to need you around? You can't just keep running out on it!"

Nikki stared at him, gobsmacked. "A baby?"

"Well we'll have a child eventually. Children don't understand the concept of 'space' when they want feeding, or changing, or bathing, Nikki!"

She guessed that the noise from his neighbour was winding him up, because he was being completely irrational.

"Harry, you are moving way too fast! I'm not ready to have a baby! Neither of us are! I'm not good at this long-term relationship stuff, and this is me and you that we're talking about! I love you and I want to make this work, but that means taking things slowly!" she shouted.

"You obviously can't love me that much if you think that you're going to need 'space' all the time!" he yelled.

Nikki had very rarely seen him so worked up. His fists were clenched, his face red, his eyes glaring at her.

She released a frustrated growl. "For goodness' sake, you are blowing this way out of proportion!" she cried. "I was only saying that, occasionally, we both might need to find somewhere quiet just to calm down for a little while! Like right now, for instance!"

She grabbed her bag and keys and walked over to the front door.

"Now where are you going?" he called after her.

"To find some bloody space!" she screamed back, and the last thing she saw before she slammed the door was Harry thumping the wall again, though whether it was down to her or his neighbour, she couldn't say.

The car park was silent when she reached it, save for the rain and the thunder, but even that couldn't disturb the peace and tranquillity, which was immediately soothing. She sat in her car and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, releasing a long breath. That had been so surreal. Her perfectly harmless, innocent question had caused a loud, ferocious row. Harry had completely overreacted, shouting at her like that. And what was he talking about, babies and moving in? They'd only been dating for a week.

And the noise. Nikki knew that was the reason why they both got so worked up. The frustration of having a constant background din was so all-consuming that it had made her want to scream.

By the time she returned home and was sat down in front of the telly with a good book and a glass of wine, Nikki had begun to feel a bit guilty. It must be horrible to have neighbours like that, no wonder Harry's temper was frayed at the moment.

She plucked her phone out of her pocket, wondering whether to phone him and tell him that he could stay with her if he wanted to. But then that would mean facing The Conversation about their future, because no doubt Harry would want to talk about it.

However, as she stared at the screen, her mind fighting a furious debate over what to do, the phone started ringing anyway. Harry was calling her.

Taking a deep breath, she hesistated only for a moment before accepting the call.

"Harry? I'm sorry about-"

_"Nikki."_

He didn't sound right. He was quiet, his voice croaky. There was also a trace of panic in it that was very unsettling.

"What is it?"

_"You ... you need to come. Now, Nikki, come now."_

Nikki swallowed hard. "What is it, Harry? You're scaring me."

There was a long pause, and then: _"He's dead."_

_

* * *

_

**Sorry this chapter's a bit short, but I wanted to end it there ;)**

**Oh, I can just imagine some of your faces! Hahaha :D**

**You'll have to wait until the next chapter now to see what happens. Or should I say, what happened, past tense. **

**Reviews are love!**

**Charlotte  
xxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	9. Suspicious Minds

**Chapter 8: **Suspicious Minds

Nikki felt sick. Actually physically sick, as she climbed the stairs to Harry's apartment. She didn't know what she was going to find, although she could make a pretty good guess. Half of her desperately wanted to believe that Harry had been messing about on the phone, as a ploy to get her to come back, but she knew him too well, and she knew the panic and fear in his voice was genuine.

She walked along the corridor, her footsteps loud in the silent hallway.

Silent hallway.

The music had stopped.

She reached Harry's front door, but it was closed. Then she spotted his neighbour's door on the right-hand side, which had been left ajar.

Swallowing hard, and glancing around nervously, she lightly knocked on the solid wood.

"Hello?" she whispered, pushing the door open slightly.

"Nikki?"

It was Harry's voice. Slowly, she stepped through the threshold and entered the dark apartment. In terms of layout, it was exactly the same as Harry's, only this one wasn't as tidy or clean, and stank of stale cigarette smoke.

"Harry? Where are you?" she called out nervously.

"In the bedroom."

Taking a deep breath, Nikki walked a route that was scarily familiar. Her heart was pounding so heavily she could hear it in her ears; her blood was coursing through her veins at a million miles an hour, making her feel giddy and nauseous.

What she saw next nearly did make her vomit. Her lungs took a sharp intake of breath, which was quickly cut off as she clapped a clammy hand over her mouth.

Lying on the bed, sprawled out on his back, was the man that Nikki took to be Harry's neighbour. Blood was steadily seeping from the multiple large stab wounds on his upper torso, coupled by the long, deep slash across his neck. His eyes were empty, wide and staring, full of frozen fear. The previously white bed sheets were now scarlet, and there was a steady dripping of blood onto the floor. Harry was stood in the corner, his shirt and hands also soaked with blood, his face deathly pale and even from a distance Nikki could see him shaking.

"What happened?" she asked slowly, trying to get her head around all of this.

Harry shrugged violently. "I don't know, I really don't!" he said, almost hysterically. "I came round here to tell him to turn the music off, he didn't open the door, so I ... I let myself in and then I came in here and he was just ... like that."

"Have you called the police?" Nikki said quietly.

"No, I ..."

"What? Harry!"

Pulling her phone from her pocket, Nikki quickly dialled 999. The whole time she was making the call, Harry just stood there, shaking. She couldn't believe this was happening. They'd been so happy, everything had been perfect. And now this.

There was silence, once she'd hung up. Uncertainty on Nikki's part hung in the air like an imposing shadow. Eventually, she couldn't not know any longer.

"You said you found him like this?"

Harry looked at her. "Yes, I found him like this. Wait, you don't think I _did this?_" His frown deepened with every word. She didn't say anything. Hurt flashed in Harry's eyes as he walked closer to her.

"Please, Nikki. You can't actually think that I'd do this! You have to believe me! You know I'd never ... I couldn't! I tried to save him!" Tears were sparkling in his eyes, and he was gazing at her with such sincerity that she knew he was innocent, and was even angry at herself for doubting him in the first place.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, placing her hands either side of his face. "Of course I believe you, of course I do. It's just a bit of a shock, that's all."

"You know how this makes me look?" he muttered, resting his forehead against hers. "The police aren't even going to bother looking for another suspect."

"Look, I know you didn't do this," Nikki told him firmly. "That's good enough for me, and it had better be good enough for the police, too."

"What if it's not?" he asked uncertainly. "What if they don't believe me, what if they think I did it?"

"Harry, stop it," she said sharply. "You can't think like that!"

He nodded, but still looked anxious. Nikki sighed slightly. She lightly pressed her lips against his. "I love you, Harry Cunningham, and I'm going to be here for you whatever happens, okay?"

Harry smiled slightly. "Okay."

"Now, let's just wait for the police to arrive."

It didn't take long. Ten minutes later there was a loud knock on the door, accompanied with a shout of, "Police, open up!"

Nikki left Harry standing in the bedroom and went to open the door, where she was greeted with two plain-clothed police officers, three uniformed police officers, and half a dozen SOCOs.

One of the plain-clothed officers, a woman, stepped forward. Her sharp suit and immaculate dark hair, not to mention her poker-face, alerted all to the fact that she meant business.

"Detective Inspector Kent," she said, holding out her hand. There was no warmth or sympathy in her voice, just coldness.

"Dr Nikki Alexander."

"You were the person who called us?"

"Yes."

"But you didn't actually find the body?"

Nikki faltered slightly. She felt like she was being interrogated already. "Well, no."

"Right. Where is the body?"

"Through here," Nikki said, leading the way back to the bedroom. As they were walking the detective was barking out orders to the SOCOs, telling them to start examining the room and bagging up evidence.

Then they entered the bedroom, and Kent was silenced pretty quickly.

"This was a violent attack," she stated as she walked slowly around the bed. She stopped when she was stood in front of Harry.

"You found him?" she asked abruptly.

"Yes."

Kent didn't say anything else, but walked back over to her fellow plain-clothed colleague. Nikki strained her ears to hear what they were saying.

"Get a SOCO in here to take his clothing and do some swabs. Hers too, while you're at it. Then I want them out of here. He lives next door, let him change into his own clothes – supervised, of course – and then bring them both down to the station."

"Yes, Boss."

Nikki couldn't help but glare at Kent. She was treating them both like suspects, and not even pretending otherwise. She nearly said something but was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar voice.

"Nikki? What's going on?" Leo stepped into the room, his silver case in one hand. He was looking around him with utter confusion etched on his face. Then he saw Harry in the corner, covered in blood. "_Harry?_"

"Leo, it's okay," Nikki assured him, moving out of the way of the SOCO who had just come in to take Harry's clothes. She signalled to Harry that she was just going to talk to Leo outside, walked straight past Kent, who was barking orders at the uniformed police, and took Leo into the corridor outside the apartment. Once there she leant against the wall, releasing a long breath.

"What's happened?" Leo asked.

"It's such a mess, Leo," Nikki admitted quietly. "Harry's been having trouble with his neighbour, who was always playing really loud music and generally being a pain in the arse. Earlier today we ... we had a row. God, it seems so insignificant now... But our tempers were fuelled by the heavy bass blaring through the walls. I stormed out. I wish I hadn't, but I did. He called me when I got home, told me that I needed to come back. So I did, and I found him standing over the lifeless form of his neighbour, blood all over him, shaking uncontrollably. And he hadn't even called the police."

Leo frowned down at her. "You don't think that Harry is responsible for that man's death?"

"I don't know what to think," she confessed, letting a tear slip unashamedly from her eye. "The music stopped, Leo. The music stopped."

"You need to come down to the station now," the male plain-clothed police officer, who had introduced himself as DS Sullivan, told the pair, who were now sat on the sofa in Harry's apartment, Harry having just got changed.

"Why?" he asked.

"Don't worry, Doctor Cunningham, you're not under arrest," Sullivan told them, a slight hint of a smirk on his face. "We just need you to answer a few questions about what happened. Both of you."

Nikki nodded. "Of course."

She stood up, taking Harry's hand and pulling him with her. Together, they were led down to the car park and shown into the back of the police car.

"Is it just me, or does it feel like we're being arrested?" Harry muttered, but Sullivan and a uniformed driver had sat down before Nikki had a chance to reply.

They drove in silence, no method of communication passed between Harry and Nikki other than their hands being laced together between their bodies.

When they got to the police station they were met by Kent once again. Harry was then asked to sit in the waiting area whilst they spoke to Nikki, and they would come back for him.

Anxiously, even though she had no reason to be, Nikki followed Kent and Sullivan through to the interview room. It felt very strange being inside it, when she'd so often just observed from through the glass. She sat down in the hard plastic chair, her hands clasped in her lap.

Kent seemed to be taking a long time setting everything up, and muttering things to Sullivan under her breath. Nikki didn't know whether it was something that police did to make their suspects nervous, but it sure as hell was working.

Eventually, the two detectives sat down opposite her.

"You are aware, Doctor Alexander, that you're not under arrest?" Kent asked, her voice loud in the previously silent room.

"Yes," Nikki said.

"We are under no illusions that you did this, I hope you realise that. You are not a suspect. We simply want to ask you a few questions, and try and get to the bottom of this whole mess." Kent smiled an artificially sympathetic smile.

"Well so do I," Nikki rebuked.

"Right then. Now, I think we'll start with you telling us exactly what happened late this afternoon, Doctor Alexander."

* * *

**I know, I know! It's been ages since I last updated. But I was completely stuck on this chapter! I didn't know how to make it all unfold. So... I went away and made a plan, for the rest of this story. I actually did. It's three pages on Word, and includes brightly coloured bits, and tables, and bullet points, and other godforsaken stuff. But at least now I know how each chapter is going to go and I should be able to write them a bit quicker.**

**Also, I would love to know what you guys think of this storyline at the moment. I'm not so sure, because it's so different to anything else that I've done. There are so many little intricate details, that may not seem important now but will be later ;) So yeah, let me know if you actually like it and are going to bother sticking with it! (Although please do!) :D**

**Muchlove  
xxxxxxxxxxxx**


	10. All Night Long

**Chapter 9: **All Night Long

"Harry and I were in his apartment," Nikki explained to DI Kent and DS Sullivan, who were listening intently. "Everything was going fine, we'd had a nice morning. Then it reached about ... three-thirty, I think. That's when Harry's neighbour started playing his music. It was so loud, you could actually feel the vibrations in the pit of your stomach. That was when we started arguing."

"You argued?" Kent cut in quickly.

"Yes. It seems silly now; it was something or nothing, really."

"What did you argue about?"

Nikki faltered, already feeling guilty about what had been said between her and Harry earlier in the day.

"You need to tell us, Doctor Alexander," Sullivan added.

Nikki released a long breath. "Harry started talking about children and living together. I told him that he was moving too fast. We argued, I stormed out."

"What did you do then?" Kent asked.

"I went home. I sat down on the sofa with a glass of wine and a book. Then I had a phone call from Harry, asking me to come back. He sounded ... Well, he sounded unusually serious, and so I left straight away. When I got back to his building I went straight into his neighbour's apartment, because I could see that the door was open. I could tell that something was wrong, the music had stopped. Then I found Harry in the bedroom, standing next to the victim's body."

Kent was silent for a moment as she observed Nikki closely. Then she said, "What mood was Doctor Cunningham in when you left after your argument?"

"Well, he was angry of course. So was I."

"One of our SOCOs found a mark on the wall consistent with a fist. Do you know how that got there?"

It was her tone. Nikki didn't trust it; she wasn't stupid, she could tell what Kent was implying.

"Harry is a well-respected, decent, honourable man. He did not kill that man," she said firmly.

"I never said he did, Doctor Alexander. If you could answer the question, please," Kent said smoothly.

"So he punched the wall. So what? He was sick of that constant music, we both were!" Nikki said angrily.

"So, when you left, Harry was angry, worked-up and upset?" Kent asked.

"I suppose so."

"What about when you returned and found him next to the body? What was his mood like then?" Sullivan asked her.

Nikki released a long breath and ran a hand through her hair. "He was in shock, I think. He said he'd gone round to ask his neighbour to turn the music down, only to find him dead. Anyone would be in shock at discovering something like that. I know I was."

"He's a forensic pathologist, you both are," Kent frowned. "Why would either of you be in shock at seeing a dead body."

"It's a bit different when it's someone you know," Nikki pointed out. "Harry was visibly upset. He'd tried to save the victim, but had obviously failed."

"What's the victim's name, Doctor Alexander?" Kent asked suddenly.

Nikki was momentarily thrown by this question, not understanding the relevance of it.

"I ... I don't know," she said confusedly.

"Have you ever met him before?"

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"His name is Robert Jones," Kent said coolly. "He was twenty-eight years old. His parents died in a car crash when he was fifteen, and he was then raised by his older brother, Christopher. He lived in Birmingham all his life, until he moved to London three years ago. He's lived in the apartment next-door to Doctor Cunningham for two weeks. He lives alone, and works as a mechanic part-time. Did you know any of that, Doctor Alexander?"

"No, I didn't. What difference does it make?" she asked, bemused.

"All the difference. You've never met him; you didn't even know his name. It wasn't someone that you knew. So why you were _you_ in shock?" Kent asked accusingly.

Nikki opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She didn't know what to say.

"Was it because you thought Harry had killed him? Were you shocked at what he'd done?"

"No!" Nikki protested immediately, but Kent wasn't finished.

"Were you shocked at how brutally it had been done? It was a murder of rage, there was no pre-planning. You're a pathologist, you must have seen that straight away. Was it shock at the realisation that Harry had means, motive and opportunity?"

"No! You're wrong!" Nikki shouted, but Kent just raised the volume of her voice so that she was shouting over the top of her.

"Do you think that Doctor Cunningham murdered Robert Jones, Doctor Alexander?"

"No I don't!" Nikki screamed.

There was silence as everyone began to calm down again. Nikki took a deep breath.

"I love Harry. I know him better than anyone. And he is _not_ a murderer," she said, her voice at a normal level once more. "Now can I go?"

A look passed between Kent and Sullivan that clearly said they recognised defeat. Kent then sighed and nodded at Nikki.

She stood up, pushing her chair back with a loud scraping sound and stormed from the room. She was fuming. They clearly suspected Harry, and weren't even willing to consider any other suspects. Harry was right. But she was a forensic pathologist, and she knew that they didn't have any evidence.

Nikki was so wound up she didn't even realise that her feet had taken her back to reception, that was until she walked into someone. She recognised Harry's hold on the top of her arms and relaxed immediately, laying her head on his chest.

"How did it go?" he asked her, however, before Nikki could answer DI Kent appeared at her elbow.

"If you could come this way, Doctor Cunningham," she said.

Nikki looked up at Harry and gave him a reassuring smile. He attempted to give her one back, before pressing a kiss to her forehead and stepping away.

"Certainly," he said to Kent, and after a final, fleeting glance at Nikki, he walked away.

Nikki sank into a chair, placing her head in her hands despairingly. Silent tears began to slide down her cheeks, but she did nothing to prevent them. From inside her pocket she pulled her mobile phone, then just stared at the screen. Usually when she was feeling like this she'd call Harry, but that wasn't going to be an option today. So instead she dialled the second most-called number of her contacts.

"_Hello?"_

"Leo, it's me," she said, her voice shaking.

"_Nikki," _Leo sighed sympathetically. "_Where are you?"_

"At the police station," Nikki told him.

"_I'll be there in ten minutes,"_ he said, before hanging up the phone.

Nikki spent those ten minutes pacing nervously, then sitting nervously, then pacing again. Her head was spinning. It was all so surreal. Just that morning they had been happy.

Finally Leo turned up, immediately enveloping Nikki in a hug.

"Everything will be okay," he assured her. "There's no way they can charge Harry for this if he didn't do it."

Nikki laughed humourlessly. "You don't know what DI Kent is like. She's ruthless."

"Is Harry in there with them now?" Leo asked.

Nikki nodded, then an idea struck her. "I need to know what's going on."

"You can't, Nikki. You know that."

"Why? I'm not a suspect, they've already told me that. They've taken my statement, it's not like I can change anything," she said quickly.

"And what, you think they're just going to let you sit in there and listen?" Leo pointed out sceptically.

"No, that's what their one-way mirror is for," she said with a cunning smile, and before Leo could stop her she turned on her heel and walked back the way she'd come a minute previously. Leo was walking as close to her side as he could and was muttering words of discouragement, but Nikki didn't stop until she reached the door of the unseen observation room. There was a uniformed policeman walking down the corridor towards them who frowned when he saw them making to enter the room, but all Nikki had to do was smile and flash him her ID and he nodded and kept on walking. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the room, with Leo close on her heels.

And then there he was, sat in the exact chair that she had been sat in just fifteen minutes earlier.

Leo touched Nikki gently on the arm. "Nikki, this isn't going to help. You don't need to hear it all again."

"I do, Leo. I do need to hear it all again. From Harry's point of view. I don't know what happened after I left, and I want to. I _need_ to," she said, and for the first time since entering the room she permitted herself to listen to what Harry and the two detectives were saying.

"Why did you argue, Doctor Cunningham?" Kent was asking coolly.

"They already know that, they asked me!" Nikki said to herself furiously. Leo patted her on the shoulder.

"You know they have to, let's just listen," he said soothingly.

"It was my fault," Harry said quietly. "I mentioned a future together and Nikki panicked a bit. She's not ready for that yet, I know that, but I kept going on about babies and moving in... It was my fault."

The tears started falling down Nikki's cheeks again. She pressed her palms to the glass. "It wasn't your fault," she murmured. "I am ready for a future." She felt Leo's arm slip around her waist.

"So Doctor Alexander left," Kent pressed. "Then what?"

Harry blew out a heavy breath. "Nothing. I was upset, so I just sat on my sofa with a glass of scotch for a few minutes-"

"Were you drunk?" Sullivan cut in.

"No," Harry said calmly. "I'd barely had one glass. It was that godforsaken music, it was driving me mad."

"So you went round there to tell Mr Jones to turn it off?"

"Yes. But he didn't answer the door. So I went in," he said.

"How did you get in?" Kent asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Harry said, clearly nonplussed.

"I take it you don't have a key? You can't open those doors without one, I'm sure you know that."

"Well... It was already open," he told them. "Which is why I went in. I could tell that something was wrong."

"Hmm. So you went in..." Sullivan prompted.

"Yes. The music was insufferable, so I switched the stereo off. But I couldn't see Jones anywhere. I was about to leave when I heard a funny noise from the bedroom," Harry said.

"What 'funny noise'?" Kent asked shrewdly.

"Kind of like a ... a gurgle. So I went in there and saw ... well, you know what I saw."

"You have to tell us, Doctor Cunningham."

Harry was now looking visibly upset. Nikki bit back a sob. She wanted nothing more than to go in there and comfort him.

"I found Jones on the bed, stabbed and bleeding. He was still alive so I-"

"Hang on, he was _alive_ when you got there?" Kent asked, leaning forward in her chair.

"Yes. He looked at me, and in that moment I didn't care that he was the one who had been driving me insane for the past fortnight, I knew I had to help him. So I tried to stop the bleeding, but there were too many wounds. There was so much blood... And he was – he was clinging on to one of my hands and wouldn't let go... There wasn't anything I could do. There really wasn't."

Back in the observation room, Nikki had now pressed her forehead to the glass as well as her hands. Her breath was fogging up the glass. "Why didn't he tell me that?" she asked. "He said that he tried to save his life, but he never told me that."

"Why didn't you call the police? Or an ambulance?" Sullivan asked, not seeming at all sympathetic to Harry's plight.

"There was no point calling an ambulance, he was already dead."

"And the police?"

"I don't know," Harry confessed. "I was in shock. I'd just had a man die in my arms. So I phoned the only person I know who can make me feel better after something like that."

"Doctor Alexander," Kent confirmed.

"Yes," Harry said sadly, looking down at the table top.

"And she called us?"

"Yes, she did."

"You didn't try and stop her?" Kent asked, seemingly innocently.

Harry's head snapped up to look at the detective. "No! Why would I do that?"

"Oh, I don't know, Doctor Cunningham," Kent said with badly-disguised sarcasm. "Maybe because you needed time to cover your tracks and get your story straight before we turned up?"

"_What?"_ Harry cried. "I don't need to 'cover my tracks'! I didn't murder Robert Jones!"

"Yes. Doctor Alexander was very firm on that point too," the detective said slowly.

"Maybe because that's the truth!" he said loudly.

"You didn't ask her to lie for you?" she probed.

"No! That's preposterous! Surely if I'd done that I'd have asked her for an alibi! Nikki wasn't even there!"

"She clearly loves you," Kent continued, and the whole time Nikki could do nothing but watch, her vision clouded because of tears. "I'm sure you don't want to lose what you have with her?"

"Of course I don't! What does that have to do with anything?" Harry asked angrily.

"So you didn't spin her some sob story about how he died in your arms to make her believe that you didn't kill him?"

"I would _never_ lie to Nikki," Harry said furiously. "She's my world, I'd never deceive her about anything. And I certainly wouldn't kill someone just because their music was getting on my nerves!"

"Why didn't you report him?" Sullivan asked bluntly.

"I did! Twice! Your lot didn't do anything about it!" Harry told them.

"So you decided to take matters into your own hands?" Kent asked, eyebrows raised.

"No! Look, you can't do this. We're only supposed to be here to make a statement, yet you've upset Nikki and practically called me a murderer. I thought it was supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? You have absolutely no evidence that it was me. Now either arrest me or let me go."

There was silence as Harry glared at the two detectives. Nikki felt a strange sense of pride as she watched Harry stand up to them, even though she wasn't entirely sure it was the right thing to do. A second later and Kent stood up, signalling the end of the interview.

"Come on, Nikki," Leo said suddenly, gently taking her arm and dragging her from the room. "We can't be seen in here."

They made it back to reception just thirty seconds before Harry and DI Kent did. Nikki immediately threw her arms around Harry's neck. He wrapped his tightly around her waist.

"Stay local, you two," Kent said. "I'm sure we'll talk again soon."

Harry released Nikki, and, taking her hand, led her from the police station. Leo was following closely behind.

"That was horrific," Harry said as soon as they were out of earshot. "She's treating me like the prime suspect already!"

Nikki took his hand as they walked across to Leo's car.

"DI Kent doesn't seem to be very fair," Leo agreed. "You're a respected Home Office certified forensic pathologist, you've never done anything more serious than a speeding ticket. We all know you didn't do this, Harry."

"Thanks, Leo."

"Let's just go home," Nikki said. "My home, I think."

It was the middle of the night, and neither Harry nor Nikki could sleep. They were both lying on their backs staring at the ceiling, like it held all the answers to their problems.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Nikki said suddenly, remembering what she'd heard in Harry's interview earlier. "About our argument, I mean."

"No, I'm sorry. I knew you weren't ready yet I kept pushing," he said quietly.

Nikki propped herself up on one elbow to look at him more closely. "I'm not ready right now, but I will be one day."

"Good, that's good," he said, but refused to meet Nikki's eye, instead continuing to stare upwards.

"Harry, what is it?" she asked softly, taking his hand in hers.

"It's nothing," he said, clearly lying.

"Harry..."

"I can't tell you, Nikki," he muttered. "Because if I told you that I'm scared we won't have a 'one day' as I'm going to be in jail, if I told you that I can't let myself fall asleep because all I see is his eyes pleading for my help, and if I told you that they've drummed the idea that I'm a murderer into my head so much that even I am beginning to doubt myself, if I told you all that then I would ... fall apart. And I can't let myself fall apart when I'm being accused of murder, and have just started this amazing, incredible thing with you. So I can't tell you."

Through the dull light of the streetlamp outside, Nikki could see his eyes shining. She rolled over onto her front so that she was half-lying on Harry and pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

"It's okay," she reassured him, although her voice cracked and her own eyes filled with tears. "This is all going to turn out okay."

Finally, Harry began to respond to her some more. His arms tightened around her waist, holding her close to him.

"Is it?" he whispered into her hair.

"Yes."

"But I can't even close my eyes, Nikki. I can't even close my eyes..."

He sniffed. Nikki looked up at him again, running her thumb across his cheek to wipe away the tears.

"Well that's okay too," she told him softly. "We'll just lie here with our eyes open."

Harry didn't say anything. Nikki stroked his hair gently. "I'm here for you, Harry. I'll be here all night, wide awake with you. And if you do want to go to sleep, just picture nice things to block out the horrible things."

"That's a bit hard at the moment," he said darkly.

Nikki felt slightly like a mother consoling her child after a nightmare. Except this nightmare was all too real.

"Well..." she said, still stroking his hair. "Picture us, in just a few years time, newly-married with a baby in our arms."

For the first time, Harry made eye contact with her. Nikki gave him a reassuring smile before laying her head on his chest.

"A tiny little baby," she continued in a whisper. "A girl, wrapped in fluffy pink blankets. And she's got your nose, and your hair, but is obviously going to have my brains. We'll paint the spare room of our house in pink, and put big flowers on the wall for her, and a mobile with butterflies on hanging above her cot. As soon as she's old enough we can take her to ballet class, because I did that when I was young and I know she will too. Except she'll be a Daddy's girl, of course, so she'll be as obsessed with aeroplanes as you are, meaning that once a month we'll be dragged to some air show somewhere. But I won't mind, because nothing will make me happier than seeing my two favourite people in the entire world happy. When you shut your eyes, think of that."

She looked up at Harry again. Another tear leaked from the corner of his eyes, except this time she knew it was for a different reason.

"Thank you," he said, his voice breaking. "I love you, so much."

"I know you do. I love you too," she smiled, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Nikki relaxed again, her head lying on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, slow and methodical, and it soothed her, coupled with him stroking her hair.

"And now we lie here with our eyes wide open," she said quietly, wrapping one arm around Harry's stomach. "Until you're ready to close them. Even if that takes all night long."

* * *

**Another chapter for you all! You lucky things ;) This one is dedicated to all my lovely reviewers, but in particular Saffiya Scarlett, for making me laugh with her tailing off... ;)**

**By the way, I don't have internet at home at the moment, unless I pay £3 for one hour on a public network. Which I am doing at the moment, but can't afford to keep doing! Someone is coming to fix it soon though, so it shouldn't affect me uploading this story, but might limit the amount of reviews I write straight away. So I apologise in advance, and promise to catch up with what I miss! **

**A mountain of hugs,**

**Charlotte  
xxx**


	11. The Truth or Something Beautiful

**Chapter 10: **Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?

Of course, sleep had taken Nikki eventually, despite her efforts to stay awake. Her brain was now stirring back into action, and, for just a moment, she couldn't work out why she could feel knots in her stomach. Then everything that had happened the previous day came flooding back. She rolled over and reached out for Harry, but her arm hit cold sheets.

Frowning, Nikki finally opened her eyes. The early morning sunlight was bright, casting a golden glow over everything in her bedroom. It seemed to be mocking her with its forced cheerfulness. She groaned, forcing herself out of bed. What state she was going to find Harry in, she didn't know. Part of her didn't want to find out. There was this tiny bit of her – just this minuscule little bit – that couldn't help but wonder why Harry was so traumatised by all this. Surely if he was innocent he wouldn't have to worry so much? Five words echoed through her head, spoken months ago in a moment of emotional turmoil for Harry... Do you think I'm violent?

Nikki mentally scolded herself. She ran her hands through her hair and then straightened her pyjamas unnecessarily. Of course Harry didn't do it. She knew him like no one else, and was certain that he didn't do this. Taking a deep breath, she exited her bedroom.

She found Harry sat with his back to her at her breakfast bar, nursing a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. He was still in his t-shirt and boxers, just staring into space. It briefly crossed her mind that she had no idea how to help him through this, but she knew that she had to somehow.

"Harry?"

He didn't respond, so Nikki walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she asked him gently.

"I'm fine," he said shortly, putting his mug down loudly.

Nikki released him with a sigh and moved to stand in front of him. She placed her hands on his shoulders as his went automatically to her hips.

"You're not fine," she told him. "Nothing about this is 'fine'. And I understand that, so you don't have to deny it."

Harry smiled at her slightly. He used his grip on her to tug her forwards until he was holding her close.

"You're amazing," he told her.

Nikki grinned at him. "I know."

She leant down and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, but Harry immediately captured her lips in his again so that she was unable to pull away. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she moaned slightly, opening her mouth to him.

"Harry..." she groaned, as he pressed kisses down her jaw and neck.

"Harry," she said again, firmer this time, and placed her hands on his shoulders to push him away. He looked at her blankly.

"You're having a hard time with all this, and I get it," Nikki said gently. "All you want at the moment is something to take your mind off it. But you don't get to use me as a distraction. I'm here for you, but I won't be used."

Harry sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just ... He was my neighbour, Nikki. And yes, I hated him. He was an arrogant bastard who walked around like he owned the place and played God-awful music at God-awful hours; but when he was lying there, bleeding, he looked at me. Straight in the eye. And for the first time I could see the vulnerability there."

Nikki listened patiently, gently stroking Harry's hair.

"He was just a kid, really," he continued. "A scared, helpless kid. He didn't want to die alone. So I took his hand. Maybe ... maybe if I'd made him let go then I could have saved him. You know, if I'd have used two hands to put pressure on the wounds then the bleeding-"

"Would have continued," Nikki interrupted. "There wasn't anything anyone could have done, Harry. You know that."

Harry fell silent for a while, until he suddenly said, "I'm going to the lab."

Nikki stared at him. "What? You can't!"

"Why can't I?" he asked, already making his way back to Nikki's bedroom. "I do work there."

She followed him hastily. "You know as well as I do that you're not going there to do work. You want to read the PM report on Robert Jones."

"What's wrong with that?" he asked carelessly, pulling on his jeans.

Nikki's eyebrows rose so high they were in danger of disappearing into her messy blonde hair. "What do you mean, 'what's wrong with that'?" she screeched. "It's a conflict of interest! You're under suspicion for that man's murder! How's it going to look if you start digging around in this case?"

"I didn't do it, Nikki. I am a Home Office certified forensic pathologist; I have an M.D., plus a whole other host of initials that follow my name. I find the evidence to put murderers in jail! I want nothing more than to be professional and objective, and simply find out why an acquaintance of mine died," he said calmly whilst disappearing into the bathroom.

Nikki gaped after him for a moment, before growling in frustration. It was like he wanted the police to have more reason to suspect him.

"Leo will kill you!" she shouted through the closed door. "That's if I don't do it first! I am not letting you leave this house, Harry!"

He opened the door, smiling calmly. "And how are you going to do that then? You may be beautiful, but you're not very strong."

Once again Nikki could do nothing but stare at him incredulously. He was acting like nothing was wrong, like he was asking for something completely rational and normal.

"You are impossible!" she cried. "Well, I'll be damned if I'm coming with you!"

* * *

Half an hour later and Nikki sat down heavily in the passenger seat of her own car, having decided that if she was being forced to come, she wasn't going to ease the process by driving him there.

"I cannot _believe_ that you are doing this," she muttered mutinously, tugging the seatbelt across herself violently.

"So why are you coming?" he asked.

"Because _someone_," she said furiously, "needs to make sure that _you_ don't do anything _stupid_!"

Harry sighed. Gently taking Nikki's chin in his hand he turned her face towards him.

"You don't get to be angry at me just because I want to know what happened. I need to know, Nikki. I need to know whether there was anything I could have done," he told her.

Relenting slightly, Nikki flopped back in her seat with a huff, determined not to let him win that easily.

They spent the car journey in an uneasy silence. Nikki spent the whole time worrying; worrying about what the PM report would say, worrying about what the police were going to do, worrying about Harry...

Upon arriving at the lab, Harry went immediately into Leo's deserted office.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Nikki hissed, standing in the doorway and looking around nervously.

"Looking for that PM report. You could help, you know."

With a frustrated tut, Nikki joined Harry in flicking through a filing cabinet.

"It's not here," she said shortly. "Let's go."

"We've hardly looked," Harry protested. "It has to be. I can't believe that Leo would have left the post-mortem until today."

"Well why don't you ask him?" she muttered furiously through gritted teeth. "If Leo catches us in here then he's going to kill us!"

"Yes, Leo is," said a voice from behind them. Nikki swore under her breath before slowly turning around to face her boss.

Standing in the doorway, a furious look upon his face and his arms folded tightly across his chest, stood Leo.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he shouted, walking over to Harry and snatching the pile of folders from his hands.

"I just need to know how he died, Leo," Harry said, still eerily calm.

"No. No, you don't," Leo snapped, slamming the drawer of the filing cabinet shut with an excessive amount of force. "You are under suspicion for this man's murder, Harry!"

"That's exactly what I said to him," Nikki put in.

"Yet you didn't try and stop him coming here, did you?" their boss said.

Nikki glared at him indignantly. "Of course I did!"

Leo just made a disbelieving noise in the back of his throat.

"Nikki did try and stop me, Leo," Harry added quietly. "This was my idea, and mine alone."

Her mood now rapidly worsened, Nikki turned to him and snapped, "Oh, stop acting so bloody noble."

Looking put-out, Harry announced that he was going to do some work and left Leo's office. Nikki turned back to her boss, who was aimlessly shifting things around on his desk.

"Do you think I wanted him to come here?" she muttered furiously. "Don't you think I would rather he stayed at home? He isn't a criminal, yet everyone is treating him like one. Even you, Leo! You, who have stood by us through everything over the years!"

Leo started to look rather sheepish. "Nikki, I-"

"I tried to get him to stay at home," she went on. "At home everything is fine. Robert Jones isn't dead and Harry isn't being blamed for his murder. At home we're in our own little cocoon, where I'm not constantly terrified that something really bad is going to happen. Why would I want him to put all of that on the line, just so he could read the PM report?"

Sinking into a chair, Nikki ran a stressed hand through her hair. Leo sat opposite her, looking unusually sombre.

"What is it?" she asked wearily.

"The reason you couldn't find the report was because I haven't typed it up yet. I've only just finished the autopsy," he said slowly.

There was something in his tone that told Nikki she didn't want to ask the inevitable. But she asked it anyway. "What did you find?"

Silence hung in the air for a moment, until Leo eventually said, "Cause of death was heavy blood loss."

Nodding, Nikki said, "We knew that."

"Yes, we did. But that's not all. He had a large contusion on the back of his head. The pattern is consistent with one of the finials on the bottom of his bed. Plus, his jaw was broken. Someone punched him hard enough for him to fall and hit his head, stunning him so that he was a great deal more vulnerable to attack."

Nikki swallowed hard. "You can use that to calculate the height and weight of the attacker. Have you?" she asked shakily.

"Yes," Leo said. "Nikki, it-"

"No. Don't say it," she interrupted, her eyes filling with tears. Leo just shook his head and continued.

"The attacker was approximately five-foot-ten, judging by the angle of the jaw laceration. And he'd have had to have been about 180 lb to exert that amount of force on the victim."

"Just because that's the same as Harry, it doesn't mean it was him!" Nikki protested, angrily wiping her cheeks. "That's just circumstantial evidence, it doesn't prove anything!"

"I know that," Leo said firmly, taking Nikki's hand. "But I still have to tell the police."

Nikki screwed her eyes up tightly. "I know you do," she murmured.

"Nikki, how sure are you that Harry didn't do this?"

She glared at him. "This is Harry we're talking about, Leo! He couldn't do this! He wouldn't!"

* * *

"This is all getting a bit real now, isn't it?"

Nikki jumped slightly at the voice behind her as she stood in the observation deck, staring down at a silent cutting room. Harry smiled at her gently, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

Releasing a sigh, she leant back into his warm and familiar torso.

"The attacker matches your height and weight," she told him quietly.

"So do about 5/6 of the male population of the UK," he replied. Nikki nodded.

"I know, it's just..."

"Yeah."

Nikki turned around in his arms, placing her hands on his cheeks. "I know you didn't do this, Harry. And as long as you're innocent, nothing can happen to you."

He gave her a small smile. Nikki pressed her lips to his in a quick and gentle kiss, before pulling him into a hug.

_You'd felt invincible then. Like, because you believed him, everyone else would too._

A moment later, Nikki took Harry's hand. "Come on, you should go and apologise to Leo."

_You'd known something was wrong as you walked along the corridors. You could hear the arguing in the distance, you recognised the voices._

"Actually, maybe we shouldn't just yet," she told Harry uncertainly, holding him back.

_But Harry had insisted that it shouldn't be put off, so you had followed him back to those large, glass doors._

Harry pushed open the door, and immediately Nikki wished he hadn't. DI Kent was arguing with Leo, who seemed to be withholding information about Harry's whereabouts.

_And then it had happened. And you'd been able to do nothing but scream and cry and watch as he struggled against the handcuffs, telling Kent that they'd made a mistake, insisting upon it; but Kent arrested Harry on suspicion of murder, and read him his rights, without even listening._

_

* * *

_

**Firstly, I have to sincerely apologise for not updating sooner. I'm in the midst of my exams at college at the moment, and I simply couldn't justify working on this when I needed to be revising! But now it is half-term, so screw revision for a while! :)**

**I hope you like this chapter. It's very drawn-out and slightly unclear, but it'll do.**

**Love you all!  
xxxxxxxxxxx**


	12. A Storm is Going to Come

**Chapter 11: **A Storm is Going to Come

Nikki just sat and stared. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, but she made no effort to remove them. Leo was bustling around, talking to her and trying to keep her sane, but it wasn't working. She wasn't even listening to what he was saying.

A glass of water was pressed into her hands, and this made her look up. Leo had stopped talking and was sat on the edge of his desk, smiling sympathetically.

"They're going to realise that they've made a mistake," he said quietly.

"Why now? Why didn't they arrest him yesterday?" she muttered.

Leo looked slightly awkward.

"What is it?" she prompted.

"Apparently they have new evidence," he told her slowly. "A neighbour saw Harry storm around to Jones' flat in a terrible temper. That coupled with what I had to tell them about the height and weight of the attacker..."

The tears started falling thick and fast down Nikki's cheeks again. They couldn't do this! Harry was innocent! Why was she the only one able to see that? All the evidence against him, it was making him look guiltier and guiltier. If only they had some evidence to prove that it wasn't him...

Nikki got to her feet suddenly. "I need to work. We need to find something to show the police that it wasn't Harry."

Leaving Leo's office before her boss could even register what was happening, Nikki attempted to head towards the cutting room. However, Leo grabbed her arm before she even reached her desk.

"No. You cannot work on this case!" he told her sternly.

"Why not?"

"Because even you can see the clear conflict of interest here! You're Harry's loved one. He's your loved one. You'll be tempted to 'invent' evidence, and I won't let you. It won't do Harry any favours."

A sob escaped Nikki's lips. "I need to help," she told him. "I can't just sit around while Harry is being interrogated like some criminal. I need him, Leo."

"I know you do," Leo said softly, pulling Nikki into a hug. "I know."

Her fists clinging to Leo's jumper, her sobs muffled by his shoulder, Nikki didn't even notice Charlie trying to interrupt them.

"Excuse me, Professor?" she was saying tentatively.

Nikki sniffed and wiped her eyes, releasing Leo slightly so that he had a spare arm to take a piece of paper from Charlie.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Apparently there's someone called Christopher Jones at reception. He's the deceased's brother. I didn't know whether to show him up or..."

"No, it's fine, Charlie. Go and get him and bring him up here," Leo said wearily.

"Yes, Professor Dalton."

Charlie left, and as soon as she had Nikki turned to Leo. "I have to go to the police station."

"Do you think that's wise?" Leo asked uncertainly.

"Yes. I need to see Harry. I'll give another statement to the police. Anything to help prove Harry's innocence," she said determinedly.

Leo frowned. "Your statement last time wasn't much good, was it? What makes you think another one will help?"

"I don't know, Leo! All I do know is that I have to see Harry. Now, can you please come to the police station once you're done with the brother?" she asked him.

However, before Leo could reply, the doors buzzed and Charlie led Christopher Jones into the room.

He did bear a startling resemblance to his brother, except that he was slightly taller and more well-built. He was obviously a few years older, and from the ring on his finger Nikki deduced that he was married. He was wearing a suit, which was meticulously ironed. However, his pale face, red and puffy eyes and dishevelled hair ruined his otherwise immaculate appearance.

Stepping towards Nikki and Leo, he said, "Hi. I'm Christopher Jones. Robert's brother."

Leo nodded. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

"If you'd like to come into my office..."

Nikki took this opportunity to grab her bag and slip past Leo.

"Nikki! Wait!" he called after her, but she knew that she had to be at the police station.

"Please come later!" she told him, pushing the door open.

"Doctor Alexander!" Leo shouted sternly, his tone authoritative rather than friendly, but Nikki had already left, leaving the door swinging behind her.

* * *

The police station was a hive of activity when she arrived. Lost and unsure, Nikki approached the reception desk. A weary-looking, aged, uniformed, police officer greeted her. His well-practiced kindly tone asked how he could help.

"I'm looking for Harry Cunningham. He was arrested about an hour ago by detective inspector Kent," she said quietly.

"Right you are, Ma'am. If you'd like to take a seat, I'll go and let DI Kent know that you're here."

Nikki gave the man a small smile. "Thank you."

The seats were hard and uncomfortable, making Nikki's back ache after only five minutes. Another ten passed before finally Kent appeared in front of her. Nikki got to her feet, her head spinning slightly.

"Ah, Doctor Alexander. I wondered how long it would be until we saw you here."

Frowning, Nikki said, "Where's Harry?"

"In a meeting with his solicitor. We haven't been able to interview him ourselves yet," Kent replied coolly.

"When will I be able to see him?"

"I don't know, Doctor Alexander. How long's a piece of string?"

Nikki glared at Kent, extremely frustrated by her lack of helpfulness and civility.

"I'll tell you what," Kent went on. "While you're here, we'll interview you."

"I told you everything I knew yesterday," Nikki protested. "What more could you want to know?"

"I'm sure we'll think of something. If you'll follow me..."

Angrily, Nikki did as she was told and retraced the steps she'd trodden the previous day to the interview room. She was instructed to sit down by Sullivan, who was already there. Nikki did so moodily, tempted to just not say a word. But she knew that that wouldn't help Harry, so instead chose to remain cold rather than silent.

Once Kent and Sullivan were seated opposite her, Nikki folded her arms across her chest and glared at them.

"Well?" she prompted.

"How long have you known Harry Cunningham, Nikki?"

"Six years now. Since I started working at the Lyell Centre."

"And how long have you been romantically involved?" Kent asked abruptly.

"Officially... One week, I suppose," Nikki said calmly.

The detective's eyebrows rose high on her forehead. "Just one week?"

"A little over, yes."

"Most women would be gone by now, what with their boyfriend being the prime suspect in a murder enquiry."

"It's different with me and Harry. He's my best friend too; he's been my best friend for well over five years."

Kent silently observed Nikki for a while. The room was quiet and still. Nikki had observed enough police interrogations to recognise the technique of trying to get her to feel awkward enough to break the silence and talk. Well, she wasn't going to let it work.

Eventually, Kent sighed and said, "Why have you come here today?"

"I wanted to see Harry. He's been arrested, for crying out loud!"

"Yes, for murder," the detective supplied quickly.

"A murder which he didn't commit!" Nikki cried.

"How can you be so sure?"

Nikki released a long breath through her nose to calm herself down. It was a moment before she felt she was able to answer without the risk of losing her temper.

"Because I know him better than anyone else. I love him and trust him, and I'm certain that he would never kill anyone, let alone his neighbour, just because the music was too loud!"

Both Kent and Sullivan were considering Nikki through narrowed eyes. Just as Nikki was beginning to wonder if they were softening slightly, there was a knock on the door and a uniformed officer entered.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. I'm sorry to interrupt, but he's ready for questioning now," the officer announced. Kent thanked him and he left the room.

"Who is? Harry? Can I see him first, please?" Nikki asked in quick succession.

"Fine," Kent permitted grudgingly. "Follow me."

She left the room with Nikki hot on her heels whilst Sullivan remained behind to prepare the interview tape and various documents needed for Harry's interrogation.

They walked along a quiet corridor, the squeaking of the soles of Nikki's hastily put-on trainers clashing with the harsh taps of Kent's heels. Eventually the door to a side room opened ahead, and Harry appeared with a woman PC holding his elbow. Kent nodded at this officer, who then released Harry.

Smiling, Nikki ran forwards and flung her arms around Harry's neck, gripping the soft material of his jumper tightly. His arms were wrapped just as securely around her waist, and he buried his chin in her shoulder.

"It's all going to be okay," Harry told her quietly. "They can't do this, they have no evidence. They're only looking for someone to blame."

"I know," Nikki replied thickly. "Doesn't make it any less terrifying."

A soothing hand of Harry's was rubbing her back as he muttered words of comfort to her. But Nikki was barely taking any of it in; how could she? Here he was, about to be thrown into jail, and here she was, able to walk away at any moment. How was that fair?

Possible solutions and answers, from the pathetic to outright useless, were chasing each other through her head, making her head buzz. Then it came to her, in one blinding moment of clarity that it was suddenly the only thing in her head. Pulling back from Harry slightly, she smiled at him.

"I've got it," she said, making sure that Kent and the WPC were far enough away to be out-of-earshot.

"Go on then," he said sceptically.

"Cameron," she told him brightly.

"Diaz?" he asked hopefully.

Nikki tutted. "Cameron Gables, he's an old university friend."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "I don't get it."

"An old university friend and one of the best defence lawyers in the city! He's never lost a case!"

"What, never?" Harry asked, genuine hope etched in his features now.

"Well... Obviously one or two, when he first started out, but not anymore. He's the best, Harry."

"Nikki, I can't afford a top shot lawyer like that," he replied, his face falling.

"It's fine," Nikki countered. "He owes me a favour."

"You can call this guy? He'll help?" Harry said.

"Yes, he'll help," she smiled.

Harry pulled her into a hug again, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Then give him a call," he muttered.

Nikki frowned. "No. We don't need to call him yet. You're only being questioned, you haven't actually been charged with anything."

Harry gave her a small, sad smile. "Nikki, give him a call," he told her quietly.

Ready to protest, Nikki opened her mouth indignantly. However, she was interrupted by DI Kent approaching.

"Come on, Doctor Cunningham. That's enough socialising. We need to ask you some questions now," she said, taking Harry's elbow and steering him away.

"I'll see you later?" Nikki called after him. It was more of a question than a statement.

Harry, however, looked behind only for a moment to give her that quick, sad smile again, before allowing Kent to lead him along the way Nikki had just come.

* * *

__

_That was when you knew. It was the smile he had given you, the smile that clearly said, 'I've given up.'_

_And you hated him for smiling like that, because at the time you still couldn't understand why he was being arrested, let alone why he wasn't defending himself more. _

_You now survey the scene in front of you. You and Leo, sat on the floor of his office, surrounded by graffiti-covered scraps of paper. Hastily scrawled hypotheses, lists of evidence gathered, a 'for' list and an 'against'; plus numerous copies of interviews, police reports and documents that you probably shouldn't have, but did._

_You have two hours left. Two hours. And then your world will either crumble around your feet or start spinning again. _

_It's this limbo that you hate. This desperate state of being 'inbetween'; of not knowing one way or the other. _

_It's been two months, yet you can hardly believe it's been that long. To you, it still feels like yesterday, despite so much having happened. _

_You've had your heart broken and you've broken a heart; you've nearly died, you've nearly killed someone; you've cried and screamed and shouted, you've laughed and smiled and kissed. You've betrayed him, but he's betrayed you; you've quit, on more things than one; and they've been the worst two months of your life._

_Yet you still remember that day, on 7th June 2010 at 11:18am, when Harry Cunningham was charged with the murder of Robert Jones. _

* * *

**I know I say this every time, but I am soooooooo sorry about the long gap between the updates. College has been shit, with exams and blah. I had four of my AS level exams last week alone, and because I have this ridiculous ambition to go to Oxford University, I've been revising stupidly hard for them. But they're over now, thank God, so I have free time again! Hurrah! :)**

**Which means more frequent updates, and that's a promise this time. I just hope you're all sticking with this story, because there's so much more to come! (As I kinda vaguely hinted at at the end there). ;)**

**Please review, it make my crappy day considerably better to know that you're all still reading this :)**

**Love you all, you lovely things ;)  
xxxxxxx**


	13. Rainy Days and Mondays

**Chapter 12: **Rainy Days and Mondays

It was with an angry ferocity that Nikki pressed the end call button on her mobile phone and threw it back in her bag.

"Thanks for nothing," she muttered mutinously, her mood dramatically darkened.

Leo approached cautiously with two polystyrene cups of tea, one of which he passed to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked apprehensively, joining her on the hard plastic seats of the police station that were beginning to become a permanent fixture in Nikki's life.

"Cameron Gables can't get here until Wednesday evening. He's apparently tied up on some other case in Birmingham. For crying out _loud_!" She half-heartedly punched her bag in annoyance. However, far from relieving her anger she now had a sharp pain in her right fist.

Placing a comforting hand on her arm, Leo said thoughtfully, "Cameron Gables? I've heard of him. Isn't he that notoriously successful defence lawyer?"

"Yes," Nikki said miserably.

"And he's coming here? Wow."

"He's an old university friend," she supplied distractedly. "But the point is, he's not coming yet, is he? Today's only Monday! Harry's going to have to spend two nights and three days in custody! Then of course, that's depending on Cameron getting him out as soon as he gets here, which is unlikely, so it'll be Thursday by the time anything is sorted, which means three nights in jail for poor Harry God, everything's such a mess, Leo."

"Nikki, it's okay. We can apply for bail," Leo said, soothing her ramblings.

Nikki snorted derisively. "Have you seen the useless lawyer that's in there with Harry at the moment? I met him briefly earlier. He's pathetic. He wouldn't know what a backbone was if one danced in front of him screaming the words 'I'm a spine, something which you clearly lack'!"

Leo shot her a reproachful look. "You're being a bit mean."

"I don't care," she said quietly. "My point is, Harry's already been refused bail. Something about the evidence being too compelling..."

"_What_?" Leo exclaimed. "That's ridiculous!"

Nikki didn't say anything, merely looked despondently at the floor. Getting to his feet and pacing, Leo was muttering things about 'injustice' and 'unfair'.

But there was nothing anyone could do. So they went home. And Nikki entered her empty house, and crawled into her empty bed, and cried.

* * *

After a fitful night's sleep interrupted sporadically with bad dreams in which Harry was always curled up in the corner of a dank, dark, empty prison cell, Nikki awoke to the sound of rain once again. This did little to improve her mood. She rolled over, burying her head in Harry's pillow rather than her own, breathing in his smell; a combination of his shampoo and aftershave.

He'd spent the night in a prison cell. He'd actually been arrested and sent to prison. How was that even possible? Just a week ago, Nikki thought that that was it. She'd found her guy, her one, and was set for life. Because she had intended to spend the rest of her life with Harry. He was the man who she was supposed to marry, have kids with, grow old with...

They were like one of those incomprehensible laws of physics, her and Harry. They were meant to be together. When they were everything felt right, and when they weren't her life was a mess; she didn't function properly.

Well, they couldn't be together if he spent most of his life serving a sentence for a crime he didn't commit.

Nikki rolled out of bed. She slowly dressed in a daze, not paying much attention to what she was putting on or doing with her hair; autopilot had taken over now. She was just going through the motions.

Once she was ready, she stopped. It suddenly occurred to her that there wasn't anything to get ready for. Work was the least of her priorities, she wasn't allowed to see Harry, and it was too early to call on Leo. Fighting back the tears that were so frequently making themselves known lately, Nikki curled up on the sofa and watched meaningless early morning television until the clock struck eight and she felt certain that Leo would be at work. Grabbing her car keys she hastily left her apartment, hating the idea of spending another minute alone.

* * *

Wednesday took far too long to come for Nikki's liking. Having had no contact with Harry since Monday morning, she was miserable, depressed and lonely. And worried. Worried for him, worried for herself, worried for the future... And sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered whether it was all worth it. Whether the pain and the heartache and the longing would ever go away, and if it did, whether things could ever go back to normal.

At the moment, things were tense. Nikki, Leo and Janet were sat at the table in Leo's kitchen. The couple were sat close together, muttering under their breath. Nikki wasn't listening. They didn't want her to listen. It wasn't the first time they'd been conversing in hushed tones lately; it was like they were worried that Nikki wouldn't be able to handle what they had to say.

The clock was ticking loudly in the quiet room. A quarter to eight ... ten to eight ... five to eight ... Each minute that passed brought with it fresh apprehension, fresh excitement, fresh energy. Because they were all anticipating the arrival of a man who could potentially fix everything. And if he couldn't make it all better, then there was no hope really.

One minute past eight and the doorbell rang out loudly around the house. Janet half-rose from her seat, but Nikki was already on her feet.

"I'll go," she said quickly, making her way down the hall. Opening the door, she was greeted by the figure of her old friend, his eyes sparkling in the evening summer sun.

"Well, well, well," he said. "Nikki Alexander."

"Cameron Gables," she replied, equally casual. He was obviously a lot older than the last time she saw him, and also more well-built compared to the scrawny man he used to be, but apart from that Cameron looked exactly the same. His thick dark-blonde hair lay neatly across his head, his sea-blue eyes searched hers quizzically. His black suit was impeccable, marred only by his vivid green flowery tie, which revealed his true friendly personality behind his serious exterior.

"You've got wrinkles," he told her.

"You're going grey," she retorted.

Cameron grinned and, for the first time in days, Nikki smiled broadly. Giggling, she grabbed him in a tight hug. "Oh, I've missed you," she muttered into his shoulder. At this point he pulled away and, with one hand on her elbow and the other holding his briefcase, he looked her straight in the eye and said, "How are you? Really?"

"I could be worse," she said. "But I suppose I could also be a lot better."

Cameron gave her a sympathetic look. "We'll get this sorted, Nikki," he told her. There was something in his voice that Nikki trusted immediately. She gave him a small smile.

"Are you going to invite me in?" he asked suddenly. "Or am I to stand on this doorstep all evening?"

Smiling, Nikki led him down the hall and back into the kitchen. Introductions were made, wine was poured, and eventually all four involved were seated around the table, with Cameron at the head like some superior being who held the answers to all of life's problems.

"Right. Who's filling me in?" Cameron asked.

Leo placed a case file on to the table, but before he spoke he turned to Nikki. "Are you sure you want to stay here for this?"

Nikki frowned. "Of course, why wouldn't I? It's not like I haven't heard it all before."

Leo continued to watch her warily, but Nikki merely glared at him until he sighed in defeat and started to explain.

"At four-fifteen in the afternoon on Sunday the sixth of June, Robert Jones was found murdered in his bed..."

* * *

"Are you going to talk to me now?" Cameron asked Nikki later that night once they had returned to her apartment. He was sat in the armchair, raising his eyebrows at her knowingly.

Passing him a glass of wine, Nikki curled up at the end of the sofa and said, "I am talking to you."

He scoffed at her. "Yeah, nothing but small talk. You haven't told me how you're feeling; how you're coping."

"Maybe I don't know," she rebuked, unwilling to become engaged in the conversation.

"Or maybe you're scared that if you tell someone, it might just be that bit too real," he replied.

Nikki scowled at him. "No I'm not."

"So tell me how you're feeling," Cameron prompted.

Sighing in defeat, Nikki gave in. "I don't know how to exist in a world where Harry doesn't," she told Cameron quietly, swirling her wine around her glass. "We've only just sorted things out and finally started this amazing thing, and then this happens. Maybe it's a sign that things aren't meant to be."

"Don't be ridiculous," he interjected. "You can't possibly believe that?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Look, Nikki. If you and Harry are as close as you say you are, then you can get through this together. Come out the other side stronger than before."

Nikki bit her lip uncertainly. "What if there is no other side, Cameron? What if what's on the other side is so incomprehensibly hard that it tears us apart, no matter how hard we try to cling on?"

"They don't call me the best damn lawyer in the country for no reason, you know," he said light-heartedly, and Nikki was irresistibly reminded of Harry. Humour was his defence-mechanism too. She obviously didn't look particularly enthused by his words, because Cameron reached across and took her hand.

"Nikki," he said firmly. "If – and it's a big if – things don't go the way that you want them to, that doesn't mean that you and Harry are going to be torn apart. You face it together, you take baby steps, you wade your way through the mess; and then, at the end, things will get better. It may take time, and of course it won't be easy, but there's nothing to say that you can't do it."

The tears sparkled in Nikki's eyes as she looked hopefully at Cameron. "Really?"

Releasing her hand, he leant back in his chair and sipped at his wine. "Sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better," he said with a shrug.

Nikki considered his words. Maybe they were true. Perhaps everything would turn out alright in the end.

"Can you fix this, Cameron? I mean, really?" she asked quietly.

Her friend looked at her, all humour temporarily gone from his face, to be replaced by deadly seriousness. "I'm going to try my damndest to. I will do everything I possibly can to fix this, I promise. First thing in the morning I will go to the police station."

Smiling, Nikki said, "Thank you."

Cameron returned her smile. "Look, Nikki; if Harry's innocent then neither of you have anything to worry about."

* * *

**I have no excuse for the lack of updates, so shout at me all you want. I would. I promised you that they would be quicker and they haven't been (yet) so I do apologise. **

**Life seems to have been taking the biscuit a bit lately, so I've been manically busy, which is why I also haven't been reviewing much. However, this afternoon is my 'fanfiction' afternoon (yes, I'm that cool) so I have now finished this chapter and am about to go and catch up on and review everyone else's fics :) **

**Review for me? Let me know what you think of Cameron Gables, it's extremely difficult not to write him as a doppelganger for Harry, to be honest ;) He may inadvertently cause problems in the next chapter or two, as well. The next chapter which, you'll be pleased to know, I already have down in draft form so it's just a case of re-writing it properly. **

**xxxx**


	14. Like a Ghost

**Chapter 13: **Like A Ghost

Nikki climbed out of the back of Leo's car, shutting the door behind her loudly. They'd just arrived at the police station, which was strangely quiet. Mind you, it was only just gone nine in the morning. Next to her, Cameron emerged from the car. Nikki smiled as she took in his appearance. He was the height of professionalism this morning; even his tie was dark grey rather than green. His briefcase was in one hand, and with the other he held the Roberts case file.

"Right, here's what's going to happen," he said confidently, as Leo joined them. "I'm going to go in there and demand to speak to Harry first. I need to hear from him exactly what happened. Then, I shall politely request that they interview him again, except this time I'll interrupt every so often with a few well-chosen criticisms of this so-called detective inspector's judgements. When the interview's over, I shall declare that everything they've done so far is a 'violation of protocol', and insist that they release him. Then it's simply a matter of waiting and arguing to get Harry out on bail."

Nikki nodded anxiously, her throat restricting any speech. Leo, however, seemed to be thinking the same as her.

"As simple as that?" he said, with thinly-veiled sarcasm.

Cameron grinned. "Well, let's put it this way. I'm going to go in there and be so bloody annoying and demanding and quick-off-the-mark that they'll release Harry just to get shot of me."

Nikki gave a weak giggle and Leo looked more reassured.

"I'll go in first," Cameron said, giving Nikki's arm a reassuring squeeze. "I can't enter with you two, it won't do to be seen being nice to people."

He flashed them both a confident smile and strode off. For a brief moment, Nikki wondered whether he was as self-assured as he was making out to be.

"Come on, let's go," Leo said, jolting her from her reverie.

"If I was given one pound for every time I sat on one of these seats, I'd be rich," Nikki said dryly as her and Leo found some unoccupied chairs in the police station waiting room.

"Let's just hope it's the last time," Leo replied, sitting down with a groan.

Sitting beside him, Nikki nervously twiddled her thumbs. "How long do you think it will take?"

Leo shrugged. "I don't know. It depends on how smoothly things go."

A silence fell. Nikki didn't feel like talking; her stomach was knotted and her throat dry. She couldn't concentrate on anything but Harry. She'd been so wrapped up in how horrible this had all been for her, until now she hadn't taken any time to even contemplate how horrendous this ordeal must be for him. At least she still had people who cared about her around her, was in her own house, wasn't under suspicion of murder.

Even if Cameron did manage to get Harry out today, he was still going to be affected by everything. Nikki remembered the night after it had happened, and how Harry had said that he couldn't close his eyes. She remembered the story she'd told him to soothe him, about them and their little girl. Would he still want that anymore? Would he ever be the same again?

Squeezing her eyes shut against the tears, Nikki tried to think of something happier. But that was impossible. Her brain was clouded with images of what was. Times when things were okay, and weren't completely upside-down and inside-out like they were at the moment. No longer attempting to retain the offending tears, Nikki pressed her palms against her eyes, feeling the moisture from her cheeks on her wrists.

"Nikki? Nikki, are you okay?"

It was only then that Nikki realised that the pressure on her shoulder and voice in her ear was Leo. For a moment, she'd completely forgotten where she was. Brushing the tears away with her fingers, she looked straight at her boss.

"I'm scared," she breathed.

"Shall I tell you a secret?" Leo muttered, like a father soothing a child, "Me too. Terrified."

"You are?"

"Yes. It's the thought of what might happen if things don't go how we want them to. I can't imagine working with anyone besides the two of you. I don't _want_ to work with anyone besides the two of you. You, Harry and Janet; you're all I've got."

Nikki wrapped her arms around Leo's shoulders, realising that his calm and controlled appearance was just a front.

"You've still got us," she whispered. "You always will have."

Leo rubbed her back soothingly.

"You never know," Nikki said when she pulled away, "things might actually turn out okay. Cameron might be in there right now getting Kent to release Harry."

Nodding, Leo said, "Fingers crossed."

"We just have to wait," Nikki said, with a renewed bravado. "We just have to sit and wait."

* * *

Three hours later and still nothing had happened. Leo had ventured to the canteen to find them something to eat, and come back with thin, rather pathetic looking, cheese and tomato sandwiches. Not that Nikki could eat anyway. But she took a bite from the corner to appease Leo, who kept watching her warily, no matter how often she told him that she was okay.

"Eat it, Nikki," he said, when she made an attempt to close the plastic carton that contained half-eaten sandwiches.

"I have eaten some," she protested. "I don't want the rest, I feel sick."

"I know this is stressful, but you have to keep your strength up. It won't do Harry any good if you get ill. In fact, it will just make him worse. You know how much he worries about you."

"I'm fine, Leo," she said sternly, although she wasn't sure that it was the truth. "I'll eat them later, I promise. I'm too nervous right now."

Leo still looked doubtful, but Nikki ignored him and chose instead to stare up at the ceiling.

"Nikki-"

"For God's sake, Leo!" Nikki snapped, finally losing her temper. "I. Am. Fine! Stop pestering me to eat, I'm a grown woman!"

"No, Nikki, look!"

Leo was pointing behind her. Spinning around her chair, Nikki saw what Leo had been trying to tell her. Cameron was emerging from a door. But he was alone and looking downcast. Feeling her stomach drop, Nikki knew that that was that. If Cameron Gables, the best defence lawyer in the country, hadn't managed to get Harry released, then there was no chance.

Then, however, Nikki noticed that he was holding the door open for someone behind him. She allowed herself to hope again. It was then that she realised that she didn't need hope, for Harry appeared on the other side of the room.

He was unshaven, his face paler than usual, with dark shadows around his eyes. They'd obviously given him his clothes back, for he was wearing the same as he had been on Monday. He looked thoroughly miserable, there was something missing from his eyes. The spark had been extinguished.

Cameron muttered something to him, to which Harry mumbled a reply, and then he looked up and straight at Nikki.

Nikki felt her heart swell when he made eye contact with her. Getting up from her seat, she ran to the other side of the room and flung her arms around Harry's neck. The comfort and familiarity of his body was overwhelming, causing a sob to escape Nikki's lips. She gripped to his jumper for dear life, as if afraid that if she released him, he'd disappear again.

Harry's arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, his chin buried in her shoulder.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered. "I've been so worried."

"I know," he croaked. "I've been worried about you too."

There was a clearing of the throat from behind them. Nikki reluctantly prised herself off of Harry. Leo was smiling broadly.

"And there was me thinking we'd got rid of you for good," he joked.

Harry laughed slightly. The sound was music to Nikki's ears. She couldn't help but giggle as Leo also grabbed Harry in a hug. From behind them, Cameron gave Nikki a reassuring smile that clearly said, 'I told you so'. She grinned back at him, mouthing a thank you.

"Come on," Leo said as he and Harry broke apart. "Let's all go back to mine. I think we could do with a drink."

Cameron slapped Leo on the shoulder. "That is the best idea you've had all day," he grinned. The two men walked out to the car park. Harry made to follow, but Nikki grabbed his arm and held him back. He looked at her quizzically.

"How are you?" she asked him seriously.

"I'm fine," he replied, not quite meeting her eye.

"Hmm, that's what I keep telling people too," she said.

A moment passed between them; an unspoken understanding. Neither of them were fine, they were far from it; and they both knew it.

"We'd better go," Harry said. He outstretched a hand to Nikki, which she accepted with a smile, and the pair of them made their way to the car park where they could see Cameron and Leo laughing by the car.

Upon returning to Leo's house, everybody's spirits were high. Janet had come running out to greet them, also grabbing Harry for a hug, and then insisted that they all stay for lunch. All five people were conversing happily in the kitchen; Cameron was telling a rather exaggerated account of how he managed to get the police to grant Harry bail.

"I think DI Kent fancied me, to be honest," he was saying. "She had that whole 'sexy smouldering' look going on the whole time."

The idea of Kent giving Cameron such a look was so unlikely, Nikki couldn't help but laugh derisively.

"What?" Cameron asked, with mock ignorance. "I'm an extraordinarily charming and charismatic man!"

Nikki and Janet giggled, while Leo rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, and modest with it."

Glancing over at Harry just in time, Nikki saw him slip from the room. Frowning, she hastily excused herself and followed after him.

She found him outside, leaning against the wall by Leo's front door.

"Harry?" she probed tentatively, quietly pulling the door to behind her.

Harry didn't say anything immediately, just stared up at the cloudy sky. Standing next to him, Nikki waited. She knew it was best to just let him tell her in his own time.

"Everyone's celebrating, like ... like something wonderful has happened," he said eventually, his voice so quiet that Nikki strained to hear it.

"Well it did. We've got you back," she smiled.

Harry shook his head. "No, you haven't. Not really. I've been charged with murder, that hasn't gone away. In a couple of months' time this case will go to trial. I'll be put on the stand and a group of people will decide whether I'm guilty or not."

Fear gripped Nikki's stomach. She'd completely forgotten about that. In all her anticipation to get Harry out on bail, she'd forgotten that bail was only temporary.

"You might not," she muttered, more to convince herself than Harry. "We might find some evidence that proves you innocent. We'll catch the real killer."

"Oh, will you?" Harry scoffed. "The police have given up trying to find anyone else, you can't work on the case because you're my girlfriend, and I've already put Leo in an extremely difficult situation. Who exactly does that leave to catch the 'real killer'?"

"I -" But Nikki faltered, not having an answer.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Nikki felt frustrated by Harry's negativity, but at the same time she knew that he was right, deep down. Blinking away the tears she said, "Come on, let's go home. I'll tell Leo that we're leaving."

Heading back inside, the last image she saw of Harry was him looking so downtrodden and defeated that it broke her heart. Taking Leo to one side, away from the joviality in the kitchen, she explained to him that they were going home because Harry was tired and worried about the trial. Leo understood perfectly, telling her to leave and that it was reasonable to expect Harry not to be himself. Giving him a small smile, Nikki retreated outside again.

Harry was waiting by her car that she'd left at Leo's earlier that morning when he gave her and Cameron a lift to the police station. The pair climbed in in silence, and drove home in silence, and entered Nikki's house in silence. She didn't know what to say to him. Never before had she been on this side of an investigation. If this wasn't Harry they were talking about, and she was presented with this case, then she'd be as quick as the next person to suggest that he was guilty. With this thought running through her head, she set about trying to make conversation with Harry, who was sat on her sofa with his head in his hands.

"Do you want something to eat?" she asked casually.

"No, thank you."

"What shall we do this afternoon?"

"It's up to you."

"Well, it's nice to have you back, we should spend some quality time together," she suggested.

Harry shrugged. "Whatever."

Nikki tried harder. "We could go out somewhere? You can take me to some boring plane museum place, and I promise I won't look bored."

"I'd rather stay in," he said unenthusiastically.

"Okay then. We could put a movie on, if you like?"

"Fine."

"Well, only if you want to," she countered quickly. "I mean, I'm sure I can find something else-"

"For Christ's sake, Nikki!"

Startled by his outburst and the fact that he had just jumped to his feet, Nikki took a step backwards, her eyes wide.

"Just do whatever you want to do, I really don't care!" he shouted. "Stop treating me like an invalid; I've been in jail, not bloody hospital!"

"Well I'm sorry, but I was only trying to-" Nikki began indignantly.

"You were trying to interfere! Like you always do! Did you ever consider that I might just want to relax and sit, quietly, with the woman I love? With you! Did you even consider that? Why do we have to be doing something?"

Tears prickled in the corners of Nikki's eyes. "Well, we can sit here if you like! I only wanted to help!"

"Help?" Harry exclaimed. "How would watching a film or going out somewhere help me, Nikki? Would a film help us solve who did this and get me off this murder charge? Hmm?"

"No, of course not, but-"

"Exactly!" He took a deep breath, lowering the tone of his voice. "I'm going to have a shower and change my clothes," he told her, disappearing in the direction of the bedroom.

"Harry!" Nikki called after him, but he'd already gone. Sinking onto the sofa in shock, Nikki swallowed hard and impatiently wiped the tears from her cheeks. She knew that Harry wasn't going to be immediately okay, but she didn't expect him to push her away. She hadn't intended to be interfering; she'd just wanted to do something that would take Harry's mind off everything. But she feared it wouldn't have been enough anyway. He was hurting; some internal pain had stripped him of what he was. There was no humour in him anymore, no sparkle in his eye, no love in his eyes when he looked at her. With a jolt Nikki realised that he was released from custody nearly two hours ago, and he hadn't kissed her once.

As she was debating what to do, Harry stormed back in to the room, just a minute after leaving it. In his hand he held a man's shirt.

"Whose is this?" he demanded angrily.

Nikki's brows contracted. "Where did you find that?"

"In the bathroom!"

Dawning comprehension hit Nikki and she couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, that's just Cameron's."

However, far from looking relieved, Harry's face contorted with anger. "Why is _his_ shirt in _your_ bathroom?"

"Because he stayed here last night," she told him impatiently.

"Where did he sleep?" he asked, his eyes narrowed.

It was obvious what he was implying, and Nikki was far from happy about it. So she said sarcastically, "He slept in my bed, of course, except there wasn't much sleeping going on, if you know what I mean."

Harry glared at her.

Nikki laughed disbelievingly. "For crying out loud, Harry! You can't actually think that's true?"

"It's perfectly possible," he spat.

Shaking her head, Nikki turned away and said, "I'm not arguing with you when you're in this mood. Go and have your shower and calm down."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" he shot. "Give you time to think of an excuse!"

"An excuse for what?" she asked wearily.

"For sleeping with Cameron Gables! I'm assuming that's why he stayed here last night rather than at Leo's?" Harry said viciously. His words stung Nikki, but rather than letting them upset her, she instead got angry.

"He stayed here – in the _spare room_ – last night, because he happens to be _my _old friend from university, not Leo's! Why on earth would I want to sleep with him?"

Harry shrugged, his eyes still boring into hers. "Well, I wasn't here and you've got to get your fix somehow."

"What are you talking about?" Nikki cried, nonplussed.

"You! You've always got some bloke on the go! Tell me, how was it with Gables? Was he good? I mean, you've had plenty to compare him to!Me included!"

Silence filled the room, a silence so tense it pressed against Nikki's skull; the loudest silence she'd ever known. He was Harry. He was the man that she'd trust with anything; the man who she thought could never hurt her, never say anything like that. Even if he was going through a rough patch, he had no excuse to take it out on her.

"I did not sleep with Cameron," she said, deathly quietly. "Because, believe it or not, I love you, Harry. Or, I thought I did. Cameron – the man who has just worked his arse off to get you out of that hell-hole – slept in the spare room. The most interaction we had was when he took my hand to reassure me that _you_ would be okay. Now, I think you should leave."

The pair stared at each other for a moment longer, Nikki holding Harry's glare defiantly. He didn't apologise, but he had ceased shouting at her.

"I thought I told you to leave?" Nikki pointed out coldly.

"Fine," Harry said bitterly. "I don't want to stay here anyway."

And with that he slammed from the apartment.

* * *

**I told you the updates would be quicker from now on! It's rather a long chapter too... :P And I know how the first half of the next one is going to go, so that should be up relatively soon. I finish college for the summer on Wednesday (YAY!) so I shall be able to do lots of writing then :D**

**Thank you soooo much for the reviews, they make me smile :)**

**Lovelove  
xxxxx**


	15. My Moon My Man

**Chapter 14: **My Moon My Man

Sleep hadn't come easy to Nikki. She'd tossed and she'd turned, she'd been in and out, she'd read her book, she'd watched some comedy show that wasn't remotely funny, and she'd written some notes for a paper she was planning on writing someday. It had taken a good three hours for her body to finally shut down and for fatigue to overwhelm her. So it was not appreciated when an almighty crash jolted Nikki from her slumber and caused her to shoot up in bed.

The sound, like several small things falling over, had come from the lounge. Swallowing hard, Nikki picked up the heaviest thing near to her – a rather large forensic pathology reference book she'd been using earlier that evening. Straining her ears for any other signs of movement, Nikki was met only with silence.

Just as she was beginning to relax again and wonder whether she'd dreamt the noise, there came another one. This one was louder and accompanied by an exclamation of pain and a few choice words. Nikki frowned. Burglars weren't usually that noisy.

"Helloooo?"

Nikki froze once again when she heard the loud shout, but she didn't pick up the book this time. The voice was so familiar that she almost smiled in relief. However, glancing at her clock she frowned and flicked on her lamp, squinting against the bright light.

"Harry?"

"Nikki!" came the response. There was a series of bangings and heavy footfalls, then her bedroom door burst open. "Well there you are!"

"Where else would I be, it's two-thirty in the morning!" she snapped.

Harry rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You're funny," he slurred, pointing a finger at her.

Narrowing her eyes, Nikki said, "You're drunk." This was the last thing she needed.

Harry tutted loudly, looking skyward. "I'm not 'drunk'. I'm just a bit ... off-balance." He snorted with laughter, wandering further into her bedroom. He seemed to have forgotten all about their earlier argument. Mind you, she would be surprised if he could remember his own name, the state he was in.

"What are you doing here, Harry?" she asked coldly.

"I, um... I don't really know," he confessed, smiling stupidly. "The taxi driver asked where I wanted to go and I said here! Isn't that funny?" he grinned at her. "Isn't it funny that your address was the first place I thought of?"

"Hilarious," Nikki dead-panned. "Well, now you can leave again."

"Nikki..." he whined.

"I mean it, Harry," she said clearly. "I don't want you near me at the moment."

Flopping back down in bed, Nikki turned her away from Harry and pulled the duvet tightly around herself once more, switching off her lamp.

"But I can't go home!" he protested. "The taxi has gone."

"So call another one."

"That will cost a fortune this time at night!"

"So walk home, Harry! I don't care! Just get out of my bedroom!" Nikki shouted.

"But Nikki..." he whined again. "I haven't slept properly in days!"

"Yeah, well... nor have I, thanks to you," she muttered mutinously.

Suddenly, Harry giggled. Sighing impatiently, Nikki said, "What?"

"That used to be a good thing," he chuckled.

Nikki ignored him. "Go and sleep on the sofa or in the spare room then. But I want you gone before I wake up in the morning!"

"Where's the charming Mr Gables?" he asked suddenly.

"He's checked himself into a hotel, not that it's any of your business," she told him coolly. She remembered Cameron coming home that afternoon and collecting his things, winking at Nikki as he told her that he wanted to give her and Harry 'a bit of space'. She couldn't tell him that Harry had stormed off, the words wouldn't rise to her lips. So she'd lied and said he was out buying some wine.

Harry staggered across the room so that he was stood at the end of the bed.

"C'mon, Nikki," he whinged. "Stop giving me the cold shoulder!"

"After what you said to me earlier, you're lucky I'm speaking to you at all!" she snapped. "Now go away, Harry!"

"I'll be comfier here," he said sleepily, and with that he collapsed, face down, onto the bed.

"Oh no you most certainly don't!" Nikki shouted, sitting up again and prodding him with her toes. "Harry, get off!"

"No," he moaned.

Furiously, Nikki shoved him with her feet until he rolled over the side of the bed and hit the floor with a thump, out of sight. Then there was silence. Momentarily worried, she said, "Harry?"

A fist appeared on top of the covers, forming a thumbs up. "S'all good," came his muffled reply.

Angrily, Nikki once again turned her back to him and closed her eyes, desperately craving sleep, where all her issues would blissfully melt away. Where she could dream; dream that it was sober Harry in her bed, not drunk Harry on the floor. Dream that he still loved her, still wanted her, still needed her. Dream that no one was suspecting him for committing murder, because everyone knew that he couldn't do something like that.

The trouble with dreams though, Nikki knew, was that they often tended to be the polar opposite of reality.

* * *

Dragging herself back into consciousness, Nikki groaned as she awoke. Having only had three or so hours sleep in the end, she was not in the mood to do anything. A deep breathing caught her attention, and she sighed as she realised that Harry was still on her bedroom floor. No doubt he would be hungover, which meant he, too, would be miserable and another row would only spark into life.

Climbing out of bed, Nikki straightened her pyjamas and ran a hand through her hair before grabbing a pillow. She walked around to the other side of the bed and dropped the pillow on Harry, who jerked awake.

"Oi, get up," she said loudly, when Harry groaned and placed a hand over his face. Seemingly disoriented, he looked over his shoulder. He moaned again when he saw Nikki. This did nothing to improve her mood.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly pleased to see you last night either," she snapped. "Now get up! Go and have a shower, you stink. The smell of scotch is literally seeping from your pores. Then you can get out."

Stirring feebly, Harry just nodded into the carpet. Throwing him a disgusted look, Nikki stormed from the bedroom, making sure to slam the door loudly behind her.

Once in the kitchen, she loaded her coffee machine with an obvious ferocity, slamming her mug onto the worktop. As it whirred into life, Nikki made a beeline for the medicine cabinet, where she pulled out a box of paracetemol and swallowed two down with a glass of water. Her head was pounding, for which she blamed Harry, of course. Because he was the root of her sleep deprivation.

Realising that she was supposed to be going to work, Nikki groaned. The prospect of spending the day elbow-deep in a rotting corpse was highly unappealing and just increased her levels of nausea. So she grabbed her mobile phone from the side and fired a quick text to Leo, explaining that she was feeling ill but might make it in later if she was feeling any better.

Taking her coffee with her, Nikki wandered back to her bedroom. She could hear the shower on, and was relieved to see that Harry was no longer attached to her carpet. With a sigh, Nikki placed down her mug and opened her wardrobe, searching for some of Harry's clothes. Grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, as well as some underwear, she placed the clothes – neatly folded – outside the bathroom door. Retreating back to her bedroom, she snapped the door shut just as she heard the shower switch off.

Climbing back into bed, Nikki knew it was fruitless to attempt to sleep. She lay in the middle of the bed, her head between the pillows, and stared at the ceiling. Why did he have to make her life so complicated, she asked herself. It was at times like these that Nikki wished she had never accepted Leo's offer to work with them at the Lyell Centre. If she hadn't then she'd probably be married to some nice, kind, handsome surgeon or doctor or lawyer or something with a baby on the way. Harry would have been nothing more than a blip on the radar of her past. 'Harry Cunningham? Oh, that was the guy I worked with for a couple of weeks a few years ago. He was alright. We played hockey.' And that would have been the extent of it.

Concluding that her life really was quite pathetic, Nikki sighed and ran a hand through her hair, in the stressed way that she did. Outside in the hallway she could hear Harry's surprise at finding the pile of clothes as he opened the bathroom door. A few minutes later and the unmistakable sounds of someone bustling around in her kitchen reached her ears.

Nikki scowled. "I never said he could help himself to coffee," she muttered to herself.

The minutes passed, but still Nikki didn't hear Harry leave. What was he doing, settling in for the long haul?

Then there was a gentle knock on her door. Nikki pulled a face; she'd known it wouldn't be that easy. Rolling onto her side so that she had her back to the door, Nikki heard it open. She didn't even acknowledge his entrance, until he said quietly, "Nikki?"

"I thought I told you to leave?" she muttered.

"You did, and I'm going. But there's something I need to say first."

"I'm not interested. I don't want to talk to you, just go," Nikki told him, getting weary of fighting him.

"You don't have to talk to me," Harry said, walking closer to the end of the bed. "Just listen."

Nikki remained silent, and Harry obviously took this as a sign of her consent because he started to talk.

"I am an arrogant, jealous, idiotic fool," he said slowly. Nikki snorted in agreement. "I don't appreciate good things when I have them. I tend to push people away. People that I probably shouldn't push away, because in the end it turns out I really need them."

A tear slipped from the corner of Nikki's eye and onto the pillow, but she refused to let Harry know that. Although, the more she thought about it, the more she realised that he probably already knew.

"I pushed you away, Nikki," he went on. "And I did it in the most destructive, cruel, horrendous way that I could. You don't deserve someone like me. You deserve someone who is a million times the man I am. But we're Harry and Nikki. And – despite maybe not showing it very well – I love you with all of my heart. No man, even if he is so much better than me, could love you more than me."

"You were horrible. How can you love me and be that horrible?" Nikki whispered, her voice cracking.

"You don't know what that place was like," Harry muttered thickly, and for the first time since he'd entered the room Nikki turned over to face him. He wasn't looking at her now though, but staring at the wall. "It's soul-destroying. You don't feel human, you feel like you're just another one of these... these criminals. Everyone leers and jeers at you like you're an animal in a zoo. It takes away your sense of identity; you begin to forget who you really are. Your hopes, dreams and ambitions start to slip from between your fingers, no matter how tightly you try to cling on. It's so suppressing it takes all of your willpower just to get through the day. And then to be released, knowing that you're more than likely going to end up there again in a couple of months, makes you want to scream, because there's still this terrible weight hanging over you."

He looked down suddenly, straight into Nikki's tear-filled eyes. "I'm not trying to make excuses for what I said to you yesterday, or my behaviour last night, because I know that I was out of order and I am desperately sorry that I hurt you. I didn't mean it, I promise. I really didn't. I just want you to know that I love you, and that I need you, and I'm sorry."

He swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and looked around the room, breaking the eye contact with Nikki. "Right. Yes, well... That was all I wanted to say, really," he said. "I'm going to go now."

He cleared his throat and then left her bedroom, leaving the door open behind him. Tears were cascading thick and fast down Nikki's cheeks. She didn't know what to do. Part of her, her pride and dignity, kept reminding her of what he said to her. But she knew that he had a temper, she'd known that before she'd even entered into a relationship with him. Then there was the other part of her, the part who missed Harry so much, missed his smell and his comfort and his warmth; the part who was desperate just to be held in his strong arms once again; the part who knew that she needed him just as much as he needed her.

Making her mind up, Nikki flung herself out of bed and through her apartment. She caught Harry just as he was leaving, his hand was on the latch on the door, which was already open.

"Wait!" she called out. Harry looked startled and turned around hopefully. It struck her then just how vulnerable he looked. She tried to speak, but didn't know what to say, so they both just looked at each other for a moment. Feeling the tears still rolling down her cheeks, she made no attempt to wipe them away. Harry made no attempt to say anything either, so they were stood there in this strange silence, where neither one of them knew what was going to happen.

And as Nikki looked at him, she remembered what was, but she was also able to see what could be. So finally, after a long five minutes of staring at each other, she whispered, "Kiss me."

Harry didn't need telling twice. He walked over to her - determined, purposefully – and took her face in his hands. Brushing her tears away with his thumbs, he then gently pressed his lips against hers.

Nikki screwed her eyes up tight as she reciprocated the kiss. Her arms clung around Harry's shoulders, gripping his t-shirt in an attempt to pull him closer to her, and she relished the feel of his fingers gently stroking her hair.

She wanted to cry again, not tears of anguish this time, but tears of relief. Because – for the time being, at least – they were okay.

* * *

**Blimey, yet another chapter. I'm not sure what has come over me... Might be a few days until the next one though, it's my last day of college tomorrow so me and my friends are having a sleepover tomorrow night :)**

**Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to every lovely person who reviewed, but in particular lilypad1, who ordered me to inject some happiness ;)**

**Reviews are love 3**

**xxxx**


	16. Little Bit of Feel Good

**Chapter 15: **Little Bit of Feel Good

"Do you think I did it?"

Nikki looked up from the book she was reading, startled.

"Think you did what?"

Harry started pacing in front of the sofa where she was sitting. It was a moment before he replied.

"Killed him. Murdered Robert Jones." His voice was harsh and snappy.

Sighing, Nikki softly closed her book and unfurled her legs from beneath her.

"No, I do not," she told him certainly.

"Why not?" he asked her abruptly. "I had means, motive and opportunity. Didn't I?"

"Harry," Nikki said firmly. "You did not kill that man, I know that."

"How can you know?" he shot. "You weren't there."

"No, something which I hate myself for every waking minute."

Harry stopped pacing and frowned at her. "What?"

Shaking her head, Nikki said, "It doesn't matter. My point is, I know you, and you are _not _a killer."

"You've said it yourself, I have a temper," he rebuked, resuming his pacing.

"Harry. Did you kill Robert Jones?" she asked loudly.

He stopped and gazed at her, clearly disconcerted by such a simple question. "Well, no."

"Right then. Conversation over," Nikki said impatiently, frustrated by his strange behaviour. Opening her book, she buried her nose in it once more.

Harry sank onto the sofa beside her with a groan. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Still annoyed, Nikki simply nodded. It was great to have Harry back, but all day he'd been in a foul mood. She'd thought that he was going to be over-the-moon to be back home, back with her, but he didn't seem to be.

"Nikki," Harry whined, leaning towards her. "Are you ignoring me again?"

Turning a page in her book that she was no longer paying any attention to, she didn't respond.

Resting his chin on her shoulder, Harry whispered, "You shouldn't ignore me, you know," in her ear. Struggling not to let a smile show, Nikki stared down at the writing in front of her.

"Oh, so that's how you're going to play it, is it?" he said coyly, and began pressing small kisses to her shoulder. A grin was tugging at Nikki's lips as he proceeded up her neck, but it wasn't until he nibbled her earlobe that she giggled and pushed him away.

"All right, all right," she laughed, feeling genuine elation at seeing that old spark in his eyes as he smiled at her.

"Good. Now stop ignoring me and let's do something productive."

Nikki snorted. "Productive how, exactly?"

"Let's go to the lab."

Scowling, she said, "No."

"Why?" he asked, put out.

"Because you only want to find stuff out about the Jones case. I'm not being put in that situation again. And I won't let you do it to Leo, either."

"No I don't. I miss work, that's all," he told her.

"Oh yeah, of course you do," Nikki said, her voice laced with sarcasm. "Do you remember what happened last time we went to the lab? Remember how you were rifling through Leo's filing cabinet, only for him to catch you and be pissed off? Then remember those nasty police people who came and arrested you?"

Harry pulled a face. "Yeah. Karma's a bitch."

Fighting a grin, Nikki said, "Exactly. So we're not going to do anything to induce the bad karma. Which means you are not entering the lab."

Harry groaned, flopping back on the sofa. "Are you still working?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, there's nothing to say that _you_ can't-"

"Yes there bloody well is!" Nikki exploded. "Me! I say that I can't! I am not going to start conducting our own investigation into this!"

"Leo did when Cassie and Teresa died," he said, in a weak attempt at defence.

"That was different!" she protested. "He'd just lost his _family_. You've killed a man."

Harry scowled at her.

"Figuratively speaking," she added placatingly.

"Fine, no investigations," he conceded, staring up at the ceiling.

A sudden thought struck Nikki, a thought that made her feel sick. "Harry?" she asked quietly. "You're not going to try and conduct a parallel investigation on your own, are you? Please don't. I really don't want you getting into trouble again."

He remained silent, avoiding her eyes.

"Harry, please. Promise me that you won't?"

He glanced at her briefly before saying. "I promise."

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, Nikki smiled at him. "Good," she said, although she wasn't altogether reassured. Climbing to her feet, she walked into the kitchen.

"I know it's a bit early, but do you want me to start cooking dinner? I don't have much in... I haven't really been focussed on food lately."

Harry followed her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

"No," he told her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"You have to eat, Harry. Keep your strength up. You obviously didn't eat much in ... in there," she said softly.

Chuckling, Harry said, "I mean, no – don't cook. I'm going to take you out for dinner."

Turning in his arms and hooping her own around his neck, Nikki raised her eyebrows. "Oh you are, are you?"

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, he replied, "Yes, I am. To that Italian place that you like."

Nikki smiled. This was the old Harry. He was back. And it felt bloody brilliant. So good, in fact, that, placing her hands either side of his face, she pulled him down and kissed him.

Initially taken by surprise, it took a moment for Harry to realise what was happening, but he soon reciprocated and placed his hands on Nikki's waist, pulling her even closer so that she was flush against him from knee to chest. A moan escaped her as he deepened the kiss, and, grabbing his t-shirt in her fists, she none-too-gently tugged him into the lounge.

They stumbled over each other's feet and various inanimate objects on the floor, until Harry pushed Nikki up against the wall. He groaned as she kissed her way across his jaw.

"Take me to bed, Harry," she whispered into his ear, grinning.

Harry picked her up in his strong arms. Laughing loudly, Nikki wrapped her legs around his waist and continued to kiss him, not caring that it was making his struggle to the bedroom more difficult.

* * *

"We should probably get up, if we're going out later," Nikki said quietly, reluctant to break the peaceful silence. She was laying with her head on Harry's bare chest, while his fingers were gently running up and down her arm.

"I suppose," he sighed.

"Are you okay? You're very quiet," she asked concernedly.

"I'm fine," he told her, but she didn't believe him for a moment. Although, she reasoned, expecting him to be 'fine' would be somewhat irrational after everything that had happened over the last week.

"Can I stay here again tonight?" he asked suddenly.

"Of course." She frowned. "You'll have to go home sometime though. Check your post, get some more stuff, etc. You haven't been there for a few days."

He made a non-committal noise. "Or, maybe you could pop by and do that while I go and see Leo tomorrow."

Shifting away and propping herself up on one elbow in order to look at him better, Nikki asked, "Harry, what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," he told her, but refused to look her in the eye, instead staring up at the ceiling.

"Don't give me that. I know you too well."

She waited, patiently, for Harry to tell her what was bothering him. A slight pang struck her as she realised that she didn't want to have to force him to tell her, he should want to.

"The reason," he confessed eventually, "that I told the taxi to bring me here last night was because I couldn't bear the thought of going back to my apartment."

Her brows furrowed, Nikki asked, "Why?"

He shook his head slightly, still staring upwards. "I don't know. The thought that on the other side of the wall, just two feet away, I found his body? The crime scene tape barricading the door next to mine, acting as a permanent reminder? The fact that inside my apartment there are so many little things left from that day; a wine bottle, plates in the sink, a pair of your pyjamas in the bed – they all just keep taunting me, telling me what I've lost? I don't know _why_ I can't go back there, but I can't."

Nikki sighed, placing a comforting hand on his chest. "But you haven't lost anything. You still have me, and Leo and Janet."

"Yeah, until the next time I go to prison," he deadpanned.

There was a silence in which Nikki felt her spirits plummet. The idea of losing him again was terrifying; it made her feel sick, her airways constricted and her heart ached. It was an idea that she kept trying to block out and ignore but Harry kept bringing up, therefore acting as a catalyst and inducing the sickening, suffocating, heart-breaking pain that she felt every time.

"I'm having a shower," Harry announced suddenly. "Then we'll go out."

Without even waiting for a response from Nikki, he quickly climbed out of bed and left the room.

Tiring of his mood swings, Nikki sighed as she watched him leave.

* * *

He was pretending to be engrossed in the menu, but Nikki could tell that Harry's mind was on other things. He'd been staring at the words 'Spinach & Ricotta Cannelloni' for nearly five minutes.

Deciding to break the uneasy silence, she said, "What are you having?"

Harry appeared to drag himself back to the present. "Oh, I don't know. Lasagne, probably."

"Normal then," she grinned. "I don't know whether to have pizza or pasta... Pasta, I suppose. I might go for the tortellini."

Harry made a noise of agreement before trying to catch the eye of a waiter. Nikki watched him through slightly narrowed eyes. There was a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that he wasn't telling her everything. Normally this wouldn't worry her because he would always tell her when he was ready, but now... It was _why_ he was keeping it from her and _what_ it was that she was dreading finding out.

They spent most of the meal in a comfortable silence; too busy eating to talk. It was when their dishes had been cleared and they were waiting for their dessert to come that the lull in conversation became slightly awkward. Nikki took to looking around the restaurant. It was busy, with practically every table occupied. The dimmed lights and soft music made it the ideal place for couples, with seating arrangements often not designed for more than two. Smart waiters and waitresses slipped between tables, so swift that they were barely noticeable. The dark red walls were decorated with numerous vintage posters, the majority with Italian captions that Nikki couldn't read. Underneath the biggest, brightest picture, a young couple were kissing happily.

Smiling slightly, Nikki turned her attention back to a bored-looking Harry. "You know," she said, "when I was about thirteen or fourteen, once a week my Nan would take me into town on the bus, and we'd go to this café in the high street that I used to love so much. Except, they would take ages getting you your food. So we invented a game for while we waited. We would look at every table with only two people on it and decide whether the occupants were a couple or not a couple, married or not married, siblings or lovers, gay or straight, family or friends, etc."

Harry eyed her curiously. "Right..." he said slowly.

"Why don't we do it? While we're waiting?" she suggested.

Raising an eyebrow, he said, "Play a child's game?"

"Well, if you'd rather sit here and tell me what you're _not _telling me, that's fine by me too." She looked at him expectantly.

Harry's jaw clenched when he knew he'd been rumbled. Never breaking eye contact, the pair of them stared at each other for a full minute, until he said, "Fine. We'll play your couples game."

Nikki smiled. "Good. I'll start." She looked around the restaurant, her eyes eventually coming to rest on a man and a woman to their right, just a few tables away. "That couple."

Harry eyed them carefully. "Well, neither are wearing a wedding ring," he started. "She's done her hair up; she's wearing a pretty dress. I'd say a date. A first date."

Nikki nodded. "I'd agree with you about the date part. But it's not a first date."

Turning his attention back to her, Harry asked, "How do you know that?"

"Well, look at them. There's none of that awkwardness you get with a first date, just the excitement. Look at how she touches his hand lightly when he makes a joke. They've clearly already been acquainted."

A reluctant grin graced Harry's lips. "You're good."

Laughing, she said, "I know."

"All right," he told her, "my go. Okay... Those two women over there. The blonde and the red-head. A couple, do you reckon?"

Nikki snorted. "No. They're clearly just friends. Very good, possibly best, friends, but friends all the same. There's no sexual tension or romance between them. They're not particularly dressed or made up. Plus, the blonde has a wedding and engagement ring on her finger. The red does not."

Harry shook his head at her, clearly amused. "Well this never happens."

"What?"

"You beating me at something," he grinned.

"Oh shut up," she said, trying and failing not to giggle. "Those two men there."

Harry took one quick glance at the couple in question, before turning back to Nikki. He raised his eyebrows at her and together they said, "Gay," with identical knowing nods.

"Well what about those two men there? Business partners?" Harry suggested once his laughter had subsided.

Nikki pulled a face. "Too informal. Friends or brothers, I would say. Probably brothers, they look quite similar."

"You're very good at reading people," he complimented. "It worries me slightly."

She gave him a small smile. "What do you have to be worried about?"

"You know, I always wanted a brother," he said quickly, clearly trying to change the topic. For once, Nikki let him.

"Really?"

"Yeah, especially after Dad died. An older brother, somebody who would..." He trailed off, his eyes glazing over as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Harry?" she frowned.

"We have to go," he told her suddenly, pulling some notes from his blazer pocket and throwing them into the middle of the table.

"But my tiramisu is on the way!" she protested.

"Never mind your tiramisu!" he said loudly, already on his feet. "Come on, we have to go!"

"Why?" she asked, annoyed.

"Because I need to check something! Now, let's go!"

Sighing angrily, Nikki threw down her napkin, gathered her clutch bag and got to her feet, pushing her chair back with a loud scraping noise.

"This had better be bloody worth it, Harry. I was really looking forward to that tiramisu."

* * *

**I have no excuses for my severe lack of updating. I can only beg you all for forgiveness, and defend myself by saying that I did give you all a one-shot (to which I had lovely reviews, THANK YOU!)**

**This chapter's boring too. It will get more exciting as of now, though. Back to the police and case stuff. It's time Nikki and Leo tried a bit harder to prove Harry's innocence. Mind you, that's a bit tricky if there's no innocence to prove... Or, of course, he didn't do it and they work out who it is and everyone lives happily ever after. **

**You shall have to wait and see. ;)**

**Reviews are love :)**

**xxxx**


	17. Trouble is a Friend

**Chapter 16: **Trouble is a Friend

"Harry, what the hell are you playing at?" Nikki yelled as Harry all but dragged her out of his car, after he had driven them to the lab.

"You'll see in a minute," he told her, sounding almost excited.

Forcing herself to stay calm, she followed him into the silent lab. No one was working at this late hour, just a couple of security guards dotted around and workaholic professors who'd lost track of time. Eventually they reached their offices, and Harry marched straight into Leo's and booted up the computer.

"You have your own computer, you know," Nikki pointed out coolly, signalling over her shoulder to Harry's desk. He seemed not to have heard her, however, and started rummaging around in the many papers on Leo's desk.

"What are you doing?" she asked again, but Harry just continued searching for whatever he was looking for. "Harry?"

Losing her temper when she still didn't receive an answer, Nikki cried, "For God's sake, Harry! Tell me what's going on, or I'm phoning Leo!"

She pulled out her mobile to emphasise her point. Harry stopped and sighed.

"Okay," he said. He walked around and stood in front of Nikki. "Promise me you'll hear me out _before_ you say anything. Please?"

Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, Nikki said, "All right. I promise."

Harry swallowed hard. "It was the brother. It was Christopher Jones that killed Robert."

Nikki pulled a sceptical face and began to interrupt, but Harry pressed a finger to her lips and said, "You promised."

"Fine. Tell me how you came to this crazy theory."

For the first time in ages, Harry looked determined. Like he did when he was working on a difficult case and had made a breakthrough. Nikki had seen the expression many times before, however, this time she feared that he may have jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"Right. Christopher Jones is a respectable, older brother, right?" he said, and Nikki nodded. "Whereas Robert is the one that the family is embarrassed to talk about at Christmas! He's a letdown, a disappointment. Judging by the amount of time he was in his apartment annoying me, I don't think he works-"

"He's a part-time mechanic, Kent told me," Nikki cut in.

"Oh, well then he must be getting money from someone, most likely Christopher, to help with his rent. Trust me, he wouldn't be able to afford that apartment with a part-time mechanic's pay. _I_ can barely afford it."

"So, you're saying what?" Nikki frowned, interrupting his rambling. "That Christopher killed his brother because he was sick of paying his rent?"

Harry pulled a face. "It needs a little work, but basically, yes."

Once again, Nikki looked at him uncertainly. "I don't know, Harry. I met Christopher Jones, he was devastated."

"How many relatives and spouses have we seen before who were 'devastated', and then it turned out that they were the killer?"

"Yes, but... You don't kill your brother just because he's a bit of a layabout. Christopher Jones seemed like a decent enough guy."

"They always seem like decent enough guys," Harry deadpanned. "Which is why we need to find out more about him."

"Less than five hours ago you promised me that you weren't going to conduct and investigation into this!" she protested, stung slightly.

"I'm not," he assured her. "I'm just... proving a hypothesis."

"Or disproving," she reminded him. Ignoring her, Harry once again sat behind Leo's desk and started clicking and typing on the computer, before resuming his previous frantic search.

With a weary sigh, Nikki sat in the chair on the other side of the desk and asked, "What are you looking for?"

"A password," Harry told her distractedly.

Her eyes widened. "Leo's password?"

"Oh no, I already know that. No, this is a password that I know he was given, but he's bloody well hidden it somewhere."

"A password to what?" she asked, bemused. When Harry didn't reply she twisted the computer screen round. Her mouth dropped open. "The police database?"

"Leo was given a password for it a few months ago by a DI he was working with. It's for emergencies only, he's not really supposed to use it, and when he is he has to get all sorts of permission first. He used it the other day though," Harry explained calmly, opening a succession of drawers loudly.

"If Leo's not meant to use it, then you definitely aren't! You do realise that a policeman can be arrested for running an unauthorised search!"

"It's a good job that I'm not a policeman then, isn't it?" he grinned.

Nikki growled in frustration and sat back in her chair, her arms folded. "I refuse to participate in this. You're going to get yourself in trouble."

Harry stood up and started browsing the books on the shelves behind him. She watched as he suddenly let out a triumphant yell and pulled a particularly thick looking book out. "This is the only book that has fresh fingerprints in the dust," he muttered, more to himself than her. "He really needs to clean in here."

Sitting back down, he took a nervous breath and said, "Right. Page ... seventeen, I think." He opened the book and thumbed through the pages. Sure enough, on page seventeen there was a yellow post-it note, with a series of letters and numbers scrawled on it."

"Only Leo would hide a password in a book," Nikki smiled, completely forgetting her promise not to get involved. "How did you know it would be on page seventeen?"

Harry shrugged. "It's his lucky number."

"I didn't know that," she said, surprised.

He grinned. "I know yours too."

"No you don't. I don't have a lucky number. I don't believe in such superstitions-"

"It's six," he interrupted, smiling.

Nikki glared at him, struggling to retain a smile. "Get on with it," she said. "The quicker you're done, the quicker we can get out of here."

"Yes, Ma'am," he muttered sarcastically, flashing her that grin before logging onto the police database with the password in his hand. His grin morphed to concentration as he searched for Christopher Jones. After two or three minutes he smiled again. "I've found him."

Nikki leaned across the desk to look as well. "What does it say?"

"He's got a criminal record. See, not the nice enough guy that you though, is he?"

"Don't read it all here," she told him. "Print it out and we'll take it home and look at it. Please, Harry. We could so easily get caught."

"Okay," he nodded, doing as she told him. While he did that, Nikki carefully placed the password back in the book and then the book back on the shelf. She tucked her hair behind her ear anxiously.

"Does that look right?" she asked Harry. "It doesn't look right."

"It's fine," he told her without even looking. The final page printed out and he gathered the sheets haphazardly, hastily switching the printer off and grabbing Nikki's hand. "Come on, let's go."

Nodding, Nikki gave his hand a squeeze and they walked quickly from the office. In their haste, neither of them noticed the small, flashing green light that signalled that the computer was still on.

The pair left the building nervously. Nikki kept glancing around furtively, more anxious now that she was leaving after hacking into the police database than she had been when they'd snuck in and she didn't have a clue what Harry was doing.

They reached the car park without seeing anyone, however, and Nikki was quick to climb into the passenger seat of the car.

"What makes you so sure it's the brother?" she asked quietly after they'd been driving for about ten minutes and were halfway home.

"I have a feeling," he told her, shrugging. "And my feelings tend to be quite accurate."

Nikki snorted derisively; however, she found herself desperately wanting to believe him. If there was some way that they could prove that it was the brother... She mentally scolded herself. There was no way it could have been the grieving man that she'd briefly met in the lab that day. She was just craving the opportunity to blame someone other than Harry.

* * *

When they returned back to her house, Nikki changed straight into her pyjamas and climbed into bed, leaving Harry to lock up. A few minutes later he joined her. He threw the papers that he'd printed off onto the duvet before pulling off his shirt. It was then that Nikki gasped.

"What happened to you?" she asked loudly, shocked. Harry's gaze followed hers to the large purple bruise on his ribs.

"Oh, that," he said casually. "Let's just say, they don't appreciate it in prison when you have a higher IQ than them. I corrected one of them on their grammar. I didn't realise at the time that he was the biggest thug in there. So I got shoved into a table for my trouble. He called me a 'smart-arse'."

"Oh, Harry..." she said softly, feeling tears building in her eyes.

"It's fine," he told her, pulling his white t-shirt on over the top. "I've been called worse." He grinned, but Nikki wasn't convinced.

Harry changed into his pyjama bottoms then climbed into bed next to her. "See?" he said, pressing a kiss to her lips quickly. "I'm fine."

"Why didn't I spot that earlier?" she muttered.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that my ribs were the last part of my anatomy on your mind," he smirked.

She couldn't help but smile. Harry grinned at her, reached for the information on Christopher Jones, and then settled beside her.

"Right," he said, and he began to read. "Christopher Jones, thirty-five years old. He's an accountant, married to a florist, no children ... blah blah ... Criminal record: he was charged with assault when he was twenty-four."

"What did he do?" Nikki frowned.

"Blimey," Harry mumbled as he read on. "Apparently the police pulled him over for speeding, and when they tried to give him a ticket he was 'uncooperative' so they arrested him. There was a bit of a struggle and he punched one of the officers. He was given seventy-two hours community service. Apparently his 'current situation' at the time was the reason for the 'lenient sentence'."

Nikki raised her eyebrows. "Kent told me that their parents died in a car crash, leaving Christopher to raise Robert alone. Robert was only fifteen, so Christopher would only have been, what? Twenty-three? It must have been tough. Besides, just because he has a violent past, it doesn't mean that he did this. That was sixteen years ago."

"Five months ago," Harry told her. "He was arrested for lashing out at his boss when he was made redundant from the bank he was working for."

"Oh. Well, that's a bit more recent."

"Exactly. It says here that he paid for his own bail, but then the charges were dropped by the boss so it never went to court."

"How could he afford his own bail?" she frowned.

"Apparently his parents had set up a trust fund for him and his brother. They both get just south of one and a half million once they turn thirty. So, Christopher has his but Robert didn't. But it's not about the money, Nikki! What's important is that he has a rather incriminating criminal record!"

"I don't know, Harry," she replied uncertainly. "That proves nothing except he has a temper. Everyone has a temper."

"I know that, but this does show that he's prone to violence," he persisted.

"Yes, it does. I'll give you that. But..."

"But what?" he pressed.

"Do you wonder whether we're just _trying_ to find someone else to blame?" she asked quietly.

"Isn't that what we _should_ be doing?" he pointed out.

Biting her lip anxiously, Nikki didn't say anything immediately. "Maybe... maybe I'll mention it to Leo tomorrow. Just, off-hand. See if he knows whether the police have considered Christopher Jones for Robert's murder."

"Thank you." He smiled at her.

Nikki regarded the papers with a look of distaste. Not so much because of the person they were describing, but because of the way her and Harry went about getting them. "Can we please stop talking about it now and go to sleep?"

"Yeah."

As Nikki slid down into bed, turning her back to Harry, he flicked off the lamp. A moment later his arms slid around her waist and he pulled her against him, burying his chin in the crook of her neck and pressing a kiss to her shoulder. She sighed contentedly, relishing in the smell and comfort and familiarity of him.

"It's really good to have you back, you know," she told him quietly.

"It's good to _be_ back," he told her, reaching up to run a hand through her hair.

"Just ... make sure it stays that way then, okay?"

Harry held her tighter, kissing her hair. "Okay."

* * *

**Hmm. Is Harry trying to shift the blame onto someone else, or is there something to his theory? You shall see... ;)**

**I've had a crappy couple of days, so reviews really are love at the moment :)**

**More soon, I promise! **

**xxxxxxx**


	18. Pop Goes the World

**Chapter 17: **Pop Goes the World

Smiling slightly as she bent down beside the bed, Nikki observed a sleeping Harry. He looked so peaceful that she didn't have the heart to wake him. She wanted to be in there with him, pressed to his side as his arms held her protectively, lost in a world of dreams where the harsh reality seemed far, far away - but she had to go to work. Work, where Leo would undoubtedly be, despite it being early. And she needed to talk to Leo.

Pressing her lips gently to Harry's forehead for a moment, she watched him a minute longer before grudgingly leaving.

* * *

"Leo, can I talk to you for a minute?"

The man in question had only just entered the lab, one hour after Nikki had arrived. She supposed that he had been out at a scene, knowing that he was never late.

"As long as it only is a minute," he said. "I've got a post-mortem to do and DI who's more concerned with having his breakfast than how this man died."

"Anything interesting?" she asked politely, recognising his bad mood and deciding to ease into discussing Christopher Jones.

"Not really. What did you want, Nikki?" His tone was snappy and cool, something that Nikki wasn't used to.

Frowning slightly, she said, "Not here. In your office."

"Oh, my office? The same office that you used to hack into the police database last night?" he asked her, with mock casualness.

Initially surprised, Nikki had the grace to look ashamed of herself. She opened her mouth to explain when at that very moment the doors buzzed and Charlie let a tall, suited man in. Leo silenced Nikki with a hard look, before looking at this newcomer and saying, "Detective, if you want to follow Charlie, she'll get you some scrubs and show you where to get changed. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Make it quick, Professor. I'm a busy man," he said, before obediently following Charlie out of the room.

Once they were gone, Leo grabbed Nikki's arm and pulled her into his office, shutting the door firmly behind him.

"You _illegally _used the police database to look up _Christopher __Jones_?" he shot furiously. "What the _hell _were you playing at? Or was it Harry?"

"It was ... both of us," she confessed truthfully.

"But _why_?" he asked, nonplussed.

"Well, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," she started tentatively. "We think – or, well, _Harry_ thinks – that Christopher Jones murdered Robert. I know it sounds ridiculous, but..." Nikki tailed off at the look on Leo's face. He was no longer angry, but looked contemplative. "What?"

"Nothing," he said. "It's just ... Well, when I spoke to Christopher I did get the impression that he was acting more upset than he actually was. I mean, I didn't think anything of it at the time, everyone grieves in different ways, but now you've said that..."

"Do you believe Harry, then?" she asked, astounded.

"I don't know," Leo told her. "Look, I have to do that PM. We'll talk more about this later."

She nodded, still in shock at the thought that they might have another suspect.

"Nikki?" Leo asked suddenly as he was leaving his office, stopping with his hand on the door handle.

"Yes?"

"What's Harry doing today?"

Frowning, Nikki said, "He's got a meeting with Cameron this morning, but then nothing, I don't think. Why?"

Leo was silent for a moment before giving her a knowing look. "So, he's got all afternoon and nothing to do? You really think he's going to sit around and watch TV?"

He raised his eyebrows at her before disappearing, leaving Nikki stood in the middle of his office to consider his words. But Harry wouldn't do anything stupid, would he? He'd promised her that he wouldn't conduct his own investigation into this. But, then again, this was _Harry_ they were talking about.

Running a hand through her hair nervously, Nikki rushed over to her desk and picked up the phone, dialling a number that she knew off-by-heart. However, Harry's phone merely went straight to voicemail.

"Harry, it's me," she said quickly. "Can you ring me back when you get this please?"

Frustratedly slamming the phone down, she ran a hand through her hair. But he wouldn't ... he'd promised her. Would he?

* * *

Paperwork. She was doing paperwork. For over two hours Nikki's phone had stayed silent; no call had come from Harry, and no one was considerate enough to die anymore either. She envied Leo, with his un-interesting case and impatient DI, just because he was doing something and keeping busy and wasn't plagued with worries like she was. Her throat constricted when she thought of what would happen if Harry was idiotic enough to start doing his own investigation, and 'idiotic' was a trait that she knew he carried well sometimes. He'd be thrown back in jail and she wouldn't see him again until the trail and then ... well, that didn't bear thinking about.

Ten minutes later and Leo and his detective slowly ambled back into the room, discussing the case in hushed tones. The DI then shook Leo's hand, nodded across at Nikki, and left the lab. Leo released a long breath that he'd obviously been holding for a while, and beckoned Nikki back into his office.

"Have you heard from Harry?" he asked immediately.

"No," she admitted. "But he had his meeting with Cameron this morning, I'm sure that's the only reason why he hasn't called."

Looking uncertain, Leo didn't reply. Instead he sat down heavily, signalled for Nikki to do the same, and asked, "So, what did you find out about Christopher Jones?"

Nikki relayed what she and Harry had read back to Leo. It wasn't until she'd finished that he said anything.

"What does Harry think is the motive?" he asked quietly.

Shrugging her shoulders, Nikki said, "We're not sure. Harry thinks it's something to do with the trust fund he was entitled to. He was only fourteen months away from getting it."

"But if Christopher received his five years ago, why would he need his brother's?" Leo frowned.

"Maybe he's spent all of his or something. I don't know," she confessed. "But have the police even looked at the brother?"

"I'm not sure," he told her. "They must have given him a cursory glance, so to speak, but as far as they're concerned, Harry is the killer."

"That's what worries me," Nikki replied grimly.

"Look, when Harry rings back tell him to get over here and we'll talk. See if we can't figure something out. But I can't have Harry or you getting too involved in this. No more hacking into databases. You'll only get into trouble."

"I know," she said quietly.

Leo nodded. "Go on, get back to work. I want those reports done that you've been neglecting during your time off."

Nikki almost grinned at the familiar authoritative tone. "Thanks, Leo."

He smiled at her reassuringly. But as Nikki wandered back to her desk, she realised that she didn't feel altogether reassured.

* * *

It was fifteen minutes before her lunch break when her phone finally rang, Harry's number flashing on the caller-id. She answered it after only two rings.

"Harry?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I got your message, what's wrong?"

"What took you so long to ring back?" she demanded.

"I was with Cameron all morning, I had my phone off. He's only just left. Sorry, I thought you'd realise that," he told her casually.

"Well I did, but..." She tailed off and sighed, rubbing her forehead with her knuckles.

"Nikki, what's the matter?" he asked, and she could almost hear the concerned frown in his voice.

"Leo knows that what we did last night," she told him. "He's not really angry anymore, but he wants you to come in so that we can discuss your ... theory."

"Does he believe me then?" Harry sounded surprised.

"Well... He thinks there's something behind your idea, but like I said, he wants to talk about it."

There was silence for a moment, until Harry said, "Umm. I'll be there in a couple of hours."

"Why?" she asked, immediately suspicious. "What are you doing?"

"I've ... I've just got some things to sort of here first," he said slowly. "With Cameron, you know."

"Oh really, and what would that be then?" she asked sceptically.

"Just ... just boring lawyer-client stuff. I'll be at the lab by three, I promise."

Before Nikki could argue he added, "I've got to go now, Nikki. See you later."

The phone went dead. Her hands shaking slightly, Nikki placed it down and swallowed hard. He was lying. She knew that; she could tell, she could always tell. But it was why he was lying that really worried her. What was he doing in the two and a half hours before three o'clock?

Once again picking up the telephone, she dialled the number of Cameron Gables.

"Gables." The lawyer answered quickly, professionally.

"Cameron, it's Nikki," she said.

"Ah, hello. How are you doing?" he asked, and she could hear the sympathy in his voice.

"I'm not sure," she told him truthfully, running a hand through her hair. "Listen, is Harry with you still?"

"Harry? No. I left your place over an hour ago," he told her.

Her stomach plummeted. Trying to sound calm, she said, "Do you have any idea where he might be now?"

"He told me he was going to go to the lab and catch up on some paperwork. He hasn't turned up?"

"No. Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," she said, trying to convince herself more than anything. "He'll turn up."

"Nikki, what's going on?" Cameron asked, and she could hear the suspicion in his voice.

"Nothing," she replied, as innocently as she could. "I should go now."

"You know, I am his lawyer," he pointed out.

"Exactly," Nikki said quietly, "Bye."

Hanging up the phone, she immediately went into Leo's office. Her boss was sat behind his desk writing something, but stopped and looked up when she entered.

"Harry says he won't come in for another couple of hours because he's got stuff to sort out but he won't tell me what stuff and I know he's not with Cameron because I've asked him and I think he's going to be stupid and ... and ..." she trailed off, feeling a prickling in the corners of her eyes.

"And you think he's doing exactly what you told him not to and conduct his own investigation," Leo finished grimly. Nikki nodded, a tear spilling down her cheek.

"He's going to get into so much trouble, Leo," she cried, sinking down into a chair opposite him. "I can't lose him again, I can't!"

Leo placed his hand over hers on the desk.

"He might not be doing what you think he's doing," he said, but Nikki knew that neither of them really believed that.

"Of course he is. This is Harry we're talking about. He wouldn't sit there and wait for others to do anything, he'd do it himself. No matter what the repercussions are."

"Well then he's an idiot," Leo said forcefully. "How could he be so stupid as to try and solve this himself?"

"What, like you did after Cassie and Teresa died?" Nikki pointed out quietly, causing Leo to fall silent.

"That was different," he reminded her.

"I know," she sighed apologetically. "That's exactly what I told Harry last night."

Frowning, Leo said, "Wait. You knew he was going to do this?"

"No!" she insisted. "I was telling him not to, that's all. But since when did Harry listen to me?"

"We just have to wait for Harry to turn up," he replied. "Then he can explain himself."

True to his word, at just a few minutes past three Harry buzzed himself into the lab. He looked around quickly, spotted them both in Leo's office and rushed in. He was a mess; his hair was windswept, his shirt untucked and grubby, and dark bruising was forming around his eye. He seemed oblivious to Leo and Nikki's cold looks and stony silences, but was bursting with excitement and determination and obvious adrenaline.

"It was him!" he said loudly. "It was Christopher Jones! And I know, because he's just told me!"

The furious looks on the other two's faces disappeared, to be replaced by absolute, complete shock.

* * *

**A quicker update for you all. And I've already started on the next chapter :)**

**You know what, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just going to let you all try and figure it out yourselves. ;)**

**Can I just ask one thing, though? Do you all still think Harry did it? Or are you in two minds? Or are you absolutely sure that he is innocent? I'm just curious, but I'd love to know... **

**Peace and love,**

**Charlotte  
xxx **


	19. Ain't That a Kick in the Head

**Chapter 18: **Ain't That a Kick in the Head

"What do you mean, 'he told you'?" Leo asked Harry shrewdly, while Nikki sat and stared, gobsmacked.

"He told me! I went to see him at his house and we talked ... then he punched me when he realised who exactly I was ... and he told me that it was him but that I had no evidence to prove it!" Harry said excitedly, blissfully unaware of Leo and Nikki's disapproval. "But I do have evidence! I recorded it on my phone! It didn't occur to me at first but then ..." he trailed off, looking between them. "What?"

"You _idiot_!" Nikki yelled, stepping towards him and hitting him on the chest. "You complete _idiot_! What the hell did you _do_?"

"Nikki, it's okay," he told her, grabbing her wrists to prevent her continued punches. "It's all right, I've got evidence!"

She stopped hitting him, instead choosing to go and resume her place in the chair. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest, her lips pursed. Part of her wanted to believe every word he was saying; the other knew that it couldn't be that simple.

Rounding on Harry, Leo said firmly, "Sit down." He dragged a chair from the corner across the floor and placed it next to Nikki. When Harry didn't move, Leo repeated his words, only this time louder and more forcefully. "Sit down!"

Now beginning to comprehend their annoyance at him, Harry sank slowly into the seat and looked at Leo, who was pacing his office. It was a while before he actually sat down and said anything.

"Tell us exactly what you did," he ordered.

Harry nodded. "Well. After Cameron left I decided to do a bit more digging on Christopher Jones. I did some ringing around – it doesn't really matter to whom – but I found out that he quit his job last week. Just two days before Robert was killed. According to his previous secretary, he planned on setting up his own business. He wanted to start his own architectural firm with his best friend, James Morgan. You know, building houses to people's exact requirements, etc.

"So I spoke to Morgan – who, by the way, was going to be the architect while Christopher was the accountant. Anyway, he told me that he was really surprised that Christopher quit his job, because as far as he was concerned, Jones couldn't afford to set up this business. Christopher is a recovering gambler. Apparently he nearly bankrupted himself a few years aog, so Morgan couldn't understand where the money was suddenly coming from. When he asked him, Jones told him that _Robert_ was going to sign his trust fund over to him. The entire lot.

"I couldn't really believe that Robert would do that. I mean, I hardly knew the guy, but he didn't seem the sort just to hand over a lot of money. However, I still didn't really know what this trust fund was, so ... I visited his wife, Helen, at the florists that she owns."

Nikki groaned quietly while Leo sighed. "Go on," the older man prompted.

"Well," Harry continued. "I showed her my ID. At no point did I lie to her about who I was, I merely pretended to be doing a bit of research into Robert. So I asked her about this trust fund. According to her, Robert and Christopher were both left a trust fund entitled to them to receive when they were thirty by their parents. It amounted to two million pounds. Each. It would have been more, had their parents not died in that car crash. Christopher got his five years ago, Robert was fourteen months away from getting it.

"Now, Mrs Jones knew about Christopher's gambling and she didn't try and hide the fact that he'd spent nearly half a million paying off debts. She told me that another million went on them getting a nice house. But, apparently, they also spent quite a lot bailing Robert out. They were paying for his rent, giving him money for food, bought him a new suit for job interviews, etc. So, when Christopher decided to set up his own business, he went to see Robert and demanded that he pay them back by way of giving them his trust fund."

"That seems a bit harsh," Nikki frowned, forgetting to be angry with Harry.

"Well exactly, that's what I thought," Harry nodded. "Mrs Jones seemed to think so too. There was clear shame on her face when she talked about it. She told me that Robert rang Christopher on the day that he died. She didn't hear exactly what the conversation was about, but she could tell that they were arguing. I was going to ask her more about it, but she was rushed off her feet and couldn't really talk. But she told me that Christopher was at home and to go and see him. So I did."

"That's where you got the black eye," Leo said.

"Yeah. It was fine, at first. Jones just thought I was there on your behalf. He told me about his agreement with Robert about the trust fund. I asked what Robert thought about it. Christopher didn't really say much, but I got the impression that Robert was extremely pissed off by it all. As anyone would be. It seemed to me that Christopher had bullied his younger brother into signing it over to him.

"However ... I must have asked one too many questions by then, because Jones suddenly asked to see my ID again. It was at the point – when he was very closely examining my ID – that I quickly switched on the recording device thing on my phone without him knowing. Ingenious, don't you think?"

He grinned. Nikki rolled her eyes and Leo said coolly, "Brilliant. What happened then?"

"Hear for yourselves," he said, pulling his mobile out of his pocket. He pressed a couple of buttons then placed it on Leo's desk. Within moments the crackly voice of Christopher Jones could be heard.

"_-know who you are!" _Jones was saying angrily. "_You're not working for Professor Dalton! You're the man who they've arrested for Robert's murder!"_

"_I can explain!" _It was Harry's voice that could be heard now.

"_I think you'd better, mate!"_

"_I didn't do this. I didn't kill your brother. I'm just trying to find out the truth."_

When Jones next spoke, Nikki could hear the slight anxiety in his voice. "_Oh really? And have you found the truth?"_

"_I think I have, yes. You killed your brother, didn't you?" _Harry's voice was calm. Nikki couldn't help but admire his bravery. She glanced over at him, but he was staring at the phone in anticipation, biting his lip.

"_How bloody dare you? I loved my brother!"_

"_What were you arguing about then? He called you just a couple of hours before he died, didn't he?"_

There was a moment of outraged silence, and then, "_He told me he'd changed his mind about signing over his trust fund."_

"_Oh, I get it!" _Harry sounded almost joyful. "_He rang you and said he'd changed his mind. You couldn't let that happen, of course. You'd already quit your job, told James Morgan that you were in. So you decided to pay Robert a visit, make him un-change his mind. When you turned up at his apartment – right next-door to mine – you switched his music on so that you couldn't be heard arguing. He told you that he wasn't going to change his mind, that you couldn't have the money. You got angry, didn't you, Mr Jones? Just like you did eleven years ago when you punched that police officer? And five months ago when you punched an old boss? Only, this time you were so furious that you couldn't get what you wanted that in a moment of blind fury - you picked up a knife." _

There was a pause, after which Harry-on-the-recording said, "_Oh, big fat reaction there, Mr Jones. So you picked up the knife. Then what? Robert fled the room, didn't he? He ran, terrified for his life, into the bedroom. But he couldn't get away from you and your temper. There was a struggle. You punched him in the jaw, causing him to fall and hit his head on the bed knob. That was when you took your chance; when Robert was lying stunned on the floor. You dragged him up again to face you and threw him on the bed, before stabbing him. You plunged that knife into your brother nine times, then once across the neck, just to make sure the job was done, didn't you? How could you do that to your little brother? The boy you raised after your parents -"_

The talking stopped suddenly, and there was a muffled commotion followed by the sickening crunch of fist against eye and Harry's grunt of pain. Nikki winced, as did Leo, but Harry seemed completely unfazed. Suddenly, the voice of Christopher Jones on the recording got much louder, and Nikki knew that he was stood right in front of Harry.

"_You have no evidence," _Jones growled furiously. "_Otherwise they'd have arrested me instead of you. Now get out of my house! I hope you rot in jail for the rest of your life!"_

That final sentence was the only line that seemed to have an effect on sat-in-the-office Harry, who turned his head and swallowed hard. Nikki narrowed her eyes at him, but turned back to the recording when she heard Christopher Jones speak again.

"_You're lucky I'm not calling the police."_

"_Am I? Or are you? Because if you did that then you'd have to tell them why you punched me. You know, perhaps you should, I'm sure they'd be very interested," _Harry quipped back.

"_Get the hell out of my house!" _Jones yelled, and there was another slight commotion before a loud slam could be heard. He'd obviously physically thrown Harry out. The last thing that Nikki heard before the recording ended was Harry releasing a deep breath and what sounded like a relieved sob.

Back in Leo's office, Harry picked up his phone again and put it back in his pocket. "See!" he said happily. "I have evidence that he did it!"

Nikki had known all along that it wouldn't be that simple, and she was right. A quick glance at Leo told her that he too was thinking exactly what she was.

"Harry..." he said slowly.

"What?" Harry asked. "What is it?"

"Harry, he never actually admitted that he killed him," Nikki said softly. "_You_ said that he did."

"Of course he admitted it!" Harry protested, clearly determined not to let anyone burst his bubble. He pulled out his phone and listened to the recording again. Nikki sent Leo a worried glance, who looked back at her, equally upset.

"No. No, no, no! That can't be right," Harry said, shaking his head when it had finished. "I'm sure he said that he did it!"

"Harry..." she said gently, reaching across for his hand. He snatched it away, however, standing up abruptly and crossing to the other side of the room.

"No! He did it, I know he did! The way he looked at me... I know that he did this!" He was becoming visibly upset. Nikki didn't know what to do. All three of them had had their hopes raised, only for them to be dashed in such a cruel manner.

"This isn't enough for the police, Harry. I'm sorry," said Leo quietly.

"Don't you think I know that?" Harry snapped back.

"Harry," Nikki said reproachfully, shooting an apologetic glance at Leo.

"I've broken my bail conditions," he confessed. "Practically every single one. They're going to throw me back in jail." He looked up and made eye contact with Nikki. "I can't go back to that place. I can't." She could hear the genuine fear and desperation in his voice, and it broke her heart. Standing up, she immediately walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him against her and holding him tightly.

"I can't," he repeated into the crook of her neck.

"I know," she whispered, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.

"We can show it to the police though, Harry," Leo said from behind them. Nikki released him and they both looked at their boss. "I'll talk to them, tell them _my_ theory on Christopher Jones."

"Your theory?" Harry asked weakly. "But, Leo... All this was my idea."

"Yes, I know that. But I think it will sound better coming from me than you, don't you?"

Harry gave Leo a genuine smile.

"Of course," Leo continued, "they'll want to speak to you too. And I don't think it's going to go down very well."

The smile vanished from Harry's lips. "I know."

"I'm going to have to call Kent and tell her what's happened," he said, moving to behind his desk once again.

Harry nodded dejectedly, but Nikki said, "No! Leo, wait."

She turned to Harry. "Can you give us a minute? Wait by the car?"

He looked confused, but did as she told him and left Leo's office.

"What is it?" Leo asked her, one hand on his phone.

"Please don't call Kent," she begged.

"Nikki, you know full well that I have to," he told her firmly, although she could see the regret in his eyes.

"No, I mean... You can ring her, just not today."

"Why?" Leo frowned.

"Please, Leo," she said quietly, a tear sliding down her cheek. "We both know that as soon as you call Kent she's going to arrest Harry and throw him in jail. And then I won't see him again for God knows how long, not properly anyway, and he said that he can't go back there and he's right, because I can't survive without him, Leo!"

She took a deep, composing breath, impatiently brushing away the tears. "Just... just let me have this one, last night with him. Please?"

Leo was gazing at her, his eyes full of worry and concern. "Okay. I'll ring her when I get into work in the morning."

"Thank you," she said, her voice shaking.

"You know, maybe something positive has come out of this," Leo said as she was about to leave.

"What?" Nikki said disbelievingly.

"We might have enough evidence now for the police to start building a case against Christopher Jones."

Nikki laughed humourlessly. "No we don't. Or, we do, but Kent will say that we don't. Even Cameron won't be able to get Harry out this mess. This is it, Leo. We just have to face it. This is the beginning of the end."

* * *

**Look at that for a quick update! I've literally spent all of today writing this. I'm on a roll at the moment, my muse has finally decided to cooperate! ;)**

**So, what do you think? Nothing is ever that simple. Of course Harry wasn't going to find the evidence to get him off of his murder charge. Will he ever? We shall see... :P**

**Thank you soooo much for all your reviews, by the way! They make my day, they really do. :)**

**Lovelovelove,**

**Charlotte  
xxxx **


	20. If Tonight is My Last: I

**Chapter 19: **If Tonight is My Last (I)

_Looking back on it now, you almost regret telling Leo to wait until morning to phone Kent. You had wanted this one, amazing night with Harry; your last night together for you didn't know how long. And you had it. The night was incredible. You faced the world together, you didn't crumble or fall apart – at least, not straight away._

_But that night has left a residual tingle inside you over these last two months, one that you haven't been able to shake no matter what has happened. It has clung to you like a web; wrapped around you, suffocated you, made you smile, made you cry._

_So, really, that 'last night' has become a constant reminder to you of what you have lost, of what you are missing out on. _

_The memory of what was said during those dark hours until dawn, of what was told, only made everything that has occurred since harder to deal with. _

_Even now, on this day, this life-changing day, you can feel his fingers on your skin, his whispers in your ear, his lips on yours. _

_You know you shouldn't. It's been long enough; you should have stopped pining for him by now, like some pathetic schoolgirl. _

_It was cruel, having something as amazing as that night – only to have the hope of it ever happening again snatched away from you such a short while afterward. _

_He gave it to you, and then he took it away._

_But you wouldn't change a single moment, even if you were able to._

_For it truly was a magnificent night..._

Two hours. For over two hours both Harry and Nikki had been acting as if nothing at all had happened, as if the day was a perfectly normal one. Whether trying to block out the painful reality or avoid a confrontation, Nikki didn't know.

It was the elephant in the room that had now become this taboo topic, despite the fact that it was standing on their toes. The silence was pregnant with suppressed emotion. It pressed against Nikki's skull until finally the ache was too much and tears began to roll down her pale cheeks.

"I can't..." she mumbled.

Harry looked across from where he was sat on the sofa, pretending to read his magazine although his eyes had been staring at the same paragraph for the last fifteen minutes. "What?"

"I can't sit here and act like nothing is wrong," she told him thickly, her bottom lip quivering. "I told Leo to wait until morning so that we could have this special night, this night that I can look back on and remember with a smile, but how can I enjoy anything when I know what's coming?"

With a sad sigh, Harry moved and sat next to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and tugging her against his comforting and familiar torso.

"You don't have to enjoy something, or have fun, for it to be special," he whispered, stroking her hair with a soothing regularity.

Breathing in the smell of him, Nikki supposed that he was right. "It just feels like ... like the world is falling apart," she muttered, not wanting him to think her stupid.

"That's because it is," he told her certainly and she looked up, shocked. "But that doesn't mean that _we_ have to fall apart with it," he continued.

Prising herself away from him, Nikki sat up straight and looked him right in the eyes. "But what if-"

Harry pressed a finger to her lips, cutting her off. "No ifs, no buts," he warned. "Tonight is just about now, this moment in time, this one night. We're not going to think about tomorrow."

She smiled at him shakily. "That's easier said than done."

He gave her a long, sad look, using his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Then he smiled slightly and shook his head.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing, really. Just ... how do you still manage to look so beautiful, even when you're a blubbering mess?"

Slapping him playfully on the chest, Nikki released a watery chuckle and said, "Shut up."

"No, I mean it," he said firmly, causing her stop laughing and gaze at him. "You're easily the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

The sincerity in his voice was overwhelming, made her head spin. She could do nothing but keep eye contact with him as his head drew nearer, until he became too close and she shut her eyes. A second later and his lips were pressed quickly against hers, then to each cheek and then the tip of her nose. Unable to prevent a giggle escaping her lips, Nikki smiled at Harry.

He grinned back at her. "Come on," he said, getting to his feet and walking across the room to the stereo.

"What are you doing?" she asked him, torn between annoyance and amusement.

"Putting on some music." He rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but why?"

"I think you'll find dancing is extremely difficult and awkward without music," he said simply.

"Who's dancing?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"You are," he grinned, grabbing her hand and pulling her up just as the sound of gentle music filled the room.

"I don't dance," she protested as Harry dragged her into the middle of the room, pushing the coffee table aside with his foot in the process.

"Well nor do I," he told her. "But we're going to."

"Harry..."

"Don't 'Harry' me. We're doing this."

Nikki couldn't help but giggle as he took one of her hands and placed the other on her waist with a flourish. Then he began to spin them both quickly around the room, completely inappropriately for the relatively slow music, until she was laughing hysterically, tripping over her own feet, her hair whipping around her face.

"Harry! Stop spinning me, I'm going to throw up!" she cried, a massive smile plastered onto her face.

Suddenly, Harry stopped. "Oh, thank God," she muttered. The world continued spinning around her, she felt slightly dizzy and disoriented. Both of them still laughing, she stepped closer to Harry, placing her hands on his chest and gripping his shirt in her fists as she rested her forehead on his shoulder and attempted to get her breath and steadiness back.

"You're mad," she giggled.

"I'm a mad person who loves you," he reasoned.

Smiling, Nikki removed her head from his shoulder and looked up at him.

"I love you too."

They looked at each other for a minute, before Harry opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Waiting, Nikki watched as he repeated this action twice more. She raised her eyebrows at him, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Nikki?" he said eventually, but stopped again.

"Yes, Harry?"

"Will you – I mean, I ... It's just-"

"Spit it out, man," she grinned.

He took a deep breath, held it for a moment, before releasing it slowly and saying, "I love you."

Her brows furrowed, Nikki was fully aware that that wasn't what he was intending to say. "You just said that."

"Well, I'm saying it again," he smiled.

"Right then. Well, I love you too. Again," she told him.

Chuckling, Harry pulled her closer to him. Nikki hooped her arms around his neck. She decided not to press him on what he was originally planning on telling her. He'd do it in his own time, she knew that.

They never broke their gaze as they revolved slowly on the spot, a lot calmer and more controlled than the last time. Feeling completely content and at peace with the world, Nikki closed the already small gap between them and lay her cheek on Harry's shoulder.

"I know you said no ifs and no buts," she said quietly. "But I just want you to know that if the worst does happen tomorrow, then I'll still be here for you."

Harry stopped moving, so Nikki pulled her head back to look at him.

"Do you mean that?" he asked uncertainly.

"Of course I do!" she assured him. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together, Harry. And I will do everything I can to prove your innocence."

Looking slightly tearful, Harry seemed to be lost for words. He shook his head slightly at her, smiling. "You're bloody brilliant, you are."

Nikki grinned. "I know.

Chuckling, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and said, "I'm going to kiss you now."

Pretending to think for a moment, Nikki shrugged before saying, "If you must."

He placed one hand on her cheek, his thumb tracing the contours of her face from her temple to her chin, where he then guided it up to her lips. A moment later and it was his lips brushing against hers, ever-so-lightly at first, then more firmly as she began to reciprocate.

It was a kiss that they'd shared many times before, a kiss like any other; soft, slow, gentle – but at the same time it was completely different. Nikki could feel herself melting at his touch, becoming lost in him entirely. Despite the need for air that was becoming more and more prominent, she was desperate not to break the connection. It felt like some sort of magical bond, where nothing could get to them, nothing could hurt or destroy them. Because they were in love, and they had this something special, and everything was how it should be.

It was Harry who pulled back first. Nikki kept her eyes closed for a moment longer, before reluctantly opening them and taking a breath. He smiled slightly as he pressed another quick kiss to her forehead. "Here," he said, offering his hands.

Clasping them like he was saving her from some terrible fate, Nikki allowed him to lead her across the room. He was walking backwards, and she couldn't help but giggle when he bumped into the doorframe. Releasing one of her hands so that he could rub the back of his head, he said, "It's not funny. You could have warned me."

"Now where's the fun in that?" she quipped, smiling.

By the time they entered the bedroom, Nikki was smiling broadly. Harry, too, was grinning. Still gripping her hands, he pulled her closer until she was practically pressed against him.

"It's always been you, Nikki," he murmured, gently stroking her hair.

"I know," she smiled softly, and before she could say another word his lips were upon hers once more. Together, they fell back onto the bed, Harry towering over Nikki.

Her hands snaking under his shirt, Nikki grinned. Putting on an exaggerated French accent and attempting to hide her smirk, she said huskily, "Make luuurve to me, Doctor Cunning'am."

Laughing loudly, Harry shook his head. "I always knew you were a closet romantic."

"Shut up and do as I say," she said, mock-glaring at him.

"Now _that's_ more like the Nikki I know," he winked, before trailing a succession of small kisses across her jaw and down her neck as she giggled loudly, burying her fingers in his hair in a desperate attempt to pull him closer.

* * *

A peaceful silence accompanied the post-coital slumber of the troubled couple, broken only by the regular rhythm of a ticking clock.

"I love this," Harry said quietly. "I could stay here forever."

Nikki was glad that she had her back to Harry and he didn't see the tears that filled her eyes when she realised that that wasn't going to happen.

Harry clearly knew what she was thinking, because he ran his fingers along the top of her arm and said, "No tomorrow, remember?"

She nodded, but couldn't help longing that he meant that in a literal sense. The idea of just staying curled up in bed together, their own little sanctuary, with no chance of any scary 'tomorrow's or 'next week's, was so appealing that Nikki couldn't help but wish with all her heart that it was true.

Except the scientist within her - the pessimist within her - reminded her harshly that even they, with their unconventional relationship, couldn't break the laws of physics.

"You know," Harry said suddenly, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder, "We've survived worse than this before."

It was almost as if he'd read her mind, yet bringing up that forbidden topic only made it that little bit more painfully real.

"I thought we weren't talking about the future?" she scowled.

"We're not, we're talking about the present. And I'm just saying: we've been through worse."

"No, we haven't," she told him quietly, gazing at the opposite wall.

"Err, Nikki – you've faced death. More than once. I think that's worse than me going to prison."

Rolling over so that she was facing him, Nikki gave him a long, hard look before saying, "That day when you found me in the hospital basement, unconscious and bleeding, how did you feel?"

She watched as Harry's eyes darkened and his face paled at the memory of it.

"Terrified," he whispered. "You looked so fragile that I was scared to touch you in case you fell apart. I put my jacket over you to keep you warm and called an ambulance, but there was nothing else I could do. I just kept thinking: 'I have all this medical training, why aren't I using it?' but I didn't know what to do. So I sat and held your hand whilst waiting for the paramedics, begging you to hold on and not to leave me... It was the scariest moment of my life, the idea that you might suddenly cease to exist in my world anymore. The thought that you could be snatched away from me was all-consuming. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think..."

Tears sparkling in her eyes, Nikki said, "That's how I feel now. How I feel _all_ the time. I know that prison is horrible for you, I get that. But it's different for me. Because you will be somewhere new, and you will learn to adjust to the new environment and survive. But I can't do that, Harry. I will still be stuck here in my same old life, with my same old job and same old apartment and same old routine ... Except you won't be in it anymore. And I don't know if I can handle that."

"Oh, Nikki," Harry said sadly, pulling her against him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and buried his head in her shoulder, pressing kisses to the crook of her neck.

"So, you see, Harry," she said, making a vain attempt at keeping calm and not falling apart, "this couldn't be worse for me."

His eyes, filled with tears, met hers over the top of the pillow.

"Come on," he told her, climbing out of bed.

Frowning at him as he started pulling on his boxers and jeans, Nikki said, "What are you doing?"

"We're going out, so get dressed," he told her simply, tugging a jumper over his head.

"Harry, it's nearly nine o'clock. Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he grinned.

Half-amused, half-exasperated, Nikki slipped out of bed and picked up her jeans.

* * *

**I strongly dislike this chapter. It caused me nearly three weeks of writer's block. So therefore I am just going to upload it because I have to and it's relatively important, and quickly go and upload the next one now, which was a whole lot easier to write when this monstrosity was out of the way.**


	21. Sun Comes Up: II

**Chapter 20: **Sun Comes Up (II)

"We're just going to walk?" she asked, as the pair of them, hand in hand, made their way along the steadily darkening streets.

"Yep," Harry said simply.

Nikki frowned. "Okay..." she said slowly.

Silence fell as they ambled along, both perfectly content with each other's company. It wasn't until Harry led them left along a narrow lane that Nikki realised they were heading towards the small council-maintained gardens near the park. Smiling, she knew that the gardens were one of the most romantic places in the area, with a lot of couples frequenting them often, especially during the day.

As they approached this time, however, Nikki could see that it was nearly deserted, with only one or two other couple milling about. Harry and Nikki walked along the small gravel trail bordered with bright flower displays and small, green trees. It was dark now, but solar-powered torches lit the path, with other small yellow lights scattered strategically between branches in the trees. They reached the large fountain in the middle, which also had lights around the edge under the water, casting a magical, purple glow in the rippling water.

The pair sat, and Nikki couldn't help but relish the peace and tranquillity of the place. The gentle trickling of the water and rustle of the breeze in amongst the leaves was soothing; bliss after the stressful week that she had been having.

"How come we've never been here before? Together, I mean?" she asked as she entwined her hand with Harry's on his lap.

"Well, we've not exactly had a lot of spare time to take trips to gardens," he told her.

Nikki remained silent, just watching the stream of water. However, as darkness fell even fuller, the shiver that crept up her spine was an inevitability.

"You're cold," Harry noticed immediately, and she could see him eyeing the thin, long-sleeved top that she had on with her jeans.

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"No, you're not," he insisted, and proceeded to pull his jumper over his head.

"What are you doing?" Nikki sighed. "You're going to freeze in just a t-shirt."

"I'm fine." He mimicked her words from a few seconds earlier with a small smile.

Despite glaring at him, Nikki permitted him to put the jumper on her. The grey material swamped her tiny frame, but she wrapped it around herself and could quickly feel the benefits. Pulling her legs up onto the bench, she leant against Harry's torso and wrapped an arm around his stomach. Placing one of his own around her shoulder, Harry kissed her hair.

No words were needed; the silence that had been so prominent that evening was neither awkward nor unwanted. Choosing to shift her gaze from the fountain up to the stars in the deep-navy sky, Nikki couldn't think of anywhere else in the world she'd rather be.

"I was going to ask you something earlier," Harry said suddenly, breaking the silence.

"I know you were."

"But I changed my mind."

"I know you did."

Looking down at her with his brow furrowed, Harry asked, "Do you know what I was going to ask you?"

"I can guess," she admitted, "but no, I don't know for certain what you were going to ask me."

"That's good," he replied, nodding. "Because I'm not going to ask you it anymore. Not yet, anyway."

"When then?" she whispered, a flutter of anticipation in her stomach.

"When the time is right," he told her, and when Nikki glanced up at him she could see the smile gracing his lips. Also smiling, she laid her head on his chest once more.

"We can get through this, Harry," she told him firmly. "We can come out the other side in one piece."

"Can we?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yes. Cameron told me that we just have to wade our way through the mess, and then things will get better."

"They might get better," he said. "But will they ever be the same?"

"Of course they won't be the same," she whispered sadly. "Nothing will ever be the same again after this. It's going to change us, of course it will. But change isn't always a bad thing. Change can be good. Just because things are going to be different, doesn't mean that we can't be happy."

"When did you become such an optimist?" Harry asked jokingly.

"When it became necessary to have optimism. Negativity can tear you apart," she muttered honestly.

"I really love you, Nicola Alexander," he smiled.

"I love you too," she grinned. "But not when you call me Nicola."

Laughing, Harry's arms tightened around her as he pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"My dad used to tell me that I'd never have any of this," Nikki confessed quietly a minute later. Harry didn't say anything, so she chose to continue. "'Plain', he used to call me. He'd say that I was lacking anything special. I remember one time, it was GCSE results day, and there I was with my A stars and As, and the only thing he could say to me was, 'Well, Niks, thank God you got brains, because you're gonna need to get an 'alf-decent job. No man is ever gonna support you.' I don't think he really meant it maliciously, but of course, I believed him. I never thought that I was going to have any of this."

Blinking away the tears, she felt Harry's fingers stroking her hair. "Nikki," he said softly. "Believe me when I tell you: you are anything but plain."

Giggling slightly, she looked up at him just in time for Harry to capture her lips in a gentle kiss, rather than the top of her head like he'd been intending.

"Come on," she muttered against his mouth, pulling away. "Let's go home. I can feel you shivering."

* * *

An hour later and the pair were back in bed, this time with their pyjamas on and the duvet wrapped tightly around themselves.

"I don't want to sleep," Nikki muttered. "I want every moment we have left with you; I don't want to waste them sleeping."

"So we won't sleep," Harry replied, matter-of-factly. "Even though it's nearly midnight and I'm knackered."

Nikki tutted as he chuckled. "What, I've had a busy day!" he protested.

Rolling over so that she could see him clearly, Nikki looked at the purple bruise forming around his left eye.

"You were so stupid today, Harry," she muttered sadly.

"I know," he whispered.

"Did you even think of me? Of us? Of what would happen if you did what you did?"

Harry released a long, drawn-out sigh. "Is that what's been bothering you?"

"Of course that's what's been bothering me! Of _course_ it is!" Tears sparkled in Nikki's eyes as she spoke. "We're in this together, Harry! But instead of you coming to me and telling me what was going on, you chose to handle it on your own and make a right mess of things, as usual!"

"I didn't want to get you involved..." he attempted meekly.

"Of course I'm involved! You're my boyfriend or whatever! If I hadn't gone home after we'd argued, then-" She stopped suddenly as she realised what she was going to say.

Harry physically moved away from her, glaring. "No, go on," he said coolly. "Finish your sentence."

She shook her head and refused to talk, a tear sliding down her cheek, so Harry said, "If you hadn't stormed off home, then I wouldn't have been left alone to go and kill Robert Jones. That was what you were going to say, wasn't it?"

Biting her lip, Nikki said, "It wasn't. I know you didn't kill him."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that," Harry muttered.

A sudden feeling of guilt mingled with fear struck Nikki like a bus when she realised that she couldn't do that. Her throat seemed to be blocked and left her incapable of forming words as she tried to express to Harry how sorry she was. He was getting out of bed now, looking clearly stung.

"Every time you've told me that you 'know it wasn't me', you haven't been able to look me in the eye. It might be what you want to believe, but deep-down I don't think you do. And I think it's so deep-down that even you aren't fully aware of it. But you have doubts, Nikki. I've been able to see it in your eyes since I came out of custody."

After giving her a disappointed look, he walked from the bedroom. Biting back a sob, Nikki jumped out of bed and ran after him, stopping once she discovered him in the lounge.

"No one can know for sure that you didn't do this, just like no one can know for sure that you did!" she said, trying to justify herself.

"But I'm your 'boyfriend or whatever'!" he yelled, mimicking her words from earlier. "You should have given me the benefit of the doubt!"

"I did! Isn't that what I've been doing this past week?" Nikki cried.

"No, you've been trying to convince yourself that you believe that I'm innocent, even though you don't really believe it yourself. You haven't even realised that you've been doing it!"

"You don't really help yourself though, do you, Harry?" she snapped. "Look at what you did today! It's like you were asking the police to arrest you again!"

"I was trying to get a confession-"

"You were trying too hard!" Nikki interrupted. "It's like you don't believe in the justice system; you don't think that the police would have done anything if you had told them your theory about Christopher Jones."

"I don't believe in the justice system!" he shouted. "I don't trust it, I don't have any faith in the police, I don't believe in it! Because, so far, all it and they have done is let me down!"

Silence fell; the only noise was the pair's heavy breathing from their outbursts. Rolling down Nikki's cheeks were big, fat tears, departing her skin at her chin and plopping to the carpet.

"I don't want you to go to jail," she whispered shakily.

With a sad sigh, Harry walked over to her and gathered her in his strong arms, holding her tightly against his torso as she sobbed into his t-shirt.

"I know," he muttered, pressing kisses into her hair. "Do you think I want to leave you here like this? Just when we've finally sorted things out and started this amazing thing ... You mean everything to me. I don't want to leave you here alone."

Letting out another sob, Nikki felt a rush of renewed affection and looked up at Harry. "I'm not alone," she told him, trying to reassure him. "I have Leo. And Janet. You're the one who's going to be alone."

"Alone? What are you talking about? I'll have a hundred nice criminals to keep me company."

A watery chuckle escaped her lips, and Nikki buried her face in his chest once more. "I'm sorry that I shouted at you. I'm ninety-nine percent certain that you're innocent."

"I'm sorry too. I can't expect you to believe me, not when everyone around you doesn't. Look, no more arguing, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled softly. "Let's go back to bed. Please? I just want you to hold me. I want to feel your arms around me one more time."

Tilting her chin up so that he could push his lips to hers for a second, Harry then took her hand and led Nikki back to the bedroom.

* * *

Sleep had taken Nikki eventually, when the darkness had begun to fade and the sky was gradually becoming a lighter shade of navy. She'd known that Harry hadn't slept though. Understandably, of course. She, herself, had awoken only a couple of hours later, when the steely grey light of an overcast morning had seeped through the curtains and hit her face. Seven o'clock, the clock told her. Leo would now be about to leave his house. He always arrived at work earlier than the others.

Fingers running up and down her arm told her that Harry, too, was aware of the situation. It was like they were sat waiting for the bomb to go off, knowing that there was nothing they could do to stop it detonating. A desperate unwillingness to remove her arm from Harry's stomach, her head from his chest, her feet from tangled between his, kept Nikki in bed until the very last minute, when Harry said, "Come on, we should get dressed."

They dressed in silence, the atmosphere heavy with the imminent loss, grief and despair that was approaching at an alarming rate.

Nikki was flustered, rushing around pointlessly straightening objects or smoothing the bedcovers. That was, until Harry grabbed her wrists and held her steady.

"Nikki, slow down," he told her softly. Nodding, she was about to reply when a loud buzz rent the air. It was her mobile phone, vibrating against her bedside table. Looking at Harry, he nodded his assent for her to read it.

"It's Leo," she told him as she opened the message. "He says he's just put the phone down."

They both knew what this message meant; Leo had told Kent. She would be here to re-arrest within ten minutes. Unable to face the impending gloom, Nikki walked from the bedroom without so much as glancing at Harry and started pacing the lounge. Harry, of course, followed her straight away.

"Nikki," he said quietly, standing directly in front of her so that she had no choice but to stand still.

"I can't do it, Harry," she said shakily. "I can't say goodbye to you."

"It isn't goodbye," he told her firmly, and she could see the tears filling his eyes. "I'm not leaving you."

"But you are," she said desperately, sounding like a child. "You're going to go to jail now and never be granted bail again, until your trial in which-"

"In which anything can happen," he cut across her.

The sound of several car doors being slammed shut from down in the car park drifted up through the window, causing Nikki to throw a panicked look at Harry.

"Nikki, listen to me," he said, not even attempting to hold back his tears now. He grabbed her by the shoulders, running his thumbs across the line of her jaw when she tilted her head towards his touch.

"We're not going to survive this, are we?" she asked him forlornly.

"Yes we are," he told her, sniffing loudly. "It's going to be hard, there's no point pretending otherwise, but we can survive this."

Releasing a sob, Nikki placed her hands either side of his face, resting her forehead against his. "I love you," she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut tightly against the tears.

He kissed her roughly on the mouth; a kiss mingled with tears and broken by sobs. "I love you too," he told her, his hands now either side of her face also.

There was a loud knock on the door, causing the tears to fall from Nikki's eyes even harder and heavier than before.

"We can do this," Harry breathed one more time, before finally pulling away.

Nikki begged him not to open the door, she cried and screamed and grabbed his hands. But Harry, despite his tears and pain at watching her fall apart like that, prised himself away from her and walked over to the front door.

When the door was opened, and Kent was revealed on the doorstep with Sullivan at her side, the reality hit Nikki harder than a ton of bricks, and she knew in that moment that she did fully believe that he was innocent – and knew that she couldn't live without him.

"Ah, good morning, Dr. Cunningham," Kent was saying, "I didn't think we meet again so soon. Now, are you going to come willingly, or do I need to get to give Detective Sullivan here the chance to use those handcuffs that he looks after so diligently?"

"I'm coming," Harry said coldly. He looked about to leave, but hastily turned back to Nikki. Despite Kent's protests, he grabbed Nikki's hands, looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Call Leo. Get you to pick him up. Stay with him, or Janet. I don't want you to be alone when you're like this."

She nodded, reassuring him that she'd do as he said, then added, "Earlier, when we were arguing and I said I was ninety-nine percent certain? I was wrong."

"Oh?" Harry said uncertainly.

"I'm one hundred percent," she told him.

The smile of gratitude on Harry's face made Nikki's heart melt.

"Come on, Dr. Cunningham," Kent said for the tenth time.

Harry released Nikki's hands and walked away from her backwards, so that they never broke their gaze until Sullivan dragged him outside and Kent shut the door behind her.

Her heart burning, her lungs aching, the tears burning her cheeks, Nikki fell to her knees and sobbed.

_Neither of you were under any illusion it would be easy. _

_You just didn't realise how hard it was going to be._

_You've had your heart broken and you've broken a heart; you've nearly died, you've nearly killed someone; you've cried and screamed and shouted, you've laughed and smiled and kissed. You've betrayed him, but he's betrayed you; you've quit, on more things than one; and they've been the worst two months of your life._

_Yet, somehow, you have survived._

_

* * *

_

**Okay, I think I owe you all an explanation and an apology. That last chapter was horrifically bad, I am aware of that. In fact, I am not particularly pleased by either of these chapters. They're messy and complicated and boring. **

**I had this idea of how I wanted these two chapters, Harry's 'last night', to go, and they actually only fit without about 30% of what I wanted. I spent two and half weeks writing the last one because it wouldn't go right, or look right, or sound right; and two days doing this one. **

**So I am truly, very sorry. I just wanted them to be perfect, if not for my own peace of mind, then for your satisfaction as a reader. **

**As much love as my currently depressed self will permit,**

**Charlotte  
xxx **


	22. Sigh No More

**Chapter 22: **Sigh No More

"Nikki, can I see you in my office, please?"

Nikki, who was sat at her desk absent-mindedly twirling a pen between her fingers, looked over at her boss. Leo was eyeing her cautiously, a look of worry on his face.

"I'm fine," she told him shortly, trying to save time.

"That's not what I wanted to talk about," he told her patiently. With a jerk of his head he signalled to his office. "Please?"

With a deliberately pointed sigh, she got to her feet and crossed the room, her heels clicking loudly against the floor.

"What?" she asked snappily, flopping into the chair at the front of his desk. "If it's about that report, I told you that I'll give it to you by the end of the day; it is only ten o'clock, I've got-"

"It's not about the report," he replied softly. "It's about Harry."

Her jaw clenching, Nikki said, "What about him?"

"Two things. Firstly ... Well, I've been trying to put it off for as long as possible of course, but – I need to hire a replacement." His eyes were full of regret as he spoke. "Not a permanent position, just someone to fill in while we don't have Harry."

Nikki nodded once but didn't say anything. Leo looked slightly puzzled. "Are you okay with that, then? I mean, I know it's not what either of us wants, but we can't cope without-"

"Leo, it's fine," Nikki interrupted. "What was the second thing?"

There was a pause in which Leo regarded Nikki with a look heavy with scrutiny. However, when she refused to let him see any of the emotions that she might or might not have been feeling, Leo conceded defeat and moved on.

Glancing down at the papers on his desk as he spoke, he said awkwardly, "I went to see Harry yesterday."

"That's lovely, can I go now?" she asked coolly, making to get up from her seat.

"Sit down," Leo said. His voice was calm, but the glare that he was fixing her with clearly told Nikki not to argue. Slowly, she sunk back into the chair. "Harry says," he continued, "that you haven't visited him lately."

With a shrug, Nikki said, "I've been busy."

"He said that you haven't visited him _at all_."

A silence descended upon the pair as Nikki realised that she didn't have an answer to this. All she knew was that in the week Harry had been in prison, she had ignored the three visiting orders that had arrived on her doorstep, including one for that afternoon, and deleted the messages that had been left on her voicemail when she avoided his calls.

"Nikki, what's going on with you?" Leo asked, his voice full of concern. "All week long you've been irritable and cold towards everyone around you. You're pushing us away, when now is the time that you need us. I know you love Harry, and I know you didn't have a falling out, so why won't you go and see him?"

When Nikki still refused to speak, but continued to stare at the wall, Leo sighed and said, "Look, he's Harry so he's telling everyone that he's fine, but I don't think he is really. And I don't think you are either. Even I'm prepared to admit that I miss him, so I know that you certainly do. Why don't you come with Janet and me to see him tomorrow morning?"

"I can't, I promised the coroner I would go to one of those meeting things," Nikki said finally, pulling her gaze away from the wall and back to Leo. "Now, is that all? Because I have work that needs doing." She affected a tone of unconcern and got up from her chair again. This time Leo didn't try and stop her as she left, but Nikki did hear his weary sigh.

Calmly, she went back to her desk and sat down, pulling a case file towards her. But she could slowly feel the barriers she'd built up the past week crumbling away, despite her attempts to keep them standing. Her hands were shaking so much that she could hardly hold a pen; her eyes were filled with so many tears that she couldn't see clearly. She could feel Leo's gaze on her back and didn't want to give him more reason to be concerned, so, as nonchalantly as she could, Nikki picked up the file and strode from the room.

Without even noticing, the folder slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor as she sought out the toilets. A lab tech looked at Nikki in alarm as she pushed past him, now fighting hard to prevent the tears that were threatening to fall. As soon as she crashed into the small bathroom, cubicles lined up against one wall, she leant against a sink and no longer attempted to hold back the tears. They cascaded down her cheeks as she sobbed, slipping into the sink where they then disappeared down the plug hole.

For the first time in a week, Nikki allowed herself to feel what she was feeling. It was horrible. _She_ was horrible. Poor Harry was in prison, and she was too much of a coward to go and see him.

There was a soft creak as the door opened slightly and Leo stepped in, blushing at being in the ladies' toilets. He stood near the hand-dryers and just looked at Nikki, his eyebrows raised.

"I'm fine," she told him thickly. Turning her back to him, she disappeared into a cubicle for a moment to tear off some tissue, before returning to her position by the sink. Using the mirror on the wall in front of her, Nikki wiped her cheeks, took a deep breath and turned to face her boss.

"See?"

"Oh, yeah," said Leo, clearly unconvinced. "You're completely fine. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say you were the happiest woman alive."

"Please don't start," she told him quietly.

"I'm not going to stop," he countered. "Not until you've talked to me."

"You're so bloody persistent," she mumbled, wiping her eyes again.

Leo chuckled. "You know Harry would be the same if he was here. But he's not, is he? So you'll have to make do with me."

"If Harry was here then we wouldn't need to be having this conversation in the first place," she retorted, a little harsher than intended. It wasn't Leo's fault, after all.

"Don't you think I know that?" he sighed. "Come on, Nikki. You know as well as I do that you can't just bottle this up."

Nikki swallowed hard. Telling Leo would make it all the more real, but at the same time she knew he was right; she needed to tell someone.

"It's..." She trailed off and sighed before trying again. Leo was watching her intently. "It's just-"

However, just then she was cut off by the door opening again and a young lab technician walking in. She stopped in her tracks, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw Leo standing there, and her eyebrows rising incredibly high on her forehead when she saw Nikki in tears. Quickly, Leo ushered her back out, saying, "Sorry, these toilets are out of order. You'll have to use the ones in the cafeteria."

The lab tech looked about to protest, but before she could do so Leo shut the door in her face. He sighed and then turned back to Nikki. "You were saying," he prompted gently.

"I miss him. Harry. I miss him so much it actually hurts," she muttered, while Leo had the tact to just listen. "I love him like I've never loved anyone before. He knows me so well, better than any other person on this planet. And it's like – now he's gone – there's this massive part of my life missing; a gaping void that's just filled with misery."

"So why don't you just go and see him? It's not like he's died, he's still there!" Leo exclaimed, clearly unable to help himself.

Nikki shook her head. "There's still a little bit of him in everything, Leo. My house has cupboards full of his clothes, his food, his shampoo, his razor; my bed smells of his aftershave; my coffee table is scattered with his incredibly boring magazines. So I come to work, but of course that's just bursting at the seams with little bits of Harry!"

Leo looked a little puzzled, but he continued to listen attentively.

"Work is the worst," she continued, more quietly. "Here, at the lab. Here is where we met. This job is the catalyst for us falling for each other. I mean, it was at a pathology conference that we had our first kiss, for crying out loud!"

Leo's eyes widened. "I knew something happened at that con-" He was cut off by Nikki's glare and fell silent, instead signalling for her to continue.

"My point is, it would be easier if he was dead. I'm not saying I want him to be, God no!" she added quickly, after seeing Leo's face.

Feeling the need to explain before Leo presumed that she was some psychopath who wanted her boyfriend dead, she said, "When I was thirteen my nan had a heart attack and was admitted to hospital. She was my favourite person, yet I couldn't bear to go and see her. Because she wasn't meant to be in there. She was meant to be at home in her kitchen baking things and humming along to the radio; or sat in her armchair knitting me something hideous. I just couldn't see her so weak and vulnerable, it wasn't how she was supposed to be... I know it doesn't make any sense, but I can't see Harry in there. He's the one who's meant to be strong and reliable and here for me. It sounds so selfish, but going to see him is just going to be a painful reminder of what I can't have. I don't think I can say goodbye to him every time. It would be too hard. One hour a couple of times a week isn't enough."

His eyes full of pity, Leo stepped forward and placed a hand on Nikki's shoulder. "Right now, Harry needs you. He _is_ weak and vulnerable. Yes, it's horrible seeing him in there, I hate it just as much as you; and leaving knowing that while we get to go back to our lives, Harry goes back to his cell ... well, it's horrific. But what makes it all worthwhile is the fact that Harry gets one hour every few days where he can forget about everything that's happening and just talk to someone familiar, someone he cares about."

Nikki's eyes filled with fresh tears as guilt tore through her stomach. Leo gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"Isn't one hour a couple of times a week better than not at all?" he asked her rhetorically, his gaze searching.

Running a hand over her face to brush away the moisture from her cheeks, Nikki took a deep breath and said, "Can I leave early today? I have somewhere I have to be at four."

A smile graced Leo's lips as he realised where it was she had to be.

"Yes, of course you can."

* * *

"Hi, I'm Nikki Alexander. I'm here to see Harry Cunningham."

The man at the reception desk eyed Nikki up and down, before glancing down at a list in front of him. He carefully noted something on the paper before handing it to Nikki.

"Sign here please," he said gruffly, handing her a clipboard.

Nikki scribbled her name on the sign-in sheet and handed it back to the warden, who in exchange passed her a tag for her to clip to her top with large letters spelling the word 'VISITOR'. She was then ushered over to another female warden, who took her handbag and did a quick body search. After confirming that Nikki was indeed clean of knives, drugs and other illegal items, she was free to enter the visitors' room.

Seating herself at one of the many small tables, Nikki twiddled her thumbs nervously as she waited for Harry. All around her were friends and relatives of other inmates, some already talking with the man they came to see, some waiting like she was.

A door opened on the other side of the room and a warden stepped back to let people through. Nikki couldn't even pay much attention to others; there was only one person she wanted to see.

And then, suddenly, he was there. Standing staring at her. His shock of black hair was shorter than it had been when he'd left, yet he'd clearly gone at least two days without shaving. Nikki watched as he swallowed hard before slowly approaching. Following the lead of people around her, she stood up. A second later and he was stood right in front of her.

"Hi," she said nervously, her voice shaking.

A genuine, big smile spread across Harry's face. "Hey."

* * *

**I've just realised how miserable I sounded in my last author's note, and I apologise for that! I'm all happy again now. S'all good! :)**

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I know that's not quite how prison works exactly, but I'm using my creative license and making it how I want it and picture it to be. So you should expect some slight inaccuracy in the next chapter. Whatever, sue me. ;)**

**Thank you so much for the lovely feedback on the last couple of chapters; it means a lot to know that you're still reading and enjoying it! **

**Reviews are love,**

**Charlotte  
xxx **


	23. Falling or Flying

**Chapter 23: **Falling or Flying

"Hi," she said nervously, her voice shaking.

A genuine, big smile spread across Harry's face. "Hey."

He looked so pleased to see her, and in that instance Nikki had never felt so guilty. He'd needed her, but she'd been too selfish to go and see him. Now he was being nice to her and she could hardly stand it. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, leaving a hot and salty trail against her pale cheeks.

"Nikki, what's wrong?" Harry asked concernedly.

"Don't be nice to me," she muttered thickly, avoiding his gaze. "I don't deserve it. I should have come and seen you sooner, I know that."

"It's okay," he told her, giving her a reassuring smile. "I know how hard it must be to come and see me in this hell-hole. Leo doesn't enjoy it either."

"Yes, but at least Leo comes!" she cried. "I was too cowardly to even do that."

"Stop it," he said forcefully. "I don't care that you didn't come sooner. I don't care what your reasons were. All that matters is you're here now."

Wiping her cheeks with her cuffs, Nikki took a deep breath before looking up at Harry and giving him a small smile.

"That's better," Harry smiled. "Now come here and give me a hug. I'm guessing you need one."

Nikki chuckled. "I'm guessing you do too."

"You may be right about that," he said, outstretching his arms.

Hastily accepting his embrace, Nikki pressed herself as close to Harry as she could, burying her face in his grey sweatshirt. As he tightened his arms around her waist, she heard him tell her to make sure the wardens could see her hands. However, this was a warning that wasn't needed. Her past had been too full of prison visits for her not to know the routine. Although, it wasn't very often that she had felt like giving her father a hug.

Harry's torso was so warm and comfortingly reassuring, that for a moment Nikki closed her eyes and just pretended that they were at home and that nothing was wrong; that everything was normal. Far from the mess it currently was.

Everything about him was so painfully familiar, from the way he held her to the way her chin fitted perfectly in the crook of his neck. It was heart-breaking knowing that in under an hour she was going to have to say goodbye.

Pulling her head back so that she could look at Harry, Nikki asked, "How have you been?"

Harry took his time providing her with an answer, instead deciding to guide her into a plastic chair and then sitting opposite her before he did so.

"You know, struggling through," he told her, his smile slightly strained.

"What's it like in here?" she asked quietly. "I mean, I know it's horrible, but have you made any friends? Or ... enemies?"

"I get on all right with my cell-mate," he shrugged.

"That's good," Nikki smiled. "Who is he?"

"His name's Neil. He's in for armed robbery. But his trial is in a fortnight, so he'll be leaving then, one way or the other."

"Oh. Well, at least you don't have any bruises this time," she observed, carefully scrutinising his face. "None of the thugs set on you yet?"

Harry laughed humourlessly. "They're just biding their time. Don't worry, I'm sure they won't disappoint."

It was the serious edge to Harry's voice that made Nikki's stomach tighten. Swallowing hard, she decided to change the topic of discussion and said, "You've cut your hair short again."

Running a hand through it, Harry said, "Oh, yeah. It's easier to keep clean when it's short. The showers in here aren't the sort of place you like to frequent very often."

Nikki pulled a face. "I can imagine."

"Trust me, you don't want to," Harry assured her. "Anyway, enough about me. How are you?"

Shaking her head slightly, Nikki didn't know how to answer him. She was sure that whatever she was going through, Harry had it worse. But he was doing that thing where he disregards his own feelings to make sure that she's okay. Part of her desperately wanted to tell him, just so that he would know that she truly did miss him.

"Lonely," she said quietly. "It's like ... everything's exactly the same, yet everything's completely different. I go home to the same apartment, I go to work in the same building, I drive the same car; but you aren't sat with me in the passenger seat, you aren't doing a post-mortem in the cutting room, you aren't wrapped around me in bed." She paused, and Harry took her hand on the tabletop. "I miss you," she whispered.

"I know. I miss you too. More than you can imagine," Harry told her. "But we _can_ get through this."

"Can we?" she asked. "Can we really?"

"Yes," he said certainly. "It's only a couple of months until my trial, it will fly by."

"And what if you get found guilty? What then? A life sentence? A life sentence in a proper prison where I am only allowed to visit you on a Sunday, and where I can't give you a hug or-"

"Nikki," he interrupted reproachfully. "Can we at least pretend to be hopeful?"

A sigh escaped her lips. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just ... I hate seeing you in this place."

"Can we not talk about something so depressing?" he asked with a weak smile. "Tell me what's going on at work. Anything. I need something to think about so that I don't go insane in this place."

Nikki smiled and proceeded to tell him about the case Leo was working on, the fact that Leo was hiring a replacement, and how she was wondering whether to steal his desk. All too soon, however, the warden was announcing just five minutes left.

Harry's smile faded slightly. "Will you come and see me again?" he asked despondently.

"Of course I will," she assured him. "We're going to get you out of here, Harry. I know you didn't do this, you don't deserve to be locked up for a crime you didn't commit."

"Try telling Kent that," Harry snorted derisively.

"I mean it," Nikki said certainly. "I'm going to go back to the lab and have a look at the Jones case file, see if there's anything the others might have missed."

"No, Nikki, you can't-"

"I'll also do some of my own digging, like you did," she continued, ignoring Harry's protests. "I'll speak to some people, maybe redo Jones' PM..."

"No!" Harry objected loudly. "You'll get yourself into trouble and I won't let that happen!"

"I'll be fine," she told him offhandedly. "It's you we've got to worry about. Look, I'd better go. I'll be in touch if I discover anything." She got up from her seat.

"Nikki!" Harry attempted to protest one last time, but she simply pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, wished him goodbye, and walked away, leaving a worried looking Harry behind.

* * *

Silence greeted Nikki when she arrived back at the lab. The lights were dimmed and the lab techs appeared to have gone home. The door was closed to Leo's office, but Nikki knew it wasn't locked. Leo never locked his door; he preferred to trust that his employees wouldn't break in there and steal anything. Guilt sweeping over her, Nikki bit her lip, hesitating with her hand on the door handle. But then thoughts of Harry filled her head, and, making up her mind with some certainty, she quickly pushed open the door and slipped into Leo's office.

Knowing exactly where it would be, for Leo's filing system tended to be meticulous, Nikki headed straight for the grey filing cabinets that Harry too had rifled through just over a week ago. However, her search was fruitless and after ten minutes of closely examining each and every file, Nikki still wasn't any closer to finding the one she wanted. Just as she paused to consider where else it could be, there was loud and pointed clearing of the throat from behind her. Leo.

Guiltily, although not feeling as guilty as she probably should be, she turned around to face her boss.

"Looking for something?" Leo asked coolly, eyebrows raised. There was a steaming mug of coffee in his hand, which was obviously where he'd gone.

"No," she said quickly. Too quickly. Leo just threw her a disbelieving look as he walked behind his desk, Nikki moving around to the other side, making sure that there was a physical object between them to prevent any acts of violence on Leo's part. However, rather than shouting at her he simply used a small key to open the top drawer of his desk and pulled out the file.

"Did you really think I was going to leave Robert Jones' file lying around after Harry tried to steal it? Come on, Nikki, you know me better than that," he said, his voice steely.

"I just wanted to look at it," she attempted meekly. "I'm sorry, I'll go now."

She tried to leave, but before she'd even taken two steps, Leo said loudly, "Sit down."

Apprehensively, she sank into the chair at his desk.

"How's Harry?" Leo asked unexpectedly.

"You want to talk about Harry?" Nikki's brows furrowed. "I thought you were going to shout at me."

"I was, initially," he confessed. "But it's understandable that you might not be thinking rationally after where you've been this evening."

"My thinking processes have not changed because of the fact that I went to see Harry," she protested.

"Yes they have. Of course they have," Leo said firmly. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

"All right, so they have. Whatever, can I go now?" Nikki snapped, not in the mood to hear a sanctimonious lecture.

"No," Leo said. "You can't do what you're planning to do. You can't conduct your own investigation. Look what happened to Harry. You're just asking for trouble, and I won't let it happen to you."

"You're trying to protect me?" she scoffed.

"Yes, I am."

"Well don't," she said forcefully. "It's not your job to step into Harry's shoes once he's not here and 'protect' me. I'm my own woman, Leo! I can look after myself, and I don't need anyone to do it for me!"

"Stop fighting me," Leo said calmly. "I gave Harry my word that I'd look out for you. Not that I didn't when he was here, but that's beside the point. If you were to do what I know you want to, then you'll be committing professional suicide!"

Too weary to argue anymore, Nikki collapsed back into the chair and ran a hand over her face, biting her lip to prevent tears. "I just can't let him stay in there, Leo," she muttered dejectedly. "It's not where he should be. I wouldn't mind if he'd actually done it, but he didn't! You know that as well as I do. He belongs here with us."

"I know he does, I miss him too," Leo said sympathetically, "but-"

"But nothing, Leo! There has to be something that we've missed, some small thing that we didn't even think about. We're the best pathology unit in the south-east, we don't make mistakes!" She stopped and sighed as Leo watched her expressionlessly. When she continued, she lowered her tone and said, "I'm not asking you to be involved. I wouldn't ask you to do anything that would compromise your job. But I'm not head of the department. And, to be honest, I would rather be unemployed and have Harry back than have a job without him."

Leo observed her carefully. Nikki could almost see the cogs in his head whirring as he took in what she was saying. She waited, patiently, for him to shout at her, or tell her that she's stupid, or yell at her to leave, but instead he abruptly got to his feet and said, "I'm going to get a coffee."

Opening her mouth, and then closing it again, Nikki frowned and said, "There's a full mug right-"

However, Leo interrupted her and said, "As your boss, I'm telling you that taking this case file would be irresponsible and downright stupid, and if the police were to catch you, you would be up the creek without anything remotely resembling a paddle." He placed his palm over the folder that was lying on the centre of his desk. "However, as your friend, and as Harry's friend, I'm telling you that I'm going for a coffee and will probably end up chatting to a lab tech and therefore will be gone a while. I'm advising you, once you've run any ... erm, errands, that you may have, to go straight home."

Nikki smiled as Leo edged around his desk and walked towards the door. "Thank you, Leo," she said sincerely as he reached the doorway.

Leo just turned and gave her a small knowing smile before disappearing. Standing up, Nikki carefully moved the full mug of still hot coffee and reached across for the brown file. She found her hands were shaking slightly as she held it tightly and, still smiling, left the office.

* * *

**I know it's been preposterously long since I last updated, but I was back at college last week and it's been dominating the entire of my free time! You would think that the teachers would ease us back into the year, but no. Anyways, hope you like this chapter. It should be good, it's taken me long enough to write. ;)**

**And here's hoping that everyone has a wonderful autumn, for it's the official first day of that particular season on Tuesday! Can't quite believe summer's over, but autumn does mean that it's nearly Christmas! :P**

**Tons of hugs,  
**

**Charlotte  
****xxx **


	24. Wreck of the Day

**Chapter 24: **Wreck of the Day

Sitting on the floor with the contents of the case file strewn across the coffee table in front of her, Nikki ran a hand over her face wearily and groaned as she stretched out her stiff legs. The summer sun was beginning to rise now; the room was steadily filling with warm sunlight, finally putting an end to the last few days of continuous rain. The coffee beside her was cold, so much so that Nikki pulled a face when she went to take a sip before promptly pushing the mug away from her, disgusted.

The lack of sleep, the aching joints, the feeling of brain pounding against skull – would all have been bearable if the night had been a success. But not a single, potentially innocence-proving, thing had Nikki found. The notepad that she'd hopefully placed next to where she sat remained blank and untouched, for building this elusive case in Harry's favour had turned out a lot more difficult than she'd thought.

Nikki's eyes itched with fatigue as she slowly got to her feet and took her mug of cold coffee into the kitchen. As she poured the brown liquid down the sink, she pulled her hair from its messy bun and pushed her fingers through it roughly. What she needed was a fresh pair of eyes, someone who would be just as invested in releasing Harry as she was, but who would be sensible enough to stop her if her exhaustion tempted her to fabricate the evidence that she was desperately hoping to find.

It took her sleepy brain a few moments to figure out who this could be, and when she did realise she almost kicked herself for not ringing him sooner. Grabbing her mobile phone from the side, she scrolled through the phonebook until she found the number she wanted and then pressed call.

Several moments passed before a weary, croaky voice mumbled, "Cameron Gables."

"Hi, Cameron, it's Nikki." Nikki's voice also sounded distinctly rough, like it was out of practice.

There was a groan on the other end of the line. "Nikki? Are you all right? You do realise it's not even seven yet?"

Nikki frowned. "You're always up early," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but not on my day off," he rebuked, clearly unhappy at being woken. Nikki, however, was far from deterred.

"Well, that's brilliant! It means you can come round here and help me!" she said enthusiastically.

"Help you do what?"

"Prove Harry's innocence, of course!" she said simply.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, before Cameron asked, "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," she lied defiantly. "Are you going to come round and help me, or not?"

"I'll come round," he sighed. "But not before I've showered and had breakfast."

A slight pang of something that closely resembled grief struck Nikki as she realised that Harry would have shoved on the nearest clothes to hand and been round at hers in an instant, not after he'd showered and eaten. But at least Cameron was coming, and he would help her get Harry back, after all.

**. . .**  
**. .**

An hour later, there was finally a knock at the door. Hurrying over, Nikki smiled as she let Cameron enter her apartment.

"Thank you for coming," she said, but Cameron was staring at the documents strewn over her coffee table.

"Is that the file on Robert Jones?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes."

"Where on earth did you get it from?" he exclaimed, bending down and reading a random sheet in front of him.

"Leo," she said simply.

"He gave this to you?" Cameron sounded disbelieving. "He'll get in trouble."

"He didn't give it to me, exactly ... He just – didn't stop me from acquiring it..." she confessed.

Cameron arched an eyebrow at her. "You didn't steal it?"

Nikki tried to look indignant, but faltered and said, "I tried, but it turned out I didn't have to."

To her surprise, Cameron smiled at her appreciatively. "You're even madder than I thought," he laughed, then added, "Or, maybe you just love Harry more than I thought."

"Maybe I do," she shrugged. "Now, can we get to work?"

"Yeah," he said, sitting on the sofa and leaning forward to gather up the contents of the file. "You haven't found anything yet?"

"No," she sighed, placing herself beside him. "I've been up all night analysing it. I'm sure there's something that I'm missing, something really small and stupid, but I can't put my finger on it."

"That's always the way," Cameron said humourlessly, flicking through the report. "Look, I don't even really understand half of this science-y stuff. Maybe if you took me through it in normal people's language, that might help us both?"

Nodding, Nikki took the folder and glanced at the first page, scrolling her finger past the first section of personal details about the victim, until she reached the summary of his death.

"Are you ready?" she asked, a small smile on her face. She was finally getting somewhere. They were doing something.

"Hit me," Cameron grinned.

Taking a deep breath, Nikki began to read.

**. . .  
. .**

"We need to stop and have something to eat," Cameron groaned later that day. Nikki glanced at the clock and was shocked to see that it already the middle of the afternoon.

"Yes, of course," she said, "There's bread and sandwich stuff in the kitchen, help yourself."

"Great," he replied, getting to his feet. "Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm okay," Nikki replied absentmindedly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

As Cameron bustled around making himself some lunch in the kitchen, Nikki studied her notepad in front of her and smiled. After reading it through a second time, they still hadn't been able to find anything that could prove Harry innocent. Instead, they'd simply interpreted the facts another way. Nikki believed Harry when he said that Christopher Jones killed his brother. She'd played Cameron the recording that Harry took and even he had conceded that it sounded suspicious. So the pair had simply looked at the facts from the point of view of Christopher Jones. Would he have been able to swing that punch, would he have grabbed that knife, would he have had the motive?

The answer to all three was yes, and as they read the file they realised that it could equally have been Harry or Christopher. The only thing that seemed to be the reason that the police were intent on choosing Harry as their prime suspect was the fact that he didn't have an alibi, and was found standing over the body. But nobody had bothered to check whether Jones had an alibi or not.

Cameron entered the room again, but just as he'd sat down his mobile phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket and frowned at the display.

"Who is it?" Nikki asked.

"I'll take this outside," Cameron said quickly, avoiding Nikki's question and heading over to the front door. Guessing the identity of the person on the other end of the line, Nikki hastily followed and pressed her ear to the closed door. Cameron's muffled voice drifted through.

"... Yes, I'm with her now," he was saying. "Why?"

There was a pause as Harry answered and then Cameron said, "No, we're just looking through the file, that's all."

On the other side of the door, Nikki's brow furrowed. Clearly, they were discussing her.

"She's not going to do anything stupid, Harry! I'm here, too. We just want to get you out of that place, is that such a crime?" Cameron protested loudly, a minute passed, and then he sighed. "I know ... I know that."

Nikki had known that Harry had had reservations about her doing her own investigation; as much as she'd tried to ignore it, he'd made that plain when she visited him yesterday. But to ring Cameron and, by the sounds of it, try and get him to stop her?

Outside, Cameron snorted derisively. "What will that achieve?" he said. Silence again, and then, "No! I'm not going out of my way to set up a meeting just so that you can do that. Anyway, she'll see straight through you."

Nikki's stomach clenched uncomfortably. She didn't know what they were talking about, but she didn't like the sound of it.

"Look, Harry. If I'm going to do this, then you're not going to do that. Try talking to her instead. If all else fails, then do what you think is right. But, just so you know, I don't agree with you ... All right, I'll see what I can do. Bye."

Hearing Cameron sigh and turn back towards the apartment, Nikki quickly darted back to her place on the floor beside the coffee table.

"Who was that?" she asked casually as Cameron sat on the sofa once again.

Expecting him to lie, Nikki was surprised when he said, "Harry. He's asked me to try and set up a meeting with you this afternoon."

"Can you do that?"

"I have contacts," he told her with a shrug.

"I don't understand," Nikki said, attempting to get Cameron to tell her what was going on, "Why didn't Harry use his one phone call to speak to me? Why did he ring you to get you to arrange a meeting so that he can speak to me?"

Cameron was giving nothing away, though he looked as if he would very much like to. "Maybe he wants to speak to you face-to-face."

"Hmm."

Cameron picked up his phone again. "I'll try and arrange this visit," he said with a sigh.

The whole drive to the prison Nikki was mulling over what she'd heard on the phone between Harry and Cameron. Every conclusion that her mind jumped to was a bad one, so she wasn't expecting good things to come of this visit. What did he have to say that couldn't be said over the phone?

The whole rigmarole of being signed in seemed to pass too quickly for Nikki. For once, she was reluctant to see Harry. She repeated the same process as the day before, even sitting at the same table, and waiting for the same amount of time. However, this time she was unsure whether or not to stand up as Harry approached. Would he want to give her a hug? On the phone she'd got the impression that he was angry.

Reaching the table, Harry stopped and looked at her quizzically. "Don't I get a hug then?"

Smiling with relief, she stood up and hooped her arms around his shoulders. "I thought you wouldn't want to," she confessed into his shoulder.

"Why would you think that?" he asked her.

"I don't know, I just got the impression – from what Cameron said – that you were mad at me or something," she said quietly.

Harry sighed but didn't contradict her. Instead, he pressed a kiss into her hair, lingering slightly longer than he normally would have done. He seemed sad, somehow.

"I'm not mad at you, exactly," he told her. "I'm just worried about you."

"Don't be," she said firmly.

"I can't help it, you know that," he admonished. "I'm worried about what me being in here is doing to you."

"You should be worried about yourself," Nikki pointed out. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Harry contradicted. "You shouldn't have to be stealing case files and not eating and sleeping properly because of me."

"You're Harry," she said, like this fact alone would be enough to explain why she was doing what she was doing.

"Meanwhile, I'm in here not eating or sleeping properly because I'm worried about you," he continued.

"But I love you," she frowned, not liking where this conversation was heading.

"I know. I love you, too. Maybe that's the problem," he said quietly.

There was a pause while Nikki ingested this sentence. "You're not making any sense, Harry," she said eventually. "What are you saying?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore," he told her. "Us, in a relationship. It's too much pressure; it's too much extra to worry about. Me being in here is slowly causing you to fall apart, and I can't sit by and watch that happen."

Not quite believing what she was hearing, tears stung in Nikki's eyes as she said, "You're finishing with me?"

"It's for our own good," he said placatingly. "I don't think we were ever really meant to be together. Every time we try, something gets in the way. At least this way you don't have to be so worried about me."

Suddenly, Nikki found that she was no longer upset, but angry. She remembered what Cameron had said on the phone: _She'll see straight through you._

"What utter bollocks," she declared loudly, causing an elderly woman at the table beside them to tut and Harry to glance up, surprised. "You do talk some crap, Harry. That's all very _noble_ of you, but it's not going to work."

"What's not going to work?"

"You breaking up with me so that I'll stop looking into the case myself! You're not doing it because you think I'll fall apart without you, you know full well that I am stronger than that, and I know that you aren't going to fall apart without me either! You're doing it because you don't want me to commit professional suicide, just like I didn't want you to a couple of weeks ago!" she snapped.

"Nikki, I don't want to do this anymore," he said. "I can't."

"I've known you too long not to spot when you have ulterior motives, Harry Cunningham!" Nikki said defiantly. "If you want to break up with me then that's fine. But it's not going to stop me, so you're wrong there."

Harry just stared at her for a moment. "Nikki, everything that I just said was true. I'm thinking of you here-"

Rolling her eyes, Nikki said, "Fine! Fine then, we're broken up. It's over; we're done; it was nice while it lasted; whatever! Now, can I go? Only, I'd quite like to pop round Christopher Jones' before it gets too late and ask him a couple of questions."

Harry glared at her as she quickly got to her feet and stormed from the room. Seething with anger, Nikki was unnecessarily rude to the warden who handed her back her bag, and slammed her car door a little too loudly as she sat heavily into the driver's seat. It wasn't until she stopped and the reality of what had just happened caught up with her that the anger dissipated, and tears began to slide down her cheeks.

* * *

**I've got to confess, I have had that break up planned since the beginning. Feel free to hate me ;) But now that getting Harry out of prison isn't in the utmost forefront of Nikki's mind (though it's still there, of course) I can go down so many more roads, storyline-wise. I already have a plan for the next few chapters. ;)**

**Oh, while I'm here, I feel I should say a special thank you to all reviewers, but in particular langfieldl and Holly. I do lack confidence in my writing, so big hugs to you both. Holly, your reviews never fail to make me laugh and langfieldl, you never fail to make me feel like this story might actually be okay. **

**Right, that's it, I think. Next chapter should be within the forseeable future as I've already started it.**

**Love and hugs,**

**Charlotte  
xxxx**

**P.S. Review? :) **


	25. World Spins Madly On

**Chapter 25: **World Spins Madly On

The hustle and bustle of the lab; people doing their jobs as if it were a day like any other, answering consistently ringing phones and causing large computers to beep as they relayed their results; was somewhat comforting to Nikki. She instantly calmed as she walked over to her desk, dumping her handbag in her chair. So they were broken up. These things happen to couples all the time. She'd been naïve to think that Harry would be her one and only for the rest of her life – the law of probabilities could have told her that, had she been bothered to consult them. Which she hadn't, because she'd been too caught up in this whirlwind of emotional turmoil.

Harry. It always boiled down to Harry. Sometimes, it was enough to make Nikki half-heartedly wish that she had never accepted Leo's job offer all those years ago. But here she was, and yes, things hadn't quite gone to plan, but she was still fighting on. 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger', isn't that how the saying goes?

Deciding to let Leo know that she was back, she walked over to his office, softly knocked once on the door and then entered. Leo was talking to a man who was sat opposite him, a man who was wearing a suit and smiling broadly.

"Err... Leo, could I have a word?" she asked, when she realised that both men were staring at her.

"Of course," Leo smiled. "I'll be right back," he added to his visitor.

Once outside the office, making sure the door was firmly shut, Nikki said, "Who was that?"

"I'm thinking of hiring him as Harry's replacement," Leo told her.

"Oh." Nikki didn't really know how to react to this particular piece of news. A minute of silence passed, and then Leo said, "What did you want to talk to me about, Nikki?"

"I think I'm ready to come back to work," she said defiantly.

Leo crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "You haven't been off work."

"Yes I have," she said knowingly. "For the last week you have been depriving me of proper cases, just making me do paperwork and then go home early. But now, I am telling you, that I'm ready to come back."

"Why now? Why so suddenly?" he queried. Nikki shrugged nonchalantly and he sighed and added, "What happened?"

"Harry finished with me," she told him casually.

Leo looked aghast. "Nikki-" he began, but she interrupted him.

"Look, it's okay, Leo. He only did it to make himself feel all noble and good, and seeing as I'm not paying any attention to him it doesn't really matter," she said quickly.

Looking entirely perplexed, Leo opened his mouth to say something but was immediately cut off by a wave of Nikki's hand.

"I'll explain properly later. My point is, can I please come back to work?"

Clearly debating Nikki's mental state, Leo just looked at her for a while with his eyes narrowed. Nikki waited patiently and eventually he sighed and said, "Fine. There's a suspected suicide down in the morgue waiting for a PM, you can get to work on that."

A smile erupted on Nikki's face. "Thanks, Leo."

Leo rolled his eyes and returned to his office, while Nikki made her way in the opposite direction and towards the cutting room. Work was good for her, it always had been. Choosing to throw herself into a case or spend all night doing paperwork had often provided a welcome distraction from whatever had been going on her life. This was going to be no different.

The locker room was exactly the same as always. Not that Nikki had expected it to be any different, just that she felt something should be, when her own life had been turned upside down. It was almost wrong that everything else should be so normal.

And then her eyes fell on Harry's locker, and it hit her that nothing else was normal, and probably wouldn't be for a long time. Swallowing hard, she placed her palm on the cold metal of Harry's locker door, until she finally plucked up the courage and opened it. Once again, it all looked so average. There was nothing missing, nothing new; it could have been that Harry was going to walk in and take out his lab coat any minute.

Tentatively, she reached in and took one of the jumpers that he had in there. It still smelled of him. She held it closer to her, burying her face in it, savouring the familiarity. Who was she kidding? She was far from 'fine'.

Feeling her eyes prickling, she pulled herself together, took a deep breath and shoved the jumper back into the locker, slamming it closed afterwards. She then pressed her back against her own locker and ran a hand through her hair. This was ridiculous. He wasn't dead, yet here she was acting as if he was.

Clearing her throat and blinking away the tears, she released a lungful of air and opened her locker, pulling out some white scrubs and getting changed. In just fifteen minutes she was fully scrubbed-in and about to start the post-mortem.

"Adrian Walsh," she read aloud from the file to the dictaphone recording the PM. "Twenty-three years old, not married, no children. Next-of-kin is his widowed Mother. He was suffering from depression, and was being prescribed Amitriptyline by his GP, Dr. Matthews. He hanged himself from the pipes in his bathroom."

She handed the file back to a lab technician then pulled on some gloves and bent over the body.

"Petechial haemorrhages around the eyes certainly suggest asphyxiation as the cause of death, which is consistent with a hanging," she muttered, using her magnifying glass to examine the blank, staring eyes of Adrian Walsh. "The ligature and bruising around his neck does extend upwards to behind which ears, suggesting that it was self-inflicted. If it had been murder then-"

However, she was cut off by loud voices and the doors being flung open. It was the arrival of Leo and the man who'd been sat in his office earlier.

"And this is the cutting room," Leo was saying happily. "As you can see, we're more than prepared for anything, with all the latest technology and equipment."

"Yes, it's great," the man said. "Much nicer than where I last worked."

At this point, Leo led the way over to where Nikki was working. "This is Dr. Nikki Alexander," he introduced with a smile. "Nikki, this Joseph Cooper, I've just offered him a job."

"Joe, please," the man said, extending his hand, "It's nice to meet you, Dr. Alexander."

Snapping off a glove, Nikki accepted his handshake and gave him a small smile. "Call me Nikki," she told him.

"All right then," he grinned. Nikki looked him up and down. His short hair was light brown, verging on dark blonde, and stuck up at odd angles; his eyes were a vivid blue, set against his high cheekbones and tanned face; he was wearing a thin, navy jumper over a white shirt with smart, black trousers. Nikki couldn't deny it; he was the definition of handsome. Yet part of her knew that he was fully aware of this fact. His whole demeanour reeked of cocky charm and casualness.

"Nikki, I was wondering if you'd let Joe work with you this afternoon?" Leo asked, pulling Nikki back into the present. "Show him the ropes, so to speak."

"Yes, of course," she said politely, although secretly she just wanted a few hours of peace and quiet.

"Great," said Joe. "I'll go and scrub in."

As soon as he was gone, Leo turned to Nikki and said, "So? What do you think?"

"I think he's not Harry," she said simply.

A sigh escaped Leo's lips. "I know," he said. "But he's very well qualified and comes with excellent references. He's good at his job. Just give him a chance."

"Of course I'll give him a chance," she said, slightly offended that Leo would think that she wouldn't.

"Good," he smiled. "By the way, dinner is at mine and Janet's tonight."

Nikki tried hard not to groan. "Leo, I'm tired. I've had a long day, I'd rather just-"

"So would I," Leo interrupted, "believe me. But it's on Janet's orders."

Nikki recognised defeat when she saw it, so agreed to come on the premise that no one was to talk about Harry.

It was quite a while after Leo had departed that Joe finally returned. He smiled at Nikki as he approached, now wearing some white scrubs and wellington boots.

"I bumped into a lab tech," he explained, by way of an apology. "Charlie, I think she said her name was. Anyway, she seemed quite keen to introduce herself."

He was grinning as if they'd been friends all their life, now sharing some private guy joke over how Charlie thought he was 'fit' or whatever.

"Look," Nikki said, never once looking up from Adrian Walsh's body in front of her. "I don't like you, and I'm probably not going to like you, because you've come in as the replacement for the one man whom I did like. Now don't talk to me as if we're best friends because we're not, we're colleagues."

Joe didn't appear to be deterred, however. "Can't colleagues become friends?" he asked.

"No," Nikki said bluntly, thinking of her earlier visit with Harry. "Because then things get complicated," she muttered, more to herself than Joe, "and you fall for each other, and everything's perfect for a little while, except when it isn't and when he's up for bloody murder and finishing with you!"

She took a deep breath, leaning against the cold slab to steady herself.

"Okay..." Joe said slowly. "Clearly, something is upsetting you and normally you wouldn't actually be the neurotic disagreeable woman that you're coming across as now."

Nikki glared at him. "Please, say what you're thinking," she said sarcastically.

"I do," he told her truthfully. "It's why you'll end up liking me."

"No, I won't."

"Yeah you will."

Frowning, she said, "You're very sure of yourself, aren't you?"

He grinned, "I know you will, because everybody does, whether I want them to or not. But I _do_ want you to, Dr. Alexander. Because I like you already, and I think you might need a breath of fresh air in your life."

Nikki couldn't help but laugh. "How many girls actually fall for that line?"

"A very select few, I have to admit," he countered, with mock thoughtfulness, but then added, "No, seriously though. Just give me a chance, that's all I'm asking."

Unsure whether to be annoyed or amused by this newcomer, Nikki placed her hands on her hips and said reluctantly, "I've already promised Leo I'll give you a chance, so don't think your corny little speech there had anything to do with this, but yes, all right then."

"Aww, come on! You loved the corny little speech! Don't tell me that you didn't!" He winked at her, causing Nikki's frown to deepen.

"Are you this optimistic all of the time?" she asked shrewdly.

"Yep," he replied, grinning. "Why focus on the negative? It's just depressing. I mean, look at this poor sod." He gestured to the guy on the slab in front of them.

Nikki narrowed her eyes at him in a disapproving way, but did have trouble preventing a smile from gracing her lips. Instead, she said, "Just pass me a scalpel, will you?"

**. . .  
. .**

"Nikki! Hi, how are you? Thanks for coming!" Janet's greetings were cheerful as Nikki stepped into the living room of Leo's house later that evening.

"I'm not too bad, how are you?" Nikki smiled, enveloping the older woman in a hug. There was something about Janet; her tranquil, soothing voice, her casual and relaxed manner, the genuine kindness and concern in every syllable; that made Nikki feel comfortable and calm.

They sat and ate Janet's lasagne happily enough, and Nikki was pleased to observe that Leo had heeded her words and stayed off of the topic of Harry. Unfortunately, this ruled out most subjects, and by the time they had sunk onto the sofas with glasses of wine in their hands, conversation had begun to run a little thin. It was a comfortable silence that Nikki was perfectly happy to sit in, yet Leo obviously felt the need to break it.

"I'm going to be late in tomorrow, Nikki," he said. "You and young Dr. Cooper shall have to cope on your own for a while."

"I'm sure we'll manage," she smiled. "Coroner got you going to another meeting, has she?"

Leo looked slightly awkward for a moment. "Something like that, yes."

Nikki knew Leo well enough to know when he was keeping something from her, and in this case she knew exactly what that something was. "You're going to see Harry." It wasn't a question, and Leo didn't deny it.

"Yes. Do you want me to tell him anything from you?"

"Oh, I could think of plenty of things you can tell him," she muttered bitterly, but then saw the older couple's concerned looks and sighed. "No, there's nothing," she said.

"Nikki, are you all right?" Janet asked, knowing full well that she wasn't.

"Fine," she said shortly, running her fingers through her hair wearily.

She turned her head away, but didn't miss the obvious look that Janet gave Leo that clearly told him to leave.

"Err ... I'll go get us another bottle of wine, shall I?" he said, getting up and leaving the room. Janet also stood up, but only so that she could move and sit next to Nikki.

"Leo told me that Harry broke up with you," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too," Nikki mumbled.

"What happened?" Janet probed. "Leo didn't say much..."

Nikki conceded defeat, knowing that Janet wasn't going to give up. "He said that it's because he doesn't want to see me hurting while he's in jail. His exact words were that he can't 'sit by and watch me fall apart'. It's not entirely that though. The real reason he's doing it is so that I will stop doing my own investigating into Jones' murder."

"Oh. Well, I guess you can say that his motives were honourable then," she said meekly.

Nikki snorted derisively. "Annoyingly so. But it's okay. I'm okay. Everything is okay."

The pair sat in silence for a minute, and it didn't take long for the combination of wine and exhaustion and self-pity to creep up on Nikki. A silent tear slid down her cheek, a tear which did not go unnoticed by Janet. Sighing, she slipped her arm around Nikki's shoulder.

"It's not okay, is it?" the older woman asked gently.

"No, it's not," Nikki muttered.

* * *

**You'll be seeing a lot more of Dr. Joseph Cooper in the next few chapter, so prepare yourselves! He might cause some trouble. I'm actually having quite a lot of fun writing him at the moment, it's because he's so different. Although, saying that, it's hard not to write him as a Harry doppleganger. ;)**

**Thank you all so much for your continued support and reviewing! I'll update again as soon as I can, I promise. :)**

**Tons of hugs,**

**Charlotte  
xxxx **

**P.S. Review? :)**


	26. Love Will Tear Us Apart

**Chapter 26: **Love Will Tear Us Apart

The next week passed in a blur of mingled emotions for Nikki. Having successfully had her heart broken by Harry, she hadn't really been able to focus on much else. Work had once again taken a backseat. Her notes had become sloppy and brief, rather than neat and concise like they used to be. The post-mortems were okay, because she was able to, literally, throw herself into them and just forget about everything else. But when it came to doing tedious paperwork, her mind always began to drift. It was during these times that she realised what an asset Joe Cooper was. He'd been brilliant; correcting and editing her reports before giving them to Leo, always making sure she was focusing, keeping her head just high enough above the water for her not to drown completely.

Because the truth was, Nikki was beginning to fall apart. It wasn't that she didn't know how to function without Harry, not really. It was the realisation that she didn't have anyone. Everyone she had ever loved and let in was snatched away from her. She was clinging by a thread to the hope of a normality returning, but knew it wasn't going to be easy. She'd go home and lose herself in a bottle of wine, then another, before finally falling into an alcohol-induced sleep on the sofa. She was fully aware that she was slowly destroying herself; but on the nights where she was on-call and had to remain sober, sleep would never come. Her bed, so cold and empty, had become the part of her house that she hated the most. It didn't even smell of Harry after she'd washed the sheets. That small comfort had also vanished.

Even now, as she sat at her desk and counted down the remaining minutes before the clock struck six and she could leave; her eyes were drooping from exhaustion. What was really plaguing her was the way that her and Harry had left things. Guilt ate at her for not putting up more of a fight, for simply acting as if he hadn't said anything at all. Not a single visiting order had landed on her doorstep since that last fateful visit, not a single message from him had been left on her voicemail. It wasn't like she could just give him a call or pop by either. There was something she could do though...

Grabbing a pen and pulling a blank piece of paper towards her, Nikki began to write. It took her over an hour. She didn't noticed Joe say goodnight, nor Leo's concerned glances as he walked past her, going back and forth from his office to the layout room. Instead, she poured her heart and soul onto the page, saying everything that she wanted to say. Her pen sped across the paper, the words flowing freely. It wasn't until she was done that she realised just how tired she was. She rubbed the fatigue from her eyes and reread her finished letter.

_Dear Harry,_

_I'm not really sure why I'm writing you this. I don't know what I expect it to achieve. I guess I just don't like the way we ended things last time. I didn't get to say what I really wanted to, what I know you needed to hear me say. So I am sat here at my desk in the lab, and even though I'm exhausted I'm writing you this letter. To explain._

_I told you once that love was an 'exquisite pain'. I thought we'd be different, me and you. But we're not. We are an exquisite pain. Loving you hurts, yet at the same time it's an ache so agonizingly wonderful that I wouldn't swap it for the world. You make me a better person. You give me something to hope for, something to cling on to. Or rather, you did._

_Last week you broke up with me. I'm still not really sure why. You said it was because you didn't want me to 'fall apart' whilst watching you suffer in that place, which is an honourable, decent, selfless reason. However, I don't believe that that is your reason. I think you're doing it because you don't want me investigating the Robert Jones case on my own and getting into trouble. Which also happens to be an honourable, decent, selfless reason. So you can see why, no matter how much I may want to, it's pretty damn hard to hate you at the moment._

_It's not going to work, either. I love you; and I hate that I love you, I can't breathe because it hurts so much, but there's no point me trying to deny it. You can feel how you like about me, but I bloody well love you, Harry Cunningham, and if you think I'm going to let you go down for a murder that you didn't commit then you're wrong. You need to get out of there, if only so that you can face me and break up with me properly, give me the real reason for crushing all hope that I had for us._

_I'll be there at your trial, if it comes to that, and I'll make my statement. I'll say whatever needs to be said. I'm not going to lie, or deceive anyone, or bend the truth, because that's not what I do. But in the meantime I will be keeping the Robert Jones case open. I'll go through it a million times if I have to. I'll find that missing piece of the puzzle that proves your innocence._

_I'm not expecting a reply to this letter. I haven't asked any questions, so don't feel that you need to provide an answer. It's also not my aim to hurt you in any way by saying these things. The part of me that will forever love you is telling you them, not the part of me that wishes I'd never met you._

_So now I'll pretend to move on, even though I won't be able to; and I'll smile like you didn't break my heart. I have this feeling that the next couple of months are going to be impossibly hard; but I'm happy to play my part, to say the lines, to act as if I'm holding it all together when really I'm falling apart at the seams._

_I miss you. I miss you more than you can ever imagine. Whatever happens in two months time, happens. But I'll still be here for you, whether you need me or not._

_Take care, Harry. Look after yourself and don't get into any trouble._

_All my love,_

_Nikki_

Releasing a long breath, Nikki felt pretty satisfied with what she had written. She'd rambled a bit in her tiredness, but she'd said everything that she'd wanted to. Taking an envelope from the drawer next to her, she neatly folded the letter and slipped it inside, before opening her address book and scrawling the address of the prison on the front. Nikki then propped the letter up against her computer and stared at it. How was Harry going to react? Would he be upset? Pleased that she'd got in touch? Or realise that he'd made the right decision to break up with her?

So absorbed was she in wondering whether to just chuck the letter in the shredder and be done with it, she didn't notice Leo approach. He wheeled a stool to the opposite side of her desk in a way that was so reminiscent of Harry, it nearly brought tears to Nikki's eyes.

"I take it that's not a report you've been so engrossed in this past hour and a half?" he asked knowingly.

She gave him a tired half-smile. "A letter to Harry. I'm not sure if I'm going to send it or not."

"Why?"

Nikki shrugged. "I'm a little bit scared by what his reaction will be, if I'm honest."

"Okay..." Leo mused. "Well, put it this way. You haven't really got anything to lose."

Nikki laughed humourlessly. "You mean, he's already broken up with me, what more can he do?"

"No, that's not what I meant," Leo assured her. "I was thinking about you. I've been watching you struggle this past week, don't try to deny it. You're barely holding it together, and that's not a bad thing, it's to be expected. I think that by writing Harry that letter and telling him exactly how you feel, you might just be able to regain some closure."

"But I don't want closure from Harry," she confessed quietly. "I just want Harry."

"I know you do," he said sympathetically. "But we can't always have what we want."

Nikki slipped into a contemplative silence for a few minutes. Eventually Leo stood and said, "I'm going home. I suggest you do the same."

Nodding, Nikki smiled when Leo gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Send the letter," he told her. "There are some stamps on my desk."

"I will," she confirmed. "Thanks, Leo."

"You're welcome. Goodnight."

"'Night."

However, when she was alone again her positivity began to slowly trickle away once more. She would send the letter, but she knew that it wouldn't bring her 'closure' because she'd be worrying about how Harry was going to feel about it. As for going home to an empty, cold house...

Deciding that she'd get much more work done if she just stayed at the lab overnight, Nikki went and made herself a strong black coffee to ward off the exhaustion that was threatening to overcome her. The next thing she did was do as Leo recommended and take a stamp from the small pad of them he had on his desk.

Her letter would be sent by First Class, and would undoubtedly arrive at the prison in only a couple of days. Then, with a sigh of resignation, Nikki sat back down at her desk and began to work.

. . .  
. .

"Please tell me you haven't been here all night?"

Leo's sharp question pulled Nikki from her stupor, where she'd been staring at the same paragraph on the computer screen for the last ten minutes without taking any of it in.

With a deep breath she decided that it was best not to argue and just said, "What time is it?" Her voice was unexpectedly croaky, causing her to cough.

Leo tutted loudly as he approached. "Eight o'clock. I told you to go home, what happened?"

Nikki shrugged and sat up straighter in her chair, stretching her arms out in front of her as she yawned. "I thought I'd get some work done," she said eventually.

Leo's eyes widened significantly. "So you haven't slept at all?"

Spotting the upcoming lecture on how she was unfit to work after having no sleep, Nikki decided that it would be best all round to say, "I did sleep."

It wasn't really a lie. She'd dozed off for an hour in the early hours while her computer was processing a result, but had woken up when it beeped to alert her that it had finished.

Glaring at her disapprovingly, Leo said, "I know you miss Harry, and I know it's tough, but you've got to start looking after yourself."

About to reply with an indignant retort, Nikki was cut off by the arrival of Joe.

"Good morning, one and all," he grinned as he walked over to what used to be Harry's desk, dumping down his briefcase. His smile faltered as he looked between Nikki and Leo. "Not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, of course not," Leo smiled. He turned his attention to Joe and added, "I wouldn't get too comfortable, if I were you; there's just been a stabbing along Bridge Street that requires your immediate presence."

He handed Joe a post-it note with details on it, while Nikki frowned. "Why don't I get the stabbing? I've been here longer than he has."

Joe laughed. "Ouch. Low blow."

"Sorry," she muttered. "I get cranky when I'm tired."

"Which is exactly why you don't get the case," Leo said sternly. "I need someone who can give it their full concentration."

"I am fine, Leo!" she protested, but he was having none of it.

"This isn't up for discussion, Nikki. Joe gets the stabbing, end of."

With that, Leo walked back to his office. Still seething, Nikki wasn't pleased when Joe turned to her and, grinning smugly, said, "Sorry, babe, maybe next time, eh?"

Narrowing her eyes, Nikki said, "Don't call me 'babe'. How old are you, eighteen?"

"Internally, yes," he grinned.

Finding it incredibly difficult not to simply smile at the positivity that literally seeped from Joe's pores, Nikki got up from her desk and walked over to him.

"Please let me take the stabbing?" she asked nicely.

"Can't do that. Not when the Boss says no. Wouldn't want to be fired before I've even begun, would I?" he laughed.

"Leo won't fire you," Nikki insisted. "I'll make sure he doesn't."

"He clearly has a good reason for not wanting you to go on this case. Sorry, Nikki," he said, more seriously.

Nikki sighed frustratedly, letting her sweet, polite-girl facade slip. "Please, Joe..." she practically begged. "I'm going to go stir crazy if I'm cooped up in here any longer! I need to get out and do something so that I'm kept busy and my mind doesn't dwell onto matters that I really don't want it to dwell on! Stupid matters, that are stupid and idiotic and stupid! And I hate!" she added bitterly as an afterthought.

Joe looked so stunned by her outburst that he passed her the post-it without argument. "I'm coming with you though," he said firmly. "And if Professor Dalton asks, then _you_ came with _me_."

"Fine, thank you," she said quietly.

After she had gathered her field kit and car keys and the pair were on their way out of the lab, Joe released a long breath, turned to her and shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

"What?" she asked shortly.

"Nothing, just..." He smiled again before continuing, "You really are as neurotic and insane as I thought you were on my first day, aren't you?"

"Oh, shut up," she said, playfully elbowing him, but she couldn't help but laugh.

_Little did you know, then, that in less than twenty minutes you wouldn't be laughing any longer. _

_You'd be crying, in fact. _

_Out of guilt and fear and panic. _

_You also didn't know that it was just the start of a rolling snowball that was to gather momentum at a terrifying speed, making the next two months the most terrible, the most painful, the most devastating two months of your life._

_You've had your heart broken and you've broken a heart; you've nearly died, you've nearly killed someone; you've cried and screamed and shouted, you've laughed and smiled and kissed. You've betrayed him, but he's betrayed you; you've quit, on more things than one; and they've been the worst two months of your life._

_And, as you file back into the courtroom to hear the verdict, you actually begin to feel that all hope is lost..._

* * *

**Sorry I didn't update sooner! It's becoming a bit of a habit for me, I know! But I've been busy, then ill, then busy again, then away, then a little bit busier... I promise that I'll never go this long without updating again! **

**Anyway, hope you like this chapter! I left it on a little bit of a cliffy there... Something quite dramatic happens, but I didn't really want to squeeze it all into this chapter and rush it, so I'll wait until the next one. ;)**

**Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are bloody brilliant. :)**

**Charlotte  
xxx **


	27. When the Night Kills the Day

**Chapter 27: **When the Night Kills the Day

Nikki yawned as she unlocked her car and sat down. Joe climbed into the passenger seat and said, "I can drive us, if you like?"

Nikki glanced across the car park at Joe's sporty two-seater. "It's fine," she replied, with a hint of a smirk.

He saw where she was looking and said, "Hey! I'll have you know that car is a very practical and economical vehicle!"

"If you say so," she retorted, pulling out of the car park and indicating left in the direction of Bridge Street. They drove in a companionable silence, and it wasn't long until Nikki realised just how tired she was. The car was so comfortable and pleasantly warm and cosy...

No. She took a deep breath and forced her eyes wide open, mentally shaking herself.

"Let's put the radio on," she said quickly, hoping the music would distract her. It worked, to start with. But the fatigue was threatening to overwhelm her. The inevitable sleep was so welcoming though, it was hard for Nikki to really care. A world where she could just forget about everything that was happening was really the most preferable option right now, compared the gruesome crime-scene that she was on her way to.

A world where Harry was still with her, and they were happy. Laughing at work with Leo, sneaking out at lunch for a romantic picnic in the park, going out for meals together... And Harry wasn't being accused of murder, but was still working as the brilliant pathologist that he is. They would still tease each other and wind each other up, of course, because that's what they did. It was even almost worth the occasional spat between them for the _very_ enjoyable making-up that came afterwards –

"Nikki!"

Nikki snapped her eyes open, but it was too late. She'd unwittingly sped through a red light at a junction at a breezy forty miles per hour. Panic set in as she saw the other cars come speeding towards her from the left hand-side, yet her body was frozen with fear and she seemed unable to move. Just seconds later, although it felt like minutes, there was the sickening crunch of car crushing against car, the terrifying screech of metal scraping against metal, the horrendous squeal of rubber skidding against tarmac.

Joe let out a yell of fear and Nikki screamed as their car was whirled around like a spinning top. She desperately twisted the steering wheel in any direction that could stop the car from completely sliding out of control, but it had little effect. At the speed they had been going, it was impossible to do anything but yell in terror and dread as they flew across the busy road. Airbags erupted in front of them, softening what could have been a very nasty blow for both of them. The seatbelt was cutting into Nikki's neck, jammed solid in its tight, emergency position. She felt Joe grab her hand in a vice-like grip as they swerved and swayed in jolting, sharp turns.

And then, almost as suddenly as it began, they stopped. There was a terrible crunch of the bonnet wrapping itself around lamppost and splintering as cracks appeared in the windscreen, spreading out from a point just off-centre until, with a deafening crash, glass tinkled in around them, showering them in glittery shards.

Then silence.

**. . .  
. .**

"Joe? Joe, can you hear me?" Nikki asked urgently, still dazed. She groaned as she unbuckled her seatbelt and leant across to her colleague, who was bleeding from a cut on his temple, his head back against the seat, his eyes closed.

"Joe! Wake up!" she cried, louder this time. Fear gripped at her stomach as she looked around her. She couldn't see anything out of her window for the smoke that was billowing from the bonnet and surrounding them. Coughing, she tried to turn at a better angle to face Joe, but found that when she placed her hand on the seat for support, her wrist ached painfully, causing her to wince with a sharp intake of breath.

Feeling the tears welling up, she pressed her uninjured right hand to her lips, suppressing the sobs. Then there was a loud moan from next to her.

"Joe!" she exclaimed in relief, as the man in question began to wake, his eyes fluttering open.

"Are you okay?" he asked groggily.

"Fine," she said, brushing his concern aside. "We need to get out of here."

For the first time since they had come to an abrupt halt, Nikki tried to open the door. It was jammed, at first, but she gave it a kick and it was flung open. Grimacing at the aching that seemed to consume all of her body, she climbed out of her car and staggered across the grass. The smoke was thinner here, and she was able to see what was going on.

The 4x4 that had hit them had pulled over nearby, the driver looking shaken but unhurt. He was on his mobile phone, running a hand through his hair nervously. Many other cars had also stopped. People were running over to Nikki, asking if she was okay, all dialling 999 to report the accident.

Shaking badly, Nikki – ignoring the throbbing in her ankle - walked unsteadily over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door. Joe was groaning in pain and confusion, but didn't seem to be too badly injured.

"Stay there," Nikki told him quietly. "An ambulance is on its way."

"I wasn't planning on running off, if that's what you were worried about," he said weakly, trying to give her a smile that looked more like a grimace.

Nikki sank onto the grass, ignoring the concerned questions from the strangers who were still milling around. They'd backed off a bit now, instead choosing to gather around the car in a large circle, watching Nikki and Joe as if they were animals in a zoo.

"I can't believe this has happened," Nikki muttered, guilt eating away at her.

"Hey. This was not your fault," Joe said clearly.

"I shouldn't have been driving," she continued, ignoring him. "I knew I was too tired..."

"If it's anyone's fault, it's mine," he interrupted. "I let you talk me into giving you the crime scene. I knew I should have done as Professor Dalton had asked..."

"Oh God, Leo," Nikki realised. "I'm going to have to call him. He's going to be absolutely furious."

**. . .  
. .**

Nikki was sitting on the step on the back of an ambulance with a blanket draped over her shoulders by the time that Leo arrived. Far from being angry, he looked terrified. When he saw Nikki, the tense expression on his face dissolved into relief. She stood up as he approached and he grabbed her in a hug that was so tight it was almost like having the seatbelt cutting across her again.

"Ouch," she groaned, but the familiarity of Leo was just what she had needed. A smile played on her lips as they broke apart.

"Are you okay?" Leo asked immediately.

"I'm fine," she told him. "It's just cuts and bruises, is all. They want to take me to the hospital just to be checked over, though."

"Good," Leo said. "And Joe?"

Nikki glanced over to the second ambulance, in which she knew they were carefully putting Joe into the ambulance. "He's got whiplash, which is why he's on the stretcher. But they reckon he'll be okay too."

Leo's gaze travelled to where her car was still enveloping the lamppost, a tow-truck on standby ready to tow it away now that she and Joe had been moved away.

"It's completely written-off," she said miserably, seeing where he was looking. "I'm so sorry, Leo. I should have listened to you. I was too tired, I fell asleep at the wheel. I went through a red light."

"Nikki, I don't care about that!" he told her. "All that matters is that you're okay."

"I nearly died," she put in, "I nearly killed someone. It does matter."

Leo sat beside her with a sigh, placing his arm around her shoulders and pulling her against him.

"It'll all be all right, you know. You're going to be okay," he said quietly.

"I know I am," Nikki frowned. "Like I said, it's only cuts and-"

"That's not what I meant," Leo interrupted with a knowing look.

She looked at him. "I know."

"Have the police taken a statement from you?" he asked after a moment's silence.

"Yes. They're not pressing any charges. They gave me a caution and six points on my licence."

"Good," Leo nodded. "It's not like you've done anything like this before. You've never even had a speeding ticket, have you?"

Nikki scoffed at the irony. "No." There was silence again, and then she said, "I should never have left the lab, Leo."

"No, you should have gone home last night and slept, like I told you," he corrected.

"I can't," she confessed quietly. "I can't sleep in that bed without Harry. I haven't slept properly for days."

Nikki could feel Leo's concerned gaze upon her, but she refused to look him in the eye. Tears were threatening to fall again, mostly out of guilt. Poor Joe had nearly been killed because of her.

"I have to go and see Joe," she said quickly, getting to her feet.

"Nikki, you're supposed to be going to hospital!" Leo protested.

"So I'll go in Joe's ambulance," she countered.

Sighing, Leo said, "Fine. I'll follow on in the car and see you both there."

Nodding, Nikki climbed into the back of the ambulance. "Can I come with you?" she asked the paramedics.

"Of course," the female paramedic nodded kindly, while the male got into the driver's seat.

Taking a seat, Nikki reached over and grabbed Joe's hand. Reaching up with his other, Joe pulled the oxygen mask away from his face. "I'm all right, you know," he told her.

A tear rolled down Nikki's pale cheek. "I don't think I am," she whispered.

**. . .  
. .**

By eight o'clock that night, Nikki was once again sat on Leo's sofa. The hospital hadn't taken too long, she'd been out by lunch with nothing more than a sprained wrist, and – as she'd said to Leo – some cuts and bruises. Joe was being kept in overnight for observation, but they'd been told that he was fine and would be released in the morning.

Remorse was eating away at Nikki's insides, making her feel permanently sick. All day everybody had been assuring her that what had happened wasn't her fault, that it was an accident, that it could have happened to anybody... Except it wasn't an accident. It was her fault. Because she knew that she was too tired to drive but had gone ahead and done it anyway.

Becoming vaguely aware of someone pressing a hot mug into her hands, Nikki looked up. Janet was smiling down at her gently. "You're staying here tonight," she said firmly. "No arguments."

A small smile graced Nikki's lips, as she nodded and accepted the tea. "Thanks, Janet."

"You're blaming yourself, aren't you?" the older woman asked softly, sitting beside Nikki.

"Of course I am," Nikki replied dully, "With good reason."

Janet, however, shook her head. "If you had got into the car _knowing_ that you were going to fall asleep at the wheel, then it would have been your fault. If you had premeditated to kill yourself and Joe, then it would have been your fault," she said, causing tears to prickle in Nikki's eyes as she realised what could have happened. "But you didn't," Janet continued. "I know you, Nikki. There is no way that you would have consciously got into that car if you'd known that you were too tired."

Biting her lip, Nikki could do nothing but shake her head due to the lump in her throat.

"Joe is going to be fine. You are going to be fine," Janet told her clearly. "The only thing that's not is your poor car. And Leo, who had the shock of his life when you rang him. In fact, I think he may be in the kitchen having a stiff drink as we speak."

Nikki gave a watery chuckle, and Janet gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sorry I put you both through that," Nikki muttered, impatiently brushing the tears from her cheeks.

"Oh, don't you worry about that," the older woman said. "The thing that you should be worrying about, is why you were _so_ tired and _so_ sleep-deprived that you fell asleep in the first place."

Nikki remained silent, and Janet said, "Come on, Nikki. Until you talk things through with someone, you can't try and get over it."

"I can't talk about it, it hurts too much," Nikki said loudly, slamming her mug onto the coffee table a little harder than intended and getting to her feet. "I'm going to bed. To sleep," she added forcefully, storming from the room the room, leaving a shocked Janet in her wake.

* * *

**I'm going to refer you to the last chapter, at the very last paragraph, which has the whole '... you've had your heart broke, you've broken a heart; you've nearly died, you've nearly killed yourself...' list. I'm gradually going through that now in the next few chapters, until we get to Harry's trial. A couple of things can already be ticked off. ;)**

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I've never written a crash like that before, so I'm hoping I did it okay! :)**

**Hugs,**

**Charlotte  
xxxx **


	28. Picture of Departure

**Chapter 28: **Picture of Departure

For the first time since Harry had been arrested, Nikki slept for eight hours straight with no interruptions, no bad dreams, no tossing and turning. The car accident had just proved to be too much on top of everything else, and she'd fallen asleep as soon as her head had hit the pillow in Leo's spare room the previous evening. She woke up the following morning feeling refreshed and considerably more positive. It was like finally getting some sleep had just wiped away all the clouds from her brain, and now she could see clearly again. The mist had lifted and her world righted itself. Maybe not entirely – there would always be a part of her world missing while Harry wasn't here – but it had begun to revolve in its usual rhythm once again.

Deciding to go and see if Leo and Janet needed help making breakfast, Nikki got up and dressed quickly. Upon her descent downstairs, the sound of hushed voices reached her ears. She frowned as she began to overhear what sounded like a muttered argument between the older couple in the kitchen.

"So you don't think it was intentional?" Leo was saying.

"No, I do not!" Janet protested. "I can't understand why you do."

Her brows furrowing even further, Nikki edged slowly towards the half-open kitchen door. Eavesdropping wasn't a habit that she liked to frequent very often, but she had a feeling that this time it actually did involve herself.

"Never, in the six-odd years of me knowing her, has Nikki _ever_ fallen asleep at the wheel! She wouldn't have been so stupid!" Leo whispered furiously.

"Leo! Nikki has been through more in the last month than most people in a lifetime. In fact, she's been through more in her lifetime than most people in a lifetime! She's understandably losing sleep over it all. She's tired, she's in denial, she misses Harry and she's probably fed up of all the attention and fussing – but that does not make her suicidal. It makes her human."

"Just because you have one degree in psychology, Janet, doesn't make you an expert," Leo hissed.

"Oh, really? To what extent does your psychological knowledge reach, Leo?" Janet retorted.

Nikki decided that she'd heard enough and that it was time to intervene. Clearing her throat loudly, she stepped into the room.

Janet and Leo turned to look at her as she entered, sheepish looks upon their faces.

"Nikki, I..." Leo began to say apologetically, but trailed off.

Nikki shook her head and smiled slightly. "I'm not suicidal," she said clearly. "I never have been. I wasn't sleeping because my bed at home is empty and cold without Harry in it. So the night before last I decided to stay at the lab and get some work done, for when I really throw myself into a case I can forget all about everything else that's going on and just focus on work. Which is why I persuaded Joe to let me take the stabbing yesterday."

"Nikki-" Janet attempted, but Nikki interrupted.

"No. Hear me out. When I got in that car yesterday, I can assure you that I did _not_ know that I was putting anyone's life in danger. It's not unusual for me – for any of us – to drive when tired, doing the job we do, is it Leo? I didn't think yesterday would be any different. But Janet's right, I was in denial. I've been telling myself that I'm fine, that having Joe around instead of Harry – with all his positivity and calling me 'babe' and acting like a teenager and the rest – was okay. I've been telling myself that Harry breaking up with me doesn't matter, because it's not like he's here anymore anyway. But it does matter, of course it does. And I realise that now, and although the realisation is almost as bad as the fatigue, I think I'm gradually getting better. I think it took the shock of what happened yesterday to give me the wake-up call that I needed.

"So thank you for your concern, but I'm not going to kill myself anytime soon and I'm no longer tired. You just have to let me work through everything in my own time."

There was silence when she finished speaking. Both Janet and Leo were just staring at Nikki, until Janet suddenly smiled. "I'm glad to hear that," she said, and Nikki released a breath that she hadn't realised she was holding.

"You can stay here as long as you like," Leo told her kindly. "If that will help."

"Thanks, Leo," she grinned.

They went back to their breakfast, Nikki making herself a coffee, as if the last ten minutes hadn't happened, which Nikki was extremely grateful for. For the first time in a long time, she was actually smiling.

"What are we doing on this fine Sunday then?" she asked happily as she sat at the table. Once again, Leo's smile faded and he looked guiltily down at the table and away from her eyes.

"What?" she prompted. "You can tell me, Leo. I'm not going to fall apart."

"I'm, err..." he cleared his throat and looked up at her. "I'm going to visit Harry."

It was like a punch to the stomach, yet Nikki forced a smile onto her face and said, "Oh, really?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Nikki."

"Don't be," she protested. "You have every right to go and see him."

"He's doing all right, you know," Leo told her. "I don't think prison's affecting him as badly this time as it did when he was in it before."

"Well, I expect he's hardened to it a bit, now," Janet put in, and Leo nodded. Nikki wanted to change the subject and talk about anything that wasn't Harry, but at the same time she was desperate to know that he was okay.

"How often do you go and see him?" she asked quietly.

"Once or twice a week," Leo said, seemingly glad that Nikki wasn't reacting the way he'd clearly feared she would.

"Does he have any trouble with any of the other inmates? I remember last time he had bruised ribs because he'd been shoved into a table," she said.

"I don't think so," Leo shook his head. "He has a couple of friends in there now, if you can really call them friends."

"Well, that's good," she mumbled.

"Erm, Nikki?" Leo asked, interrupting her train of thought.

"Yeah?"

"I've still got this," he said, and pulled from his pocket an envelope. Nikki recognised it immediately as the letter that she'd written Harry the evening before the accident.

"Why?" she frowned, thinking that it had been put in the post the previous day.

"Well... I just thought that I'd take it to the prison with me today and give it to Harry in person for you. If it had gone in the post yesterday then it wouldn't have got to the prison until tomorrow, at the earliest," he explained. "Do you still want me to give it to him?"

Nikki considered for a moment. She thought back to what she'd written and decided that even after everything that had happened, her thoughts still stood. There wasn't anything in the letter that she'd want to change. And she could think of no reason as to why Harry shouldn't hear it.

"You can give it to him," she nodded.

Leo smiled. "Okay then. Right, I'm going to go. I want to pop by the lab first and sort some stuff out."

Janet stood as Leo did and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Can we expect you home for lunch? I'll do a Sunday Roast," she asked.

"Yeah, I should be home by about one," Leo told her, gathering his keys and wallet. "See you later."

"Bye," Janet called after him. "Give my love to Harry!"

Janet then turned her attention to Nikki, expecting her to say something as well, but Nikki shook her head and said, "I said I was moving on. Not moved on."

Smiling understandingly, Janet sat back down at the table when they heard the front door shut. "So, what shall we do this morning?" the older woman asked.

"Can you come with me to Harry's apartment?" Nikki blurted out.

Janet looked surprised, but said, "Of course. Can I ask why?"

"There are some of my clothes there that I want. And no one's been there for a fortnight; the plants will need watering, post checking, that sort of thing. I don't think I can really face it alone. Besides, I have no car, so..."

Janet agreed to take Nikki, and an hour later they arrived at Harry's apartment. It was the first time Nikki had been here without Harry, and using the key he had given her to let herself in was painfully familiar. She noticed that the police cordon on the apartment next door had vanished, but it didn't look as if anyone was living there. Janet obviously spotted where Nikki was looking, because she said, "Is that where...?"

"Yes," Nikki said shortly, opening Harry's front door and stepping into the apartment. The first thing she noticed was the pile of post that was lying on the doorstep, getting caught under the bottom of the door. She picked the envelopes up and placed them on the side table, not bothering to go through them yet. Then she stopped and looked around.

Besides the thin layer of dust and musty smell that one usually receives as a welcome home after a holiday, his apartment looked exactly the same. Nikki wasn't really sure what she was expecting, but the normality of it all was slightly shocking. Swallowing hard, she left Janet in the lounge tending to the plants and went into the bedroom.

The sheets on the bed were still unmade, just how they'd left them. Clothes were still heaped in a pile on top of the laundry basket in the corner. One of Harry's shirts was hanging from a coat hanger which was hooked onto the wardrobe door. It was as if they had only just left that morning, and the apartment was expecting them home later that night.

Suddenly, Janet appeared at her elbow.

"Are you okay?" the older woman asked.

"I don't know," Nikki said truthfully.

"It's all so ... normal. You know?" Janet muttered. The ability to speak escaping her, Nikki simply nodded. "What are you going to do about this place?" Janet continued.

"I don't know," Nikki whispered again.

"You've got your place, haven't you? Would you sell Harry's? Or would he? If, you know, if it comes to the worst..."

"I don't know, Janet," Nikki repeated, shaking her head. "I don't know anything."

**. . .  
. .**

_It wasn't until later that afternoon that it had happened. Janet and Leo were out buying food. You were curled up at the end of the sofa reading a book when your mobile had rung. You'd sighed and hoped that it wasn't going to be work._

_You'd answered how you always have done, with a curt, "Nikki Alexander," because you hadn't seen any reason to do otherwise. It was what you'd heard after this that had snatched all the breath from your body. _

"_Hi, Nikki..."_

_You'd swallowed hard, trying to regain composure before croaking out, "Harry?"_

* * *

**Aye aye, one and all :)**

**This chapter's mainly to clarify things, which is why it's a bit shorter than usual and boring. A few of you said about how you hoped Nikki wasn't suicidal in your reviews, and just so you know: this isn't the case. She's not suicidal, just a bit screwed up. ;) You also said that you missed Harry (as do I!) so he'll be back in the next chapter. Well, on the phone, anyway. :P**

**Please review, it means such a lot to me to hear your feedback! You're all brilliant! **

**Charlotte  
xxx **


	29. Awake My Soul

**Chapter 29:** Awake My Soul

'_Law and order' isn't a phrase you tend to like very much. Because past – and current – experience has taught you that although people like to act as if those two elements exist hand-in-hand, they often do not. A court case can bring up all sorts of issues that the police often disregard as irrelevant, or choose to ignore, or simply fail to notice; and turn them into make-or-break claims for the accused. _

_Right now – as you run from the court, down the staircase, across the foyer, outside onto the stone steps, and then grind to a shuddering halt in the square out the front, by the fountain whose cool, refreshing drops of water are mingling with the hot tears cascading down your cold cheeks – you really loathe the justice system. Because in that courtroom you've just fled from, there was no justice. _

_Because justice isn't just making sure that bad things happen to bad people, but that good things happen to good people. There was no justice._

_The level of your sobs increases as you think of Joe: his kind, smiling, boyish face; the way he still insistently calls you 'babe', just to wind you up. You think of everything he's done for you and you instantaneously hate yourself for what you did to him just a fortnight ago – the way you broke his heart like that. _

_You think of Leo, and how he's been your rock throughout this whole ordeal, of how he doesn't question or comment on the way you've chosen to handle things as of late. He didn't try and stop you from leaving five minutes ago, as he once would have done. He understood that you had to get out of there, that it was unbearable, that you couldn't comprehend what had happened. You realise that he probably didn't try and stop you, because he probably felt the same way..._

_You think of Janet, her soothing manner and trusting nature, her talks with you that have kept you sane – yet even she can't keep you from falling apart this time. _

_And finally ... or firstly ... or constantly (you're not sure which) you think of Harry. His face as he was led back in that courtroom to hear the verdict; his eyes, so empty and full of hopelessness – a stark contrast to how they used to be. You think longingly back to the days when he would always be there to make things better. Days which have now evaporated into a place where it all could have been a dream. _

_You clutch another memory close, a memory of when things looked like they were going to get better – little did you know then. A memory of the last words spoken between the two of you._

_A phone call, some six weeks ago..._

"Hi, Nikki..."

Nikki swallowed hard, her hand shaking as she gripped the phone. "Harry?"

"Yeah," he confirmed softly.

"Oh ... Hi," she replied meekly.

On the other end of the line, Harry laughed softly. "Hello."

"What – I mean... How are you?" she asked, cringing at how pathetic she was.

"I'm fine," he told her, and just hearing his voice made her stomach flip. "Really, I am. But I wasn't ringing to talk about me."

Nikki sighed. "Leo told you."

"Yes. Are you all right?" he asked, and she could hear his concerned frown.

"Yeah. It's only cuts and bruises," she said truthfully.

"That's not what I meant," Harry said quietly.

She sighed, tired of telling people the same thing. "I fell asleep at the wheel and went through a red light straight into oncoming traffic. I was tired, that's all. I didn't intentionally try to hurt myself, I promise."

"Oh, I don't doubt that," he said assuredly. "You're far too rational and strong to do anything on that level. You'd never let a man weaken you like that, especially me."

Unable to escape a grin from gracing her lips, Nikki curled up at the end of the sofa some more and said, "If you know that then why are you checking up on me?"

Harry sighed, his tone immediately becoming more serious, "It's not about what you did or didn't do. It's about why you were so tired in the first place, Nikki."

"I hadn't really been sleeping," Nikki muttered dejectedly.

"I mean, I've seen you tired before," Harry continued. "Of course I have. I've seen you work through the night and still manage to keep going to next day. I've seen you spend thirty-six hours straight on a really difficult case, yet still manage to drive home safely at the end of it. So what was different this time?"

A tear slid down Nikki's cheek, and she shook her head despite knowing that Harry couldn't see her. "It was you, Harry. I can't sleep without you. It's like ... everything's exactly the same, except it's not because you're not here. And without you here it's twice as hard to function properly, because normality is non-existent. It's exhausting," she whispered, her voice cracking. "It's exhausting trying to hate you."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, before Harry said, "I know."

Suddenly, a wave of frustration swept over Nikki. "You don't know though, do you, Harry? How can you? Because you broke up with me, so clearly you don't care at all!"

"Nikki..."

"I really wish we'd never met sometimes," she spat bitterly.

"Don't say that..." he said, so dejectedly that it nearly broke Nikki's heart, and it took all the effort she had not to burst into tears and take the statement back.

"I read your letter," he added quietly.

Unsure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, Nikki said, rather caustically, "Good for you."

"I broke up with you because I didn't want this to happen to you. I thought if I ended things then you wouldn't have all the sleepless night and the worrying; I thought that _you_ wouldn't care."

It was so typical of the pair of them that Nikki nearly laughed. "You're such an idiot, Harry," she said, shaking her head. "You breaking up with me doesn't flick a switch that stops me caring about you. I wish I had a switch like that, but I don't. None of us do. Besides which, you're still my best friend."

"Perhaps I made a mistake..." he mused.

Nikki's brows contracted, her insides clenching. "What are you trying to say?"

He sighed again. "I don't know, Nikki. Maybe I shouldn't say anything. Let's not make any decisions or do anything that we might regret."

"I'm don't get it," she frowned, but a flicker of hope was reignited in her stomach.

"We'll just see how things go. We won't say anything for definite. There will be no pressure, no more silent treatment," he told her.

"So what you're saying is-" she started, still unsure, but Harry cut across her.

"What I'm saying is: you can expect a visiting order on your doorstep in the next couple of days."

A smile broke across Nikki's face. "I really miss you, Harry."

"I miss you too," he told her, but they were both acutely aware that 'miss' wasn't the four-letter word that they either of them really wanted to say. However, Nikki knew that it was still early days, and that this was just the first step in what she was sure was a long road to them getting back to how they were before – if they ever did.

"I have to go now," Harry said apologetically. "There are other people waiting for the phone. God, nothing's your own in this place."

Nikki giggled. "Okay then. Take care of yourself, Harry."

"You too," Harry replied, seriously this time. "Please, no more crashing cars."

"I won't," she told him honestly.

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" he asked.

Nikki smiled. "Yeah. I'll see you soon. Bye."

Hands still shaking, she gently placed her phone on the coffee table in front of her, biting her lip in apprehension and excitement. For the first time in weeks, the thought crossed Nikki's mind that maybe things might turn out all right after all.

* * *

**I know this chapter's a bit short, but I wanted to update for you as it's been a while and I'm really busy this weekend. I hope you like it; I'm not too sure about the third person bit at the start... Not the best I've ever written. Ah well. **

**Also, has everyone seen the synopsis for the first two-parter of Silent Witness (which is now airing in the first week of January)? It looks sooooooo good! I can't wait! Bring on the New Year! :D **

**Hope everyone in the UK is staying safe and warm amongst all the snow. Annoyingly, my college has been open all week. ;)**

**Muchlove,**

**Charlotte  
xxxxx **


	30. Where We Gonna Go From Here?

**Chapter 30: **Where We Gonna Go From Here?

"Are you all right, Nikki? You look ever so pale," was Janet's greeting when Nikki entered the kitchen for breakfast three days after her phone call from Harry.

"Fine," she nodded, deciding against telling them that her stomach was churning and her head spinning. For she was due to go and visit Harry that morning for the first time in a fortnight, and to say she was nervous would be an understatement.

"I kept you a croissant," Leo said from behind a newspaper, pushing a plate towards her. But the nausea in Nikki's stomach swelled and she pushed it away from her again.

"I'm okay, thanks," she said.

Leo lowered the paper and frowned at her from over the top of it. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "I'm just a little bit ... apprehensive, about going to see Harry this morning."

"You'll be fine, Nikki," Janet smiled.

Leo nodded. "It's Harry. You're best friends. Once you get there it'll be like nothing ever happened."

"Yeah, except it did happen. We're not back together or anything. We're just on speaking terms," she muttered.

"Do you want me to come with you? I can get Joe to hold down the fort at the lab for an hour or two," Leo offered kindly, folding up his newspaper.

Nikki gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Leo, but I don't think that's really going to help matters."

Leo laughed. "I suppose not. Right, I'm going to work. I'll see you both later."

He kissed Janet quickly on the lips, patted Nikki's shoulder and issued her a whispered, "Good luck," then left the house.

"You should eat something, Nikki," Janet suggested tentatively.

"I can't, I feel sick," Nikki confessed. "My head's thumping, my stomach's in knots. Maybe I just should postpone today..."

"You can't do that," Janet said. "You can't let him down. It will be fine, I promise. Leo was right: as soon as you've seen each other again it will be like no time has ever passed."

"But I feel ill!" Nikki protested, like a young child trying to get a day off school.

"That's only because you're nervous."

"Exactly!"

Janet sighed. "Look, Nikki. Go and see Harry. It will help you both, I know it will."

Nikki glared at the older woman for a minute, before sighing herself and saying, "All right, all right. I'll go and see him."

Janet smiled broadly. "Good."

Maybe visiting Harry wouldn't be such a bad idea, Nikki considered. She did miss him terribly, just hearing his voice three days previously proved that. They could talk things through, discuss what the fact that they were now back on speaking terms meant. On the phone Harry had said that maybe he had made a mistake...

Getting to her feet and trying to ignore the fact that all her joints felt weak, Nikki went into the hallway and started to put her keys and purse into her handbag. Janet followed her and watched from the doorway, which she leant against with her arms folded.

Trying to swallow the feeling that was making her want to vomit, Nikki had to grab onto the banister of the stairs to steady herself.

"Nikki? Are you all right?" Janet asked, more seriously this time.

Closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, Nikki then straightened up and said, "I wish people would stop asking me that." However, as she leant down to pick up her shoes, her vision blurred and her head ached more than ever. She was momentarily aware of Janet's concerned shouts, before her body hit solid ground and everything went black.

**. . .  
. .**

"Doctor Alexander? Nikki? Can you hear me?"

The voice was so loud and obtrusive that Nikki just wanted it to go away. But she couldn't work out who it was. It was male, definitely, but not Leo or Joe or Harry. Of course it wouldn't be Harry.

Harry! She was supposed to be going to see him! Forcing her eyes open, she realised that she was gazing up at the ceiling of Janet and Leo's hallway. Blinking a couple of times to clear her blurred vision, she tried to speak but found that she couldn't. Reaching up with an uncoordinated hand, she swiped at the oxygen mask that was covering her face.

The smiling face of a paramedic swam into view, his vivid green uniform bright against her sore eyes.

"Hi, Nikki. I'm John and this is Natalie," the paramedic indicated a young woman, also in a bright green uniform, that Nikki hadn't noticed before.

"I need to go and see Harry," she croaked, before letting the mask snap back to her face.

"Nikki, you need to go to hospital." That was Janet's voice, Nikki knew that. But she couldn't see the older woman.

"You fainted, Nikki," John the paramedic told her. "We're going to take you to hospital to get you checked over. Can't have you collapsing all day!"

Too weary to argue, Nikki permitted herself to be transferred onto a bed and wheeled out to the ambulance. Janet hastily climbed into the back, nervously clutching Nikki's hand. "I've called Leo," she said. "He's going to meet us there."

"I need to see Harry," Nikki repeated, not understanding why no one was letting her do what she wanted.

"You need to be checked over," Janet said firmly, then added, more softly, "I'm sorry I didn't listen when you said you were ill."

In what seemed like no time at all, Nikki was being wheeled into a cubicle at the local hospital. She was now feeling considerably more awake and was protesting to anyone who was within earshot that she was fine and needed to go. Poor Janet just sat by her bedside patiently as they waited for a doctor.

Eventually a woman entered, stethoscope around her neck and wearing blue scrubs. She was relatively young, with short brown hair and tanned skin. Her eyes were large and green and friendly.

"Nikki Alexander?" she asked, flicking through some notes before smiling up at Nikki. "Hi, I'm Doctor Bell. I hear you collapsed at home?"

"Yes," Nikki nodded, just wishing the whole ordeal could be over with.

"Did you have any symptoms before you collapsed?"

"Erm... Nausea, headache, shaky joints," Nikki told her.

The doctor looked thoughtful for a moment as she scribbled something down on the clipboard in front of her.

"Have you eaten at all today, Nikki?"

"No," Nikki confessed. "But it's not unusual for me to skip breakfast, and I had a full meal last night."

"Uh huh..." More scribbling, and then, "Did you sleep a lot last night?"

Nikki shook her head. "I don't know ... Four hours at most, I guess. I kept tossing and turning."

"Okay then. Right, we're going to run some tests and hopefully find out why you fainted," Doctor Bell smiled. "A nurse will be along in a moment to draw some blood."

Nikki nodded. As soon as the doctor had left and drawn the curtain behind her, Nikki muttered, "How long do you think this is going to take? I'm fine."

"Clearly you're not fine, Nikki," Janet pointed out.

"I need to go and see Harry!" she protested.

"It's too late now. You'll just have to explain to him. You can't help being ill."

Nikki leant back against the pillows, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. "I miss him, Janet. I just wanted to go and see him."

"I know you did," Janet replied, taking Nikki's hand. "But there'll be other times."

Nikki nodded and was just about to reply when the curtain was ripped open and a flustered Leo entered the cubicle. "Nikki! Are you okay? What happened?"

"She fainted," Janet supplied.

"She fainted?" Leo gaped. "Why?"

"We don't know yet," Janet said. "They're about to run some tests."

"Hello! I am sat right here!" Nikki frowned. "I'm fine, Leo."

"This is like déjà vu, isn't it? You were only in here a week ago," Leo pointed out.

"Yes, I'm aware of that," she replied through gritted teeth. Leo and Janet were lovely, they really were, but they weren't the people that she wanted with her right then.

A nurse entered the cubicle, a young man with a cocky grin who was carrying a tray containing items she didn't particularly like the look of. Injections had never made her favourite trips to the doctor.

"Hi, Nikki," the nurse grinned. "I'm Staff Nurse Turner; I'm just going to take some blood from you if that's okay?"

Nikki nodded, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and gripping Janet's hand in a vice like grip as Nurse Turner took some blood from her arm, then tested things like blood pressure and heart rate, before promising to be back with some news for her soon.

They had to wait nearly an hour. An hour in which both Janet and Leo attempted to make conversation with Nikki, before giving up when she answered in nothing more than monosyllabic words and beginning to converse with each other instead. Nikki just stared at the ceiling and wished that she'd eaten that morning, or slept the previous night, or done whatever it was that had caused her to faint, so that she could be with Harry right now rather than stuck in hospital for the second time in a week.

Finally, Doctor Bell walked back into cubicle, smiling at Nikki. Nikki briefly wondered whether she ever _didn't _smile, and how she could be so cheerful.

"Right, Nikki. I have some quite surprising news for you," she told her. "It would appear that you're pregnant."

The world stopped. Nikki couldn't take it in, because it couldn't be true. There was no way that she could be pregnant, there just wasn't.

"I can't be," she said aloud, while both Janet and Leo gaped between her and the doctor.

"Well you are!" Doctor Bell grinned. "You're about five or six weeks gone. That's what made you collapse."

"Wait, just stop!" Nikki ordered, struggling to wrap her mind around all of this. The doctor fell silent as Nikki became lost in her thoughts.

Harry had been in prison for nearly a month. They'd first gotten together, and slept together, two weeks before that. Six weeks ago. A wave of fear crashed through Nikki. She couldn't bring a baby into the state that her life was in. Its father was in jail and its mother was an emotionally and physically exhausted mess. But part of her knew that she had to try. There was a real, tiny human inside of her. She couldn't abandon it, like her father did to her.

Pulling herself back into the present, Nikki frowned up at Doctor Bell and said, "Being pregnant made me collapse?"

"Yes." The doctor looked relieved that Nikki was talking again. "You have something called essential hypertension. It's basically high-blood pressure. You probably had it before you were pregnant, but the pregnancy has made it worse."

"What does that mean for Nikki and the baby?" Janet asked concernedly.

"Oh, it's nothing to really worry about," Doctor Bell said happily. "It just means that you'll have to take it easy and not put yourself under any stress until the baby is born. You'll also need more regular antenatal checks with the midwife as the pregnancy progresses. Once you pass the twenty weeks mark, the high blood pressure is called gestational hypertension. This also doesn't have to be a problem, but it can lead to pre-eclampsia, which is why frequent check-ups are necessary."

"Wow," Nikki muttered, struggling to take it all in.

"I'll leave you to process that for a while," Doctor Bell laughed. "I'll leave your discharge forms at reception for when you're ready to go. I'll put the card of a really good midwife there too, and some information leaflets on high blood pressure during pregnancy. Just take it easy for the next seven and a half months, and you'll be fine."

Wondering whether she was dreaming or hallucinating this whole thing, Nikki looked at Leo for reassurance. He, however, looked just as shocked as her.

"You're pregnant?" he exclaimed.

Nikki shook her head slightly, bemused and still in shock. "Apparently so."

* * *

**Look at that for a quick update! I've been ill with flu all weekend so I've had plenty of spare time on my hands. And I'm already a page into the next chapter. This is unprecedented for me. ;)**

**And yes, Nikki is pregnant. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do that or not, for the fear of it being a bit clichéd, but I needed something to act as a catalyst for Nikki getting her finger out and working harder to prove Harry's innocence. Let me know what you think. **

**Next chapter should be soon, in the meantime, review? :)**

**Love**

**xxxx **


	31. Searching for the Hows and Whys

**Chapter 31: **Searching for the Hows and Whys

_You've heard that it's darkest before dawn; that things have to get worse before they get better. _

_But you wonder, sometimes, just how much worse it's going to get. _

_You've always been quite thick-skinned. It takes a lot to wear you down to this rawness, this emptiness, this numbness that you feel at the moment. _

_It's the baby. Before you found out that he'd gone and knocked you up, you had nearly been able to get a grasp on everything again._

_Now look at the mess that your life is in. _

_It's your fault for letting him into your life._

_It's Leo's fault for bringing you all together in the first place._

_It's Janet's fault for giving you a place to hide from it all. _

_But most of all it's Harry's fault, for making you fall in love with him._

**. . .**

"Nikki, don't you think it's about time that you told Harry? You've been avoiding him for a week."

Nikki sighed and retreated back to her desk, away from Leo's persistent interrogation. Moving back into her own apartment two days previously, mainly to get Leo and Janet off her back about telling Harry, hadn't deterred Leo at all. Now he was just using work to accost her.

"He's confused and upset. He doesn't understand why you've stopped talking to him again. He thought you were going to visit him but you don't show up, he tries to call you but you ignore it, he sends you more visiting orders but you ignore them... Don't you see what's happened here, Nikki? You've gone right back to square one!"

Looking around to make sure that there were no eavesdropping lab techs, Nikki snapped, "I've told you already, I'm not going to tell Harry."

"Why?" Leo asked for the millionth time, approaching her desk.

"Because he's in jail, Leo!" she cried. "And if I tell him then he's just going to worry and want out of jail even more, which means he'll start acting recklessly and being stupid. That is, if he even wants the baby at all..."

Leo's expression softened. "Nikki, of course he will want the baby. How could he not?"

Nikki sighed and ran a stressed hand through her hair. "Am I doing the right thing?" she asked quietly.

"What, by not telling Harry? No, you're not," Leo said truthfully, but Nikki shook her head.

"No, I meant ... Am I doing the right thing by keeping it?"

There was silence for a moment while Leo observed her with a small frown on his face. He grabbed a stool and sat directly opposite her.

"What am I doing, Leo?" she asked miserably. "How am I supposed to bring up a baby? I can barely look after myself! I'll be a single mother with no idea about how to look after kids. I'll be all on my own. Then what am I supposed to tell the child when it gets older and wants to know where its daddy is? 'Sorry, sweetie, but your daddy is in prison for a murder he didn't commit'?"

Leo took Nikki's hand on top of her desk and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You know that Janet and I are here for you every step of the way," he told her.

"I know you are. But what if that's not enough?"

"Nikki..."

"I can't do it. I'm not meant to be a mother, I'm not cut out for it! I wouldn't know where to start," she muttered miserable.

"Every first time mother feels the way you're feeling. Teresa and I were terrified before Cassie came along. We had no idea what to do. But as soon as your baby is born everything slots into place, and suddenly you know exactly what to do," Leo smiled.

"Yeah, it'll be wonderful. Apart from the sleepless nights and the nappy-changing and the pain and suffering of childbirth and the fact that my baby will have no father so I'll be doing it all on my own," Nikki replied caustically.

"Nikki, when you hold your baby, your tiny little baby, a bundle of blankets with just a pink, chubby face sticking out, a baby that you and Harry created together – well, that feeling is indescribable, and you won't be able to imagine what your life was like when you _weren't _a mother."

"But it's going to be a permanent reminder, Leo. A permanent reminder of what I had with Harry."

"Well then we'll make sure that Harry doesn't go to prison."

Nikki snorted disbelievingly. "And how are we going to do that? Break him out?"

Leo tutted disapprovingly. "Don't be silly. We'll prove that he is innocent and that it was Christopher Jones who killed Robert."

"I've tried that. There is no evidence. Besides, Harry said he didn't want me looking into the case anymore."

"Since when have you listened to Harry?"

Nikki released a watery chuckle, but her face quickly fell. "His trial is in a month, Leo. The police aren't going to help us; we'd have to do it all alone. How?"

Leo looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying, "We go through everything again. We look in every nook and cranny. We can get Joe to help us, a fresh set of eyes might-"

However, he stopped talking when he noticed Nikki shaking her head. "We can't get Joe to help us," she said firmly.

"Why on earth not?"

"I don't want to drag him into this. We'll get into enough trouble as it is if the police find out what we're doing. I don't that to happen to Joe, too."

"That's very honourable," Leo pointed out.

"Let's just say, I don't want to lead him into another car crash," she said regretfully.

Her boss gave her a reassuring smile. "Look, we can sort this out. Everything will be all right."

"Will it?" she asked sceptically. "Because since Harry was arrested a month ago, everyone has been telling me that it will all be 'all right', but I'm yet to see how it can be."

But before Leo could answer they were interrupted by a lab tech with news of a crime scene that one of them needed to get to.

"I'll take it," Leo said, getting to his feet once the technician had gone. "You know, the Jones file is in the top drawer of my filing cabinet."

Nikki smiled. "I thought you were against me doing that? You nearly had a fit last time."

"Oh, I am. I was merely going to tell you that you're not to look at it," he winked.

However, Nikki stayed sitting at her desk even once Leo had gone. She let her head fall onto her arms and sighed. Maybe Leo was right and she should tell Harry. Part of her desperately wanted him to know, but the other part of her was too scared of what his reaction would be. It had felt like she was only just getting a grip on her life again, and now this had to happen. Under her desk, she placed a hand on her flat stomach. It was hard to imagine that there was anything in there at the moment, yet there was.

Just six months ago, if someone had told her that she'd be having a baby with Harry Cunningham, she'd have laughed before declaring them insane.

Now look at her.

"Nikki? Are you okay?"

Nikki's head snapped up to see Joe watching her concernedly as he walked towards his desk.

"I'm fine," she lied, forcing a smile onto her face.

Joe snorted. "Of course you are, babe. And I'm Harry Potter."

"Oh really?" Nikki mocked. "Because there was me thinking your name was Joseph Cooper..."

"Don't call me Joseph," he warned jokingly, waggling his finger at her.

"Sorry ... Joseph."

He rolled his eyes at her and said, "I'm just saying you can talk to me. If you want to."

"Thanks, Joe," she smiled. Deciding to do as Leo had subtly implied and go and look at the Jones' file, Nikki got to her feet. However, as she was half-way across the office she turned and looked at Joe thoughtfully.

"What?" he grinned.

"Would you tell someone something important, even if you weren't sure it was the right thing to do? Even if you might get hurt by their reaction?" she asked.

Joe's expression became more serious and he considered Nikki's question. "Depends how important that something is."

"Life-changing important," she supplied. "Something that's so massive there's no way back from it once it's been said."

"I guess I'd do whatever I thought was right," Joe said, quite unhelpfully, and then added, "Are you sure you're all right?"

She smiled at him. "Fine," she said, before disappearing into Leo's office and shutting the door behind her, where she then fell backwards into the wall with a sigh.

So she should do what she thought was right, according to Joe. But what the hell did she think was right? Telling Harry that he was the impending father of a child? Or not telling him to save him from the tidal wave of emotions that he was sure to feel and might cause him to do God knows what?

Willing herself to keep it together and not fall apart in despair, Nikki took a deep breath and pushed off from the wall in the direction of the filing cabinet. It doesn't take her long to extract Robert Jones' file. Sitting at Leo's desk, she took a deep breath and opened the cover. On the top was a summary that had been written of the post-mortem. Nikki immediately recognised Leo's short-hand notes and handwriting. Frowning, she tugged the piece of paper out and began to read.

_** Victim:**_ _Robert Jones, white British male, aged 28 years. He was 5' 8" in height and 165lb in weight.  
_

_**Injuries:**_ _Victim suffered bruising to the left side of the jaw, consistent with being punched. There is also a laceration to the back of the head, implying that the force of the punch caused the victim to fall back. Pattern of bruising on head matches the shape of the finials on the victim's bed (see enclosed photographs).  
__Nine stab wounds to the torso, deepest penetrating 8.9cm, shallowest penetrating 1.3cm – inc. two perforations to the left lung (5.6cm and 4.9cm), three punctures to the liver (3.7cm, 5.4cm, 8.9cm), one rupture to the diaphragm (7.2cm), one puncture to the spleen (1.3cm), one perforation to the stomach (6.7cm that further elongated into a tear measuring 3.1cm long) and one puncture in the small intestine (2.8cm).  
__Victim's throat had also been slit; a clean cut measuring 3.8cm deep and severing the external carotid artery and the superior thyroid artery.  
_

_**Weapon: **__A kitchen knife was found with traces of victim's blood on it. Blade 10cm long, 1.5cm wide, serrated bottom edge.  
_

_**C.O.D.:**_ _Cause of death most certainly blood loss from the wound to the neck. Victim would have bled to death in no more than seven minutes.  
_

_**Suspect:**_ _Upon analysis of the force needed to create the stab wounds and the angle of bruising to the face, the attacker is thought to be approx. 5' 10" to 6' 0", and weighing approx. 180lb._

Feeling the tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, Nikki sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She flicked through the rest of the report, grimacing at the crime scene photos as they reminded her of that day. She bit her lip when she saw the photos of Harry's bloody shirt and one of the knife.

How on earth was she supposed to find something that proved Harry innocent, when absolutely everything pointed to him being guilty?

**

* * *

**

**Merry Christmas, you lovely people! I hope everyone had a brilliant day yesterday, got loads of lovely presents, and ate enough to see them comfortably through the whole of 2011. ;)**

**I hope you like this chapter. I know there's quite a mixture of stuff in it, but I wanted to kind of give you all a recap of how thingymajig died. **

**Review? :)**

**xxxx**


	32. Wait 'Til You See My Smile

**Chapter 32: **Wait 'Til You See My Smile

Flinging her arm out of bed to silence her alarm, Nikki then groaned and simply buried her face in her pillow a bit more, pulling the duvet tightly around herself. The bright summer sun was already streaming through the windows, filling her room with golden light. Behind her, Harry's arms tightened around her waist and he nuzzled into the crook of her neck.

"Mmm," she smiled, still with her eyes closed. "Makes the alarm seem almost worth it."

Harry laughed, the vibrations against her skin sending a shiver up her spine.

"We need to go to work," she muttered sleepily, wanting to do anything but.

"No, we need to stay here and make good use of this quality mattress," he whispered gruffly. Nikki giggled, rolling over in his arms and pressing her lips to his. She loved this side of Harry – the side that only made an appearance first thing in the morning. Everything about him was rougher, from the stubble on his chin to his untidy shock of dark hair. Yet at the same time, she marvelled at how he made her made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

Harry rolled them both over so that he was leaning over her, pressing kisses along the line of her jaw as Nikki's hands crept underneath his t-shirt.

"What were you saying about work?" he smirked at her.

"Shut up," she mumbled, kissing him lazily.

However, he broke the kiss and simply gazed down at her for a moment.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Just ... I love this. You, me and the baby. It's all I've ever dreamed of."

He placed a hand on her still flat stomach and the frenzied passion of a minute previously evaporated, to be replaced by something a lot gentler. Love, rather than lust.

"I love you," she whispered, lightly running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you too," he smiled. "Always have, always will."

This time the kiss was softer, a kiss to simply convey the true extent of their feelings –

_Beep beep beep._

The interruption was irritating, but Nikki couldn't work out where the noise was coming from. She'd just turned her alarm off. Confused, she opened her eyes...

Only to discover that her lips weren't attached to Harry's, but she was lying alone in an empty bed, and her alarm was telling her that it was time to wake up.

She was unable to prevent the tears that fell, for the dream had felt so real that to wake up and discover that it was nothing more than her imagination hurt. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, wishing that she could go back there, but it was too late now.

The rain hammered on the window, and the irony was heartbreaking. Back in her dream world, everything was perfect. She supposed she should have suspected something all along. Nothing was ever that easy.

A wave of nausea hit her and she moaned. It had been nearly two weeks since she discovered she was pregnant, and she'd been waiting for the morning sickness to kick in. At eight weeks now, she was the prime candidate for it. And as it didn't tend to pass until about twelve weeks, she had a whole month of feeling rubbish in the mornings to look forward to.

Sitting up on the edge of the bed and taking deep breaths, Nikki willed herself to not actually vomit. However, it was only a few seconds later that she was flinging herself into the bathroom and collapsing over the toilet.

Groaning, she made sure that she wasn't going to throw up again before easing herself to her feet. Once steady, she prepared herself a flannel and pressed it to her face, relishing in the freshness of the cool water.

She wasn't supposed to be doing this alone. Harry was supposed to be with her; he was meant to hold her hair back while she was sick, pass her a flannel, get her a glass of water. Nikki knew she was probably being selfish and that there were plenty of successful single mothers out there, but she was terrified. A baby had not been on the agenda. The doctor at the hospital had told her that she needed to stay stress-free because of her blood-pressure, but she had absolutely no idea how to do that. Because the whole world was stressing her out at that moment.

Brushing her teeth to get rid of that acidic tang, Nikki then continued to get ready for work. As she slipped on her skinny jeans and did up the button, she placed a hand on her stomach and wondered just how long she'd be able to keep wearing those jeans. At the moment, the thought of something growing inside of her still seemed pretty impossible. She didn't look or feel any different, besides the morning sickness.

Sighing, Nikki knew what had to happen next. She needed to have a scan, needed to see the baby for herself. It was the only way that she'd be able to get a grip on her life again.

**. . .**

Walking over to Leo's office, Nikki knocked on the open door nervously.

"Ah, good morning, Nikki," Leo smiled, gesturing for her to come in. She did so, pacing back and forth around his office. Her brain was muddled. It was hard to process everything.

"Are you all right?" Leo asked, and she stopped. She turned to face him, her hands gripping the back of the chair opposite him.

"I was sick this morning," she told him conversationally.

Leo winced sympathetically. "Was it bad?"

"Could have been worse, I guess," she replied with a shrug. "My point is: I'm pregnant."

"I thought we'd established that already?" he pointed out with a trace of a smile.

Nikki ignored this and was silent for a moment, before saying, "You know, I had a dream last night that he was back. Harry. Everything was perfect. I want that back."

Leo sighed, his face becoming more serious. "I know you do. We all do."

Nikki shook her head. "Harry's trial is in three weeks, and even then I doubt that he'll be found innocent. So I need you, Leo."

"Me? What for?"

"To make sure I don't fall apart. I need you to come with me to the scan that I've booked for tomorrow. I need you to hold my hand and tell me that it will be okay. I can't do it alone, Leo, and you've always been the one to look out for me in the past."

Leo smiled warmly. "I'll come. I'll be there, I promise."

"Thank you," she replied with a relieved sigh.

"You can always move back in with Janet and I?" he suggested.

Smiling, Nikki shook her head. "I need to be in my apartment. I can't depend too much on others. But thanks."

"Well, the offer will always stand. Now go and get back to work. I've got a crime scene for you. River body, should be nice and decomposed," he told her.

Nikki pulled a face. "Lovely, just what I need on top of my morning sickness."

**. . .**

Her doorbell rang at twenty minutes to nine the next morning. Standing up with a sigh, Nikki poured her luke-warm tea down the sink and gathered her bag. Upon opening her door, she saw Leo stood on her doorstop with a massive smile on his face.

"Let's just get this over with," Nikki muttered, walking towards Leo's car.

"I'm excited," Leo grinned. "You'll get to see your baby for the first time."

"That's the bit I'm trying not to think about," she mumbled as she sat in the passenger seat, pulling her seatbelt across her.

As Leo also climbed in the car, he said, "Oh, come on, Nikki. You can't tell me that just a little bit of you isn't excited?"

A reluctant smile spread across Nikki's lips, causing Leo to laugh and say, "I knew it!"

When they reached the hospital and Nikki nervously started leading the way towards the maternity ward, Leo held her back and said, "Look, Nikki ... I know it's supposed to be Harry here with you, not me, and although I truly wish that Harry was here – you should know that I'm a pretty good hand-holder."

Nikki giggled. Smiling up at Leo, she said, "I know. Thanks, Leo."

She enveloped the older man in a tight hug for a moment and muttered, "I'm really glad you decided not to die last year," into his shoulder.

He chuckled, and when they broke apart he smiled and said, "Me too."

They had to wait about twenty minutes until a nurse called Nikki's name. The nerves now quite extreme, Nikki was shaking as she entered the examination room with Leo right behind her.

A young female doctor was sat at a machine beside the bed, but she stood upon Nikki's entrance.

"Hi, Nikki," she smiled warmly, "I'm Doctor Allen."

Doctor Allen looked to Nikki to be about late-thirties. Her dark blonde hair was thrown up into a messy bun, and her blue scrub top under her white coat was crumpled. There were dark shadows under her startling green eyes, and she yawned widely as Nikki shut the door behind her.

"I'm sorry; you'll have to excuse me. I've been on shift all night," she told them, before introducing herself to Leo. "Are you the baby's father?"

Both Nikki and Leo snorted with laughter, before Leo said, "No, just a friend. I'm here to support Nikki."

Doctor Allen smiled and nodded, obviously used to not asking questions. "Well that's fab. If you want to climb up, Nikki, I'll just get this prepared."

Nikki did as she was told and eased herself onto the bed, which was actually more like a dentist's chair than a bed. She blew out a long, nervous breath, and looked at Leo for support.

"What if everything's not okay?" she whispered quickly, her eyes wide with fear. "I've been so scared about actually facing the reality of seeing the baby that I didn't even think about it not being okay."

"Nikki, listen to me," Leo said firmly, taking a step closer to her and gripping her hand. "The baby is going to be fine. You need to stop worrying and just calm down."

Nikki bit her lip and nodded, refusing to release Leo's hand. Doctor Allen swivelled around on the stool she was sat on beside Nikki and flicked through her notes.

"It says here on your notes that you have essential hypertension?" she frowned.

Nikki nodded, the ability of speech leaving her.

"Well, as I'm sure you've been told, that's nothing to worry about. You just need to take it easy," the doctor smiled.

"That's easier said than done," Nikki muttered.

Doctor Allen smiled and picked up a bottle. "Right, if you want to just roll your top up, I'll put some of this gel on your stomach. It's going to be cold, but you won't notice it after a couple of seconds."

Nodding, Nikki pulled up her top and winced as the cold gel hit her warm skin. The doctor then flicked on a monitor and picked up the wand that was about to be placed on her stomach.

"Right, are you ready, Nikki?" Doctor Allen asked with a smile.

"As I'll ever be," Nikki replied shakily, squeezing Leo's hand even tighter.

She watched the screen intently as Doctor Allen moved the wand around, trying to find the right spot. Finally, a grainy black and white image filled the screen. It was small, but unmistakably a baby. Nikki pressed a hand to her mouth and was unable to prevent the tears as she realised that she could make out tiny little hands and feet. Smiling, the doctor pressed a button to freeze the image on the screen.

"There's your baby," she said, then flicked another button, "And here is its heartbeat."

A rapid, echoey noise filled the room, and this time Leo was the one to shake his head.

"That's amazing," he mumbled, giving Nikki's hand a squeeze.

"Yeah, it is," she breathed, and a large smile crept across her face.

* * *

**Okay. So I know you're all probably hating me right now for putting that first bit in there, but I miss Harry! I need to write fluff! So I thought I'd be cruel to both you and Nikki and make it a dream. ;)**

**At least it was a quicker update. :P**

**Review?**

**xxxx**


	33. What Can I Say?

**Chapter 33: **What Can I Say?

Nikki walked back into the lab later that morning with a huge smile plastered on her face and the sonogram picture tucked safely in her jacket pocket. Leo had been called straight out to a scene, only just having enough time to drop her back at the lab, so she wandered over to her desk and sat down.

She tugged out the picture and looked at it, her smile never fading. It was impossible to think that in seven months she was going to have a baby, yet finally the idea was beginning to excite her. Part of her was still terrified, and part of her wished Harry was there, but there was this new sense of calm that had swept over her. She'd never thought that she'd get the chance to have children, and now here she was.

"Ah, there you are!"

Startled by Joe's sudden appearance, Nikki only just managed to slip the sonogram picture into the drawer on her desk before he saw it. She wasn't quite ready to share the news with the world just yet.

"Where have you been?" Joe continued.

"I had a doctor's appointment," she told him, bending the truth a little.

"Oh, right. Where's Professor Dalton?"

"He's been at a scene all morning, I think."

It wasn't lying, not really.

"Thanks for letting me know," he said sarcastically, but Nikki heard the playfulness in his voice.

"Aww, can't ickle Joey manage the big scary lab on his own?" she mocked.

"I'll have you know I did a brilliant job. I just missed your riveting conversation, babe," he winked, causing Nikki to tut at him. "Anyway, doctor's appointment? Are you all right?"

Nikki could hear the genuine concern in his voice and she smiled. "Yeah, fine. It was just a check up."

"I know I keep saying this, but I'm here if you want to talk," he told her.

"You worry about me too much," she admonished playfully.

"Yeah, well..." he shrugged, before adding, "I've been here for six weeks now, and I like to think we're friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"It's just that you've seemed upset recently. And I don't know whether you were simply born miserable, or if it's just been these past few weeks, but..."

He trailed off when Nikki started laughing.

"What?" he frowned.

"Look, Joe," she smiled. "My life is a bit crappy at the moment; I'm not going to deny that. But I'm okay. Or, at least, I'm heading towards okay. I've been through worse and I survived that."

"Really?" he asked, not looking entirely convinced.

"Really," she confirmed. "But it means a lot to know that you're here."

"I drink, y'know," he told her suddenly.

Nikki frowned. "Are you trying to tell me that you're an alcoholic?"

Joe snorted. "No," he grinned. "I was just going to tell you that if you ever wanted to go drinking and forget about your crappy life, then I'm your man. I'm an expert at drinking to forget."

Pretending to look thoughtful, Nikki said, "I think you are telling me that you're an alcoholic."

Sighing, Joe then laughed as he shook his head. "Y'know what, I won't bother in future. You can go drinking on your own, babe."

Nikki laughed too. "All right, I'm sorry. I take it back. At some point, we will go and drown our sorrows in the bottom of a bottle together."

"Now that's what I like to hear," he winked. "Right, I'd love to stand here and listen to you trying to persuade me to go out for drinks with you, but some of us have work to do. See you later."

Ignoring Nikki's mock indignation, he simply winked at her and strolled off in the direction of the cutting room, whistling as he went.

Still smiling in spite of herself, Nikki hardly noticed her phone ring until it was nearly too late. Hastily, she pulled the buzzing device out of her pocket and placed it to her ear, not bothering to look at the display.

"Nikki Alexander speaking."

"Is it? Only I've haven't heard your voice in so long I was just wondering whether you'd dropped off the face of the Earth."

Nikki swallowed hard. "Harry?"

"Oh, you remember me then?"

She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Don't be like that," she muttered.

"What do you expect me to be like, Nikki? We agreed that we were going to try and work things out. You were supposed to come and visit me," he accused, and she could hear the dejection in his voice.

"I know we did," she sighed. "And I know I was."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because I can't. I hate seeing you in that place," she said, not entirely untruthfully.

"But I need you," he said, almost pleadingly. "I'm going mad in here."

"I'm not going to be able to help you, Harry. Me and you are over. We were over when you broke up with me. You don't need me."

There was a pause, and then he muttered, "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do! You're always messing me around and I've had enough!" she cried.

"I'm not always messing-"

"Yes you are, Harry! One minute we're fine, then you go to jail and break up with me, then you tell me that you want to 'see how things go'," she challenged. "I never know where I stand with you and I'm fed up of it."

"I don't mean to. It's not easy for me, being in this place, you know," he countered.

"It's not easy for any of us," she rebuked. "Which is why it's just best that we don't see each other. At all. So stop ringing me, stop sending me visiting orders and just put me out of your mind."

"I can't do that," he whispered.

Despite feeling the tears itching at the corners of her eyes, Nikki said, "Well you're just going to have to try."

It was horrible but necessary, she kept telling herself. She needed to worry about herself and the baby now, not about whether she and Harry were still together or not.

"Look," she said quietly. "I'll see you at your trial, okay? We'll see where things go from there."

"My trial in is three weeks," he reminded her.

"Exactly, it'll fly by."

"Fine," he mumbled mutinously. "I'll see you at my trial."

"Take care, Harry," she said, but the monotonous sound of the dialing tone had already filled her ear.

Sighing, Nikki placed her phone down on her desk and placed her head in her hands. She knew full well that she probably shouldn't have been so harsh, but anger had swept over her when he'd said that it wasn't 'easy for him'. Did he think it was for her? She was going stir-crazy with worry. Not just about Harry, but about everything.

She pulled the sonogram picture out of the draw again and propped it up against her computer screen, staring at it. It was Harry's fault that she was pregnant. It was also Harry's fault that she was going to end up a single mother. But at the same time, a little part of her couldn't care less. Because there was a real tiny human growing in her stomach; a little person that needed her. And really, that was all that mattered.

When her mobile rang again three minutes later, she impatiently snatched it up and said, "What?"

"Err... Niks? It's your father," said a voice on the other end of the line.

Nikki froze. She hadn't heard from her dad since he'd left to supposedly return to Africa two years ago, save for an email on her birthday and at Christmas.

"Dad? Are you all right?" she asked eventually, once she'd recovered from the initial shock.

"Oh, I'm fine. Never better, in fact. But I'm back in the country now and I thought we could meet up for a coffee? My treat?"

Nikki sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "That'll make a change." She was unable to prevent the caustic remark from slipping out.

"I know I've not been around much, but I want that to change," Victor Alexander said earnestly. "Please, Niks? Coffee?"

"Fine," she conceded. "When?"

"How's one o'clock sound?" he suggested nervously.

"Today?" Nikki exclaimed.

"Unless you're busy?" her father countered quickly. "I don't mind, we could do tomorrow or Saturday or-"

Nikki cut across his ramblings. "No, Dad, today's fine. I'll see you at one o'clock. Where are we meeting?"

"There's a small café on the corner of Bridge Street."

Nodding, Nikki said, "I know it. I'll see you later."

She hung up the phone before her father could say anything and dropped it onto her desk. Her good mood had dissipated as quickly as it had arrived. Despite parting on better terms the last time Nikki had seen her dad, she was still dreading what she was sure was to be an hour of awkward silences and uncomfortable small-talk. There was already too much stress in her life at the moment, she could do without adding some more.

Spending the rest of the morning working on a case, an elderly woman who'd been involved in what appeared to be a hit-and-run, Nikki was almost disappointed to see the clock hit half past twelve. With a weary sigh, she changed back from her scrubs to her ordinary clothes and then set off to find Leo.

Leaning on the doorframe of his office, she poked her head inside and said, "Is it all right if I take my lunch now?"

Her boss glanced up from the paperwork he was meticulously trudging through and nodded. "Of course. Got something planned?"

"My dad just rang me. He wants to meet up for a coffee," she explained.

Leo's eyebrows contracted. "Did he say why?"

Nikki shrugged. "Not really."

"Do want me to come with you?" he offered.

She laughed slightly. "He's my dad, Leo, he's not going to kill me."

He shook his head. "I know, I know. Sorry. But I'll be here when you get back, all right? And remember what the doctor said about not stressing yourself out too much."

"I promise that I will not get involved in any altercations, will walk at no more than one mile per hour, and will eat and drink nothing but ice tea and bagels," she joked, then added, "Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea."

Leo laughed. "Go on, get out of here. See you later."

Smiling, Nikki bade him farewell then left the lab, butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

* * *

**Sorry I haven't updated for so long, it's exam time at college so I'm pretty snowed under with revision for all of January! But thank you so much for being patient with me and for still reviewing. :)**

**How brilliant is series fourteen so far, by the way? Soooo good! It's the cats pyjamas, not gonna lie. ;)**

**Anyway, please review and let me know what you think! Ta. **

**Charlotte  
****xxxxxx**


	34. Brightest Hour

**Chapter 34: **Brightest Hour

Nikki spotted her father the second she set foot in the small café and took a moment to observe him while he hadn't noticed her. He was sat with his back to her, sipping a cup of tea. He looked exactly the same as ever; his hair a mess and his leather jacket worn at the elbows. He had aged, his face was more lined and his hair perhaps a little greyer. Suddenly, he turned around and saw her, a smile breaking across his face. As Nikki walked towards him, he stood up, then sat down, then stood up again, seemingly unsure of what to do. Nikki tried to give him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, but she knew it must have looked rather strained.

"Hi," she settled for instead.

"It's good to see you, Niks," he said earnestly.

They shared a rather awkward hug which was broken quickly, and Nikki sat down hastily in the plastic chair.

"I can't stay long," she told him. "I've got to be back at work in an hour."

Victor nodded. "I bought you this. I know how much you used to love them," he told her, pushing a mug across the table towards her.

Nikki observed the hot chocolate, with whipped cream, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles. "I'm not a little girl anymore, Dad."

He looked slightly uncomfortable and Nikki felt immediately guilty. "But thanks, it looks lovely," she added hastily, and he smiled at her.

"How are you, Niks? How's work going?" he asked keenly.

Unable to feel that she could have that conversation yet, she simply said, "What are you doing here, Dad?"

"Just what I said on the phone. I want to spend more time with you," Victor told her, sipping at his tea.

"It's just that usually you have ulterior motives," Nikki continued.

Victor shook his head. "I'm not like that anymore. I've changed. I've got myself a job now," he told her excitedly. "A proper job."

Nikki raised her eyebrows, slightly sceptical. "Not like when you worked for Dodgy Dave?"

"No, not Dodgy Dave. I'm a removal man. It's hard work and the pay isn't anything special, but-"

"No, that's brilliant," Nikki said honestly, interrupting him. "It really is."

"Well, it keeps me going," he said, clearly pleased to have Nikki's approval. "I'm renting a flat too. It's only small but it's quite nice. The Thames is on my doorstep. Admittedly it's the dank, brown, smelly part of the Thames, not quite the nice 'river views' that I was expecting, but still."

Nikki laughed slightly, something she hadn't been able to do with her father for years. He took this as a sign of encouragement and said, "So, you didn't answer my question earlier. How are you, Niks?"

She shook her head, a tear escaping from the corner of her eye. Her father tentatively placed his hand over hers on the table. "Nikki? What is it?"

"My life's a bit of a disaster, Dad," she admitted.

"Tell me," Victor prompted. "I know a bit about crappy lives myself."

Nikki took a mouthful of her hot chocolate first, needing the sweet, hot liquid to give her confidence, it seemed. Eventually she took a deep breath and, deciding to start right at the beginning, said, "Harry – you remember Doctor Cunningham? – well, he and I became more than friends."

"I always knew you would," Victor smiled. "You clearly cared a lot for each other."

Nikki brushed this comment aside and merely said, "We're not together anymore. At least, I don't think we are."

Victor frowned. "What did he do? Do you want me to go over there are beat him up?"

She released a watery chuckle and said, "That would be a bit difficult. He's in jail."

The frown lines on Victor's forehead deepened even further. "Jail? What on earth happened, Niks?"

Nikki took a deep breath, impatiently brushing a tear away from her cheek. "It was about six weeks ago when we came to our senses and finally got together. And it was great at first, it really was. But then we had an argument."

Her father nodded at her to continue.

"It was stupid," she told him. "Something or nothing. I can hardly remember what it was about now. But I stormed out of his flat and went home, which is when it happened. See, he had this neighbour; Robert Jones, quite young, hadn't lived there long, but who would play his music really loudly at any God-given hour. He'd been playing his music that afternoon, which had fuelled both our tempers. Anyway, I was sat at home, feeling guilty for running out, when Harry rang me and told me that his neighbour was dead."

"Dead?" Victor exclaimed, his eyebrows raised.

Nikki nodded sadly, swallowing a mouthful of hot chocolate. "Yes. I went back over there and found Harry in Robert's apartment standing over his bloody body. He'd been stabbed several times. Harry was covered in his blood. So, the police arrested and charged him with the murder. But he didn't do it, Dad."

"He never struck me as the murdering type," Victor frowned.

"That's because he isn't! Harry had just gone over there to ask Robert to turn the music down and found him like that. It was Christopher Jones, Robert's brother. Harry worked it out, then told us. Christopher wanted Robert's trust fund money, which Robert was due to inherit in just over a year."

"You say Harry worked it out?" her father frowned, taking another sip of tea.

"Yes. He was out on bail and decided to conduct his own investigation. The fool," she added bitterly. "But the police won't do anything, because as far as they're concerned, Harry had means, motive and opportunity."

"It does appear to put him in a tricky spot," he mused thoughtfully.

Nikki clasped her hot mug between her hands and gazed into the depths. "We broke up a couple of weeks ago. It was too stressful on the both of us."

She didn't want to go into too much detail; that would force her to remember all the painful details, and she certainly wasn't up for that.

Her father sighed and squeezed her hand on top of the table. "Oh, Niks. When's his trial?"

"Three weeks today," she said miserably.

"Are you doing anything to try and prove his innocence?"

"I've been reading through the case file, trying to find any evidence I can that might do just that. But there's really not a lot I can do," she sighed.

"What about your boss? What's his name? Professor..."

"Dalton," Nikki interrupted. "Leo."

"Yes, Professor Dalton. He's in charge, can't he do something?"

Nikki smiled humourlessly. "It's not quite as simple as that, Dad. Leo was almost as close to Harry as I was, so the police are trying to push him away from the investigation whenever they can. Besides, there's not a lot he can do either."

"There's got to be something somebody can do!" her father burst out angrily.

"Why are you so sure that he's innocent? You barely knew Harry," Nikki asked quietly.

He shrugged. "You believe him. You trust him. And that's good enough for me."

Feeling the tears prickling at her eyes again, Nikki smiled at her Dad, feeling a sudden rush of renewed affection for him.

"You still love him, don't you?" Victor muttered.

Nikki nodded sadly. "I always will."

"So go and see him," he suggested. "Tell him that."

"I can't," Nikki said, shaking her head.

"Prison's not that bad, Nikki. I mean, it is, but Harry'll be all right. Go and see him, it'll help you both."

"I can't, Dad," she snapped.

"Why?"

"Because I'm pregnant!"

A stunned silence descended. Nikki bit her lip nervously as she awaited her father's reaction. He was staring at her in shock and she was momentarily worried when he croaked out, "Pregnant?"

She nodded. "Yes."

A smile cracked across his face. "I'm going to be a granddad?"

Nikki laughed slightly, relief seeping through her veins. "I guess you are."

"How far along are you?" he asked, trying to look at her stomach by peering over the table.

"Seven weeks, or thereabouts."

"And Harry's the father?"

She frowned reproachfully. "Yes, Harry's the father."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he apologised. "Just ... wow!"

"That's why I can't go and see him," she explained. "I don't want to tell him about that baby, not yet. Not before his trial, anyway. I'm scared it'll push him over the edge, he hates being in there."

"But it might just be the good news he could do with," Victor pointed out.

Nikki shook her head, draining the rest of her hot chocolate. "I don't want to risk it. I don't even know if he wants children, especially not with me. We broke up, remember?"

Victor remained silent for a moment. Noticing Nikki's empty cup, he said, "Come on, I'll walk you back to the lab."

They stood up, their chairs scraping backwards. Shrugging her handbag onto her shoulder, Nikki led the way out of the café and into the bright sunlight. She and her father strolled easily along the empty streets, a comfortable silence between them. It was nice, Nikki realised, having him back. There was a niggling feeling at the back of her brain that he wouldn't stay for long and would just desert her again, but she decided she was willing to risk it. She needed as many people around her as she could get at the moment.

It had been one of the better hours of her life lately, yet it wasn't long until they were stood in the car park of the Lyell Centre and it was time to return to normality. Victor turned to look at Nikki. He sighed and said, "What are we going to do with you, eh?"

Nikki smiled slightly. "I'll be all right. I always am."

"You know you can always ring me or pop round, don't you?" he told her concernedly.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'd better go, Leo will be waiting for me."

"Yes, you get off. Back to cutting up dead people," her father grinned. He turned around and began to walk away.

"Hang on!" Nikki called after him, jogging slightly to catch up with her father.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, but Nikki just threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

Laughing, Victor patter her back slightly awkwardly.

"You're not going to leave, are you? Abandon me again?" she whispered into his shoulder.

"No, Niks, I'm not," he told her certainly. He pulled back so he could look her in the eye. "I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled. "Good."

Placing one of his hands on her stomach, he said, "You don't think I'd miss seeing this little one grow up?"

A chuckle escaped Nikki's lips. "I suppose not."

"Right. Now go back to work," he grinned.

"Bye, Dad," she said, still smiling, before turning and walking back into the cool interior of the lab.

* * *

**Well, my exams are finally over so I can concentrate on the important things in life again, i.e. this. ;) I've decided that Victor Alexander is going to be nice, like he was (ish) when he and Nikki parted in series 11. I'm bored of writing him all angry and horrible.**

**How brilliant was this week's episode, by the way? I was speechless and in tears at the end of the first part, even though I had read spoilers and knew that Harry wasn't actually going to die. **

**Anyways, please review! It makes me write quicker and I adore getting your feedback. :)**

**Charlotte  
xxx **


	35. One and Only

**Chapter 35: **One and Only

A week later and Nikki was starting to feel the effects of her pregnancy. For the third morning in a row she was leaning over the toilet and vomiting, feeling sorry for herself as she shook with cold. She was supposed to have someone with her, someone to hold back her hair and pass her a glass of water.

Harry was supposed to be with her.

Satisfied that she'd emptied the contents of her stomach and wasn't about to throw up again, she flushed the toilet and ran a cool flannel over her face before brushing her teeth roughly. She'd been hoping against hope that she wouldn't fall foul to morning sickness, after getting through two months without a hint of it. But no such luck.

Sighing, she padded back into her bedroom and slowly began to dress. Little did she know then that going to work that day would only cause more problems than it was worth.

**. . .**

It was mid-morning and she was just scrubbing out of a post-mortem that she'd completed on a young man that had fallen victim to gang warfare when Joe walked in.

"Is that the kid from Brixton?" he asked, signalling towards the body on the slab behind Nikki that Zak was methodically stitching up.

"Yeah," she said, turning off the tap and grabbing some paper towels.

"Knife or gun?"

"Knife, in this case. Straight into the liver. He didn't stand a chance, poor boy." Nikki frowned at Joe. "Why?"

"Just curious," he shrugged. "Can I have a word?"

Intrigued, Nikki nodded and threw the soggy paper towels into the bin. She turned to Zak. "Are you all right to finish up here, Zak?"

"Yeah, of course," the young lab technician replied. "You can go."

Nikki smiled a thank you and followed Joe out of the cutting room and towards the lockers. "What did you want to talk about?" she asked.

He hesitated, something which Nikki found unusual. In the couple of months that she'd known Joe, she had quickly learnt that he wasn't one to mince his words or not say what was on his mind. Therefore, she came to the conclusion that whatever it was Joe was planning on saying; he didn't particularly want to say it.

"Well," she said, trying to ease the atmosphere with a joke, "while you try to think of an excuse to spend time with me, can I get changed first? Get out of these scrubs."

He seemed to pull himself out of some sort of stupor, before turning to her and distractedly saying, "Yeah, yeah. I'll come back in ten minutes."

She smiled at him as he walked away, but he looked troubled and didn't even pay her any attention. Worried now, she hastily crossed to her locker and pulled out her jeans and blouse, quickly getting changed. What could Joe possibly want to tell her? Was it something about Harry? But he didn't know anything about Harry, as far as she was aware.

Nikki had just slipped on her heels when Joe peeked around the lockers. "Is it safe?" he asked sarcastically.

She giggled slightly, closing her locker door. "Yes, it's 'safe'."

Joe appeared in front of her, biting his lip nervously and running a stressed hand through his dark blonde hair.

"Joe?" she asked concernedly. "What is it? You're beginning to freak me out."

"I don't really know where to start," he confessed with a weak smile.

"I find the beginning's usually helpful," she smiled.

"Okay..." he said, taking a deep breath. Nikki braced herself for something terrible, but what Joe eventually said stunned her to the core. "The thing is, Nikki ... I think I'm in love with you."

The silence was palpable. Nikki's eyes were round in shock as she stared into Joe's piercing blue ones, full of sincerity and fear. She opened and closed her mouth once or twice, lost for words. She didn't know what she'd been expecting him to say, but it certainly wasn't that.

"You ... err ... You, for me? But I ... you ... we've only known each other two months!" she babbled incoherently.

"I know," Joe said quickly, seemingly more confident now that Nikki had found the power of speech again. "But what does that matter? I know how I feel, Nikki. I work with you at least ten hours a day, six days a week, often longer."

"But – but – you can't!" she protested meekly, still in utter disbelief that this was actually happening.

"Just hear me out, okay?" he asked desperately, taking her limp hands in his.

She nodded numbly, at a loss for any other action.

"I love you," he said again. "I can't help it, but I do. Sometimes I wish I didn't, because you've clearly been going through something these past few weeks and I didn't want to put this onto you as well; but then I realised that I can help you. Because you are beautiful, and intelligent, and stunning, and you take my breath away every time you walk into the room. It breaks my heart watching you look so dejected and sad. All I want to do is make all your problems disappear, because when you smile it lights up the room. Look, I've never felt this way about anyone before, and that scares me to death, but you amaze me, Nikki, and I would do anything for you."

Nikki stood, stunned, as Joe silently pleaded with her to say something.

"I, err..." she managed to stutter, before words failed her again.

Joe gently tucked a blonde curl behind her ear, running his thumb across her cheek. "I love you," he said for a third time, his face growing ever closer.

Then suddenly his lips were gently pressed against hers, and just for a moment Nikki felt herself kissing him back. The comfort of having someone there was overwhelming, someone who would care about her and love her unconditionally and support her through her pregnancy. But then she finally began to gain some awareness again, and she could feel his lips against hers, and she became very conscious of the fact that they were a lot softer than Harry's lips, and thinner than Harry's lips. He was cleanly shaven which felt strange against her skin compared to Harry's stubble. Really, he just wasn't Harry. But most importantly, she realised that it was Joe and Joe was lovely and kind and sensitive and she was leading him on and giving him false hope.

Bringing her hands to his chest, Nikki gently but firmly pushed him backwards.

"Joe..." she breathed sadly, shaking her head slightly.

"Don't look at me like that," he said, disappointment shining in his eyes.

"You deserve so much better than me," she told him. "I can't give you want."

"You can. You don't know until you try," he half-begged.

She shook her head again, a tear sliding down her cheek at the sheer injustice of it all. "You came here as a replacement for a Doctor Harry Cunningham, you know that, don't you?"

He nodded, looking confused at the relevance. "Yeah..."

"We were dating," she told him. "Harry and I. Then he got falsely accused of murder and is now in jail awaiting trial. I mean, we broke up but-"

"Well then it's all right," Joe interrupted eagerly. "If you broke up with him, then-"

It was Nikki's turn to cut across him. "I still love him," she said, hating herself for it at that moment in time. "I'm in love with Harry, Joe. I'm having his baby."

Now it was Joe's turn to look shocked. However, the surprise in his eyes was instantly swallowed by the pain and the heartbreak, a look that she'd seen reflected so often in her own eyes.

Placing a hand on Joe's cheek, she had to fight back the tears as she said, "Listen to me. You are a kind, generous, wonderful man. Any woman would be truly lucky to find you. You're a decent, honourable, selfless guy who always puts other before him. You deserve someone who's going to love you back, someone who can give you what you want. That person isn't me. And I really wish that it was."

She could see tears shining in Joe's blue eyes as he nodded despondently.

"I shouldn't have said anything," he muttered.

Nikki impatiently brushed away a tear from her cheek. "No, you should have. Because now you know, and you can move on."

He stared down at his feet for a moment, his hands shoved into the pockets of his trousers. Eventually, he looked back up at her and said, "You're pregnant?"

She nodded and gave him a small smile. "Eight weeks."

"Congratulations," he said quietly, seemingly sincerely.

"We can still be friends, can't we?" Nikki asked anxiously. "Because you've been one of the only things that's kept me sane and grounded these past couple of months."

He observed her for a second, before nodding and saying, "Yeah, we can still be friends."

Nikki released a relieved sigh and smiled at Joe through her tears.

"Come on, let's hug it out," he joked weakly, outstretching his arms.

Releasing a watery chuckle, Nikki readily accepted Joe's embrace, gripping his jumper in her fist as she rested her cheek on his shoulder.

"When's the trial?" Joe asked softly.

"A fortnight," she told him, unwilling to break the hug just yet.

"The police think he committed this murder?"

"Yes."

"But you don't?"

"No."

"I'm sorry, Nikki," he sighed, finally breaking the embrace and taking a step back. "I had no idea you were going through quite so much, otherwise I wouldn't have-"

"Don't be stupid," Nikki interrupted. "I should be apologising to you."

"Let's call it even," he smiled. "Look, I'd better get back upstairs. Professor Dalton will kill me if I don't give him that report by midday."

"You know, you can call him Leo," Nikki pointed out as Joe walked backwards out of the room.

"Are you kidding? That would be like calling your school teachers by their first names," he winked, disappearing from sight.

Releasing a long breath, Nikki sunk onto one of the benches and placed her head in her hands. She pressed her palms against her eyelids until rainbow spots appeared, clouding the mental image of Joe kissing her.

Guilt clawed suddenly at her insides. She'd cheated on Harry. She'd betrayed him. She'd kissed another man. What kind of person did that? But then Nikki remembered that she and Harry technically weren't a couple anymore, so really it was up to her who she did and didn't kiss. There was nothing for her to feel guilty about, it's not like she had initiated the kiss. Besides, she'd only reciprocated for a few seconds before pushing Joe away.

But did she tell Harry about it the next time she saw him? She'd always believed in honesty being an integral component in a successful relationship. Although, the more she thought about it, the more she realised that nothing about her relationship with Harry was successful.

Her stomach was in knots; there was an internal battle raging inside her.

What scared Nikki the most was the fact that in just a week, she'd openly confessed to both Joe and her father that she was still in love with Harry, when she spent so much time denying it to herself.

Part of her knew that she should try again. Try and make things right. Because she did, she loved Harry, and that was never going to change. She cursed her hormones as another tear slipped down her pale skin. Pulling her mobile phone out of the pocket of her jeans, she pressed the numbers of the prison telephone number. She would put in a request for a visiting order, they would ask Harry, he would confirm, and then she could speak to him properly.

Pushing the call button, Nikki placed the phone to her ear. The loud ringing on the other end was obtrusive and broke the silence of the locker room. Before anyone even had the chance of picking up, Nikki had ended the call and thrown her phone to the floor. A sob escaped her; she was weak, she knew that.

'_If at first you don't succeed, try try again'. That's what they say. But failure isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes we fail when, deep down, or maybe in our subconscious, we don't want to succeed. _

_You've had your heart broken and broken a heart; you've nearly died, you've nearly killed someone; you've cried and screamed and shouted, you've laughed and smiled and kissed. You've betrayed him, but he's betrayed you; you've quit, on more things than one; and you've spent two months terrified._

* * *

**I'm thinking the next two or three chapters will center around Harry's trial now. This story's beginning to come to a close! I'm not giving any hints as to how it's going to end, though. ;)**

**Talking of which, I can't believe it's the last episode of Silent Witness tonight! Bring on series fifteen, is what I say. :)**

**Thanks so much for taking the time to review, you guys are amazing! All I can ask is that you keep them coming! **


	36. Push That Knot Away

**Chapter 36: **Push That Knot Away

The next two weeks passed quickly, too quickly for Nikki's liking. A hot July had now rolled into a pleasantly warm August, her morning sickness had eased slightly and her relationship with Joe, although awkward at times, had successfully survived the events of a fortnight previously. To all intents and purposes, it had been a relatively good two weeks. Except that the arrival of August also meant the arrival of Harry's trial, something that Nikki had been trying, unsuccessfully, to ignore until now. Because now that the time was upon her, it was suddenly frighteningly real that in just two days time she might lose Harry forever. And that thought made her feel more ill than the morning sickness did.

So it was on the bright, sunny morning of August 6th that Nikki arrived at work an hour early and rushed into Leo's office. Her boss was sat behind his desk and looked surprised to see her.

"Nikki? What are you doing here?"

She sat down heavily in a chair opposite him and said, "We need to find the evidence to get Harry out of jail."

Leo sighed, which irritated her slightly. "Nikki," he said placatingly. "We've been trying to do just that for two months now."

"No, we haven't!" she half-shouted. "We haven't been trying hard enough at all. Sitting and reading the report isn't how you solve a case!"

"Harry's trial is the day after tomorrow-"

"Exactly, we've still got two days left! Come on, Leo! How can we just sit here doing nothing when there's a high possibility that we might lose Harry for good? I couldn't live with myself, could you? He's your best friend, are you just going to let him rot in jail for the rest of his life?"

"Stop!" Leo said firmly, standing up now and pressing his palms to the edge of his desk. "That's enough."

Nikki visibly slumped in her chair as her resolve broke with a sigh. She knew that she'd overstepped the mark.

"You are _not _the only one who is worried about Harry," he said roughly, glaring at her. "If there was anything I could do to make this whole mess go away, I would do it in a second. You know that full well."

"I'm sorry," Nikki whispered, and she was. Nodding, Leo slowly sat back down. "But there is something we can do," she continued quietly. "I can reopen the case. Pick it to pieces. Go over every little detail until we work out what we're missing. But I can't do that without your help, Leo."

Leo carefully scrutinised her for a moment, and for the first time in ages Nikki noticed just how tired he looked.

"Fine," he eventually conceded. "Get the file, we'll read through it again."

Without hesitation, Nikki leaned behind her and grabbed the file from the bottom drawer of Leo's filing cabinet, before slapping it onto the desk inbetween them.

"Thank you, Leo," she said sincerely. Leo simply nodded as he opened the folder and extracted the contents.

**. . .**

It wasn't until mid-morning and Nikki's stomach rumbled so loudly that it could no longer be ignored that they stopped for a break.

"It's no use," Leo sighed, leaning back in his chair with a groan. "We've been through it cover to cover."

"We can't give up," Nikki said quickly. "We need to speak to the witnesses again."

"Nikki," Leo said, that familiar look of disapproval in his eyes. "You know we can't do that."

"But-"

However, Nikki's retort was lost when Zak knocked and then entered the office, carrying two Starbucks coffee cups and a paper bag.

"I thought you guys might be peckish," he said, placing the items down on Leo's desk. "So I got you both a coffee and a cinnamon bun."

Nikki smiled at the young lab technician. "Thanks, Zak," both she and Leo said in unison.

"You're welcome. Umm, Doctor Cooper would like to know if he's going to get any help today with the, and I quote, 'million dead guys cluttering the halls'?" Zak asked.

"No, he's not," Leo said bluntly.

"Right. Also, there's a guy in reception says he needs to speak to you both," he informed them.

"Who is it?" Leo frowned.

"Says his name's Cameron Gables," Zak told them. "A lawyer or something."

Nikki immediately looked at Leo, her eyes wide. Leo returned her gaze for a moment before saying, "Okay, Zak. Can you send him in?"

As soon as Zak had left, Leo turned to Nikki and said, "What does Cameron want?"

"How should I know?" Nikki shrugged, reaching into the Starbucks bag. "I can't drink that coffee," she added.

"There's an orange juice in the fridge," Leo told her distractedly, signalling to other side of the offices. Nikki went to get it and as soon as she returned to her seat in Leo's office, the doors buzzed and Zak entered with Cameron in tow.

Spotting them, Cameron smiled as he strode into the office. "Hi, Niks, how are you?" he asked, bending down to give Nikki a quick hug.

"Oh, I'm absolutely perfect," she said sarcastically.

"Leo?"

"Fine, thanks. What's happened? Why are you here?" Leo asked hurriedly.

Cameron placed his briefcase down and sank into the chair beside Nikki with a sigh. Nikki pushed her untouched coffee across the desk towards him, which he sipped at gratefully.

"Harry's decided to change his plea," he said.

"What?" Leo exclaimed, while Nikki remained silent with shock.

"It's a logical decision," Cameron explained, "as I'm sure you both know. He's been charged with murder. If he pleads guilty he maybe gets fifteen years. If he pleads not guilty and then gets found guilty he'll be handed a life sentence on a silver platter, in which case you're looking at least thirty-five years."

"But he didn't do it!" Nikki cried. "If he pleads guilty then there's no chance that he'll be found not guilty!"

"I know that," Cameron said softly. "And more importantly, so does Harry."

"Then why's he doing it?" she asked desperately.

"Because he wants the shorter sentence," Cameron argued. "It's what most people in Harry's position would do."

"Well, I think it's a stupid idea," she grumbled mutinously.

"So do I," Leo agreed. "But it's up to Harry, isn't it? And it's not like we're really getting anywhere, Nikki."

Cameron observed the mess of scattered papers on the desk in front of them. "Are you reopening the case?" he frowned.

"Yes. I can't sit here and do nothing, Cameron," Nikki shot at him.

"I wasn't going to suggest that you should," he said, holding up his hands in defence. "Look, I like Harry. I really do. I don't want to see him go down for this any more than you do. So let me help you."

Nikki frowned, wondering if she'd misheard. "Help me?"

"Yeah. That was what I really came here to tell you both. I want to help, in any way that I can."

Touched by his kindness, Nikki swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "Okay," she said with a small smile, feeling a lot more positive now that they had someone else onboard. "So let's get to work. Leo, can we do another post mortem on Robert Jones' body?"

"No," he said.

"I know it's unethical, but please, Leo?" she tried.

"No, I mean, we physically can't," Leo explained. "We had to release his body nearly a month ago. I'm pretty sure his next of kin would have buried him by now."

Nikki clenched her jaw. "Cremated," she corrected. "His next of kin was his brother, Christopher Jones. He would have cremated him to get rid of any evidence."

Leo sighed, shaking his head. They'd reached a standstill. None of them knew what to do next.

"I want to go and speak to the women in Harry's apartment block who gave the statement," she said abruptly.

"I'll drive you," Cameron offered. Grabbing the piece of paper with the statement on, Nikki grabbed her bag and left the office with Cameron in tow before Leo could say anything.

"What if, even after all this, it doesn't work, Cameron?" she asked quietly as they crossed the car park. "What if we don't manage to build a solid case in Harry's favour and he gets found guilty for murder and goes to prison for fifteen years?"

"I don't know, Niks," Cameron said honestly.

"No, nor do I," she muttered miserably.

"Look, you've got another suspect," he said more positively as they got into his car. "You're pretty certain that it's this Christopher Jones, yes? So just look at it from his point of view. Would Jones have been able to do it, etc?"

"We've done that already," Nikki said. "The police weren't interested."

"So find something that makes them interested," Cameron pointed out.

Musing on his words, Nikki looked down at the statement in front of her. "Okay, the woman we're going to see is Holly Brownlow. She lives on the opposite side of the corridor from Harry, two doors down from him and three doors down from Robert. She's twenty-eight years old, a stay-at-home mum. Married to an accountant. She was just coming back from the shops when she saw Harry enter Robert's apartment."

They drove quickly to Holly Brownlow's apartment. As they trod the familiar route along the corridor, Nikki couldn't but feel a clenching in her stomach, particularly when she could actually see Harry's front door. Taking a deep breath, she stopped several meters short of where she normally would and turned to the left, rather than right. She knocked on the wooden door harshly.

"Who do we tell her we are?" Cameron whispered hurriedly.

"Let me do the talking," Nikki told him, just as the door opened.

A woman was stood there, balancing a baby on one hip. She had brown hair that was thrown up into a messy bun, a pale complexion, and bright green eyes that were complimented by the lime green cashmere jumper that she was wearing with dark blue skinny jeans and black Converses.

"Yes?" she said impatiently. "Can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm Nikki Alexander, Home Office Pathologist," Nikki said professionally, flashing Holly her ID. "This is Cameron Gables. Do you mind if we have a word?"

Looking puzzled, Holly stepped back to let them in. "You'll have to excuse the mess, I'm afraid."

Nikki entered the apartment. It was smaller than Harry's and much more homely. There were bright colours everywhere and baby toys littered the floor.

"You have a nice home," Cameron said as he followed Nikki.

"Thanks," Holly said, shutting the door and then catching up with them. She put the baby boy, who couldn't have been much more than a year old, down on the floor in front of some large plastic animals, which he immediately began to play with.

"He's adorable," Nikki smiled, unable to help the excited feeling that swelled inside her when she realised that in just seven months, that would be her.

Holly laughed slightly. "Only when he wants to be. Isn't that right, Jack?" she directed this last at the baby, who gazed up at her with wide innocent eyes.

"So," Holly said, gesturing for Nikki and Cameron to sit down and then doing the same on the sofa opposite. "What's all this about?"

"We're here to ask you some questions about the afternoon of the 5th June, when Robert Jones was murdered," Nikki said gently.

"The man from across the hall who played his music for the world to hear. Yes, I remember," Holly nodded.

"Do you mind if I record this conversation?" Nikki asked with a smile. "It's just for our records."

"No, go ahead."

"Great. Okay, Mrs. Brownlow, what do you remember about that afternoon?"

"Call me Holly," the young woman replied. "Err... I'd been out shopping. I had a work do the next week and needed a new outfit, you know how it is. Anyway, I'd just rounded the corner of the corridor when I saw Harry Cunningham rush out of his flat. He was in a right state, all angry looking. He banged on Robert's door but it must have been left unlocked or something because it swung straight open. Harry stormed in and a second later the music stopped. I couldn't hear any arguing or anything so I just ... went into my apartment. I didn't really think anything of it. I mean, his music drove all of us mad, I assumed Harry was the only one to finally do something about it."

"You say the door was unlocked?" Nikki frowned.

"Well, it must have been left ajar or something because as soon as Harry touched it, it swung open."

"And you definitely didn't hear any arguing once Harry had entered the flat?" Cameron quizzed.

"Nope. I stood there for a second to see if I could, Robert could be quite argumentative when he wanted to be, but I didn't hear any so – like I said – I assumed it was all right," Holly explained. "But I don't know, I am quite far down from his apartment here. Maybe one of the other neighbours heard something?"

"How well did you know Doctor Cunningham?" Nikki asked, feeling another pang in her stomach.

"Quite well," Holly nodded. "He was always very helpful if I was struggling with Jack and bags of shopping. I remember one time that the lift broke and Harry helped me carry Jack's pushchair up all the stairs. He was a gentleman. Which is why I couldn't believe it when I heard that it was him who killed Robert. It just didn't make any sense. Although, who knows what someone can do in a fit of anger?"

"I don't suppose you saw anyone else pass you on your way back up to here, did you?" Cameron asked.

Holly looked thoughtful. "I don't know. Possibly a couple of people. I can't really remember, if I'm honest."

Nikki forced a smile onto her face. "Okay. Well thanks, Holly. I think that's all we need."

She and Cameron got to their feet, Nikki swiping up the dictaphone and placing it in her pocket.

"You're welcome. Anything else you need, you know where I am," Holly smiled.

"Thanks. We'll see ourselves out," Cameron said, leading the way back to the door.

Once outside in the corridor, Nikki leant against the wall and released a long breath. "If she gave that statement to the police, why are they so certain it was Harry?" she asked. "I mean, she says that the door was already open when Harry got there, and that there was no arguing, which surely indicated that Jones was already dead!"

"I don't know," Cameron shrugged. "But we've got the statement. It's something."

"I suppose so."

"Come on, let's go and ask the other neighbours if they heard anything," he suggested.

"The police already did a door-to-door," Nikki told him.

"Yes, but the police had already interviewed Holly, and look what we found out."

They spent the next hour talking to eight of Harry's neighbours, but none of them told them anything that they didn't already know. Disheartened, Nikki and Cameron trudged back to the car in silence.

"Come on, Niks, cheer up. This isn't the be-all-and-end-all," Cameron said as they reached the car.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there's one person who we haven't interviewed yet..."

"Who?" Nikki asked, perplexed.

Cameron stopped and looked at her. "Christopher Jones."

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to JustHuddy, who is a little bit more than awesome and whose reviews never fail to make me laugh. :)**

**But thank you SO MUCH to everyone who takes the time to review; it means the world, it really does. **

**xxx**


	37. Sunset & Echo

**Chapter 37: **Sunset & Echo

"I'm really not sure about this," Nikki muttered to Cameron as they walked up the gravel driveway of Christopher Jones' large house.

"It'll be fine," Cameron hissed, pressing the doorbell.

A moment later and a young woman opened it, smiling at them. She had dark blonde hair and was wearing a pretty floral dress and sandals. "Hi. Can I help you?"

"Mrs Jones?" Nikki asked.

"Yes..."

"Hi. I'm Nikki Alexander, Home Office pathologist." Once again, Nikki held up her ID. "This is Cameron Gables. Is your husband at home? We'd like to speak to him about the death of his brother."

"No," Mrs Jones said, frowning, "He's at a business meeting. He shouldn't be too long, though, if you want to come in and wait."

"Well, we'll speak to you, if that's all right?" Cameron asked quickly.

"No, that's fine." Mrs Jones showed them into the house and through to the kitchen, where she asked them to sit down at the large, oak table in the middle of the spacious room. There were numerous pieces of paper scattered across the table showing different flower arrangements. "Sorry," she said, sweeping up the paper, "I'm a florist. We're just completing a long-overdue refurbishment on the shop and it's a bit of a nightmare trying to sort it all out. Would you like some tea?"

Both Cameron and Nikki nodded, and Mrs Jones set about putting water into the kettle.

"Can I ask why you're dragging all of this up again?" she said; slightly apprehensively, Nikki noticed.

"Well, as you probably know, it's the trial in just a couple of days, and we want to make sure we've got our facts straight," Cameron said professionally.

"Oh, yes," Mrs Jones sighed. "The trial. I just can't wait to put this whole thing to rest."

"Mrs Jones, what can you tell us about Robert?" Nikki asked, and in her pocket she switched on the dictaphone, unsure of how Mrs Jones would react to it.

"Helen, please," Mrs Jones smiled. "Well... Robert was nice enough, when he wanted to be. He was a charmer, that's for sure. Good-looking, charismatic. Never had any problem with the ladies if his string of inappropriate girlfriends was anything to go by."

She paused a moment as she poured hot water into three mugs and then brought them over to the table.

"But he had a temper," she continued. "Sometimes he could be really nasty, you know? Really obnoxious. Especially to Christopher, who had done nothing but support Robert."

"What was the relationship between Robert and Christopher like?" Nikki asked, hoping not to be too obvious that it was Christopher they were interested in.

Helen shook her head. "Fraught at times, to say the least. Chris has a temper that would rival Robert's, when he's in a bad mood. The pair of them were like chalk and cheese; they were always arguing. But at the same time, they were ever so close. When their parents died they stuck together, and have done ever since. Robert may have gone off the rails a little bit, but rather than give up on him Chris always made sure that he was there to catch Robert when he fell, so to speak."

Nikki nodded and sipped at her tea. "Robert was a part-time mechanic, wasn't he?"

Mrs Jones sighed. "Yes. So many arguments revolved around that fact."

"What do you mean?"

"Christopher was fed up of paying for Robert all of the time. We were paying for his rent, his food, you name it. Chris just wanted Robert to get a proper job, one that would actually provide a decent income. If I'm honest, it was more that we couldn't afford to keep paying for him. It would still be another fourteen months until he received his trust fund, and with our finances as they were, we certainly wouldn't have been able to pay another year's rent on that apartment he had."

"You say 'with our finances as they _were_'," Cameron probed carefully. "I'm sorry if it's too personal a question, but how are your finances now?"

"Well, Robert had left us everything in his will, so the little money he had stashed away and the two million pound trust fund came to us," Helen explained. "Bloody trust fund was more trouble that it was worth, though," she added bitterly.

"How's that?" Nikki quizzed.

"Well ... Chris thought that Robert owed him the money as a way of paying him back. He wanted to set up an architecture business with it. They argued for a while, but eventually Robert agreed to sign it over. So Chris quit his job and told James, his architect friend, about his plan. But then Robert called on the day that he died."

"Robert rang here on the day that he died?" Nikki asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Yes," Helen told them, sighing as she looked down at her hands. "Christopher was yelling at him. I couldn't really hear what it was about, exactly."

"But you have a rough idea?" Cameron said.

Mrs Jones nodded. "I'm pretty sure Robert had told Chris that he'd changed his mind about signing over his trust fund... Chris was madder than I'd ever seen him. I told him to go and calm down, so he went for a walk."

"Do you know where he went?" Nikki asked, knowing that he actually went to kill his brother.

"Not exactly, but there's a route he likes to take down by the river. Near The Lock and Key pub. He'll often pop in there for a drink."

Just then the front door opened and a moment later Christopher Jones walked into the room.

"Helen, I'm going-"

He stopped dead when he saw Nikki and Cameron. He was exactly as Nikki remembered him to be that time she briefly saw him in the lab. There wasn't a dark hair out of place on his head, he was about the same height as Harry, although slightly more thick-set, and his suit was immaculate.

"Who are you?" he shot.

"Chris, they're Home Office pathologists," Helen explained. "They were just asking a few questions about Robert."

"Why? What about him? I thought all this mess was over with?" Christopher Jones said shrewdly.

"We just wanted to make sure we had all the evidence before Harry Cunningham takes the stand on Wednesday," Nikki said calmly.

"Well you have. I've already told the police everything they need to know. They've got the bastard who did it, and that's all that matters," he growled.

Nikki felt a swoop of anger in her stomach. This man was the reason they were all where they were in the first place. Because of him and his notion that he can get away with anything, Harry was about to be punished for something that he didn't do.

"Is it all right if we ask you some questions, Mr Jones?" Cameron attempted bravely, but he received the answer that Nikki was expecting.

"No, it's bloody well not all right! Helen, get them out of here!" he thundered.

Sighing, Helen got to her feet and led the way back to the front door, whilst Christopher stormed off to another part of the house.

"I'm sorry about him," Helen muttered once they were standing on the doorstep. "He took Robert's death quite hard. He's not been himself since."

Resisting the urge to declare that it was because her beloved husband was feeling guilty, Nikki instead forced a smile and said, "That's okay. Thanks for talking to us, Helen. And for the tea."

"You're welcome."

She closed the door and Nikki and Cameron walked back to the car. As she climbed into the passenger seat, Nikki could see Christopher Jones glaring at them from the window. Unable to prevent the involuntary shudder that crawled up her spine, she did up her seatbelt and relaxed into the seat as Cameron swiftly pulled out of the driveway.

"He's so guilty!" Nikki burst out suddenly as they drove back to the lab. "How can the police not see that?"

"Well, it's easier for them to think it's Harry," Cameron said.

"But that's ridiculous!"

"It's happens a lot more than you realise. Why do you think my profession exists?"

Nikki lapsed into a miserable silence. As far as she could see, there wasn't anything else they could do. They were no better off than that time yesterday; expect Nikki was now even more certain that Christopher Jones was the murderer.

"What do we do?" she muttered.

"There's not a lot we _can_ do, Niks."

"But there has to be something!"

"Let's go back to the lab and check in with Leo. We'll see what he suggests," Cameron said smoothly.

As it transpired, Leo didn't have anything to suggest other than, "We'll try again tomorrow."

"You _are_ kidding me," Nikki said hotly, following Leo back into his office as Cameron waited awkwardly by her desk.

"There's nothing more to be done today. It's late. You need to go home and sleep," Leo told her firmly. "Get some rest. It's not good for you or the baby."

"But, Leo!"

"There's no 'but' about it, Nikki. Go home," he ordered sternly.

Frustrated, but knowing that Leo wouldn't be swayed on this, Nikki stormed out of his office, grabbed her handbag and stomped from the lab. Cameron followed her swiftly.

"Are you all right?" he asked, grabbing her arm before she could get into her car.

"No, I'm not all right," she snapped. "Harry is going to be going to jail in about the thirty-six hours time! My best friend! The man I love more than anything! The man whose baby I am carrying!"

Cameron's eyes widened in shock. "You're pregnant?"

Nikki nodded, tears itching at the corners of her eyes.

"Does Harry know?"

"No," she confessed.

"Oh, Nikki..." Cameron sighed, gathering her into his arms.

"I just want him back, Cameron," she muttered as she sobbed into his shoulder. "I just want him back."

**. . .**

The next day was no different. Despite spending twelve hours in the lab staring at the evidence board that they'd set up, very much like the police would do, the idea that Christopher Jones killed his brother remained nothing more than that – an idea. They still lacked the physical evidence that could place him at the scene of the crime, one thing that Harry had in abundance.

So when eight o'clock in the evening came and Nikki and Leo were still pacing the cutting room, desperate for ideas, hope was running a bit thin on the ground. Harry's trial started at ten o'clock the next morning, and the expectation that they would find this miracle piece of evidence now, with only fourteen hours left, was a very distant long-shot.

Leo hadn't even suggested to Nikki that she go home tonight. Instead he had ordered them a Chinese takeaway, not that either of them had been able to eat much, and simply assumed that they would both work through the night. Something which Nikki was more than happy to do; if not for her own peace of mind, then to keep her distracted enough from dwelling on what the next day was going to bring.

With an aching head and heavy joints, Nikki struggled to focus at all on what Leo was telling her. She was exhausted and lacking on caffeine, due to the baby, so wasn't in the best of moods. It wasn't until they were interrupted by Joe that she got a brief respite from what seemed like the impossible.

"G'night, guys," Joe smiled as he walked into the cutting room.

Both Nikki and Leo responded wearily, causing Joe to frown. "Y'know, maybe if you let me help you might find whatever it is you're looking for," he suggested, eyeing the board in front of them.

However, Nikki was reluctant to have Joe involved, as she'd explained to Leo a month back, so told him, "Thanks, but you go home and get some sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Leo replied with a forced smile. "But thank you."

"All right then," Joe resigned. "Nikki, can I have a word quickly?"

Nikki tiredly pushed herself up from her stool and followed Joe out of the room and into the corridor outside.

"It's Harry's trial tomorrow, isn't it?" he said gently.

"Yes," Nikki responded, surprised and touched that he'd remembered.

"That's what you're trying to find now, isn't it?" he continued. "That missing piece of the puzzle that proves he didn't commit that murder?"

Sighing, Nikki nodded. "I don't know if there is a missing piece, Joe."

"Well, if there is, you'll find it," he told her certainly, placing a reassuring hand on the top of her arm. "You and Leo are the best pathologists in the city."

She smiled at him, but wasn't entirely convinced. Besides, she was too exhausted to argue.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say good luck," Joe smiled. "In case I don't get to see you in the morning."

"Thank you," Nikki said earnestly, taking Joe's hand and giving it a squeeze. "We're going to need all the luck we can get..."

* * *

**You know, you guys who keep reading and reviewing this really are awesome. I hope you know that. :)**

**So many of you keep asking me whether Harry is / will be found guilty. All I'll say is this (and it is the God-honest truth): Nikki and Leo DO NOT find the missing piece of the puzzle that they're looking for... **


	38. Hello, Goodbye

**Chapter 38: **Hello, Goodbye

When morning rolled around and they're no further, Nikki realised that she may as well have gone home and slept after all. They were no nearer to finding anything than they were twelve hours ago. Leaning back against the legs of a chair, she surveys the scene in front of her.

She and Leo, sat on the floor of his office, are surrounded by graffiti-covered scraps of paper. Hastily scrawled hypotheses, lists of evidence gathered, a 'for' list and an 'against'; plus numerous copies of interviews, police reports and documents that they probably shouldn't have, but did. Two hours left. Two hours. And then her world was going to most likely crumble around her feet.

It's this limbo that Nikki hates. The desperate state of being 'inbetween'; of not knowing one way or the other. She can't breathe because of it. The fear of losing Harry for good is all consuming, yet what can they do when there's nothing to say otherwise? She'll be damned if she gives up.

Joe arrives earlier than usual; he doesn't look entirely surprised to see them.

"Did you two find what you were looking for?"

Nikki can do nothing but shake her head; she fears that if she opens her mouth, she might be sick.

Joe pulled a sympathetic face. "How long until the trial?"

"Two hours," Leo croaked, running a hand over his unshaven chin.

"Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to help? Maybe a fresh set of eyes..."

Maybe it wasn't such a bad suggestion, Nikki considered. It wasn't like she and Leo were getting anywhere. She nodded at Leo, who in turn said to Joe, "All right then. It's all here, as you can see. If you do that, Nikki and I can go home and get ready."

"What?" Nikki exclaimed, finally finding her voice. "I'm not going anywhere!"

"Nikki, look at the state of us. We need to go home, have a shower, get changed, and make ourselves look presentable," Leo said placatingly as he stood up, and Nikki didn't miss the look he shared with Joe.

"I don't give a damn about looking 'presentable'!" she shouted bitterly. "How will looking 'presentable' help Harry? I want to stay here and help Joe!"

Once again, Joe caught Leo's eye, which only served to fuel Nikki's anger.

"Y'know, Nikki, I tend to work better on my own," Joe said gently. "Less distractions. I can figure everything out better when I'm alone. Leo's right, you should go."

"But I don't want to," she said quietly, and Joe knelt down to her level and placed his hand on hers.

"I know, but the best way you can help Harry right now is by leaving me to it."

Reluctantly, Nikki got to her feet. Leo gave her an encouraging smile, but when she reached the doorway, she turned around.

"Why would you do this?" she asked Joe. "Why would you help me after all that happened? You must hate Harry."

Joe smiled slightly. "What happened between us, happened. That's just the way life goes. And I don't hate Harry, how could I? I've never met the guy. But he makes you happy, and you being happy makes me happy, so..."

Surprising everybody, Nikki swiftly bent down and planted a spontaneous kiss on Joe's cheek. "Thank you," she whispered, before leaving the lab with Leo.

If she was honest, pretty much all hope had left her now. There was no way Joe was going to find something in two hours when both she and Leo hadn't succeeded after two months. All she could do now was hope that Harry's sentence would be lenient, and that when she eventually told him about the baby – for she would eventually tell him – he would be okay about it.

"Where's Cameron?" she asked suddenly as Leo drove her home.

"With Harry, I expect. He texted me earlier to say he'd meet us at court."

Nikki simply nodded, lapsing into silence again. She didn't speak for the rest of the journey, too consumed in her own thoughts. Thoughts of Harry, having to miss all of the pregnancy, never getting a chance to propose to her... She was unable to prevent the tear that slipped down her cheek.

She still didn't speak when Leo dropped her outside her flat, simply nodding when he told her that he'd be back in an hour to drive them both to court. She trudged up to her apartment, letting herself in and instantly going through to her bedroom.

Autopilot kicked in; she was just running through the motions. She opened her wardrobe and pulled out her floral dress and blazer; an outfit she often reserved for court. Using the hanger to hook it onto the top of the wardrobe, Nikki then walked into her bathroom and started the shower. She took off the clothes that she'd been in for twenty-four hours straight and stepped under the powerful stream of warm water. It was oddly invigorating, yet at the same time quite soothing.

She washed her hair and then stepped out into her cold bathroom, shivering slightly as she wrapped a thick, fluffy towel around herself. She got dressed quickly, drying her hair to do nothing more than curl it into a loose bun.

Shoving her phone, keys, purse, lipstick and a bottle of water into her handbag, Nikki slipped her feet into her favourite heels and left her apartment. She was waiting outside for Leo ten minutes before he arrived, much to his surprise.

"Blimey, normally we're waiting around for you to get ready," he smiled as she climbed into the car, in an obvious attempt to lighten her spirits. However, it would take a lot more than a feeble quip at her expense to cheer her up, so she merely buckled up her seatbelt and didn't say anything.

Leo, now wearing a crisp, grey suit and freshly shaven, sighed and pulled away from the curb.

"Janet's going to join us later," he said, as they made their way to the court. "She's got a meeting at work first that she can't get out of."

Nikki nodded, her gaze never shifting from the window. It didn't take them long to arrive at court. Shaking slightly, Nikki found it was a great effort to get one foot to move in front of the other as they slowly headed up the stone steps outside. Leo seemed to notice this, as he offered her his arm, which she accepted gratefully. Once inside the cool, airy building, with its stone floors and mahogany furnishings, they climbed yet more flights of carpeted stairs until they met Cameron.

Even Cameron Gables, whom Nikki always associated with calm and collectedness, looked stressed and anxious. He was wearing his black robes already over his white shirt and grey pin-striped trousers, wringing his wig in his hands.

"Hi, guys," he sighed, rushing over to them. "How are you feeling?"

"Never mind us, how's Harry?" Leo asked immediately.

Cameron shrugged. "He seems okay. He's had a long time to prepare for this day. He's nervous, obviously..."

"What is it?" Leo asked sharply, noticing that Cameron was clearly holding back on something.

"He's pleading not-guilty," he told them both quietly.

"What?" Leo exclaimed, whilst Nikki just listened and bit her lip apprehensively.

"I've told him that with the chances of him being found not guilty as they are, he'd be wiser changing his plea. But he's certain that he's not going to confess to something that he didn't do, even if it does mean a life sentence." Cameron shook his head, clearly at his wit's end with Harry.

"How do you think this is going to go, Cameron?" Leo asked quietly. "Seriously? Don't sugar-coat it."

The lawyer sighed. "I don't know. But I think, without any evidence in Harry's favour, the chances of him getting found not guilty are bleak. Very bleak indeed."

Nikki swallowed the lump in her throat and tugged her arm out of Leo's, sinking onto the wooden bench behind them.

"I'd better get back to Harry," Cameron said, gesturing behind his shoulder. "I'll speak to you later. Probably when we stop for lunch. Leo, you're up first on the stand, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

Cameron rushed away and Leo sat down beside Nikki.

"I'm being called up by the prosecution," he muttered, more to himself than Nikki. "Doesn't seem right somehow. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm giving my professional opinion, and that's it."

Still, Nikki found she couldn't say a word. Leo didn't seem too bothered this time; he was lost in his own world of thought. It seemed like no time at all that an official looking man in a suit appeared and announced that the trial of Harry Cunningham was now convening in court room two. Nikki released a long breath and got to her feet, as did Leo.

"You can do this, you know," he told her, grabbing her hand momentarily. "I know you can."

She gave him a weak smile and the pair nervously entered the court room and filed into the wooden benches that were stacked behind where Cameron and his aide were sat. On the other side of the aisle to them sat the prosecutor and, behind her, Christopher and Helen Jones. Anger burned through her body momentarily as she watched him with gritted teeth.

"Pretend he's not there," Leo whispered in her ear, following her gaze.

She nodded, although Leo's request was easier said than done, and her eyes quickly scanned the rest of the large room. The judge was sat at the front, a plump man in his mid-fifties, if Nikki had to guess. He was ruddy-faced and looked bored as he waited. Her gaze shifted to where the jury were sat on her right-hand side. A collection of your average people; people who would be determining her future. She turned; behind them the benches were mostly empty, save for a few members of the public. Nikki immediately spotted Kent and Sullivan and turned away again, before she could get too angry. On the far side of the room, opposite the jury, was the dock where, judging by the policeman stood stiffly by the side, Harry was due to appear. Next to the judge was another dock, considerably less-guarded. Nikki knew that was where Leo would be standing at some point that day.

The hushed murmurings that had been going on stopped suddenly as a clear, sharp voice told them to rise. Everyone got to their feet, the judge straightened up and looked considerably more alert, Cameron shuffled some papers in front of him, and, on the other side of the room, Harry was led into the dock by two policemen.

It was the first time Nikki had actually seen him since he broke up with her in prison, and she nearly cried. It wasn't that he looked particularly different. Besides being paler than normal, slightly thinner and exhausted-looking, it was as if nothing had changed. He was wearing a black suit with a lilac tie that Nikki was pretty sure must have been Cameron's choosing. She tried to catch Harry's eye, but he was looking at the judge, who started to speak.

Nikki zoned out. She didn't want to, didn't do it deliberately, but she simply couldn't listen to them go over and over everything again. They were saying out loud what she'd been rehearsing in her head for two months. Hearing it all again was painful. It only served to remind her how much she'd failed.

Unsure of how much time passed, Nikki was only roused when she felt Leo stand up beside her.

"Your Honour, the Prosecution calls upon the expert testimony of Professor Leo Dalton, forensic pathologist and head of a university department."

This time, Nikki remained alert as Leo took to the stand and swore to tell the truth. She couldn't imagine how impossible it must be for him to have to speak for both the prosecution and the defence.

There was silence as the lawyer for the prosecution, Phillip Milne, extracted a file from in front of him before speaking.

"Professor Dalton," he said eventually, his voice loud and clear. "You are a good friend of Harry Cunningham, are you not?"

"We're colleagues," Leo replied testily.

"Even so. Does this not compromise your judgement?"

"No. I can assure you, my conclusions are nothing but professional."

"My Lord," Cameron interrupted, looking at the judge. "What relevance does this have to Professor Dalton's conclusions, which we have not even heard yet?"

"Move on, Mr Milne," the judge said lazily.

Phillip Milne nodded. "Yes, your Honour." He redirected his attention to Leo again. "Professor Dalton, if you could please talk us through your post-mortem results on Robert Jones."

Leo relayed his conclusions just as Nikki would do in his position; quickly, clearly and objectively. It was after, when Milne picked at every hole in Leo's words, that things began to go downhill.

"The attacker was approximately five foot ten tall, yes?" Milne asked.

"Obviously it could be another inch or so either way, but yes, about that," Leo replied.

"How tall is the Accused, Professor?"

Leo swallowed hard. "Five foot ten."

"Hmm. And the murderer you estimate weighed, what? About 180 pounds? How much does Harry Cunningham weigh?"

"175 pounds," Leo grudgingly informed them.

"Ah. So, what you're saying is: the man who murdered Robert Jones matches Harry Cunningham's height and weight?" Milne asked, with an air of mild interest.

"Yes," Leo said, having to be honest.

"So, to all intents and purposes, it was perfectly plausible for Harry Cunningham to exert the force needed to strike the victim in the jaw, stun the victim, and then stab him to death?"

"I suppose so, but-"

"Thanks, Professor Dalton," Milne interrupted. "I think we've heard everything we need to."

Nikki glanced across at the jury, who were scribbling on the notebooks in front of them and occasionally glancing up at Harry with frowns on their faces. In front of her, Cameron got to his feet. It was his turn.

"Professor Dalton, what's the average height and weight of a male Harry Cunningham's age in this country?" he asked meaningfully.

"Five foot ten inches and 185 pounds," Leo said clearly.

"So, really, it could have been any number of men who murdered Robert Jones?"

"Yes, it could have been."

"You, yourself, would fit the profile," Cameron went on. "As would half of the members of the jury."

"Yes," Leo nodded. "It is impossible to say for certain that Harry Cunningham killed Robert Jones."

"Thank you, Professor. That is all," Cameron smiled, sitting back down.

Still attempting to catch Harry's eye, Nikki was stung slightly when he continuously refused to look at her. All she wanted to do was go and give him a hug, tell him that everything was going to be all right. Even though it wasn't.

At that precise moment, the doors behind them slammed open. Everyone in the court turned and looked as Joe strode up to the front of the room, a folder clutched tightly in his hand. He blushed slightly as he realised that everyone was looking at him, but continued walking until he reached Cameron.

Nikki strained to hear as he muttered something in Cameron's ear, and then the lawyer whispered something back, looking intrigued. Chancing a glance at Harry, Nikki could see him frowning at Joe in confusion. Everyone waited with baited breath as Cameron straightened up again and got to his feet.

"Your Honour," he said, directly addressing the judge. "I apologise for the inconvenience and lack of former planning, but I would very much like your consent to bring Doctor Joseph Cooper to the stand, as an impromptu ... Witness for the Defence."

* * *

**You'll find out in the next chapter. Promise. :) **

**And I know, I know, court cases actually take longer than this and are different, blah blah, but I'm stretching my creative license to the limit to get it how I want it to be. ;)**

**Thanks for the reviews! **


	39. The Way it Ends

**Chapter 39: **The Way it Ends

The court adjourned and the jury retired for lunch, with the promise that Joe would speak that afternoon. Nikki and Leo were sat on the uncomfortable bench in the corridor outside, too scared to stray far in case they missed something. There hadn't been any sign of Joe or Cameron since they had been dismissed half an hour previously, something that was extremely aggravating Nikki's already rather frayed nerves. She needed to know what was going on.

"I hate being kept in the dark," Leo muttered suddenly, almost as if he'd read her mind. "Has Joe found something, do you think? Cameron definitely said 'defence', didn't he?"

Nikki just nodded but remained silent. Leo sighed and pushed an egg sandwich at her. "You need to eat, Nikki. For you and the baby."

Normally when Leo used the baby as a justification, Nikki didn't hesitate to do as he told her. This time, however, she was certain that if she did eat she would only throw it up, so shook her head firmly. Leo didn't push her, something she was thankful for.

Another fifteen minutes passed before they were finally called back into the courtroom. Janet had arrived and Leo was hastily filling her in on what she'd missed in frantic whispers. Harry was already there, and, much to her disgust, so were Christopher Jones and his wife. A few rows of benches in front of them, Cameron and Joe were having a hushed conversation. Biting her lip, Nikki waited nervously as silence fell and the trial continued.

"The Defence calls Doctor Joseph Cooper to the stand," Cameron said. "Forensic pathologist currently working at the Lyell Centre as a replacement for Doctor Cunningham."

Joe nervously entered the dock. Nikki saw him swallow hard. Next to her, Leo took her hand and squeezed it tightly. She gripped it back, noticing that it was just as clammy as hers.

"Doctor Cooper," Cameron continued. "Please would you share with us what brought you rushing in here earlier."

Joe cleared his throat. "Right. As we know, the victim was punched in the jaw. The left-hand side of his jaw, which, I think we can all agree, means that the punch would have certainly been thrown with the right hand."

Instantly, Nikki realised what Joe was going to say next, and hope ignited in her stomach. This was it. This was the piece of evidence that they'd been missing; the piece that Nikki had known was right under her nose all along.

"Tell me, Doctor Cooper," Cameron said, "What significance does this bear?"

"Here I have three samples of Doctor Cunningham's handwriting," Joe said, and an aide passed the three evidence bags Joe was holding to the Judge. "One is dated 2005, one 2008 and one 2010. As you can clearly see, his writing consistently slopes backwards, because he is left-handed."

"So, what you're saying is that Robert Jones was killed by a right-handed person, but Harry Cunningham is left-handed?"

"Yes," Joe said simply.

There was an instant outbreak of scribbling amongst the jury. Leo gave Nikki a reassuring smile, and even Harry looked gobsmacked.

"Thank you, Doctor Cooper," Cameron smiled, sitting down.

Philip Milne got to his feet and he looked slightly thrown by this new piece of evidence. "Doctor Cooper, maybe this shows that Doctor Cunningham didn't punch Robert Jones, but it doesn't mean that he didn't stab him to death."

"The stab wounds occurred less than ten minutes after the contusion to the back of the victim's head occurred. It's highly unlikely that whoever struck Robert Jones disappeared, only for Doctor Cunningham to arrive and stab a man who was already conveniently stunned on the floor," Joe reasoned.

"But not impossible?" Milne asked.

"Well, no..." Joe was forced to admit.

Milne's interrogation of Joe went on for another ten minutes, but Nikki could tell by the jury members' faces that they weren't convinced by his half-hearted suggestions of two killers.

Nikki was consumed with fresh hope. Her insides were still twisting with nerves and she still felt like if she opened her mouth then she might be sick, but a tiny little part of her almost dared to believe that maybe – just maybe – things might turn out all right. However, at the same time she knew that often cases such as this were far from predictable. It just wasn't fair that they were in this position in the first place; wasn't fair that Harry was stood in that dock. If she hadn't gone home that day then none of this would be happening. It was all her fault.

A wave of fresh nausea hit her as she listened to Cameron's final plea to the jury, talking of Harry's decency, his professionalism, his kindness of heart, how he'd never be able to hurt another man, how the only spot on his record was a speeding ticket five years ago. She could hardly stand it, terrified that the jury would find him guilty. Getting to her feet, she pushed past Leo and Janet and fled from the room, not daring to look back, despite feeling eyes on her. Once outside, she practically ran down the corridor to the toilets, where she promptly vomited into one. Her knees ached against the cold tiles as she rid her body of the little food that it contained. Groaning, she wiped her mouth on a piece of toilet tissue before unsteadily getting to her feet and crossing to the sink. Splashing cool water onto her hot face, she hated her morning sickness more than anything at that moment.

Certain that it had passed and she was as okay as the current situation would permit, Nikki shakily left the bathroom and quickly navigated her way through the building until she was out in the fresh air and running down the stone steps outside, coming to a halt in front of the large fountain, whose refreshing droplets mingled with the tears on her cheeks. She knew she was being pathetic, knew that Leo needed her in the court, but she just couldn't stand hearing it all again. Harry had refused to make eye contact with her the whole time, and she was dreading that it was because he was angry with her after she snubbed him on the phone a few weeks ago. The idea that he perhaps thought that she didn't care, or didn't want to be there, made her feel more sick than the morning sickness. And the idea that maybe he didn't want her there at all made her feel even worse.

Nikki was lost in melancholic thoughts when Janet approached her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"The Jury have retired to reach their verdict," the older woman said quietly. "Cameron made a good plea on Harry's behalf. I don't think half of them believed Philip Milne, if I'm honest."

Nikki just nodded, silent tears still sliding down her cheeks.

"Come here," Janet sighed, pulling Nikki into her arms.

Nikki broke down onto her shoulder, sobbing as Janet rubbed her back soothingly. It was some comfort that she desperately craved at that moment. It wasn't until she saw Leo approach them through her clouded vision that Nikki pulled away and wiped the tears away from her face.

"Are you all right to come back in?" he asked, placing a hand on her arm. "We don't know how long the jury are going to take. We don't want to miss their verdict."

Nikki nodded, taking a deep, calming breath.

"I need to go and make a work call," Janet told them. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Let me know if it's starting."

"Of course," Leo smiled. Together, he and Nikki then steadily progressed towards the court again. They returned to the uncomfortable bench outside the room where they were soon to discover Harry's fate.

As soon as Leo sat down his phone rang. He groaned as he looked at the display, but got up to answer it. His tone was hushed as he paced up and down the corridor, his shoes squeaking on the hard floor. She can't hear what he's saying, but Nikki can tell that he's annoyed with someone. Eventually he sits down again, sighing as he rested his elbows on his knees.

For the first time in hours, Nikki spoke. "Who was that?" Her words were croaky and quiet.

Leo looked surprised at hearing the sound of her voice again. "The coroner," he told her. "She wanted me back at the lab but I told her that she might as well hire some temps, because I'm not working."

"You're going to get into trouble," she muttered.

"Don't you worry about me," he assured her, placing a hand on her knee.

Nikki stared down at the floor, desperately wishing that it held all the answers and would tell her whether or not she wanted to go back into that courtroom. Leo started to chatter meaningless chatter into her ear, and she knew that it was an attempt to reassure them both. Eventually Janet reappeared, giving Nikki the perfect excuse to fall silent again and block out Leo's incessant talking.

An hour passes, then another, and Nikki was beginning to grow increasingly annoyed by Leo's constant conversation about how often the suspect in a case like this will be found 'not-guilty'. That is, however, until he nudges her and points along to corridor. DI Kent was walking towards them. Nikki glared at her, silently willing her to walk away again. She associated that woman with heartache and misery, and did not want her around. Getting to her feet, Nikki dragged Leo up with her and clutched at his sleeve.

Stopping in front of them, the detective said shortly, "The jury have reached their verdict."

Nikki swallowed hard. There wasn't a single particle of her being that wanted to go back into that room and hear the verdict, but at the same time she was very aware that Harry needed everyone in there, even if he didn't particularly want her.

Her heels sounded too loud on the floor as she walked back down the corridor and into the courtroom. The bench was uncomfortable and gave her a bad back. Her stomach was twisting in painful knots. Her eyes flicked to Harry, who was as white as a sheet and picking at the sleeve of his shirt nervously. The atmosphere was tense; everybody was waiting to hear what the verdict would be. Both Cameron and Milne were on their feet, shuffling papers in front of them and occasionally glancing at Harry.

The Judge was sat up straight in his high-backed wooden chair. He turned his round face toward the jury and said, "Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict upon which you all agree?"

The representative member of the jury, a young man with dark skin and a mop of jet black hair, got to his feet.

"Yes, your Honour."

Nodding, the Judge continued. "Members of the jury, on charge one: the murder of Robert Jones, how do you find Harry Cunningham?"

There was silence for a moment, the most painful silence that Nikki had ever experienced. Everything hung on that man's next words. Leo's grip was almost painful on her hand, but she found that she didn't care. She just needed to know that it was all going to be okay.

The man in the jury cleared his throat and said, "Not guilty."

The huge wave of relief that swept over Nikki in that moment was almost too much as she choked out a sob. Leo had let out a triumphant, and rather loud, "Yes!" and Janet had the biggest smile on her face that Nikki had ever seen her wear.

"Very well," the Judge smiled. "Doctor Cunningham is to be cleared of all charges."

This time, Nikki immediately turned to look at Harry. He, too, was smiling broadly. She could see some of that old twinkle back in his eye already, even if he was still refusing to look at her. He had exited the dock and walked over to Cameron, whom he immediately braced in a celebratory hug.

"No!"

Silence fell once more as everyone turned to the source of the cry: Christopher Jones.

"He can't be found 'not guilty'!" Jones shouted, his face red with fury. "What are you playing at?"

Neither the protests of his wife or of Phillip Milne could stop Jones. He was on his feet pointing at a shocked Harry.

"You were meant to find him guilty!" he screamed. "I am NOT going down for this!"

Within an instant, DI Kent and DS Sullivan were on him, slapping his hands in handcuffs. "You, Mr Jones, are under arrest on suspicion of murder," Kent said loudly. They dragged Jones from the court, his wife running after him.

"Come on, Nikki," Leo said, touching her elbow gently. "We'll wait for Harry outside. I should imagine he has a few things to sort out first."

Nodding, Nikki followed him and Janet from the courtroom.

"I can't believe it," she murmured as they walked down the stone steps outside and she discovered that she was shaking. "Did that actually just happen?"

"Yes, it did," Leo grinned. "It was Joe. He did this; he got Harry out of there."

"It won't seem real until we see Harry out here, I don't think," Janet said.

As if on cue, Leo excitedly pointed behind them. Cameron was walking down the steps, now wearing just a suit and carrying his briefcase in one arm. Behind him, blinking in the sunlight, was Harry.

He walked straight over to them, and, reaching Janet first, enveloped her in a hug. Nikki hung back slightly as he then embraced Leo and the pair exchanged feelings of how good it was to have him back. Suddenly she was feeling rather awkward, the memory of her telling him that they were over on the phone three weeks ago still fresh in her mind. But then Harry looked straight at her over Leo's shoulder.

He approached slowly and Nikki didn't miss the pointed look Janet gave Leo to get him to back off for a minute.

"Hello," Harry smiled gently when he stopped just a foot away from her.

"Hey," she said back, and instantly all awkwardness dissipated. She threw her arms around Harry's neck and held him close to her, burying her face in the crook of his neck as he chuckled slightly. His own arms wound tightly around her waist and he pressed a small kiss to the top of her head.

"You're back," she breathed when she pulled away, resting her forehead against his.

"You don't get rid of me that easily," he whispered, flashing her his trademark grin.

* * *

**Phewy. You didn't all seriously think that I was going to make Harry go down for this, did you? ;)**

**This story isn't over, by the way! Nearly, but not quite yet. :)**

**Review?**

**xxx**


	40. What Becomes of You and I?

**Chapter 40: **What Becomes of You and I?

The five of them, including Cameron, had gone to the pub that evening to celebrate Harry's return, but not even an hour had passed before Harry announced that he was tired and wanted to go home. The others bade him farewell, deciding to stay on for a while, but Nikki quietly slipped out after Harry. She found him leaning against a streetlamp near her car, looking up at the inky blue sky.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she approached.

He gave her a small smile. "It's so weird. Being 'free' again. I keep expecting the warden to come along and tell us all it's lights out in thirty minutes."

"It's going to take some time to adjust again."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is..." He was lost in thought for a moment, before looking straight at her and saying, "Can I stay at yours tonight? I don't think I'm ready to go back to my place yet."

She nodded. "Of course. Come on, I'll drive."

Once they returned to Nikki's apartment, however, her good mood dissolved somewhat. It wasn't that she wasn't relieved to have him back, far from it, she was just scared. Scared about telling him about the baby, scared that he'll leave again, scared that they're over. She hid from it all in the kitchen while cooking them some dinner, telling Harry to relax and leave her to it. Over and over in her head she rehearsed how she was going to tell him that he was going to be a dad, but every idea just sounded more ridiculous than the last. He'd only just come out of prison, and here she was about to turn his world upside-down again. What if he didn't even want a baby?

"Do you want a hand?"

Nikki spun around to see Harry leaning in the doorway, observing her with a small smile on his face.

"No thanks. I told you to sit down and rest," she scolded.

"I was in prison, Nikki, not hospital," he reminded her. "At least let me lay the table?"

She sighed. "Fine."

Her attempts to ignore his presence as he brushed past her to get to the cutlery drawer were short-lived. She had to bite her lip at the goosebumps that erupted on her arms. She still loved him, she'd established that, yet so far he hadn't expressed any desire to pick up where they left off. After everything that had happened, Nikki didn't know if they'd ever be able to go back to normal.

They ate in a slightly awkward silence. Nikki didn't know what to talk about. She didn't want to ask him about the last two months in case it upset it, she didn't want to talk about old times in case it upset him, she didn't want to talk about the future in case it upset him... That didn't really leave much else.

"It's good to eat proper food again," Harry said after he'd swallowed the last forkful of spaghetti from his bowl. "Even if it is your cooking."

She rolled her eyes at him and stood, picking up their empty dishes.

"It's all right," he told her, placing his hand on her arm. "I'll do the washing up."

Nikki shivered at his touch slightly, which only angered her. She was angry at herself for being so pathetic.

"It's fine, I'll do it," she said shortly, pulling her arm away and exiting the room. As she watched the sink fill with hot water, bubbles multiplying in number, she leant against the worktop and squeezed her eyes shut.

She heard Harry enter the kitchen. "I told you, I don't need your help," she snapped.

"Nikki..." he sighed.

Shaking her head, because it was all she was able to do, Nikki remained silent. But Harry approached and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pulling her against him. She struggled slightly at first, but then, unable to bear it any longer, leant her head back against his shoulder and didn't try and prevent the tear that rolled down her cheek. Before she knew it, she had turned around in his arms and was clinging to him as she sobbed against his chest. He was rubbing small circles on her hip with his thumb, and it didn't escape either of them that he was the only person she'd ever met who knew that doing that would calm her down.

Eventually, the frequency of her sobs began to subside until there was nothing left than a stray tear now and again. But still, Nikki refused to let go of Harry.

"We need to talk, don't we?" he asked softly.

Taking a deep breath, she finally pulled away so that she could look at him.

"Yeah, we do. But not tonight," she told him.

Harry nodded grimly, knowing that for now, that was all he was going to hear from her. "In that case, bedtime." He flashed her a grin. "I'll take the spare room."

He turned and began to walk away, but Nikki didn't miss the look in his eyes that told her he, too, was scared what tomorrow would bring.

"Harry, wait-" He stopped and looked around. She wanted to tell him that everything could be fine, if he was willing to let it, wanted to tell him that she still loved him. However, the only sentence she could summon to her lips was, "I'm really glad you're back."

"Me too," he smiled, before disappearing.

Releasing a long breath she hadn't been aware she was holding, Nikki wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks and finished the washing up, before climbing into bed herself. She was exhausted, yet couldn't close her eyes. Knowing that Harry was just across the hall, that close after being away for so long, yet she wasn't with him, was unbearable.

When her bedside clock finally hit the two a.m. mark, she had had enough. Flinging back the covers and gently padding across her bedroom and out into the hall, she didn't even pause as she opened the door of the spare room and entered. She was expecting Harry to be asleep, yet heard his gasp of surprise as she walked over to the bed.

"What are you doing?" he whispered.

Nikki didn't say anything, merely climbed under the covers and wrapped herself around Harry. His arms held her protectively as he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

"Trying to get to sleep," she told him after a minute's silence.

Harry didn't reply, just pressed a kiss to the top of her head and tugged her closer. For the first time in two months, Nikki went to sleep with a smile plastered across her face.

The familiar aches of nausea woke Nikki early the next morning. She was still entwined with Harry, but knew that she needed to get out of there in case she threw up. Then what would she tell Harry? He wasn't stupid.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Nikki carefully extracted herself from Harry's arms and slipped out of bed. She paused for a moment to ascertain that Harry was still asleep. Once certain that he was, she tiptoed from the room and walked into the kitchen. The summer sun was just beginning to rise, casting a greyish light over everything. Pouring herself a glass of water, Nikki then went and curled up at the end of the sofa.

She'd known it wouldn't be long until Harry noticed she was gone and came looking for her, and sure enough, half an hour later Harry walked into the room, wearing jeans and a t-shirt that Nikki supposed he must have gone in search for in her wardrobe.

"You're up early," he said quietly.

"As are you."

They held each other's gaze for a moment, then both smiled and looked away. Harry walked over and sat beside her, running a hand through his hair.

"I don't know where to start," he said, and Nikki knew that this was it. It was time for them to talk.

"Then let me," she told him, sitting cross-legged on the sofa facing him. He turned his head to look at her.

"Before I tell you this, you have to remember that you'd been away for weeks. You'd broken up with me. Hell, I'd even broken up with you. You have to take a moment to think about what the last two months have been like for me too."

Harry nodded. "Okay."

Nikki took a deep breath, then said, "I kissed another man."

She watched as Harry's jaw clenched. "Who?"

Biting her lip nervously, she said, "Joe."

"Joe?" Harry frowned. "Doctor Cooper? The guy who saved my neck yesterday?"

"Yeah, him. It was a fortnight ago. We were in the locker room at the lab and he told me that he'd fallen in love with me," she confessed, ignoring Harry's exclamation and continuing, "He kissed me. And, just for a moment, I kissed back. I was lonely and he was there, when you were not. But I pushed him away and told him that nothing could ever happen between us."

"Why?" Harry asked quietly, his eyes searching hers, the subtext of his question clearly being, 'we're broken up, aren't we?'.

"Because I told him that I still loved you," she said simply, watching as the corners of Harry's mouth twitched. "Nothing else happened, Harry, I promise."

"I believe you," he said.

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, Nikki, I'm not mad at you. Nothing else happened, he came onto you, you pushed him away. It's my fault anyway, really," he told her.

Nikki shook her head. "It's not your fault."

"I'm the idiot who ended our relationship," he reasoned.

Nikki stayed silent, wondering what he was going to say next. However, when a minute had passed and he still hadn't continued, she sighed and said, "I should have come and visit you more, Harry. I'm sorry, I was scared. You see, I found out-"

She was about to tell him that she was pregnant, about to bite the bullet and just put it out there, but he stood up suddenly, grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet too and she fell silent.

"I don't care about that. I don't mind that you didn't come and visit me, I know that I wasn't exactly the easiest guy to converse with whilst I was in that place. It doesn't matter that I broke up with you and you broke up with me. None of it matters," he smiled. "Because I'm out now. I may not be back to normal yet, but I am back, and I'm never going anywhere again."

Nikki felt tears well up again. "It does matter," she said.

"Does it?" he quipped. They did nothing but look at each other for a moment, before Harry said, his tone softer, "You said that you didn't reciprocate with Cooper because you still love me. Is that true?"

"Yes," Nikki admitted in a whisper.

"Well, I love you too," he told her.

Nikki almost didn't dare to believe it. "But after everything-"

"Everything that's happened should bring us closer together, not push us further apart," he said, taking a step towards her and brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "I know now, what it's like to live without you. And it's horrific."

"Ditto," she whispered.

"Doesn't count," he replied, and they both smiled. Without waiting for her to say something, Harry bent his head and pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Nikki buried her fingers in his hair, relishing in the fact that he still loved her and was kissing her. Smiling, she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his.

"There's something different about you," Harry muttered, his fingers playing with the hem of her pyjama top. "I just can't work out what."

Nikki faltered slightly, wondering if Harry had guessed about the baby. "I'm just pleased to have you back, that's all," she said, not untruthfully. Not wanting him to get suspicious or bring it up again, Nikki crushed her lips against his. He responded eagerly, deepening the kiss and causing her to moan against his mouth. Her knees almost gave way when she felt his fingers drawing small circles on the small of her back and she wound her arms tighter around his neck.

"Leo-" she muttered against his lips, unable to form a sentence.

"Err, no, I'm Harry," he joked, in between kisses.

Knowing that she'd never be able to speak coherently when Harry was doing what he was doing, she reluctantly pulled her head back and whispered, "No, Leo's given us the day off today."

Harry grinned. He trailed kisses across her jaw and down her neck, to the sensitive spot where neck met shoulder. "Oh, well in that case," he growled, the vibrations of his voice against her skin sending a shiver up her spine, "I suggest we go back to bed. After all, it is ever so early."

She giggled as he picked her up with apparent ease and carried her through to her bedroom.

It wasn't until they were lying in each other's arms a while later, sated and satisfied and exhausted, that Nikki finally managed to pluck up the courage. Relaxed by Harry's fingers running up and down her bare arm, she said nervously, "You know you said there was something different about me?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm pregnant."

For Harry, the world stopped.

* * *

**Thought I'd leave it there. I'm supposed to be doing a History essay but keep getting distracted by this. ;)**

**Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews so far! Only one or two chapters left now!**


	41. Life Goes On

**Chapter 41: **Life Goes On

"I'm pregnant."

Immediately, Nikki felt Harry's body tense. He moved away from her, sitting up in bed and running a hand over his face.

"You're pregnant?" he croaked, glancing down at her duvet-covered stomach.

She nodded, slightly worried by his negative reaction.

"I, err... I don't understand," he frowned. "You said that nothing happened with Cooper. Was there – was there another guy that you haven't told me about?"

Anger flooded the pit of Nikki's stomach. Seething, she sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on her clothes. How he could think that of her... After _everything_ that had happened...

"Well, was there another guy?" Harry asked again, clearly misinterpreting Nikki's actions.

"No, there bloody well wasn't," she snapped, yanking open the door and leaving the room. She heard Harry running after her. He grabbed her wrist and spun her around to face him. He was only wearing jeans and she found this annoyingly distracting. Since she'd got him back she couldn't seem to get enough of him, and now was not the time to let her hormones rule the roost.

"So it's Cooper's? You lied to me?" he asked, and she didn't miss the hurt in his eyes.

Sighing, she shook her head and said, "This wasn't how I wanted this conversation to go."

"Oh, well I'm sorry to let you down," Harry said caustically. Part of her wanted nothing more than to slap some sense into him; to tell him that he was being an idiot and accuse him of thinking the worst in her. But the other part of her knew that it was going to take him some time to adjust again; he was all over the place and she didn't want to make him worse.

"Harry, I'm ten weeks gone," she told him slowly.

Nikki could practically see the cogs whirring in his brain as he did the maths. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Oh," he said in shock, dropping her wrist. "Oh."

"I can't believe you would think I'd cheat on you," she said, unable to prevent it.

"I didn't, not really," he muttered. "I just couldn't see how I could be the ... the father." He ran a hand through his hair. "Oh my God, I'm a father..."

Nikki observed him warily. He wasn't smiling, yet he wasn't running away either.

"I'm not getting rid of this baby, Harry," she told him. "You can either choose to be part of his or her life or not, but I'm keeping him. Or her."

There was a moment's silence while Harry did nothing but stare at her with a solemn frown on his face. Then he said suddenly, "Well, of course we're keeping it."

"We?" Nikki questioned uncertainly.

Harry gently placed his hands on the top of her arms. "Look," he said quietly. "That place was horrible, and I truly thought that I was going to be in there forever. I didn't think I'd get a chance of having a future, not with you. But ... You _are_ my future, Nikki. You always have been. I need you in my life, do you have any idea what that's like? To need someone so much that you can't function without them?"

Nikki nodded, her eyes shining with tears. "Yes, yes I do."

"It's not going to be easy," Harry continued. "We'll bicker, because that's what we do, but then we'll make up after and everything will be all right. I know that it's going to take me a while to be okay again, and I'm going to need you around when fear wakes me up in the middle of the night, but I'll get there eventually. There'll be times when we want nothing more than to get away from each other, but that's okay because we'll always come back. It won't be easy ... but I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Nikki Alexander. You and our child."

He placed his hand on Nikki's stomach. Knowing that she was once again going to get emotional, Nikki simply wrapped her arms around Harry and hugged him tightly, causing him to laugh and gently stroke her hair.

"As if I could ever leave you," he muttered, kissing the top of her head.

"You're staying?" she whispered, needing reassurance. "For ever and ever?"

"Yes."

"As in, marriage? More kids?" she asked, testing him, fully aware that happily-ever-afters weren't that easy.

"Somewhere along the line, yes."

"With me?"

"No, with Doris the cleaner," Harry said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Of course with you, you daft tart!"

A smile broke across Nikki's face. "Do you know what I suggest?"

Harry pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "What?"

"Well..." she said slowly, kissing him again. "Seeing as we're going to be having a million kids-"

"I never said a million."

She ignored him. "Seeing as we're going to be having lots of kids, I think we're also going to need lots of practice in the highly-skilled art of baby-making."

Harry laughed, nuzzling into her neck. The vibrations against her skin sent a shiver of desire up Nikki's spine.

"Well then it's a very good job that Leo gave us today off," he grinned, lacing his fingers through hers and leading her back towards the bedroom.

**. . .**

**Seven Years Later**

Harry groaned as he collapsed onto the sofa beside his wife, a glass of wine in his hand. "One day, we'll actually have a Christmas morning where they decide to sleep in until eight, tiptoe around the house and sit quietly playing with their toys for the rest of the day."

Nikki giggled. "You were awake at five-thirty too."

"That is beside the point."

"Did Ollie go off all right?"

Oliver, being six, had decided that he was old enough to dictate his own bedtime, and as such kicked up a fuss every evening. Then of course there was Bessie, who simply wanted to do whatever her big brother did, despite only being two years old.

"They both did, eventually. Although Bessie wouldn't take off her fairy outfit. I forced her to remove the wings but she wasn't happy about it. Attacked me with her wand. Bloody thing, I nearly lost an eye. Trust Leo to buy her a health-and-safety hazard. Or maybe she's the health-and-safety hazard..." Harry added as Nikki laughed. He sighed and turned to face her, only just registering what she was doing. He frowned. "Are you using your bump as a table?"

Nikki looked down at the bowl of Christmas pudding that was resting on top of her rather large stomach. "What? I can't actually reach around it to get to the table anymore," she told him defensively. "I've got to put up with it for another eight weeks, it may as well make itself useful."

"I despair of you sometimes, I really do," Harry joked.

She laughed, permitting Harry to remove the bowl so that he could lean over and press a kiss to her lips.

"I love you," he muttered, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I love you too," she smiled, before wincing and adding, "My back's killing me."

"Well, I'm sure I can think of something that will make you feel better later," he winked.

"You're insatiable," she giggled, playfully slapping his chest. "Besides, I don't think that'll help."

"Erm, might I remind you that it was _you_ who was ripping _my_ clothes off every chance you got just a couple of months ago? Even in the locker room at work-"

"Yes, all right," Nikki laughed, blushing at the memory. "But I'm pregnant and hormonal, what's your excuse."

"You're just too beautiful to ignore," he smiled, kissing her again, for longer this time.

When they broke apart, she observed him through narrowed eyes. "What do you want? What have you broken?" she asked shrewdly.

"Nothing!" he cried defensively, holding up his hands. "Can't a man tell his wife that he loves her anymore without being falsely and unjustly accused of-"

"Harry..."

He looked at her apologetically for a moment, before saying, "I'm on call tomorrow."

"Harry! But it's Boxing Day! We were supposed to be going to your mum's."

"I know, that's why I'm on call tomorrow," he admitted.

Nikki tutted at him. "Have you told her?"

"Yes."

"Was she happy about it?"

"Not really. I told her we'd be there on New Year's day, instead. Gives us a week to prepare ourselves."

"New Year's day? I had things planned for New Year's day," she moaned.

"What?"

"Well," Nikki murmured, leaning towards Harry. "Leo and Janet said that they'd take the kids for the day. I was thinking you and I could spend some ... quality time together." She let her lips brush across his quickly as she whispered, "Blissful, uninterrupted, quality time..."

Watching Harry swallow hard, Nikki smirked triumphantly and moved away from him. "But, if you've made a promise to your mother then we'd better keep it. We'll have our day some other time."

It took Harry a moment to regain his composure. Eventually he cleared his throat and said, "I'm sure Mum wouldn't mind if we rearranged for New Year's Eve, instead."

"You'd better hope so," Nikki smiled sweetly, using Harry's knee to push herself to her feet. "I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Harry nodded. "I'll be there in a minute. I just want to check my emails."

Nikki had been in bed for a good twenty minutes before Harry entered the room. Climbing in behind her, he wrapped an arm around her bump and pulled her against him, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. She smiled sleepily.

"Thank you for being amazing today," she muttered, her eyes closed.

"You're welcome."

"You really meant it, didn't you?" she asked.

"Meant what?"

"Six years ago," she reminded him. "When you said you'd stay for ever and ever. You really meant it."

"Of course I meant it," he whispered, "Now get some sleep."

Smiling, Nikki snuggled closer to him and allowed him to wrap the thick duvet around them both tightly. It hadn't been easy, goodness knows, but it had been worth it. There was a time when she didn't think she would have any of what she had now, a time when she could do nothing but sit and wait and _wish_ that she would have this kind of future. Now here she was, and it was all she could have ever wished for.

* * *

**Wow. I can't believe that it took me nearly a year to complete this story. That's insane. In future, I promise to update quicker. Stupid real life, it always gets in the way. ;)**

**Right, here comes the important part, so listen up:**

**Seriously, I can't thank you guys who have reviewed and stuck with this enough. There are too many of you to list, but you should know that every review I get means such a lot; to know that people were still enjoying the story is what kept me writing. You're all absolutely amazing, tons of love and hugs are being sent your way right now. **

**I do have an idea for another multi-chap, but at the moment it is only like a tiny seed of an idea, so give me some time. I may start planning it out tomorrow. :)**

**So, that's me signing off for this story and marking it as complete (very weird). One last review? ;)**

**Charlotte  
xxx **


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